


The bond between us

by AmandaBecker



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Boss/Employee Relationship, F/M, Falling In Love, Friendship, Idiots in Love, Love, Romance, Sidlotte - Freeform, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, True Love, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, lovestory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:02:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 99,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27301621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaBecker/pseuds/AmandaBecker
Summary: When Charlotte wants to celebrate Halloween with her friends, something comes up that has been bothering her for a long time.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Comments: 897
Kudos: 552





	1. trick or treat!

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been in my head for quite some time and Halloween is a good time to start it.

Charlotte was annoyed. She had dressed up, was wearing a mega sexy outfit and her face had been given a frightening makeover. She found her image in the mirror so disgusting that she could no longer look into it. It looked really bad, with the gaping wound on her cheek and forehead, the blood that seemed to run out of her eyes and most violent of all, of course, the contact lens that made her left eye look blind.

It had taken Esther two hours for the creepy make-up. The longest time she had spent on the scar on her face and neck. The swollen scars on her thighs and arm were just glued on. Esther loved to do such things, if she had had her way she would have been a make-up artist for horror films, instead she had to work in the family business, but it was her hobby and she was well equipped to make all her friends look super creepy tonight. 

Clara had looked for clothes in all the girls' wardrobes and had even bought some wigs and was happy to dress Charlotte up as sexy blonde without protest from her side and to emphasize all her curves. She had lost a bet and had only agreed to be mega hot for one night if they made her face so disfigured that nobody would recognise her. Because being wild and sexy was not her thing. Usually. Of course she could be wild, but she didn't like her lush curves or, as her friends said, she couldn't really handle them.

Nevertheless, she was looking forward to going out with her friends and having fun in the bar around the corner, she even decided not to be the sensible one and watch over the others, but to relax completely. Maybe even flirt with someone and maybe even let someone kiss her. Well, maybe she would think about that once more, but she was in such a good mood that it had spoiled her spirit when everything went down the drain.

Not only did Georgiana come from work very exhausted because she had to visit a client who had to go to jail, no, she had also seen Clara's boyfriend on her way to Charlotte's, which in itself would not be bad, but Clara collapsed and told them that they had only broken up two days ago. 

Georgiana cried with her, because her fiancé Otis was still not back from his last stay abroad and would probably stay away for at least another ten days. She missed him badly and wanted to discuss the wedding with him, but it seemed he never had time to do so.

And Esther couldn't bear to live with her stepbrother any more under one roof, because he was making constant advances to her and her mother and his father didn’t see it and forced them to be like sister and brother, also it was obviously that he had no brotherly interest in her at all. 

All three were toasting Charlotte and were happy for her, as she had been single for ages, although it was only about two years ago. Or maybe three. They acted as if she had done everything right and just had to be lucky, although that was exactly the opposite of how she felt.

But that was not the reason why she was annoyed.

It annoyed her that every three minutes some child from the neighbourhood rang the bell and in the shrillest voice cried 

"Trick or treat!" 

As she had to answer the door all the time, she only heard half of her girls' conversations and whenever she came back, she felt left out and as if she knew nothing about her friends and their problems.

They didn't repeat what they had said when she was asking and just shrugged it off. 

"I didn't tell you because you're not exactly the relationship expert." 

General laughter. They haven't seen a man at Charlotte's side for a long time, and were thinking she didn’t want one. The thing that stung the most was.

"Oh, you don't know this problems."

As if Charlotte was a stupid ignorant child and didn't know how hard it was to bear heartache, or how much one suffered when one's heart was bleeding. It was sad that her friends could not see how she really felt, how her heart ached with pain and longing, but maybe it was her own fault. Apparently she was just too good at hiding it.

The only answer from her friends, to which she agreed without hesitation, was 

"Oh, you were not there to notice, you were working, you just work too much." 

Yes that was true, but she loved her job and since there wasn't much else in her life, she didn't mind the amount of work.

But of course it made her sad, because she also had problems and lovesickness, well, or something like that, but she did not deal with her feelings as openly as others. Besides, if they knew, they would probably scold her how stupid she was, or make fun of her, what a cliché it was. And that the way he behaved towards her, he hardly deserved to get any feelings from her except sassy answers. And of course they would tell her she should ignore him.

As if any one could choose how love works or with whom you fell in love with.

In order to somehow keep the mood up, she didn't say anything about it, entertained her friends and ran to the door every time the doorbell rang to give out sweets.   
Always anxious to put on the 'Hello Kitty' mask that a little girl lost after she was so scared by the sight of Charlotte that she ran away crying. After the mother of this little girl complained that she couldn't answer the door looking like that, Charlotte felt so bad that she almost cried.

She hated making mistakes that somehow hurt others. Yelling at her was not okay either, but most of the time she could understand it, even if she tended to keep her frustration and grief inside rather than shouting it out. 

A lot would have to happen to make her scream. It took a while before she even gave a snappish or cheeky answer, but lately this happened more often. But that mostly used to happen at work, and that's why her friends didn't know about it. And if they would, they would dismiss it as stress and overwork. 

They didn't really ask Charlotte how she is really doing, because they just assumed that everything was fine with her, just because she didn't give her problems too much space and didn't talk about them much or at all.

And besides, the relationship problems or the frustrating jobs of her friends gave a lot more material to talk about. Sometimes Charlotte had the feeling that when she talked enthusiastically about her job or how she had solved a problem at short notice, the girls were getting annoyed. To them it maybe look as if everything always went smoothly for her, which of course it didn't, but she didn't complain about it that much and if she did, one of her friends came up with a better story. 

Sometimes it seemed to Charlotte as if they could only suffer with each other instead of being happy or proud for the other. She tried to cheer up her friends, to encourage and to comfort them. But also to praise and to be happy for them when they told about some good thing. This was gratefully accepted and celebrated, although she often felt as if this was meant for everyone but her.

Secretly she thought, that the others were jealous. Maybe because no matter how frustrating and exhausting her job was sometimes, she always got something positive out of it. For her, the glass was always half full and not half empty. 

Well, except for the love thing. In this case the glass had dried up inside, had a few cracks. Or it was just standing in the cupboard in the very far back. Dusted and forgotten.

After the doorbell rang for the third time, Charlotte ripped open the door and in front of her stood Elsa and Anna from ‘frozen’ and a little skeleton, who were shouting out in chorus 

"Trick or treat!"

For a short moment she had to laugh, because they looked so lovely, but became serious as soon as the three opened their mouths and revealed the view of vampire fangs and tried to make creepy noises. Pulling the basket of sweets towards her, she looked inside and then answered them.

"Unfortunately, all I have left is the sour stuff."

General moaning could be heard, and the skeleton moaned. 

"Kitty is really mean."

One of the girls shouted, "No, Kitty is cute!" 

"She is very mean!"  
"No!"

The children were screaming and arguing about it, Charlotte tried to calm them down, but somehow it didn't work so well until a dark voice said.

"Don't fight about it. I think…" 

Charlotte felt the warmth rising to her cheeks under the paper mask, because the voice seemed like a touch. Also she felt the gaze of the man behind the Dracula mask, slowly moving down her bare legs, there he stopped at her feet, which were dressed in fluffy bunny slippers. Then his eyes glide up again and he declared.

"Kitty not mean, she is very sexy... erm cute."

Suddenly she was afraid that she might have forgotten to put on the jeans shorts and was looking down on herself. This tight light blue, worn-out piece covered her backside only barely and although she had felt quite uncomfortable with the outfit before, she felt incredibly sexy under his gaze. Their eyes locked and Charlotte wanted to know what he looked like without the mask.

"What's that?" 

Screamed Elsa then and drew the attention to her. The girl pointed to one of the bright green lollipops in the basket in Charlotte's hand and she leaned down slightly towards the little one. The feeling that the man was staring at her neckline, which was impossible to miss in the skin-tight flannel shirt, of which Clara had quickly cut off the top buttons so that Charlotte could not button them up any further, let her get all warm and she straightened up again and leaned a little towards him.

"I'm not cute at all."

And her voice was darker and more threatening than she had planned, but the guy just chuckled and then gave back cheekily. 

"You have to show me that."

It was strange but this voice made her swallow. Goose bumps ran down her body and Charlotte really didn't know what to think. Although she was somewhat shocked that this man, indeed obviously the father of these children, seemed to flirt with her, she nodded. She was ready to show him, how she was thinking about such men, and gave the children another sour lollipop, who then ran down the stairs screaming happily.

"Wait in front of the door!" 

Dracula called after them and Charlotte put her hand up her waist and curved her back on purpose. Knowing from her friends that this would make her curves even more prominent, she waited until he turned back to her. Only then did she tear off her mask and he moaned in shock.

Very happy that this guy was quite taken aback and slammed against the wall as he took a step back. Yes, she knew her face looked so bad, as if not only a killer or a truck had rolled over her, but also a bus with sharp wheels. However, her joy lasted only about seven seconds, as long as it took him to recover.

"Heywood!" 

He exclaimed slightly out of breath and pushed his Dracula mask into his hair.

Charlotte suddenly felt cold. Surely that could not be true! Oh, crap! Of all the men in the world, it had to be him? Finally someone who made her feel sexy, and then it was him? Him? The universe hated her. She was sure in that moment.

Well, she was also sure that he was not a father of three, but that was the only good thing. Feeling not any longer desirable under his gaze, but kind of naked, her body and her imaginative mind were arguing about whether that was a good or a bad thing. 

She had to hold on to the doorframe. Thousand questions were whirling around her head. What was she doing now? Why had he recognized her at all? When she had hardly recognised herself in the mirror. Not only did she have this dead face but also a blonde wig. How could that be? She should say something, but what? What? 

Her heart was pumping in her chest and from far away she heard her own voice say his name.


	2. in the staircase

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two of them are still standing in the staircase for a while, trying to talk to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry you had to wait more than a week for an update, as you know I usually update faster, but something has prevented me from doing so.
> 
> Hope to update the following chapters sooner.

This can' t be true! A shiver ran down his spine. How horrible the idea that something could happen to her that could make her look like that! He wanted to tear off her blonde wig and scrape all those scars off her body. He really could not believe it. Charlotte.

"Heywood!"

He said and lifted up his mask, he wanted to look at her properly.

She looked at him with her mouth open and held on to the doorframe.

"Mr Parker?"

Her voice was only a whiff of a whisper. And once again a shiver ran over him. He swallowed because he wasn't quite sure if this breathless question, which was almost similar to a sigh, was good or bad for him. 

On one hand it gave him that certain feeling he always got when she addressed him. Quiet and reserved, as if she didn't want to disturb him. She was the only woman who did not ask questions whose answers they all should have known long ago. She only came for signatures or to give him something important that could not be clarified by e-mail.

On the other hand her wide open eyes and slightly open mouth told him she was not only surprised to see him here but shocked.

Was it really so shocking that he celebrated Halloween with his nieces and nephew? Was he not allowed to have fun as well? Or was it his words that had shocked her?  
Who wouldn't think that she was incredibly sexy? He could not know that it was her, of all people!

As he thought about it he would have preferred to sink into the ground. Such a lame pick-up line he hadn't uses for years and then it had to be her! He should explain to her that he had had a little too much of Mary's wine. It wasn’t that important to him, but he just didn't want her to think he was a sexist or a foul that talked to woman like that. 

His mind had just been busy with other things that were also the reason for all the wine. Once again, he had been thinking about…someone and was annoyed with Tom. She, or rather her appearance, had been such a pleasant distraction that he talked before he thought, although he usually thought twice before opening his mouth. But he had somehow forgotten that since... since she stumbled into his life.

"Sidney." He smiled and tilted his head. 

Charlotte looked at him in disbelief, he didn't really believe she would call him by his first name! Never ever! She had to say something too, but certainly not his name, she would probably say it as carefully as if it could break and he would think she was completely stupid, which he probably already did. As often as something awkward happened around him and she hardly talked to him.

"How did you recognize me?" She asked instead and bit her lip.

Laughing he let out his breath. Was she really serious? He would recognize this face everywhere, even if she wore a sack over it... well, maybe not that, but honestly what a shape of a face it was!

This face did not disappear from his mind since their first meeting. Which of course was only due to its symmetry. Both halves of the face could be placed exactly on top of each other, they would be exactly the same. He had tried it out when he was editing the photos for the company’s website. He had simply noticed the symmetry. And the perfect little straight nose, the luscious lips and the small dimple on the chin. The round forehead and high cheekbones, which had recently caved in a bit. Maybe she was on some stupid diet? Or maybe she had problems, his heart clenched only a little bit at this thought,… or sorrows?

Her eyes looked even wider. Those impressive, wide, coffee beans brown eyes, even though one of them wore such a horrible white lens to make it look blind in the moment. This face, with her many small freckles, as if scattered all over the place, she had now covered them with white make-up, but...yes, even those looked perfectly arranged and the slightly larger beauty spots. On the left cheek, on the right shoulder. He wondered where else she had hidden them.

But he could hardly tell her all that.

She looked at him and crossed her arms in front of her stomach as if she was cold. Maybe she was, in that outfit. Gosh her legs! He should pull himself together, he stared at her bunny slippers and said to them rather than to her. 

"I never forget a face."

Charlotte breathed out loud and their eyes met. It was disturbing that one eye was so white. 

"I thought I scared you so." She smiled mischievously. "I thought I looked terrible."

"You do."

She looks up at him. An embarrassing little pause arose and Sidney searched for words.  
The awkward silence stretched like chewing gum. But Charlotte, slightly confused, pointed down the stairs and magically found her voice again.

"Are those Tom's kids?"

"Hmm?" 

Sidney was distracted for a moment, because he couldn't just keep looking into one eye, he had let drip his gaze and yes... she seemed to know how to cover herself well, because he never would have thought what she was hiding under her jumpers and blouses. He looked at her face again and nodded. 

"Yes, they are. Sorry, but looking at your face is really... very difficult."

And that was the first time he could pronounce it, even if this time it was due to the sight of the scars and the blind eye. Not her almost hurtful beauty. He had had it on his lips a few times before, but had kept silent. It was hard to tell someone that one could not bear to look at her because she was too beautiful.

Although Charlotte laughed and kept the evil eye closed, his words hurt somehow. It was completely stupid, but she felt rejected. But maybe that was simply because he had said it a bit too harshly. Probably it annoyed him to meet her here, when all he wanted to do was have some fun with his brother's children.

Again there was a small pause in which the two did not look at each other but at their hands and the wall next to her door. 

"Shall we bring them back in?"

Charlotte asked, it felt like the three children had been gone for eternity and it was cold outside.

"Oh, ermm. No, thanks, we'd better get going."

"Sure."

Sidney nodded and opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something more, but kept silent. He turned to the stairs and then said over his shoulder. 

"You seem to have other plans too."

In the semi-darkness of the stairway lights, Charlotte thought she saw him clench his jaw, which he always did when he needed to hold up his temper. Sometimes she imagined that he only did it with her, but that was not true. He usually did it when he came out of a conversation with his brother, or when one stood at the door to his office and indicated that there was a problem or a question.

It was clear that he wanted to get away quickly, not only for the sake of the kids, but also to get away from her. Everyone knew the two didn't really get along. 

Or, well, they didn't have many points of contact and when they did, it was always short and to the point. Without small talk or a little joke. He was seldom there and then he was usually annoyed, stressed and quickly gone again. The two have never spoken to each other as much as today. That’s why she didn’t recognise his voice.

The fact that she would go out on the street or even into a bar with this outfit annoyed him, without any reason. It really wasn't any of his business. They didn't know each other and he didn't care about her anyway. He shook his head. She was an adult and would know what she was doing. Although she seemed to have no idea what she was doing. To him.

"Well, at least that's what we had in mind." 

Charlotte answered absentmindedly and looked into her apartment. Oh, well, there was probably her boyfriend sitting there with whom she would go out, yes of course. He would take care of her.

Sidney didn't really know why his bad mood came back, but suddenly he wished he were still sitting in Mary's kitchen, drowning his bad mood in wine, instead of making a fool of himself here with this silly costume.

"Well then..." he squeezed through his teeth and then walked down the stairs with quick steps.

"Until Monday." Charlotte murmured, although she knew of course that it was just a wish, that he would somehow welcome her in a special way on Monday because of today's encounter. 

Not, that he wouldn't greet her, but a general mumbled "Morning!" was of course no personal greeting. While she closed the door she dreamed of it in her silly mind. Well she dreamed of more, but that was not silly, that was absurd, stupid and simply unimaginable. 

That's what her friends would tell her if she had told them about it. But the mere thought that they wouldn't take her seriously or laugh at her prevented her from telling them even the slightest thing. 

She moaned. Maybe that was a hint today? This chance encounter, determined by fate? 

Yes! Charlotte nodded. She would tell her girls the whole dilemma today, see what they had to say.

The children started moaning when their uncle told them they were going home, but since it was after nine he was able to convince them. They left the street where Charlotte lived and turned right, but at this late hour they did not take the shortcut through the park but walked up the street and then turned into the villa district. Only when they were on their street and Bedford Place was visible did Sidney let the three children run home. He had two minutes to think about his meeting with Charlotte.

He was still quite stirred up and could not quite hide it from Mary when he entered the hall.

"You okay?" She asked.  
"Yes, of course."  
"You don't look like it."  
"But it's all right, Mary" he gave his sister-in-law a brief squeeze of her upper arm.  
"I thought running around with the kids would do you good, but you look exactly the same."  
"Mary..." Sidney rolled his eyes.  
"Something’s bothering you and I just want to help."  
"You can't."

And it was true. Nobody could.

"I can't take it anymore!" yelled Clara. 

Laughter. Or rather loud snorting. Including a sprinkle of sparkling wine that Esther was about to drink. 

Charlotte was deeply hurt. She wished she had followed her gut feeling a few minutes ago and hadn't told them anything. Her three best friends were sitting on her sofa, knotted together and laughing their heads off. About her clichéd, stupid girlish crush on one of her bosses. When the three laughed hysterically and didn't look at her, she quickly wiped away the tear that threatened to roll out of her eye. She forced herself to grin and not to show them how much their words had hurt her.

The words of her mother sounded in her ears. "Be strong! Don't show weakness!"

Well, their 'clichéd, silly girly crush' as Esther had called it so brilliantly and Georgiana had made a shortcut out of it, which they cried over and over again, was just not as interesting as the love stories of her friends. Neither was it a dramatic on-off relationship like Georgiana's, which had called her crying often enough at night, causing her to jump out of bed at any hour of the night. And rush in pyjamas on her bicycle through the city for twenty minutes to comfort her. 

It wasn't even worth moving around the houses at night during the week, like with Esther, who always had to assure herself that she was attractive and desirable to other men, not only her completely crazy stepbrother. These evenings were used not only to gossip about the ladies present, but also about the men queuing up to buy her a drink and flirt with her. 

And it was by no means as fascinating as the many little affairs that Clara had going on.

No, it was a simple crush, for the distant, almost never present brother of the boss, who was, admittedly, incredibly attractive but simply out of Charlotte's league.  
After all, stupid as she was, she had told them, that he mainly dated long-legged, beautiful, ivory models. Well, at least as far as the gossip of the other women in the company was concerned. Probably Charlotte only projected one of her heroes from her books on to him, who despite his rough nature had always a soft heart. 

That had been Georgiana's idea and the reason for the collective laughter.

Sidney sat on the roof terrace in his usual place and stared into the cool night sky. Strangely enough, he had always looked in that direction. East. Where the sun rose and, as he knew now, Charlotte Heywood lived. Chuckling, he shook his head. He had apparently drunk even more than he admitted to himself, for a small voice told him that this was not a strange thing, but perhaps a sign. That's nonsense! What kind of sign anyway? He moaned annoyed about the fact that this was one of his favourite places. Emphasis on 'was'. Now it was just another place where he would think of her. Constantly.

"Shit!"

Although Charlotte was a master in covering up her real emotions and her hurt feelings, she managed it only with great effort and mainly because of her crass looks. She had let the girls have fun on her costs and seemingly stoically endured it, although she was bubbling over with pain. 

Fortunately, Otis had called and Georgiana had argued with him at the top of her lungs, so that all the others were forced to let the changed mood made them stop laughing.

Afterwards they had decided to go to the bar. Even if Charlotte would have preferred to stay home and cry in peace, she had said nothing of that kind. She knew her friends too well and knew that they would then tease her as a party pooper and make her heartache even worse, when they accused her of having turned a trifle into a huge thing.

And yes, of course, it was not bad at all, and certainly not as bad as all their problems.

So Charlotte gritted her teeth, put on a hoodie and accompanied her friends to the bar. As usually she stood, a little aside and got a picture of the situation. To distract herself from her grief and disappointment, she made a bet with herself on who would become the object of desire for Clara and which man would be allowed to buy Esther a drink. 

At some point Georgiana pulled her onto the small dance floor and although she had neither the desire nor the energy to do so, Charlotte danced with her. Fortunately, she was one of those people who, whether they danced for joy or with lack of enthusiasm, always hit the right rhythm. Every movement fitted, and usually the joy of dancing came back after the third song at the latest, and the two young women whirled around each other and put a smile on the faces of one or the other person in the crowd, because their dance seemed like pure liberation.

Only later, when she had removed the make-up and was finally alone, did she run through the flat and put away the empty bottles and the partly half-full glasses. She wiped the table and the bowls, which a few hours ago contained unhealthy snacks like chips and pretzels. At first the girls had looked at it as if she had put fried spider legs in it, but after one had started there was suddenly no stopping them.

Charlotte knew exactly what she was doing. She tried to avoid being alone with her thoughts. Knowing she couldn't think about him without thinking about what her friends had said and how they had hurt her with their words. As clearly as she had won all the bets she had made with herself in the bar, she knew she had to analyse it. Her friends and their relationship.

When she lay exhausted in her bed half an hour later, she stared at the ceiling and tried to suppress the pain of being ridiculous. She was not worth taking her heartache seriously, her friends found her crush laughable. But it was not. Neither silly, nor just a crush.

Charlotte knew her feelings were more than that. That’s why it hurt so much. Not just the words of her friends. Also knowing that she never had a chance. 

She knew it was unthinkable, but she knew she was in love with him. Otherwise she would hardly remember every moment she had ever experienced with Sidney Parker. There weren't many, and she couldn't remember the exact dates, but she knew what job she had been working on. Partly, even what she was wearing. But that was not important. She saw him right in front of her, every gesture, every clenching of the jaw or rolling of the eyes. This beautiful, dark but sort of kind eyes, with shamelessly long eyelashes, which, depending on the angle of the incidence of light, conjured a shadow on his cheeks.

His slightly amused wry smile, which he desperately tried to suppress. The short chuckle, which usually stopped immediately when he saw her, and what was followed by a jaw twitch. This huge, but warm hands with the long fingers, which had touched her only once and that by mistake, but she could draw their shape exactly. What she had already done.  
And above all, she could remember the feeling he had caused in her every time, she met him.

Unfortunately, he had only ever exchanged one or two words with her, or even less. A muttered "Morning!" or an almost growling "Hmm” is hardly a conversation. Not like before in the staircase. 

Charlotte closed her eyes for a moment. His voice was as soft as velvet. And somehow sensual like dark chocolate or a song by Berry White.

And if she had known that someone else was lying awake less than a mile away, thinking very much about the same things, she would not have shed a tear or two.


	3. the meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after the encounter in the staircase, both have to work through their feelings and remember their first meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for your lovely comments and kudos and that you are into this story already.
> 
> Hope you like the new chapter.

Sidney closed his eyes. He saw her again in front of him, as he used to see her in the company. Concentrated at her desk, bent over calculations. In the completely useless conference room, where she rearranged the photographer's portfolios for special requests to fit the clients' needs rather than simply showing a sample of the artist's work. Laughing with her colleagues. 

Then images of her from last night crept into his head repeatedly. Those legs! For which she was so small, they were amazingly long and well formed. And yes, everything else was also really... well formed. 

Sidney cleared his throat. He wasn't allowed to see her like that! After all, she worked for him, and that was never good. It only caused problems. Besides, she would only take advantage of him at some point and steal data and then sell it to the rival and then marry him right away. No, that would never happen to him again!

Apart from the fact that Charlotte didn't seem to like him very much. They had never spoken as much as the night before and well, it had been more than embarrassing.  
But what could he do? The pictures of her flooded his head and there was nothing he could do about it. A shy smile there, a ducking of the head here, a look that cannot be interpreted. Followed by a very clear look, as if she wanted to school him. He stretched it out and forced himself to think of something else instead, but already she came running into his office with slightly flushed cheeks, to put something on the table for him and leave without further ado.

But at some point he could no longer hold the memories back and gave in. The memory of their first encounter, when she not only stumbled into him without any warning, but also made him feel something inside again. He could even remember the smell of her hair. Apple.

Charlotte could remember everything as if she was looking at a photograph, or rather as if she was watching a film that she knew by heart.

It had been hazy and cold when she got on the train at twenty past four in the morning and went to the location. She didn't want to do anything wrong and certainly didn't want to be late. Exactly one hour later she had an appointment with the caretaker of the cement factory, which was to be used as a location for advertising shoots that day. Even though normal activities had to continue as far as possible. She had known that she would arrive much too early, but she wanted to get an impression of the surroundings on the way. 

Her boss Tom Parker was in charge of this client personally and wanted her to be there that day to learn how a photo shoot on location works. He had only told her the evening before that she should replace the runner, because that was the best way she would learn. Charlotte had no idea what a runner did exactly. But she was not afraid, for her boss would then explain it to her. But Tom just didn't come. Hadn’t been reachable by phone either and Charlotte had to jump into the cold water and swim as best she could. 

She remembered that in the beginning everything was easy, the main model was super friendly and the photographer was delighted and reminded her of Tom with his almost exaggerated enthusiasm. Everyone seemed happy.

But then everything went down.

Suddenly the doors were locked and nobody could go to the toilet. The caretaker had turned off his phone and the nice and friendly workers had suddenly disappeared for lunch break. The cool boxes with drinks were no longer cooling, the pizza delivery boy couldn't find them and Charlotte had to run to the main entrance to take 13 packs of pizza. Not only did she burn herself, her jeans were also stained with the mixture of oil and tomato sauce. Even though everyone was eating their pizza between the motives and Charlotte was happy to see that the main model did not only consume water and air, she suddenly had the strange feeling of being under observation. A tingling ran up her neck.

And this good-looking man came closer and although she had seen the Polaroid’s of the male models and did not recognize him, she asked him his name. But before he could answer, the photographer cried, 

"Hey, Parker! I thought Tom was coming." And pulled him away from her. 

Their eyes had met for the tiny of moments.

And the feeling in her belly was not the shame of not having recognised him. No. She knew that tickling feeling that lifted the stomach up, as if she was sitting in a roller coaster and for a tenth of a second was in free fall, before gravity pulled her back to reality. Oh.

Although he laughingly talked to the photographer and also made a little small talk with the rest of the crew, he did not speak a single word to her, but only looked at her with a penetrating look and narrowed eyebrows. A nod. A jaw clench. Nothing more.  
Not even when she passed the list for the coffee order. He just looked at her in surprise but turned his back to her so quickly that she could hardly hear his muttered.

"Where is she even going to find some?"

Since he confused her with his unreadable expression, and of course his incredibly good looks, and of course the fact that he was one of her bosses, she was so eager not to do anything wrong, but that was exactly what happened. She stumbled around him and not only spilled two of the coffees she had fetched in the third round, but of course the one that was meant for him. The fact that his shoes got a bit of it didn't make it any better, although he kindly said nothing about it, just cursed quietly as he pushed her away from him. Charlotte had been afraid she had burned him, for he pulled his hand away so quickly. But that had not been the case. At that moment she was just a small step away from tears, because honestly, everything was going great until he had shown up. 

The day was far from over and she was glad that no further catastrophe had occurred and she was relaxing again. But that could also be because Sidney Parker moved into the background and hung on the phone for the rest of the day.

After 17 hours on her feet, and the excitement of the day, she was so awake that she could not sleep even after a relaxing bath. Her brain processed the experience. But not the work, the fresh impressions and new insights. No. Just every facial expression, look and gesture of Sidney Parker. And when she finally fell into a restless dream, she dreamt of him. And every night since then.

Sidney stared at the ceiling, but not because he was annoyed, but because the first encounter with her took place almost exactly one year ago in his mind's eye. Like an entertainingly edited music video.

First the call from Tom, totally stressed because he had made several appointments at the same time and had forgotten that he had promised the client to meet him at the location. That Sidney had only returned from Barcelona the evening before had of course been completely indifferent to him and appealed, as always, to Sidney’s good nature by making him feel guilty, if he didn’t help him.

But on his arrival, he could not see that the client was there at all, or that the new colleague seemed to be stressed. He relaxed immediately when he saw how she seemed to have everything under control. Even Rafael the photographer, who with his completely inappropriate attitude was one of the more difficult people to work with, laughed and that was a great art, because after all, he saw himself as a serious artist. 

As he came closer, he noticed several things at once. She was a lively young woman, wearing old chucks and an absolutely ugly belly bag in which she apparently kept the cash and which kept slipping off her narrow hips. She was wearing a much too big light grey sweatshirt. And her first words made him smile, because he had forgotten how they sound.

"Can I help you?"

She had only looked at him briefly and was already looking for his name on the call sheet. Probably thought he was one of the male models, which usually annoyed him completely, as most women said that to flatter him. But not Charlotte. Charlotte didn't want to hit on him or flirt. She was just doing her job so concentrated that she hadn't even looked at him properly. 

He smiled as he thought of her enchanting rosy cheeks when she realised that he was one of her bosses after Rafael had greeted him and dragged him away from her. He still had his words in the ears. "Where did you find this treasure of gold?"

Treasure of gold.

Yes, she was. In the afternoon, Charlotte had charmed the musty-looking guy at the coffee stand for the construction workers on the street, to sell them coffee as well. Even though she spilled a few of them when she stumbled into his arms, he simply admired the way she managed everything and didn't even ask him for help once.

The little warmth that emanated from her as he prevented her from falling was unpleasant in an enjoyable and almost intimate way. And the sight of her at that moment burned into his brain. The witty comment he was about to say, got stuck in his throat, as the tree under which they stood threw off its leaves at that very moment. The red and golden leaves floated around her as if in slow motion. This moment stretched out although it was over faster than in the blink of an eye.

And it hit him like a slap in the face.

Completely unexpected it annoyed him immensely. Those eyes, wide and kind, an irresistible smile on her lips. He stared at her and her smile faded. But it was to late. At this very moment, it had already happened.

Boom.

Everything was silent. All sounds faded into the background. Only the leaves rushed as they fell on her and to the ground. Time and space no longer existed. Except her face. She got under his skin, in this one short moment. His heart lifted for that one millisecond. And he grasped everything all at once. 

Her bright red and tempting lips were slightly open. He thought he saw the same questions reflected in her coffee brown eyes. The woollen off-white cap was crooked on her head. There was a little orange stain on her sweatshirt. Lots of freckles, but symmetrically arranged around her eyes and on her nose. His fingers, wrapped around her wrist, felt a hot thud, as if he had been burned. 

What was going on? Of course he knew what was going on, but he didn't like that at all and he quickly pushed her away. Damn it!

Although the whole situation, felt like an out-of-body experience and he couldn't resist a brief shake, he was instantly back in the here and now. He didn't dare look in her direction again, but he did it anyway, like he had no say in it. 

Charlotte stood with the others and handed out the coffees. Did her work with flushed cheeks and took a shy look in his direction from time to time. Every now and then he heard her laugh and it shook him how warm and genuine it was. It was so beautiful that it almost hurt. Sidney was angry and tried with all his might to protect himself against it. But he was powerless.

He was aware that Charlotte would not see him as a nice person, because he hardly talked to her and avoided any eye contact after the thing with the leaves. He withdrew a little and pretended to work and make phone calls. But instead he watched her. How she continued to take care of everything and everyone. She worked hard to make everybody happy.

Moaning he sat up in his bed. It has to stop! 

He knew she was something special, but he would never try to let someone in again. And it was absolutely clear to him, that she didn’t like him at all. She avoided him, as most as she could. Maybe she saw him as the arrogant snob he was for everyone else as well.

It was her fault, how he lived his life. Why he wasn’t moving back entirely, but did all acquisition dates, and accompanied the photo shootings around the world. Why he was here, there and everywhere instead of home. He couldn’t bear to see her everyday, when she wasn’t meant for him. And if she would have interest at all, what would that do?

In the end she would also break his heart.

Charlotte had the feeling of chocking. Not only for the distress her friends had caused her, rather the truth behind their words. He was unreachable. Probably he would laugh at her as well, when he would know her feelings. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Fortunately it was Sunday, and she had to think of how she would act the next day in the office. Only two days, till he had to go on another trip. She could handle that.

But in this moment she couldn’t handle the tightness of her flat and took her jacket to leave it. Aimlessly she ran around till she found herself in the park. With happy children running over the grass, couples in love sat on the benches. She found a place, where she could sit down and tried to read in her book. Contrary to what her friends suspected, she hadn't read romance novels for a long time, because they all had a happy ending and dragged her down even more in her lovesickness. She had now switched to sophisticated thrillers so that her brain was distracted and she was prevented from daydreaming about him. 

But luck was really not on her side this weekend.

After a taciturn breakfast, Mary had convinced her husband and his brother to go out with the children to the park. The girls run around with their rollerblades and Henry on his new bike, which he got for his birthday last month. Tom and Sidney tried to talk. But the success and expansion of the ‘Parker Production Company’ was Tom's only topic, and Sidney hung on to his thoughts about whom he could call to get his thoughts distracted, instead of just thinking about Charlotte Heywood, who just ignored him anyway.

His brain felt like it was going to burst. Which wasn't necessarily her fault, but rather the amount of wine and whiskey he had poured down yesterday to forget her. He didn't usually drink that much, but it's been getting worse lately. 

Even if he was in the company as seldom as possible, they were in constant contact. She looked after his previous photographers and every now and then they just had to talk to each other. Which they only did via email. He wondered whether Charlotte disliked him so much, or whether she was only to shy to talk to him on the phone. After all, he wasn't the easiest guy. Especially not to her. 

She just never left him alone!

If he didn't think about her for a few minutes, an email came, or she came into his office and gave him some papers, gifts or a photographer's portfolio of a new potential talent. It was like an invisible bond between them. Which kept pulling him back to her. Even when he was with incredible beautiful women, he thought of Charlotte and got a bad conscience as soon as he even tried to flirt with someone else.

Groaning, he slid further down the bench and looked up to the sky. 

"What's the matter, Sidney?" 

"Nothing, Tom."

"I know you're stressed, but we'll soon have the office in New York and then you can finally settle down there. January or February is the time." 

Sidney looked at his brother and he was still looking for words on how to address the sensitive topic that he would actually rather stay here. But before he could do it they heard Alicia scream. They jumped up and he could just shake his head. Because who was crouching on the ground with his niece and helped her up?

Charlotte.

Before she saw him, she felt his presence and turned in his direction. Tears jumped into her eyes. Why was fate so mean to her and did not let her get away from him? She took a deep breath and was glad that Tom came running towards her alone, with only eyes for his daughter, while Sidney fetched the other two children. So she had two minutes to collect herself.

"It's great that we're meeting here," Tom exclaimed enthusiastically and wiped Alicia's bloody knee with a handkerchief. "Do you live around here too?"

Surprised that his brother hadn't said anything about their meeting yesterday, she only replied. "Yes. Over the crossroads."

"Hey Sidney!" Tom called his brother as he came closer.  
"Charlotte lives nearby as well."

"Ahh."

Sidney looked in her direction and tried to interpret the expression on her face. She probably wondered why he hadn't told about the meeting and he wondered the same thing. 

"I think we'll go home," Tom said to Alicia and then said to Sidney, "you can stay here with the others."

"Yeah, sure."

"Well, I'd better be getting back. Bye." Charlotte said, smiling at Tom and the kids, but again avoiding looking at him. 

Sidney was preoccupied with Henry's shoelace as he looked after her, noticing how quickly she wanted to get away from him. She didn't even go back to the bench where Alicia had fallen and forgot her book there.

Without really thinking, he stood up, grabbed it and ran after her.

"Charlotte!"

Immediately she turned around. As he lacked the words, he just handed her the book and only when she smiled a little he could relax. Which was strange, because usually he was totally confused to be near her.

"Thank you, Mr Parker."

"Sidney."  
Was the only thing he could say and slowly he felt stupid, because although she was already holding the book in her hand, he wouldn't let go. Too captivated by her eyes. Which had changed so much in that one year. Still profound and beautiful, but they seemed somehow sad. Charlotte didn't answer, just nodded. 

"I didn't tell them...because I.... I don't really know why."

He admitted and pulled his beautiful mouth to a crooked smile, which in turn made Charlotte take a deep breath.

"That’s ok."

Their eyes got stuck together and they both knew that they were both thinking about last night.

"I didn't mean to sound so dumb. I had a little too much to drink and...Well." His gaze dripped onto her legs, which were in normal length jeans today.

"Neither of us was expecting it." 

She shrugged and he finally let go of the book. Again this silence arose between them, only this time it was not embarrassing but somehow pleasant.

"Uncle Sidney!" Cried Jenny and he turned to his niece and waved to her briefly. 

"I'll be right there!" 

Sidney turned back to Charlotte.

"Well, I just…." Charlotte pointed behind her, she wanted to go, should go, but she would have preferred to stay. And as if he knew what she was thinking at that moment, he interrupted her.

"Just stay a bit longer."


	4. in the park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Charlotte stay?  
> And if so what will they do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your support. I hope you like this chapter.

Neither could quite believe what he had just said. 

Sidney wondered why he had dared to do it and was convinced she wouldn't stay, as this little wrinkle between her eyebrows deepened and she looked at him in disbelief. Heavens, what must she think of him? Never talking to her one word too many and then suddenly he invited her to stay in the park with him. Well, not stay there with him…. Just in general. And the children were there, too, and about a hundred other people, so she was hardly only there with him. And why should she do so anyway. He was her boss, he was not nice, she didn’t like him or did she like him? No she never asked any questions. But maybe she did not ask because she had none? But why should she stay after his behaviour the night before? Would she stay to wait and see if he would flirt with her, so she could tell their colleagues? No she won’t do that she is not one of such kind of girls, he was sure about that. Maybe she would make an excuse and turn around to leave. 

Sidney prepared himself for a rejection. 

Even it wouldn't be a real rejection, just one employee, who didn't like hanging around in the park with one of her bosses. Ok, he admitted to himself, they wouldn’t really hanging around, more sitting next to each other and he knew that there were a few colleagues, who would like to sit with him in the park on a strange sunny day. Maybe not only sit, he knew the rumours, but gave not so much attention to it. It didn’t matter anyway, she was the only one he wanted to sit next to in the park. Oh, did he just think that? But he didn’t want to get involved with her, and she neither, she didn’t like him, he was sure about that and that would be the reason for her refusal. So he searched her face for an answer.

"Okay."

Had she actually gone mad? Why did she say that? Charlotte asked herself. She couldn't stay here with him after all! Then she'd probably have to talk to him and how would that work? All she would do was stare at him and forget how to use her mother tongue. It would be so embarrassing. The thought that she would sit next to him on the park bench, gawking and stuttering, made her smile, but she sat down anyway. When she had gotten used to the fact that she was sitting far too close and was nearer to him than she had been for months, she listened inside. Her heart was racing. And her whole right side was tingling. 

The silence stretched again. Unpleasantly.

Charlotte cursed herself for her stupidity and believed her friends were right. Not that her feelings were nothing more than a little crush, but that it was childish, she behaved like a teenager, she felt her cheeks glow, and always when she was getting nervous, her hands got cold. She couldn't think clearly any more, except that he was even more handsome from so close and smelled even better as she remembered. Charlotte closed her eyes and inhaled his scent. 

Shocked about what she was doing she opened them again and dared to look at him. He held his beautiful face into the cold autumn sun and her fingers twitched at the thought she would have liked to touch his stubble on his jaw. How would it feel like? Would he like it? Oh, crap! She really should control herself! He was her boss, or one of them. And he didn’t like her, or she meant nothing to him. Why had he asked her to stay? Was he just being polite, or did he want her to stay and if so, why?

She should ask him that or say something. But what? What?

Sidney cleared his throat.

Oh boy, that was even worse than he had imagined! Charlotte obviously felt so uncomfortable being here, sitting next to her boss, and yet he wondered why she had agreed to it in the first place. Maybe she just stayed because she didn't have a balcony and wanted to enjoy the sun? Or maybe she was so annoyed by her boyfriend that she just not wanted to go home. But did she have one? And if so, why did he even care? He knew why, of course, but it wouldn't do any good to know and maybe it would only hurt even more. Damn it! He drove his hand over his face. And watched the children.

"And… did you scare many more people yesterday?" 

His mouth asked as if by magic. Sidney wasn't sure who had formed this question for him he couldn't remember thinking it.

"Oh yes a few!" Charlotte was amazed about the fact that she could speak with him without stuttering and breathed out laughing for a short moment. 

And for him it was so enchanting that he dared to look at her and only then realised how close she was sitting. She was not even an arm's length away from him. Now he knew why he had felt so warm. Their eyes met briefly and he noticed how her cheeks got that adorable rosy tone again and he had to smile too.

"My girls and I looked really bad. I'm not just saying that, but I was really the most harmless of all!" 

She meant it in more than one way, but he couldn't have known that. Pulling a face, she shook herself at the memory of how Esther had looked like. She even had a plastic eye hanging out of her eye.

"That was so disgusting."

With so many expressions on her face she told him about Esther’s looks and fascinated he listened to her lovely voice.

"I wish I could have seen her." 

Sidney admitted and smiled this smile, which made Charlotte usually sigh, but just like in the stairwell, the tiny pain of being rejected stung her. Of course he would have liked to see Esther she was beautiful. He couldn't know that and Charlotte knew that too, of course, and yet, she felt that way. So her friends were right again. She was ridiculous. But tried to keep talking.

"One guy compared us to a bunch of battered girls in this movie...erm.."

She tried to keep the conversation alive and closed her eyes shortly to remember the film title, but of course she couldn't remember it, it had been too long ago when she last watched it. The director's name was on the tip of her tongue, but then her brain went completely blank when she glanced over to him and saw him clenching his jaw. If that wasn't one of the sexiest things in the world, she didn't know anything. How often she had dreamed to touch his jaw and feel this strong muscle underneath his skin.

"Ahh Tarantino!" Sidney shouted and then he looked at her and his eyes were so... dark and had such a sparkle in them. "Do you like him?" he asked.

"Hmm?"

Charlotte had forgotten for a moment, what he had said before, because he had bent over a bit in her direction and she really had problems concentrating. And breathing. The length of his eyelashes was downright impertinent and an insult to all women. She shook her head at her silly thought, but he took it as an answer.

"Well, as long as you and your girls had fun."

She nodded, although she was reluctant to think about how hard she had tried and still was trying do overlook their nasty remarks. 

"Uncle Sidney look for once!" Cried Jenny very loud, although she stood only three or four steps away, and they both turned to the girl.  
"You hear even worse than Daddy," she sulked and Sidney got up and strolled over to his little niece. 

"I am looking."

"But you were looking at her all the time."

Sidney felt a cold and warm shiver running down his back. Jenny hadn't shouted so loud that Charlotte had heard it, or? Glancing over his shoulder for a moment to check if she had heard it but it seemed as she had not, for she had opened her book and seemed to be reading. So she hadn't seen Jenny's finger pointed at her as well.

"Sorry, I'm all yours now." He said, but he could hardly take his eyes off Charlotte.

How she sat there. Cross-legged, her book lying on her lap. The cool autumn sun shone in her face and conjured a silver yellow light on her. A few strands of her chestnut brown hair were blown into her face by the already winter cold wind. Lost in thought, her fingers reached for it and pushed it behind her ear. There was dangling a small silver earring, which she often wears, obviously something with a special meaning to her. Once again the strand flew in to her eyes and she pushed it back again and held it there. 

How he would love to do that. Every time he saw this one unruly strand falling in her face he wanted to brush it out of her face. And it happened often, when they were in a meeting, or were looking over a photographer’s portfolio, or sometimes, when she was eating at her desk. And he imagined he would push her hair back over her shoulder and then his hand would linger on her neck and he would lightly touch her cheek. Her warm tender skin under his fingers and then he would lean closer and...

"Is this your girlfriend?" Asked Jennifer with a light jealous undertone in her voice.

"No!" He pulled a face, why did kids or his nieces always have to ask those embarrassing questions? Did they know he would feel uncomfortable?

"But you want her to be."

He opened his eyes and his mouth in disbelieve, but fortunately his niece did not wait for an answer to this assumption, but quickly drove to her waiting brother. The little boy then rode off on his bike as quickly as possible until his sister caught up with him and held on to his carrier. Then she lifted her leg and Sidney enthusiastically shouted how great she had done it. Jenny let go of her brother, turned around a bit wobbly and then came back at full speed. She threw herself into Sidney's arms and as he had expected it and fortunately hadn't looked over to Charlotte again, he whirled her around and threw her up. Both laughed.

"Oh no!"

Sighed Charlotte, fortunately only in a whisper. That could not be true! Frustrated she shook her head. So now he was good with kids too? Why did he have to be so damn perfect? Now she would add these pictures to her collection of her nightly dreams. Sidney Parker laughing and having fun with his niece. And she would also add this little piece of skin to her dreams, which cheekily caught her eye as he threw the girl up and his pullover slid up. Were this side abs? Holy shit! Charlotte tried to not stare at him and forced herself to look down on her book, but she couldn’t read a word. His laugher caught her unprepared and it was a beautiful sound, which make her heartstrings shiver. It was full of joy and deep and…she couldn’t find another word than sensual. 

Charlotte moaned again and looked into the bright sky. She tried not to let her frustration show, how much this sight in front of her warmed her inside and made her want to cry in the same moment. He would never see her like she saw him, her friends told her so, and she knew it as well. She did not play in his league.

The little boy, Henry raced past her and pulled her out of her thoughts.

When the children showed their trick again, Sidney went back to Charlotte and sat down. They both looked after the children and he tried to engage her in a conversation to learn a little bit more about her, as he already knew.

"What are you reading?"

She put the bookmark in the place she had just tried to read, closed the book and handed it to him. He read the blurb and then noticed dryly.

"Matches your outfit yesterday."

Both remembered what he had said before he knew it was her and Charlotte blushed at the thought that he had found her sexy, even though he didn't like her as Charlotte. 

"I mean the blood lust."

Sidney declared further, but his laugh disappeared when he remembered her standing long legged in front of him and how incredibly sexy she had looked with these extremely tiny jeans shorts. And this tight flannel shirt. He cleared his throat again.

"Sorry for…. yesterday." he then said, "I don't usually talk so stupid."

Charlotte nodded and took the book back from him. She should go. It wasn't easy sitting here with him, but the fact that he had just taken back his compliment made it even more unbearable. Feeling the tears prickling behind her eyes she squeezed them shut and tried to avoid his gaze. Her neck hair stood up, as he continued to talk in a slightly husky voice.

"Not that I didn't mean what I said, but, you know..."

Oh.

"I'm usually more subtle." 

Sidney ran his hands through his hair, he knew it was standing now away from his head and he noticed Charlotte's gaze lingering on him. He smiled that smile again, and Charlotte couldn't help but notice a few things at once. His lips looked as if they would feel good on hers and yes… he didn't take the compliment back. That was... she had no words for it and closed her eyes for a moment to supress the smile that was about to appear on her face, he shouldn’t know what his word meant to her. But maybe he would know anyway because she felt her cheeks glowing again and her heart was thumbing. He must really think she was a pubescent teenager. She gathered all her courage and nodded in understanding.

Then they talked about safer topics. Work. About the upcoming shootings and his acquisition tour on Wednesday and the few ideas Diana and Arthur collected for the Christmas party. 

"Diana thinks it would be a good idea to involve all the colleagues more this time." Sidney said.

"To strengthen the team spirit."

"Yes," he said, delighted that Charlotte was so enthusiastic about the ideas and was so on board. 

"How about we discuss this again so I can make some notes?" He dared to ask and took a deep breath, realising in this moment how much he would like if she would say yes.

"Oh Diana already knows, we had a meeting about it last week."

"Oh, really?" 

Sidney looked disappointed and Charlotte saw him clench his jaw again. It must be frustrating for him to be absent from so many meetings as he was the only one who was travelling.

"She said this week the final decision would be made." 

Charlotte would have loved to squeeze his hand, which she didn't dare to do, but she thought he would have been happy to be there after all.

"They'll do that again without me anyway." 

Yes, the fact that he was often left out annoyed him, even though he often did more for the company than the others. He moaned and sunk onto the bench heavier. At this move he accidentally brushed Charlotte's arm. And despite the thick jacket she was wearing, she felt the goose bumps raised this little touch caused.

"It's set for Tuesday so you can be there as well."

His head turned towards her, and although he didn't ask, he knew he owed it to her. For she moved her beautiful mouth to a little encouraging smile, her eyes dropped and her cheeks looked as if they had become a tone warmer.

"Thank you."

She did not answer, only looked shyly into his face and in that moment the children came back and moaned that they were so hungry and wanted to go home. Sidney clenched his jaw again, as he would prefer to stay here with Charlotte. 

And Charlotte was ready to run home, she was looking forward to dream of this encounter more than once and analyse all what he had said and done. She had the feeling as if there was something between them, even when he wouldn’t feel the same, she thought he knew she was maybe something like… his friend.

"Well then." She made an effort to leave when the children’s clamouring became worse and stood up.

"Well then." 

Sidney got up too. And he felt that this was the beginning of something, even though he was in danger of falling even more for her. She was so lovely and he never wanted to not talk to her again. Maybe one day she would get rid of her shyness and would not be so inhibited and see more in him than just her boss. He thought he had shown her that he was not as intimidating as he pretended to be.

"Have a nice day." 

"You too."

It almost seemed like neither of them wanted to leave, but the children ran ahead and they smiled as a last goodbye. Both were wrapped up in their own thoughts and feelings running through their minds, but turned their heads around a few more times and wondered if the other one would turn around as well. But they didn't want to be caught doing it. So Charlotte forced herself not to look over her shoulder again and so she missed his gaze resting on her, till big trees blocked his view.

Nevertheless, Charlotte felt more light-hearted and carefree than she had felt in a long time. And when she arrived home, she threw herself on the bed and conjured up every second of their meeting to lock it into the memory box in her heart. She was happy and the pain her friends had caused her had faded almost invisibly into the background. But of course the voice of reason also spoke. Be careful! But Charlotte shook her head. It was too late to be careful or change anything anyway. She was hopelessly in love with him. After this day even more than the day before.

And now she had to live with the consequences.

Sidney also thought about the consequences of the encounter with Charlotte. 

Moaning, he closed his eyes and sat down on his favourite place on the terrace and looked in the direction her home was. He knew it was dangerous. She was dangerous. She could destroy everything he had built up over the years. The protective wall around him. Charlotte touched something in him as no one else had done for a long time or perhaps never before. His heart was like being frozen in kilometre-thick ice. For years he had just been functioning, even if he had ended up in bed with a woman at one time, it didn't mean anything. He hadn't felt so... understood and kind of free in a long time. As if everything was possible. And that after only a few hours with her!

He knew he had to be on his guard, but he liked the sound of his heart, which beat a different rhythm every time he thought of her. And it was as if he could hear the sound of the cracking ice around his heart. It scared him and yet this voice inside him said he should dare to try. Try to let her in. 

If only she would let him in as well.


	5. Mad Monday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Monday, more a mad Monday with a lot of work and trouble and so many feelings to be processed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it is slow slow burn, but we are getting closer to the goal step by step.   
> I promise everything leads where we want it to go.

When Charlotte arrived a little late at work the next morning, no one noticed because everyone else came even later. It had taken her a bit longer than usual in the morning. Not only had she been lying in her bed with her eyes closed and let the dreams linger a moment longer, also the shower took much longer, as she always thought about him. And how he would look like in the morning. If his hair was tussled like as he had run his hand through it the day before? Than she imagined how it would feel like to let her fingers run through his curls. And as she finally banished this thoughts out of her head, she couldn’t find anything to wear. Charlotte changed her clothes several times. Although it wasn't that difficult for her usually, she just couldn't find anything that seemed to suit her that morning. Till she realized that she was so worried about her outfit because Sidney Parker had more or less told her that he thought she was sexy, or well, her Halloween appearance. She scolded herself that she would make a complete fool of herself if she suddenly changed her look and so she dressed as usual.

Her friends would say her uniform, and in a way it was. Casually cut jumpers or shirts and comfortable jeans. And it wasn't just the reason her friends always held it against her to hide her curves, but also because it was so much more comfortable. She felt nothing worse than sitting at her desk for ten or more hours in too tight clothes. It was enough for her to dress up for the important appointments. Otherwise, she reserved this for going out to the theatre or celebrations.

Later when she was sitting at her desk going over the calculations for a fashion shoot a certain feeling made her look at the door.

"Good morning."

Even though it only lasted two seconds longer than his usual impersonal greeting, she knew that Sidney Parker had just stopped at her door to greet her. Only her. And stupid as she was she was happy about it, and wasn’t even ashamed as she smiled back at him. He titled his head as he turned around but she got a glimpse of his smile and her heart tingled.

The morning was busy and the whole day somehow just flew by and every time she leaned a bit closer to the computer screen, she dared a look out of her office door, and her view to him was only blocked by a stunted green plant. Charlotte could only see his left arm anyway, but when he was sitting the whole day in his office, mostly discussing on the phone, he would roll up his sleeves at some time at the day, and his forearms were just as beautiful as the rest of him. 

Some times he was pacing through the room, put the said arm on his hip or gestured annoyed or angry. When he stood almost on the wall she could notice the drumming with his fingers on his hip or even his well-known eye roll. And when he leaned his back against the wall like in this very moment, kneading a relax ball with his big hand and let his head fall against the wall, looking at the ceiling, his Adam’s apple was clearly visible and Charlotte had to swallow. She blushed, even when she was alone in her office. Ashamed she promised not to do it anymore, watching him from afar like a creepy stalker, but couldn’t just stop it and dared one last look in his direction. He had never caught her looking. 

Until now. 

Oh, how embarrassing! But different, as what she had expected he held her gaze, held up his coffee mug and toasted at her with a little nod. She couldn’t help but smirked and lifted also her mug, which hasn’t seen a coffee since this morning. She decided to get a fresh one and walked out of her office, which she usually shared with two other colleagues, but this two were in a team-building seminar the whole day with Diana, the harmony-needy fourth part of the executive floor. Although every one of them except Tom was sitting here on the same area as everyone else.

As Charlotte was on her way back from the coffee kitchen, Tom gestured her to come into his office, which walls and door were made out of glass. Like a glass cube which only would be tidied up for important occasions or visits by star photographers, and everything inside would than been draped like an exhibit to make an impression. Yes that was Tom, and although everyone despaired of his chaotic and unstructured nature, he was as likable as an absent-minded professor. Or that's how people should see him. But Charlotte and other employees had often accidentally witnessed fights between the siblings or him screaming at people on the phone. She liked him and got along well with him, but he could also be quite a troublemaker, especially if he had messed up something. To save his face he often just blamed someone else.

They talked about a few things and that he was looking forward to the meeting with the whole team tomorrow to talk about the Christmas Event.

Charlotte asked herself why event seemed a too big word for a small Christmas Party in the office, but before she could ask or say anything she felt a certain someone standing behind her. The hot flush ran trough her, as if a too hot gush of water had been tipped over her.

"Sidney!" Cried Tom as if he hadn’t seen his brother since years and stood up to get some papers from one of his cupboards.

Charlotte thought she could leave and as she turned around her eyes get locked with Sidney’s, and the hot flush ran the whole way back. He stood in the doorframe his broad shoulders looked as if they were hitting the arch of the door left and right and he only stepped aside when she almost touched him. 

Sidney was almost unable to step aside as she walked by. He couldn’t take his eyes of her, for he had the stupid feeling that there was something in the air between them. A little glimmer in her eyes and he so hoped that it maybe has something to do with him and their meeting in the park. He wished it was still Sunday afternoon and he was still sitting there with her, talking about books and listen to her soft voice and her dazzling laugh, instead of here in this glass cube which presented all the madness of his brother and the mess in his work.   
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment before he shut the door behind her, and got a glimpse of her head turning to the stairs and he imagined that she had looked back to him, but couldn't say for sure. 

Distracted for a moment he tried to remember why he was standing there. He would rather go back with her as to discuss some discrepancies in accounting with his brother. He knew they needed to talk about it with the other two as well, but first he had to discuss the last phone call he had a few minutes ago. The only thing that helped him to stay calm was the scent of green apples that lingered in the room. As Sidney forced himself to focus on the problem with Tom and sat down he felt he was still smiling and he had to shake his head a few time to get her out of his head. At least for the next twenty minutes.

Charlotte’s heart was still beating wildly and his aftershave was still hanging in her nose as she caught herself grinning about the short encounter in Tom’s office. She had so much energy and so the almost two hours she had to wait until Sidney was back in his office passed by so quickly she hardly noticed how much work she had done in that time. After she saw him sitting at his desk again, she went over to get some approvals. As always, she stood at his always-open office door and let him know that she needed his signature. And as usual he nodded at her and indicated her to come in. As usual she stopped in front of his desk. But something had changed. 

He smiled at her. 

But that he had done also the day before. But than she realised he ended his phone call. He had never done so. Because of her? This fluttering feeling inside her was back and her heart was pumping faster. Does it mean something or did he just want to talk about the photo productions?

Sidney took the papers from her as he stood up and skimmed it. Charlotte felt her legs soften as he leaned in apparently unintentionally and murmured something about the upcoming shootings. Her skin was tingling and she was getting warm even before he leaned down to the table to sign the papers. She starred at his muscular neck and discovered a small birthmark on the lower hairline, and felt caught again as he gave the papers back.

"Should I take you home with me later?"

Sidney asked completely unexpected as Charlotte had already turned to go, and she looked at him in surprise searching for an answer.

"I know you always come by bike, but... well, it's a long way and I thought..."

That was not good! He had just revealed to her that he wanted to take her home, not home…home, but yes and she probably knew now, that he knew something about her what others wouldn’t find out in years, like his brother. And it wasn’t a good idea anyway. He would probably cause an accident because her nearness would stop him from paying attention to the traffic. Why hadn't he thought about it before? Why couldn't he just think twice before opening his mouth when he was near her? Why did she erase all his superiority and just let him react all the time? Avoiding and ignoring went a lot better than this! Whatever this was.

"That’s very nice of you," answered Charlotte and squint her eyes at the word 'nice'.   
"But I'll meet my friends later." 

Never before had she regretted the Monday meetings with her girls as much as at that moment and she thought about how she could show him that she would gladly accept the offer when she could. For sure she would pass out in his car or make such a fool of herself that he would regret it, but that didn't matter. What did it mean that he offered it to her? Was it really only because she lived nearby or did he wanted to be alone with her? Charlotte reminded herself to stop thinking such things, she was already drifting into her ridiculous dreams.

"Georgiana lives two blocks from here…" she explained lamely.

"Yeah, sure, no problem. I just..."

Sidney thought he was talking his head off and wished someone would call to get him out of this situation. But as this did not happen, he just gave her a nod and sat down at his desk. Charlotte paused for a moment longer, but he pretended do look over a pile of papers.

"Maybe Friday?" 

Charlotte asked hesitantly and her voice had reached a strange high tone, hopefully he hadn't noticed! Trying to swallow she stretched her chin, to get the lump out of her throat. 

Sidney looked at her with this expression she could hardly interpret. Was he annoyed or even angry or had he just forgotten that they had an invitation to the exhibition by one of their photographer teams ‘Keith & July’? 

Than his face softened and his eyes, oh heavens this eyes! Charlotte let her gaze drop to the floor for a moment to stay calm. She knew when she wasn’t already in love with him, this look would have made her.

"Yes sure."

His brain screamed repeatedly Friday, Friday! But in the same moment he asked himself why not tomorrow? And as if she could read his mind, she reminded him of his meeting with a production company from South Africa the next evening.

"Yes, yes." 

And before he could say more his phone rang and Charlotte left his office. He shook his head, surely she was thinking he was completely ignorant of his own appointments. But it wasn’t his fault that he forgot almost everything when she was looking like that. Adorable. A small flush on her cheeks. Nibbling at her lower lip. And then she wore the jumper from that first meeting as if it was a secret sign, which only he understood. And although he knew the exhibition was work, he had the tiny tingling in his chest, as if it was a real date. He shook his head and scolded himself to get his shit together. If he wanted to have a real date with her, he should ask her. 

But of course he should make sure first if she would say yes.

After this encounter with the new Sidney Parker, as Charlotte secretly called him in her head, she was sure even her girls' sayings would not harm her. And since the three of them probably didn't feel like teasing her, or maybe even had a bad conscience, they didn’t make any remarks or Charlotte didn't notice, because she didn’t paid much attention to their conversations because her thoughts were with Sidney. 

Not only was she thinking about his changed behaviour, but also that she was worried about him. With all his travels around the world to the different locations of the shootings and meetings with so many different companies, he lost track of what was going on here. She had an idea of how he could change that, because she had the feeling that he wasn’t happy with it anymore as it seemed a year ago. But who was she to tell her bosses what they have to do?

However, this charming encounters and the fact that he had not taken back his compliment gave Charlotte a bit more self-confidence. And instead of always encouraging her friends in their actions and in their opinions, she became a little braver. So when Georgiana, complained about how much she felt neglected by Otis as usual, and how mean he was, travelling around the world instead of talking about the wedding, Charlotte gave her the opinion, which she usually kept to herself out of consideration for her friend.

"Giana," only Charlotte was allowed to call Georgiana that, because that was the nickname her mother had given her and she knew Charlotte only used it when she had to say something special and looked at her in surprise. 

"I really don't know what your problem is." And yes, it annoyed Charlotte that they were always only talking about problems. 

"I realise that," but before Georgiana could finish the sentence with the usual words 'you're not exactly the relationship expert', Charlotte interrupted her. 

"No, I know," she held her hands up and continued calmly.   
"But it was your idea, that he should join the medical aid organisation." 

Silence.

"Yes, that's right." Gave Esther to consider and Clara went a step further and reminded everyone of what Georgiana had said to her fiancé back then. 

"I think you put him under a lot of pressure," Esther laughed and cheerfully nudged her friend.

"I would say it was definitely blackmail.” Cried Clara smiling and the girls laughed at the memory of how intimidating Georgiana could be sometimes.

"So you think it's my own fault?" Asked Georgiana and the others laughed, but not Charlotte, who had noticed the change in her voice.

"Yeah, right, so stop complaining!" Laughed Clara and Esther asked if she could hire Georgiana for an evening so she could tell her stepbrother what she really thought about him.

"Just stop talking about that idiot!" Georgiana said harshly and Esther widened her eyes in disbelieve that Charlotte was afraid the whole thing would get out of hand. 

Which of course it already did.

"You are in a leading position in your family business, deal with funds in millions, talk to businessmen and aristocrats so don't be such a baby and tell him he should clear off! But you won't!" Georgiana shouted and Esther returned angrily, 

"What?"

"Why don't you just admit it?" Clara then joined in "you love him and that's why you haven't told your parents."

"Excuse me?"

Esther acted shocked, but Charlotte knew it was the look of having been caught, her cheeks glowed in a bright red on her pale skin. Clara had hit a nerve. And Charlotte also believed this was the real reason why Esther couldn't get involved with another man.

"You talk about him all the time, even more than Gigi about Otis or Char about her boss lover."

"He’s not my lover." Charlotte defended herself and her stomach cramped with the chaos of what was going on in front of her and what she was to blame for. If only she had kept her mouth shut!

"We know, you'd never have the courage for having an affair with him." Said Clara in a mean tone and Georgiana dryly remarked.   
"Char is a prude, yes, but it's better than having a new one every week!"

"What are you trying to say?" Clara screamed and got up.

"Gigi is right, you're... quite flexible when it comes to men." Esther declared and her eyes bored into Clara’s.

Charlotte's head roared with the screaming and yelling of her friends and all the things they were throwing at each other! Things that you might have thought or wondered about in secret, but things that you should never throw at each other in a fight. Not even talk about them with the others. She knew it was her fault, because she hadn't kept silent. She had to fix it, like she always did, but she had to think what she could do, but that wasn't possible, at that noise level. The three now stood around Georgiana's coffee table and argued, throwing nasty things and pointing their fingers at each other. Esther had red spots on her flawless face and décolleté, Georgiana was tugging her hair and Clara was drinking her glass at once, which she usually never did.

"Enough!" cried Charlotte, and since this never happened, the young women were immediately silent and looked at her.

"I'm sorry, it's my fault," she began, but the girls continued to vent their anger at each other, ignoring her. 

Charlotte knew that she was the reason, because this time she had not played the role she had obviously been assigned. The role of the guardian, the caretaker, who always smoothed the waves before a storm could even arise.

"Please let me finish for a moment." The others sat down and looked at her expectantly.  
"I understand your grief."

There was a loud puffing, a sigh and a small "Really?” but Charlotte did not let this stop her from talking.  
"I know you think just because I haven't had a boyfriend in a while, I have no idea, but I do." 

A raised eyebrow, a mockingly contorted mouth, a deep breath.

"Giana, you and Otis will be married soon!" Charlotte smiled full of joy Georgiana couldn't help but smiled too.  
"Be happy about that! It wasn't easy and yes, you were right to remind him to do something good. He's with that organisation now and that's great. He helps people who were not as lucky as others. You should be proud of him and show him that and not just cry all the time that he is not here." 

Georgiana wiped away a tear.

"We'll all help you organize the wedding!" Esher told her.

"And if he has no opinion and leaves everything to you, that's his problem," admitted Clara, squeezing Georgiana's knee.

Charlotte turned to Esther and told her.

"Esther, you are beautiful and strong and many men would fall at your feet if you'd only let them." Esther raised her chin and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Edward is charming and handsome, we'd understand if you had a crush on him." Charlotte looked to the others for help, but they watched Esther worried. 

"We're not judging, you've only been siblings for two years and not real ones, so..." Georgiana shrugged.

"But he's an asshole!" 

Clara then confessed and then stammered about how she almost had a one-night stand with him at Ether's last birthday party. For a moment Esther looked at Clara angrily, but then closed her eyes, nodding her head and saying only softly. 

"I know."

"And what are you going to say about me?" asked Clara in a sarcastic tone as she turned to Charlotte, with a wet glimmer in her eyes, she probably thought Charlotte would see her consumption in men just like the others. But Charlotte saw it differently.

"I think you can do whatever you want if you're happy with it." Clara raised the refilled glass and took a sip.  
"But you're not." Charlotte squeezed her friend’s arm "You're searching for a new Stephen but they are not him." 

A silence spread out and each one hung on her thoughts. Charlotte filled the glasses of her friends, fetched chocolate from Georgiana’s large stock and made everyone feel a bit better after the fight, as she asked about their families and the plans of their companies for the Christmas parties.

"You really notice everything." 

Georgiana remarked after a while and cheered Charlotte, who massaged her aching temples. Clara rummaged in her bag and handed her a headache pill. Charlotte thanked her and explained that she would better go home, as it took her almost half an hour by bike.

"But we haven't talked about you yet" said Clara asked and smiled sweetly at Charlotte.

"Oh, the final meeting is tomorrow," she shrugged. 

"And what about your ‘clichéd, silly girly crush'?" 

Esther asked in a soft voice and although Charlotte knew she meant it in a nice way, she just shook her head. For a short moment she thought about to tell them about the encounter with Sidney in the park or about his changed behaviour in the company and how she felt about it. But she wasn't that stupid and would give them another reason to mock her. Not after what she had just caused. Charlotte was sure they would still be angry with her and would probably hurt her even more. No her feelings for him were too special and the start of this… friendship too fragile, she wouldn’t share it with anyone. She shook her head and laughed playfully.

"You know there's nothing to talk about."

Even if she felt that her friends were not quite convinced, they left her alone. Her headache became more intense and shortly afterwards she said her goodbye. Even she had a bad feeling about leaving the three of them alone, as she was no longer there to sort out their arguments, but she just couldn't go on. The last days had been too intense. She unlocked her bike and tried not to think about the fight but only about Sidney, because the memory of his smile worked better than the pill Clara had given her.

The cold air and the just started rain blew in her heated face, but Charlotte liked it and finally also the pill misted her headache. Concentrating more on what he had said, what she would wear on Friday, without him suspecting that she was dressing up for him, she hummed one of her favourite songs and was a little annoyed that her phone battery was empty, otherwise she could have heard it through her headphones. But since there was hardly anyone left on the streets, she could sing along. And just before she reached her neighbourhood, she thought about what his line had done to her. If he only knew that her desperate brain twisted it into an ambiguous innuendo! And although she thought about what it would be like when he would take her home with him, she had to laugh when she imagined how he would have reacted. His handsome face with his contracted eyebrows and his beautiful mouth lightly open in shock. She laughed as she took the last curve and headed for the next traffic light. Oh how she longed for her bed!

Sidney was glad that not only his day was such an up and down. After talking to his siblings he spontaneously met his mates for a beer at a Mexican restaurant and found out that they had run from one heated conversation to another as well.

"That was a day for the bucket." cried Crowe and tipped down his tequila.

"Mad Monday." Babington returned and told of a meeting with the management of an investment company with whose most beautiful member he had suddenly fallen in love with, but who rebuffed him immediately.

"It's your own fault! Blowing off the deal and then asking her for a date." Laughed Crowe and ordered another round.

"Not for me!" cried Sidney, finally he had to drive home. 

While listening to his friends and admiring Babington for his boldness, to ask the woman he desired directly, his thoughts drifted back to Charlotte and wondered what exactly it was that he felt for her. He had an idea, of course, but even admitting that to him was not easy after all what happened back then. But he shook off the black hole of heartbreak and loneliness as he went to his car and drove back home thinking about the feelings she caused him. 

At a red traffic light he stopped and followed his thoughts. His strange behaviour, his insecurity, his accidentally ambiguous innuendo! Every time he told himself that there was nothing from her side, the emptiness in his heart hurt much more then he could remember.   
To distract himself he scrolled through his playlist and paid no attention to the biker, who came closer to the crossroad as he listened to Bruno Mars who sang exactly what he felt, every time when Charlotte smiled at him. Yes, the whole world stopped and stared for a while… If only she would give him a sign! Just a little sign! 

The Traffic light jumped green, he drove off and….


	6. take me home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte saw the red traffic light in front of her. In the corner of her eye, she sensed paralyzed that a car was coming towards her....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry again for the evil cliffhanger. I hope I can make it up to you (a bit) with this chapter.
> 
> Wish you a nice Sunday evening!

Charlotte saw the red traffic light in front of her. In the corner of her eye, she sensed paralyzed that a car was coming towards her, but before she could react properly, she heard car tyres squeaking. A skid when she braked. Sliding. A blunt impact vibrated through her legs as she jumped from the seat, the steering wheel pressing uncomfortably into her stomach. A dull bump. The shrill screech of metal on metal. Shattering glass. 

Oh, that was pretty close!

Everything happened so incredibly fast that Sidney didn't even realise it. Brake! Pull the steering wheel around! Damn it! Shit! He jumped out of the car, faster than he understood what he was doing and cursed more than he had ever done before. 

"Are you hurt?" he yelled before he reached the person on the bike. "I'm sorry, shit, I wasn't… are you hurt? Please… oh god!"

A shattering noise under his shoes. Oh please don’t let the person be hurt! Just because he kept thinking of...

"Charlotte!"

Taken aback he stopped as he saw her face. The cold rain became heavier and they stood frozen in that moment. Everything else stopped. 

Silence.

Then suddenly he felt his heart thumping deep, as if it was taking a deep breath before jumping into the water. Then it raced in his chest. Everything blurred into an unreal ghostly dream. Like the darkest hour of the night. Charlotte. Charlotte!

She looked scared. Her eyes were huge and the shock on her face was screaming at him. Before he realised what he was doing he grabbed her at her upper arms, bent down and searched her gaze.

"You ok?"

A small nod was everything she was capable of. He had felt her flinch when he had grabbed her, so she was in pain!

"What hurts you?"  
"Nothing."  
"But you flinched!" he shouted nervously and slowly palpated her arms.

Charlotte could only stare at him. A small part of her brain knew that he was the driver, that he wanted to see if she was hurt, but she was just thinking of him and now he was standing here looking at her worried. It was so unreal.  
And despite the quilted jacket she was wearing she felt his big hands moving up and down her arms and she became warm, even though she was freezing cold. Her stomach was tingling and so was her head. Her feet were probably standing in a puddle. Still she was warm. His gaze was full of concern and his eyes were shimmering with the drops of the rain that hit them in the faces. She would have loved to put her hand on his cheek to calm him down, but she couldn't really feel her hands, she only saw that they were still clutching her steering wheel.

"Are you in pain?" He shouted again with desperation in his voice.  
"No."

"But you... oh, you are cold!" He rubbed her shoulders and the next moment he pulled her into his arms and... 

Oh, that felt good. 

One little moment he tugged her just a little bit closer, and then they stumbled over her bike, which crashed to the ground. One step and then another. Sidney led Charlotte to the passenger seat and pushed her in and then he was gone. As he rummaged around in the boot, she took a deep breath to calm her heart. What was happening? 

Then she felt that he was back. And so close. She could have counted every single hair of his stubble, if only he had not moved so frantically. Then she heard a zip open. He pushed her jacket off her shoulders and the next moment she felt a cuddly blanket around her. It smelled like freshly washed and cold car. He pinned it around her and then he looked her in the eyes.

"Are you really okay?"

Finally he stopped moving. But oh... he was still so close and why did he smell so good? Somehow like damp wood. Charlotte caught herself sinking deeper into the seat.

"I'm just cold."

"Yes, sure. I..." He ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes. 

Charlotte saw that his eyelashes were not only long but also very dense. And the deep furrow between his brows, it was so... distracting, she wanted to wipe it away.

"I'm so sorry." He wanted to reach for her hand, but noticed that she was under the blanket and so he just squeezed her arm.

"It was red." Charlotte confessed and she suddenly realised that she could have been hurt really badly if he hadn't reacted so well.

"But I was distracted..."

"I didn't stop and hit your car." Charlotte admitted quietly. Her throat was tight and their eyes met and she murmured. "Sorry about that."

He shook his head slightly, but she nodded.

"You are..." he took one deep breath and was about to say stubborn, but instead he smiled this crooked smile and Charlotte took another deep breath, her heart whirled around in her chest and she got a bit lightheaded. 

"You're really not hurt?"

"No, I'm not."

Charlotte noticed how she smiled. Her eyes got glued to his and Sidney was on the verge of wiping the stubborn strand of hair what stuck to her forehead from her face, but stopped as he reached out. Instead his hand braced against the doorframe and his brain was suddenly empty and he slowly began to feel that he had almost knocked her down! He felt an urgent need to take her in his arms and press her against him, but instead he just clenched his jaw.

"Can you...?" Her voice was soft, she seemed calm as if the accident hadn't just happened. 

"Anything you want." And his head was filled with images of what those words could possibly mean.

"...take me home?"

"You sure?"

A silent nod and he stroked her arm once more before taking the seatbelt, wrapping it around her. The heat reached her cheeks and they both held their breath and tried not to think how close they were as he bent over her. But Charlotte's heart and eyes fluttered like an alarmed little bird as he was so close and suddenly she could only think about what she smelled like. Fortunately she had chewed a chewing gum earlier, but she didn't know where it had gone. Wordlessly he leaned away from her and closed the door without letting his eyes left hers. Sidney took a deep breath and his heart only beat calmer, almost at a normal rhythm, as he pushed her bike into the boot. There was a cracking scratching sound, but he didn't care about it. Nothing mattered. Only she had to be all right!

"About your car..."  
"Please, Charlotte, it really doesn't matter."

She looked at him as he started the car and drove off. Just a few moments later he parked in front of the apartment complex where she lived, came around the car in a flash and helped her out. Charlotte didn't know if the accident was still in her bones or if his closeness was making her dizzy, but she swayed back a little and he grabbed her by the arms again. Both gasped for air. They were so close, so close!

Then he pulled her along with him without a word. One arm slightly around her waist and Charlotte would have loved to sink against him, but held up tensed like a stiff stick. He asked where her key was and opened the front door as he found it in her jacket pocket. They climbed up the stairs with whirling thoughts and he unlocked her apartment and pushed her in. In her small hallway they stood opposite each other and certain heaviness lay suddenly down on them. Charlotte pulled the blanket tighter around her, as his gaze seemed to see right through her. Sidney nodded at her. 

"You dry off yourself."  
"Okay."

They looked at each other for a moment longer and then Charlotte turned and went into the bathroom, opposite the entrance door. Sidney stared after her. He heard a slight thud, probably she had dropped against the door. Then he heard clothes rustling and water running. After a while he heard a hairdryer rustle, he remained standing for a moment longer before he searched for the kitchen.

Charlotte trembled and her knees gave way when she suddenly realised what had just happened. An almost accident, was bad enough, but then she had to drive into his car? What was it with him that she had been meeting him permanently the last two days? She shook her head and took off her soaked clothes. Under normal circumstances, she would have had a hot shower to warm herself up, but she couldn't do that if he was walking around in her flat.

Oh God! 

Sidney Parker was in her apartment! Suddenly, she was warm and cold again. Did she tidy up? Had she made her bed? After all, she had everything in one room and he would see how she slept despite the wall of books that served as a room divider. Not that he'd be too interested, but... she'd better not leave him alone too long. She quickly blow-dried her hair, which was curling like mad, and thought about what to wear, after all she couldn't run half-naked into the room he was in. Panic rose in her, but then she saw that luckily she had her pyjamas hanging on the hook next to the door. She slipped it on and her bathrobe and then she ran into the living room.

Sidney stood in the kitchen niche and prepared, as it looked like and smelled a cup of tea and she had to smile because she liked the picture before her eyes. Not only the back view of him, but that he was standing in her kitchen.

"Sit down," he said as he looked over his shoulder and pointed to her little sofa. 

Then he came with a hot steaming oversized cup from which she always drank her latte in the morning and handed it to her. 

"Here."

Charlotte gratefully reached for it, because she was still cold. His eyes were so dark and she still recognised the worried look in them. Audibly she sucked in the air when she slightly touched his fingers. For this one little moment. Only then, and almost a bit too slowly, did he remove his fingers from the cup, it was almost as if he stroked hers. Then he lowered his gaze and sat down opposite her on one of her colourful seat cushions. Her fingers were tingling and a hot flash shot up her arm and into her chest. She almost dropped the cup, but instead pressed it to her mouth and breathed in the hot steam. This all had to be a dream, it could not be true! But when she looked up again, Sidney Parker was still sitting opposite her.

"Are you hurt?" he asked again, he was very worried. Her fingers had still been quite cold when he had just touched her. 

"No, I’m fine."

She lowered her gaze, why did she do that? Was she lying and she had pain that she wanted to hide from him? Or could she not look at him because he almost knocked her down?

"I can't tell you how sorry I am."  
"Again, it was my fault, not yours."

Yes, he thought, not because she hadn't stopped at the red light, but rather the fact that he was so completely lulled by the thought of her that he couldn't think straight.

"But I was distracted..."

Charlotte sighed and rubbed her forehead, apparently the effect of Clara's tablet was wearing off. Sidney thought she was moaning because she was annoyed by his repeated admission of guilt.

"Okay," he nodded and puffed out the air with a smile. "It's your fault."

"I know." She was incredibly tired.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Hmm?" She looked at him and his look was so... soft somehow, she couldn't remember what they were talking about.

"Do you have a headache?" He asked alarmed as he watched her continue to massage her forehead.  
"I've had it before."  
"Is that why... you weren't paying attention?"  
"Yes, that was one of the reasons."

Silently he looked at her and seemed to be waiting for more. Since she could hardly tell him that she had thought of him, she told him about her friends.

"I was at Georgiana and well...there was a fight and...Yes it was pretty intense."  
"I'm sorry."  
"Don't be. I'm usually more of a referee, only this time it was different, they were very mad at each other." She didn't want to tell him more.

"Oh, yeah, I know how hard this can be."  
"Are you also the referee in arguments?" Her heart lifted, thinking she had something in common with him, but he shook his head.

"I guess that's Diana."  
"I wouldn't have thought so." She said thoughtless and immediately bit her lip in slightly rising panic.  
"Why did you would think it was me?"  
"Well, I thought you were the most sensible one." Oh, no! She didn't say that right in his face, or?

"The sensible one?" He laughed, but she could tell by the look on his face that he didn't quite agree with that. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I thought... you were always looking to see if there was another solution." Charlotte shrugged. "You try to keep costs down, try to make things work for everyone, and..."

Their eyes met again and this furrow between his brows irritated her.

"I'm sorry," she gnawed at her hands. 

He shook his head, but was unable to say anything. Wondering why she saw him like that, although he was usually only called a party pooper by Arthur when he argued sensibly and Tom would always hold it against him, like he wouldn’t allow them a bit of joy and then he would start how he was so unfair and would remind him of his past.

"It’s been a mad day." Said Charlotte in an apologising tone.  
"...Are you really okay?"

"Yes Sidney I'm fine,” she said, smiling and her smile froze on her face when she saw his look. She had called him by his first name after all! 

"I'm just tired." 

She said stiffly then and he understood the hint and got up. Charlotte got up too and he told her to stay seated. But she still walked after him to the door.

"Please call me if anything happens." He offered, but she would never do that!

"Everything is fine."

Charlotte smiled embarrassed, her feelings inside were mixed up. She didn't really want him to leave and on the other hand she couldn't wait to be alone.

"Alright." 

Sidney did not move. He wanted to stay with her for the night to see if she was really well and on the other side he just wanted to leave. He had to get away from her and her big eyes that look at him like that, otherwise he might do something thoughtlessly. 

"Alright."  
"See you tomorrow, then."

She nodded and Sidney raised his arm and briefly stroked over her shoulder and upper arm, he just couldn’t help it. A hot flash went through her and her breath stopped, then he turned around and pulled the door shut right behind him. He leaned heavily against it in the dark staircase and reviewed what had happened. 

What a nightmare!

Mixed with the most wonderful thing that could happen. She had called him by his first name, giving him such a warm feeling! Only then did he notice that he was cold too. He turned around and raised his hand to knock, maybe he shouldn't go after all! But he decided not to do it, because she wanted to be alone. Probably he had already crossed a line, for she had flinched every time he had touched her. Damn!

But well almost every time, not as he brushed her fingers. He closed his eyes and stroked the door with his hand, as if it could somehow pass his feelings to Charlotte as a message. Then he turned around and left.

Charlotte pressed her aching forehead against the cool surface of her door and stroked it with her hand. She imagined it was him and closed her eyes. She should really go to sleep now, it was late and tomorrow would be another exhausting day.

Later she lay down wrapped in his blanket and tried to find his wooden scent on it, but she fell asleep as soon as her head touched her pillow. Strangely, she dreamt only of his hands on her arms and his worried look in his eyes. These soft brown eyes. Not one second she dreamt of the accident.

Quite the opposite to Sidney, who threw himself around in his sleep. Dreaming about the accident and her appearance on Halloween. It was horrible. At some point he woke up completely shaken and half asleep he searched for his mobile and looked for her number. When he had already dialled it, he thought of it as he saw how late it was and he was convinced that she was probably asleep. He decided to write her a message. But what should he write? Maybe that he would prefer to take her with him every day instead of her continuing to ride her bike, but he could hardly do that. Then he remembered that he still had it in his boot.

"I'll pick you up tomorrow morning. Is 8 o'clock ok?"

He lay back in the pillows and thought about their conversation. How that delightful blush lit up her pale face when she said he was the sensible one in his family. 

"Thank you, but I really like going by bike."

Why was she awake? She was supposed to be asleep! The worry about her crawled up his back again. But he didn't want to annoy her and just wrote back.

"Your bike is with me."

So now she had to react somehow. Either she would tell him to bring her bike back now or in the morning or to bring it to work. And that would make it clear that she didn't want anything more to do with him and then he would finally know...

"You stole my bike?"

Sidney laughed, he hadn't thought she would write back in this teasing way and thought about what to answer... something funny, but before he could write there was another message from her.

"What do I have to do to get it back?"

Oh she hadn't really written that, had she? Charlotte heart pumped harder when she realised it was clearly an innuendo and was already about to delete the message when he replied.

"Just come with me."

Sidney would have had about a million other answers to her message, but that would have been a little inappropriate, after all they were working together and were not buddies. Well, maybe they could become something like that. He moaned. What nonsense! That would never work.

The next morning, Charlotte was already standing there when he came to pick her up and his heart was pounding as she came closer. Then she stopped staring at the damage at his car. He pointed to her to get in and she immediately started talking about insurance and that she was going to fix it and he just grinned and shook his head.

"It's really no problem, a friend will fix it for me."

"Really?" she asked in a contrite way and he was just glad to finally have her back. In his car.... So safe and unhurt. 

Charlotte wondered what to say, because after all, this nightly chatting was somehow now between them, but he changed the subject and talked about his little acquisition trip and asked her about her opinion to the different Christmas ideas of his siblings. 

The whole day was hectic again, but the meeting with the whole staff was the highlight of the day as Diana had announced some specials. But for Sidney all that mattered was that he could see Charlotte without the disturbing plant in his view. He sat extra far away from her so that he could watch her.

After a little greeting from Tom, Arthur started with his suggestion to have the party in one of the hippest clubs in town. He already had talked to the star DJ and had set some options.  
The idea was not well received, and Tom of course went one better with his idea that the company should not only have an internal party, but also a Christmas event to which all photographers and clients should be invited and there should happen something interesting and unexpected. Sidney rolled his eyes annoyed as he could only think of the unnecessary costs and met Charlotte's smile and he thought of the same thing and nodded at her. Yes, apparently he really was the sensible brother.

Diana explained her idea enthusiastically to make a team-building event out of the whole thing and told about the seminar she was at. Then she tried to motivate the employees to give her some ideas and after the majority had nothing to say Sidney tried to finish the meeting. 

"Charlotte had a good idea."

He then explained and indicated to her to stay there for a moment. She never thought he would appreciate her opinion so much, especially since it was only spoken into the blue and in private. She thought for a moment about how she should best phrase it and then explained.

"Perhaps you could form individual teams to organise a certain part of the celebration after you have decided where exactly it will take place. That way, everyone has contributed something to the celebration and still gets surprised by the ideas of the others".

"I like that!" cried Arthur and Diana agreed.

"But what do we do with our customers?"

Tom asked in tearful tone and Sidney reminded him of the huge and very expensive summer party in Sanditon, what they had given for their customers in August and that they all would have enough to do with their own Christmas parties. 

"Yes, yes...that's right."

"I'll take care of the catering!" 

Explained Arthur and Diana told them how to put the teams together so that those people would work together who otherwise would never do that. Charlotte said goodbye and when she left she could still hear Tom shouting enthusiastically.

"Well I'm looking for the location!" 

And because Sidney was afraid that Tom might have the idea to move the party to Dubai, he told him the easiest place to do it would be Sanditon. As he wasn’t there for the big summer event he longed to go back to their hometown and they could save money, because they not only owned the huge property of their family but also Tom's holiday home. So they could save even more costs, when they all would stay there.

Just about an hour later, he had to go to the appointment with the South African production company and, together with Charlotte, took her bicycle out of his car.

"Please be careful this time."

He said then and again the wind blew this stubborn curl into her face, but she only giggled briefly and held it down.

"I promise."

Again this silence spread between them and Charlotte wished him a good flight the next morning. But then she couldn't think of anything else to say, and as she had only gone out in her jumper, she was freezing and couldn't suppress a little shiver.

"Go inside, it's cold."  
"Yes, Mum!" she laughed and he smirked.

"Then I'll see you Friday." 

His voice was very dark, somehow almost auspicious. They both froze, as Sidney stroked her arm without thinking. His fingers were tingling, even though he hadn't even touched her skin, and he wondered what that would feel like as she said what would occupy him for the rest of the evening or much more of the whole week. And it was more the way how she said it. A breathless whisper.

"Yes, … Friday."


	7. Friday was still so far away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are these two annoying days before it is finally Friday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse the language at a certain point... but I think it was necessary.
> 
> I adjust my chapters to what happens and therefore this one is a little longer...

Friday was still so far away. 

And yet he could think of nothing else when he boarded the plane the next morning. Sidney had to keep reminding himself that it was work and not a date. But he was happy anyway. They had never been to an evening event together or at one in general. Since their first shooting they had never been to a production together again, she managed that very well on her own and if there was an invitation to an advertising agency or another party, he had either been out of town or he had made it so that he came with Tom and had spend the whole evening as a brother duo and had acquired new clients. 

When he thought of Tom he moaned heavily. Not only was the budget Tom was willing to spend on the exaggerated Christmas party or more event lying heavy in his stomach, but also what he or the other two would think if they knew how he felt about Charlotte. After all, he would go against his own principles if he started something with her. Apart from the fact that she probably didn't want him too. After all, he was one of her bosses!

And yet he hasn't been able to get her out of his head for one year! She had settled down there, completely against his will. And not only that, as he had now admitted to himself. No, she was firmly anchored in his heart and difficult to get rid of. And God knows, he had tried!  
With ignorance, suppression and escape. Even if he had ended up in bed with another woman, carefree and with no feelings involved, he had a bad conscience, as if he had cheated on Charlotte! Some women even asked him if he had a girlfriend or wife when he stood up and was unable to look at the woman beside him or himself in the mirror. 

All he wanted was to forget her, but that was not possible…

No one could flee from someone who was always there with you. At some point every thought led back to her. As if she was connected to him. By a bond. And no matter how long he stretched it, in the end it pulled back together like a rubber band and she stood back in front of him. Unexpectedly. With her kind eyes and lovely freckles. Her shy smiles and this stubborn strand of hair. And if that wasn’t enough, the pictures of her incredible and unbelievable sensual figure were added since four days. These legs, even if they were wearing Bunny slippers. Not to think of what the tight shirt had presented him or the hardly existing jeans shorts!

Yes, the last few days were very interesting. Sidney wondered if she still had this special attraction for him after several hours in a more casual atmosphere. Would she feel more secure and wouldn’t be so shy and careful around him? But something changed already. They spoke more than the whole year before and she was funny, he often heard her and her colleagues laughing. He closed his eyes and saw her. With her wide coffee beans brown eyes, standing freezing in the wind and laughing at her little joke when she called him 'Mum'. How her mouth had split and the laughter had tugged at his heartstrings. It was as if through a thick wall of fog the sunlight suddenly shone through. She touched him. All the way inside.

So Friday was also important for this very reason. Not only to spend a little more time with her, but also to find out whether they got along as well as he thought they would. They only know each other from work, and there was already this unspoken familiarity. Trusting that the other already knew what to do. They complemented each other perfectly. He had never experienced anything like this before. With no one at work or in real life. For this reason alone he had to try to get to know her better. But was she even the person he saw in her? Or wanted to see? Was she as real as she was at work? Thoughtful. A woman of her word? Or would she also rip his heart out and smash it in her hand like a raw egg and trample on it? He had to be sure before he would show her what he felt. He had to consider everything carefully. He was afraid of the consequences, it would influence their work. If he was able to trust her, to risk everything. Was she worth losing his heart? 

But well, he knew he had lost it already.

Charlotte felt a little lost. 

That was the stupid thing about standing in the subway and having nothing to do but be alone with your thoughts. She usually liked to ride her bike, she could be alone with her thoughts, but not too much, as she had to watch out for the traffic. She smiled because lately that didn't work out so well either, as one could see on her bike, which she had just brought to the ‘Bike Doctor’ this morning. She sighed. When she wanted to drive home the evening before, she had not only noticed that her light was broken, but also that the front wheel had completely distorted. It was logical that something had happened to her bike and not only to his car. But neither of them had looked at it. No, stupid as she was, she only had eyes for him! She had been staring at him...

But honestly, who would blame her? God he was so beautiful, it was almost unbearable! There had to be a flaw somewhere, after all it wasn't normal that someone looked so bloody handsome and was nice and worried… About her! And somehow so... kind. Yes she just didn't have another word for it. Anyway.

She knew his flaws. He was restless, always on the move and too much on the run, as if he was fleeing from something. ‘From life’ said her inner voice, but she didn't believe it. Something was bothering him, but she couldn't quite grasp it and hoped that maybe they could get to know each other a little better, so she could find out. Not that it would change anything about her feelings for him. Not even a dark, nasty secret would cure her of her feelings.

Charlotte smiled briefly at the thought of him. 

How it had felt when he had briefly stroked her arm. It had been so warm. But what was more amazing, it was as if it was something normal between them. As if it was now allowed, after he had done it after the accident. Did he know what he was doing? And did it mean anything to him? She was drifting away again, but that was actually good, after all she didn't want to wonder what she actually meant to her friends.

But when she thought about how she always dropped everything as soon as one of her girls called for help, but Georgiana hadn't even called back after she left a voice mail to ask if she could come by because her bike was broken. It should have alarmed her. She never asked for help!

Charlotte shook her head and looked out the window. On the other hand, she was glad that Georgiana had better things to do, otherwise she would have had to explain exactly what had happened, and she didn't really want to. She wanted to keep it to herself. It all seemed so... fragile. 

But she also would like to tell someone about her feelings, think about how she should behave. Was there any way she could show him that she liked him? But what would happen and how would it affect their work together if he found her stupid? So she had to manage to talk to him on Friday. To get to know him better, more privately. She knew that he did everything for the company, more than the other three, or so it seemed. He was more open and willing to talk and suggest improvements. His door was open not only for her, but to all her colleagues in all matters, unlike Arthur and Diana, who somehow always kept to themselves, even though they were so sociable on the other side. And Tom, well Tom was like an island. Enraptured. Far enough away from everyone else. The only one on the upper floor where he could look down on everyone else. The door always locked. And yet he sat in this glass box. Open and visible to all. As if he had nothing to hide, and yet there was something about him...

Her phone vibrated. For a moment she hoped it was a message from him, although she knew he was on the plane right now.

‘Hey sweetie, what happened?’ Georgiana wrote.

And Charlotte was on the verge of not answering or ignoring the message. But she didn't want her to worry either.

‘No worries. I'll tell you later.’

‘Okay, I'm in court, call you at the break. XX’

Charlotte put the phone away and looked out again as the train entered the station where she had to get off. Two days without him. It felt like an unreasonable situation, as if it never happened before. She should be glad that she wasn't constantly looking in his direction and thinking of him. Okay, she would do that anyway, but it wouldn't be as embarrassing as in the moments when he were suddenly standing in front of her. She smiled at her twisted logic.

But Charlotte did not smile when she got back on the train at half past seven in the evening. It had been a strange day. Somehow the whole day felt not so tense but on the other hand not so productive as usually. She had hardly any energy and her two colleagues were back and instead of following the new rules of how to deal with each other, as one might expect after a team-building seminar with the boss, they stuck to the newly learned rules for about ten minutes. About as long as it took Charlotte to check her emails and make a short phone call to a set builder. Afterwards it was so unbearable that she had to get herself a coffee to think about how she was going to get through the whole day with them. But she managed somehow, it was as if she had earplugs in her ears. Ignoring her nagging colleagues, she prepared all the upcoming productions, talked to her photographers and worked through the calculations, so she would hopefully get the cost approvals form Diana the next day, so she could begin to organise everything, so that everything was done on Friday.

But was annoyed her was that he didn’t wrote a message. Why should he do so? He had never done it, when he was acquisition trip. But she thought that something had changed between them. Charlotte shook her head. Maybe she had just imagined it all. Yes for sure! And the other thing that stung a bit was, that Georgiana hadn’t called.

Sidney lay in the bed in the hotel-room at ten thirty and looked with expectation on the display of his phone. He was quite happy, that they were now at this point of communication. It was still a lot about work, but it was much more private than one week ago. He had written her a short message that everything went well in Vienna and that he had a request for a shooting, but he had also asked how she was. After she told him that her bike was not so well, he shook his head, that he hadn’t looked at it as he had given it back to her. But then he understood she didn’t either and that gave him hope. Hope that it was not all in his head.

Of course the conversation stopped at some point, but he dreamed a more pleasant dream about her this night. Her breathless "Yes, … Friday." Turned into only a ‘yes’ and it was dark and warm and he saw her smiling at him in front of an open fire.

The next morning as he was on his way to his next appointment he thought about how she said these two words. As if she couldn’t quite believe it. Maybe his fantasies run away with him, but he couldn’t supress the feeling that there was something. This encounters since last Saturday. Her gaze at him which she dropped every time he caught it, her little smile when she seemed to think he wasn’t looking. 

It was only a few more hours, but still Friday was still so far away.

Friday was the next day and Charlotte couldn't really calm down about going out with him the next day. No, it was work! But more relaxed, after all there would be something to drink, a casual atmosphere, almost like meeting friends. 

Well, friends. Her friends hadn't got in touch, neither Georgiana nor the other two. And Charlotte had somehow suppressed the need to get into contact with them. She had no desire for them. And even though she felt bad at the thought, it was the truth at that moment. On the one hand she would have liked to asked them, what she should wear, how should she do her hair, should she wear make-up? And most importantly, how should she behave towards him? But then the nasty remarks of the three came back to her mind and she was glad that she was alone with her thoughts. One last time she stared into the wardrobe and thought about what she would wear if he wasn't there and that was exactly what she put aside.

Since she had no reason to write him she just stared at her phone for a few minutes. She would have loved to write him that she was looking forward to the next day, but since she couldn't think of a harmless way to put it, she decided to turn her phone off.

After a relatively quiet morning, and a stressful afternoon, where both were glued to their phones, he knocked on her office door at about ten past seven and with just a glance he indicated that it was time for them to leave. On the way home, he was unfortunately mostly busy arguing with Tom on the phone, although he seemed to control himself she could see the tension in his jaw and the white knuckles that came out when he grabbed the steering wheel too tight.

"Tom, I'll be right there."

Annoyed, Sidney hung up and looked at her lovely face, and strangely enough, a certain calm immediately came over him. 

"I'm sorry."  
"It's fine.  
"I must admit," he stroked his forehead briefly and looked forward to the street, "I would rather have talked to you than argued with him." And he puffed out a laugh.

Charlotte shrugged and before she could think about it, she muttered.  
"We've still have all night."

Sidney glanced quickly at her and caught her squeezing her eyes before looking out into the evening. His heart rose and certain unease took hold of him. But not this exhausting, annoying uneasiness, but this one bubbling with anticipation. He cleared his throat and tried to suggest a time as calmly as possible.

"That's fine, see you later." She then shouted and had jumped out of his car faster than how he could drive into the small parking space.

The location in the exhibition of 'Keith & July' was in the old industrial area where many artists had their studios and also some bars and clubs were located. The car park was badly lit, but they knew the way. After all, they had been here many times before, each one of them alone to assist the photographer team during productions. They went up the metal stairs to the top floor, because the freight lift had been rather something for adventurers for years. They went inside and took off their jackets before they went to look for their hosts in the brightly lit photo studio.

July came to meet them, exhilarated and hugged them both stormy. 

"My god you're so hot!" she called out to Charlotte, who shook her head, there was really no need to imagine anything, because July said that to everyone, no matter how they looked, but Sidney agreed on this in his head.  
"Drink and have fun" July shouted over the music before she disappeared to the door to greet some other guests. Without saying anything, they went to the bar, both grabbed a small bottle of water.

"Aren't you drinking?"  
"Not at work," she said and took a sip.

So work. Sidney clenched his jaw and gazed at the people who were looking at the oversized photographs.

"I knew it!" She then moaned and he looked at her.

Charlotte pointed her chin towards the window where an elderly woman was standing and, with a glass of sparkling wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other, was talking to Keith, while she was more or less pouring the wine over him.

"Oh no, she's so stressful!" 

Moaned Sidney too, after he recognised Monique, the fashion director of one of the fashion magazines who liked to drink too much at the scene's parties and then argued about past jobs or their costs. Or even hit on young good-looking photographers, models or other men who worked, or worked not in the industry and were not gay.

Charlotte grinned as she leaned closer so he could hear her over the noise of the music and the murmuring of those present.

"Therefore, no alcohol until I'm done with her."  
"I see." 

He turned his face with a smile and Charlotte had to lean back as he was so close that she almost touched his face with her nose. 

"She always makes you feel like a nobody," she explained, sipping her water to get some distance from his face and absorbed his scent for a little moment.

"I know, in her eyes you have absolutely no clue…" 

"Or you are money-hungry and doesn't fit in the fashion scene at all." Charlotte finished his sentence and they both laughed briefly.

"Yes, that fits!" Charlotte, who always felt a little out of place at such hip events, saw his look and hastily added, "Well, I mean me not you."

"I don't like these kinds of events either." Their eyes met again and both had the feeling to have found an ally in the other one.

"Are you saying you don't like going to your photographers' exhibitions?"

"Yes, I do. It's just that whole attitude, like ’we all love each other so much’ is not really mine." Sidney nodded and lost his gaze for a moment as he thought of someone who had the most fun at such events.

"I also prefer to let the photos work on me in peace rather than talking about the last gossip in the industry." she admitted and shrugged her shoulders "sometimes I think it matters more what rumours you know about someone else than what you find fascinating about that."

She raised her arm and made a comprehensive gesture. If only she knew how fascinated he was by her. Charlotte caught him looking at her and her eyebrows flinched briefly as if she was asking him why he was staring at her like that. Sidney smiled and asked.

"And what do you find so fascinating?"  
"Of them as a team?"  
He nodded.

"That he's the technically-versed trained photographer and takes July seriously, even though as a make-up artist she was not taken seriously by many clients at the beginning. She has an incredible eye and with her lovely manner she can give people so much confidence that they forget they're being photographed and... Yes, I ramble. Sorry."

Charlotte grinned sheepishly and Sidney leaned closer. Her light perfume of lemons mingled with the scent of her hair and he suddenly felt fresh and somehow light, although the harsh light and the exhausting music had made him feel rather uncomfortable.

"I like it."

He meant more as he said, but didn't want to push his luck.

Then Monique came towards them, greeted him with a quick glance and both knew, she would come back later to talk to him. Then she eyed Charlotte from head to toe and said. 

"Not bad."

Than she dragged Charlotte with her and Sidney greeted the client the photographer duo had last worked with. But he was not quite focused, he was looking at Charlotte properly for the first time since she had entered his car. These tight black trousers and the breakneck high heels made her legs look long and also made her view from behind look really beautiful. The white blouse with the little black dots she had casually tucked into her trousers on one side only and he loved the way she wore her hair. In soft thick waves, of which he often imagined to push his hands. He stroked his forehead to avert his gaze and to pay attention to the art director, who joined him and the client. 

Charlotte didn't have time to really look at the pictures in the exhibition, as she talked to Monique, who told her about her new fifteen years young lover, an aristocrat who will join them later. And after talking to her, Charlotte walked around and talked to some magazine editors, stylists and location managers while her gaze wandered to Sidney every few seconds. Just as she, he was pushed from one conversation to the next. Repeatedly their eyes met and both were happy that the other seemed to be at least a bit interested what the other was doing. They nod their heads. Or smiled. Or both.

After almost two hours Keith and July gave a short speech and declared the party open. The lights were dimmed and the music turned up even louder. Charlotte was glad that she had seen the pictures of the exhibition before, even if only as a PDF file, otherwise she wouldn't know what they were about. She hadn't had time to look at them in the bright light and in the faint red light they looked very different, which was of course due to the effect the photographers wanted to achieve.

Again she looked for Sidney, who by now was having an apparently difficult conversation with someone, because he looked quite annoyed, as if he wished to be somewhere else. That only could be Monique, and Charlotte was right as she recognised her standing there with him. She tried to find out if she could help him somehow and slowly walked in his direction. Suddenly he stretched his face a little more and looked at her with such a penetrating look that she became very warm. God she wished he really meant her with that look, it made her all tingly inside. It was as if he was going to strip her down to her underwear with that look, or even more. Like he could see her secret wishes. But instead it was only an angry look because of this annoying woman in front of him.

Charlotte turned to gather herself and ran into no other than Susan Worchester, Editor-in-Chief of the best photo magazine on earth, if that was for her to decide. A few minutes she talked to her, but had this certain feeling as if Sidney was now coming closer and dared looking to him, who seemed to be free of Monique and was walking in her direction with his jaws clenched but with a more relaxed look than before. Her heart started beating violently, she had a very strange feeling inside and she could hardly listened to Susan.

She tried to resist the urge to gaze in his direction again, after she had the feeling he was looking at her as well. But it was as if he was a magnet and her eyes were forced to look at him as he fought his way through the crowd of people. Tall and with his broad shoulders and in the dark light he had something... she couldn't find the right word. But she liked the incredibly sexy way he kept stopping to talk to someone but his eyes were jumping in her direction. Every time. 

With these small conversations these unknowing people gave her a few seconds more to breathe by preventing him from coming closer. Susan followed Charlotte’s gaze and leaned in, in a conspiratorial way she said.

"God, how you can work with him is a mystery to me."

Something did this words cause in her and Charlotte immediately tried to defend him.  
"He's alright, really."

Susan looked at her and grinned.

"I mean, he's often not around, but when he is… I like working with him. And his view of things." Charlotte watched Susan questioningly, because she couldn't interpret her look.  
"What is it?" 

"I couldn't concentrate around him."

Oh. Well, she never said she did.

"And the way he looks at you. Are you dating?"

"Oh, God, no!" cried Charlotte in horror, hoping she wasn't staring so obviously at him that everyone knew what she felt.

"I wouldn't blame you." Susan said and smiled knowingly.

"What?" bluffed Charlotte, knowing of course that she could hardly blame Susan for her stupidity in not hiding it better.

"Well, the way you talk about him and... It seems to me you… like him."

Oh, no! Crap! What should she answer to that?

"But don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"There is nothing to tell." Charlotte responded annoyed and Susan said quietly  
"If you ever be tired of watching him from afar, you can work for me."

She than smiled kindly and suddenly changed the subject. Charlotte was about to deny the whole thing as she felt him approach them. Susan greeted him and observed every little glance he gave Charlotte. With a straight face she told him

"I told your Charlotte here, if she is ever tired of…" here she made a dramatic pause, and Charlotte’s eyes widened in shock but she relaxed immediately as Susan continued.  
"Of working for your company, I would love to hire her."

"Oh, I didn’t know you were looking for a new job."  
Sidney tilted his head and pulled his beautiful lips into this crocked smile and Charlotte could only answer barely audible.

"I’m not."

"I do hope you'd let me know if there were any problems.".  
"There's no problem." Except this one in front of me, she thought.  
"I think we make a pretty good team." His voice was almost too soft as he nodded at her.

Silence.

Charlotte eyes fluttered for a moment, because somehow it meant so much more in her stupid heart than what he had obviously just said. The pause stretched and to get help from Susan she looked around, but she had disappeared. To win time she took her bottle of water from the bar table next to her and took a sip. She hadn't even noticed Susan was gone.

Neither did Sidney who wished he could be with Charlotte somewhere else. After catching her looking in his direction all evening, he was almost certain that she... at least she liked him a little. As colleagues. Now all he had to do was to find out if there was something more.

The dull roar of the bass and the black and red light in the studio evoked certain heaviness in him, but somehow it had something almost sensual about it. Because the beat was similar to that of his heart and he felt so close to her as if they were alone in a narrow dark room, even though there were so many people around them.

"Do you like it here?" actually he wanted to know if they could go, he had an urgent need to be alone with her.

"Yes, actually." Charlotte was desperate to stay, she didn't want him to go and hoped he wouldn't say goodbye. "I like photography."

"I know." 

He leaned closer, one hand on the table and was that his other hand touching slightly her forearm? Warmth crawled up her back. 

Sidney was relieved when she didn't flinch this time when he touched her and knew he should keep the conversation going so he wouldn't just grab her.

"Do you photograph as well?" He asked and hoped that they had something in common there too.  
"Yes, sometimes."  
"Will you show me?"

What was wrong with him today? Charlotte couldn't believe that Sidney Parker suddenly seemed so interested in her and didn't know exactly what to think. It almost seemed as if he wanted to get to know her better. Maybe it was all in her imagination, but somehow she liked it and leaned back towards him and at the same moment he leaned down towards her. And her mouth was tingling when she said to him.

"Only if you show me your stuff too."

Sidney closed his eyes for a moment. If he was honest, there were many things he wanted to show her, but his bumbling photographs, were the last things on his mind. Her breath tickled the spot under his ear and he wanted to push his arm around her so she couldn't move away. In his chest was again this warmth that spread and he searched for her gaze when she leaned her head back. He nodded to her for a moment as he almost drowned in her eyes.

The dark atmosphere, heavy and somehow sexy, brought him to say.  
"I'd like to go..."

But her eyes moved and her face took on a different expression.

"What the hell?" she muttered and in that moment someone tapped him on the shoulder.

"Parker!" 

The tall, handsome and obviously drunk man licked his lips and whispered in Sidney's ear  
"Who's your little girlfriend?" while he let his gaze wander over her.

Sidney somehow tried to squeeze in between Charlotte and the looks of his old acquaintance, clenched his jaw and said "Charlotte Heywood, a colleague." 

"You're a disloyal to your principles, aren't you?"

"Just go, Eddy." grumbled Sidney and tried to push him aside, but he leaned to Charlotte and told her as he stared her down.

"His motto is 'never fuck the company,'" he then laughed and embraced Sidney amicably and said to Sidney "Or in your case, never again."

He laughed and Sidney pulled him away, talked to him a few steps away and luckily the idiot didn’t looked at Charlotte again and went back to his sugar-mama Monique. 

Shit! What would Charlotte think of him now? Sidney turned back to her and searched for her gaze.

"I'm sorry, this is..."  
"Edward Denham."  
"You know him?" he leaned heavily on the cold metal table between them, it seemed the warmth disappeared. Her voice sounded strange, so hollow somehow. 

"This is the stepbrother of a friend of mine."  
"Ah, but he did not recognise you?"

Charlotte pulled her soft lips into a sarcastic smile and made a small twitching movement.  
"I'm usually overlooked." And she felt this words heavy in her chest.

He really couldn't imagine that and shook his head. Their eyes met for a blink of an eye, but hers didn't smile anymore, the sparkle was gone. Then she looked behind him to the Beaufort sisters.

"Sorry, but I must say hello to these two."

Then she said the words, he had hoped not to hear from her the whole evening, but knew she tried to get away from him.

"You don’t have to wait for me, if you want to go." 

Then she glanced at him. A look that said a thousand words and yet only silence reached him.


	8. unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night is not over yet and both try to come to their conclusions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are not always what they seem...
> 
> Hope you like this chapter.
> 
> Wish you a nice Sunday evening!

Charlotte greeted the Beaufort sisters, models and influencers and asked over the loud music what they had been doing lately, knowing that she would drown in their words. Apart from a few nods of her head and the occasional "Oh, really?" she could drift away with her thoughts and think about what had just happened. About what Edward had said. And what it was doing to her.

On the one hand it confirmed her opinion about Edward. He was disgusting. And she had even less understanding why Esther was pining for him. But of course she also knew that you couldn’t really choose whom you like and whom you don't like.

And because of Sidney… One of the things she admired about his was his steadfastness. His integrity. She had never noticed that he let himself be persuaded to do anything that went against his principles. Neither the stealing of a photographer from another agency, nor the dropping of costs into the red in order to steal clients from the competitors. He appreciated the work of each individual and that one should be paid for it. She knew that he was in favour of salary increases and commissions, even if he had to be the one to tell people they were being laid off in return. She imagined it was a deal he had made with Tom. At least she had been told about it. Some even had the nasty thought that he liked to kick people out, but she didn't believe that. Charlotte imagined that she got to know him well enough in that one year to know that he was concerned about the employees. That he listened to them and felt it was his duty to take care of them. Yes he did his duty and was true to himself.

Charlotte closed her eyes briefly and tried to breathe calmly. She urgently needed to try to keep her agitated feelings to herself and get home without breaking down into tears. Stroking her hair back she looked at the young women in front of her and continued to listen to them.  
Then she dared a fleeting glance in his direction. He stood there, at the table where she had left him. Of course upright, his stony face looked proud. And in the dramatic light it looked something like a painting. His gaze was lowered to the table, his hand seemed to paint a pattern on it. He looked like, as if he had sprung from one of the photographs behind him. He was part of the whole room, belonged to all of them, and yet it seemed to her as if he was terribly alone. Her heart contracted hurtfully. 

For a moment she thought about going back to him, but decided against it, he probably wanted to be alone for a moment. Surely he thought about what Edward had said, so she had told him he could drive if he wanted to, but she hoped he wouldn't. Surely old wounds had been reopened, but she hoped it wasn’t so painful anymore. It must have been bad, what had happened back then. She didn't pay much attention to gossip or participate in it, but every little piece of information about Sidney she absorbed like a dry sponge. 

And that's exactly how she had absorbed every look and word from him and stored it in her heart. And apart from the fact that she might have just imagined the whole thing, and that his leaning closer was only due to the loud music, one thing was clear: he would, contrary to what Edward had said, remain true to himself and his principles. He would never again get involved with a colleague after the story ten years ago.  
Charlotte stroked her forehead and knew she had to be alone. With a quick point of her finger in the direction of the toilets, she left the girls and squeezed through the crowd. To be really undisturbed, she went into the back washroom and wet her face with icy cold water to get her mind clear again. So it was all in vain. Every look and every touch and interest, imagined or not, led to nothing. 

The reflection of her face looked at her in the mirror, her eyes looked more tired than sad and when she smiled everyone would see a pretty smile. That it was put on, the people out there wouldn't really care or really recognise that. Charlotte came to a conclusion and left the washroom.

Sidney had watched Charlotte talking to these two silly girls. It pecked in his heart that she wanted to get away from him so quickly. But who wouldn't, according to Eddy's saying, she probably thought he was the kind of bastard who would only try to get his colleagues into bed. Well, he had been trying to scare her away for twelve months, and now that he'd finally come to terms with the fact that he couldn't make it and had to dare to show her his feelings somehow, bang, she runs away faster than he could think. And it hurt. Damn it, yes it really hurt!

Not like back then. That was different. He wiped his face, he didn't want to go this dark path of memory, ever again, but it was so unfair what Edward had said. He had had a relationship. With her. Eliza. Beautiful as a bright spring morning. But just as cold and painfully shrill.

His father, his siblings and he unanimously agreed that they would not tolerate any relations within the company, but since they had been together since their student days and she worked in the accounting department, it was fine. She loved the parties of the scene, the kiss-a-kiss society, being looked at as if you were something special. And yet, it was a serious relationship. And yes, he had been so stupid to ask her to marry him, stupid enough to believe her words, that she had to think it over, since they were both so young, when she went skiing in Switzerland with her parents over Christmas.   
But then she came back engaged to someone else. And as it turned out, she had also taken some company data and customer files for her future husband, with whom she had cheated on him for months. And also poached one or the other photographer. It was a hard time from which the company had recovered faster than he had.

Sidney shook his head to push the thought away and stared at the table in front of him. He noticed how he tried to recognise Charlotte's face in the pattern that the red and black light conjured up on it. Her look as he leaned closer. He had not been stupid, or a child of sadness, over all these years. He had had a few affairs and even something like a relationship every now and then, never serious enough to last more than a few weeks and never with the kind of feelings Charlotte triggered in him. And even though Eliza had shown him off and broken his heart, he knew that certain physical reactions could not be played.

No, he had not imagined that Charlotte's eyes had grown wider as he leaned closer. She looked slightly nervous as he touched her arm, although he could not tell with certainty whether her cheeks were flushed in the light. Also her breath, which had tickled him a little when she spoke to him. He knew there was more. Only what exactly?

Lifting his gaze, he looked over to her as she listened to the silly Beaufort girls with a smile on her face, but he knew that her thoughts were elsewhere. He saw it in this little wrinkle between her eyebrows. Charlotte’s gaze fixed on a point in the distance. Her thumb painting little circles over her fingertips. The somewhat restless twisting of her ankle gave him the certainty that she was on the verge of running.

All these little things he knew about her. And he wanted more. He wanted to know what was going on in her head, what she thought of him and what Eddy had said. Did she know about then? Had she heard about it? Surely she had heard about it, it was the best-kept secret in the company and everyone knew about it. He moaned, rubbing his face but nodding to himself. Yes, he knew what he had to do.

Charlotte walked out of the washroom with her back straight and let her gaze wander over the crowd, she couldn't see him anywhere and although she was disappointed that he was probably gone, she told herself it was better that way. When she came back to the main room, the big photo studio, she saw the photographer duo finally standing together and used the opportunity to thank them for the great evening and to say goodbye. Fortunately it was not too late and she might catch one of the last buses going in her direction. At the little room, where they left their jackets, she searched for hers and moaned as she felt the certainty that someone had taken her jacket by mistake. Which wouldn't be so bad in it, the old thing was already quite thin anyway, but her house key was in her inside pocket. Scolding, she turned around and ran out of the dark niche and just managed to avoid crashing into a wall that wasn't one.

"Oh!" she moaned as she stumbled a few steps back.

"Hi."  
"Hi."

Again there was this one too long moment of silence between them. Sidney smiled lightly at her and her heart rose with the arch of his lips. 

"I was looking for you," he simply said, and Charlotte felt her heart tingle.

"I'm looking for my jacket." What kind of stupid answer was that? Even if it was the truth.

"Here," he handed her the jacket and explained without looking, "I thought it was time to go."

"Oh, okay." 

Charlotte nodded and put the jacket on. Her mind was spinning around like in a gigantic whirlpool, what was going on? What did it mean? Why did he do it? Did he just want to go home or did it have a deeper meaning?

Without a word, they walked silently side by side the few steps out into the corridor that led to the rickety freight lift and the stairs. As some people were about to leave, it was quite crowded and they were pushed from behind and prevented from going on from the front. 

The grating of the metal staircase was not exactly heel-friendly and Charlotte tried to find her way around the railing so she could get down the stairs without breaking her neck. 

There was hardly any forward movement and people were pressing against her from behind.

A special person was standing next to her like a protective wall. He had his hand behind hers on the railing and although he did not touch her, she felt his arm against her back. Sidney was pressed to her left side and although she knew it was impossible, she still feared he could feel her heart pounding, despite the big jackets they were wearing. To distract herself from her thoughts, she tried to talk to him about the exhibition. But she soon realised that Sidney did not feel like talking. He only gave short, concise answers or nodded to her for a short time before his gaze was again directed at the people in front of them.

Of course Sidney noticed that Charlotte spoke more and faster than she usually did, so she was either nervous or not comfortable with him. When they were finally downstairs there was a general goodbye. A few phrases were exchanged, little kisses on the cheeks, a few dates were made. A few people went even further to one of the clubs nearby, but most of them headed for the subway or the taxi. He was about to ask her if they want to go to one of the bars, but he didn’t want to be disturbed by any kind of interruption. He tried to figure her out, and he had made a decision.

Charlotte tried to talk to him again to mask her nervousness, but she could tell by the look in his eyes that she was making it worse somehow, and fell completely silent halfway to his car. They sat down inside and as they both fastened their belts at the same moment, his long fingers accidentally touched the back of her hand and she quickly pulled her hand away. But pretended to be looking for something in her jacket pocket.

"I’m sorry."  
"For what?" she asked somewhat breathlessly and she scolded herself for her obvious shortness of breath after this little touch, Charlotte could only hope he wouldn't notice.

Sidney pinched the root of his nose with his thumb and index finger and squeezed his eyes briefly. Charlotte knew from earlier observations that he usually did this during difficult negotiations and yet she was preparing for something bad, she had not expected what came next.

"For Eddy."

"Oh." She twitched her whole face and looked out into the dark night.  
"It doesn't matter."

"What doesn’t matter?"  
"Well, that he didn't recognise me." She shrugged and hoped he didn't bring up the other subject.

"Would you rather he had recognised you?"  
"No... I don't know." Charlotte laughed embarrassed for a moment at "it's probably better that way, or I would have given him a piece of my mind." She hoped to avoid the subject, which seemed to hover between them somehow.  
"Really?"  
"Of course," she looked over at him for a moment "I think he's kind of greasy and he has something...I don't know, something nasty about him."  
"Ahh."  
"And now you're telling me he's one of your closest friends?"

"No." Now it was Sidney who laughed.   
"We went to school together and we've had loose contact over the years, but I don't think I've heard from him in two or three years."

"I don't think that's a big loss." Again she looked over at him briefly and felt that the matter was not yet settled for him.  
"You really don't like him, do you?"  
"He makes Esther unhappy."  
Sidney looked over at her for a moment before he looked at the traffic again.

"Other than that, I don't care about him."

Hopefully he understood the greater meaning behind her words without her really having to say it. But Sidney preferred to be sure.

"So you also don't care what he says?" His voice was firm and his eyes fixed on the road ahead, but Charlotte saw his jaws grinding together.  
"Yes, unless..." Oh, no, she was just going to say yes. Shit! She didn't want that, he would surely ask now, and as soon as she had finished thinking the thought, he did.

"What?" A clenching of the jaw.

"Well, unless he talks shit about her."  
"I see." His knuckles turned white so tight he grabbed the steering wheel.  
"Or about anyone I care." 

He looked at her again, and in the blackness of the night, she couldn't quite make out what was written on his face. But she knew she said more as she had wanted and hoped he did understand nevertheless.

"He is someone who deliberately provokes, that is where he gets his energy from. He has always been like that," he explained, threading the car into another track. 

"Like I said, I don't care."  
"I just don't want you to take it the wrong way."

There. He said it. Now the two of them had to live with the truth that would come out of it. A quick look at her showed him that she seemed to think about his words. She sucked her lips into her mouth and looked at her hands. When she answered, her voice seemed rough.

"I'm not."

And that was the truth. The choice of words was disgusting, just as Charlotte judged Edward, after his initial charm had faded. But it didn't change the fact that she seemed to know Sidney better than Edward. She simply knew he would be true to himself, his principles, and his sense of duty. Looking out at the lights of the city she noticed that they were almost home. And although she didn't want this tension between them to continue and she wanted desperately to escape the car, she wanted the opposite and stay with him. To enjoy the last moments in his presence before she could run to her apartment and give in to her feelings.

"I dated Eliza for ages before we both started at the agency for my father." He parked the car and looked at her as she unbuckled her seat belt.

"Really, you don't have to explain."

"But I want to."

Their eyes met, and although the streetlight dimly illuminated the car, they could not see the expression on the other's face. Sidney thought he was trying to force a conversation on her, which she understandably didn't want to hear, but he wanted her to understand that she meant more to him than what Eddy had implied. 

Charlotte was not sure she could bear the story coming out of his mouth. Just what she knew about her colleagues had been a hard time for him. There had been rumours that alcohol and drugs had been involved and she was afraid she would start crying for him or pull him into her arms to comfort him.

"I'm sorry... I understand if you don't want to hear it..." rowed back Sidney, who would gladly have kicked himself for his stupidity. "It's just not the way Eddy made it look."

Charlotte nodded with a slightly warped mouth and turned her face to the side. What was she supposed to say now? 

"I know." 

To suspect and to know somehow is something different than to have it confirmed. He wanted to be sure she knew he was not about to do what Edward had implied, that was clear with this statement. She felt a prickle behind her eyes and knew she had to get out of here. Charlotte grabbed the door handle, turned to him again and forced herself to smile.

"Good night, Sidney."

She got out, walked around the car and disappeared in the direction of her house. And if Sidney hadn't seen the movement, as if she had wiped herself across her face, he might not have got out, but he had the feeling that she was somehow slipping away from him, even though he wanted to hold her instead.

Charlotte came just three steps away when it hit her like a hammer. What an impossible person she was! He wanted to talk to her, tell her his view of things and she had stopped him. Maybe he just needed a friend! She turned around and walked the few steps back.

"Charlotte."

He suddenly stood in front of her and she smiled timidly as their eyes locked for a moment longer. Why had he come after her? Her heart made a double beat and her stomach was tingling again. Her throat was dry and she formed the idea that she could see from the look in his eyes that he didn't want to leave now.

"Hi."   
"Hi." 

Sidney didn’t imagine that she came back, right? It was unexpected, but he knew she was on the way back to his car. He looked at her and searched for the right words. To say or not to say? Keep fiddling around or just straight out with it? Risking it coming between them or relying on how she had made him feel? He was literally lost and the look on her face only made his confusion worse. The look on her face distracted him from thinking. Her big brown eyes and that look that could mean anything or nothing?

"I would like to..."  
"I still have..."

Again they laughed and Sidney made a demanding gesture to make sure she would speak first.

"I still have your blanket." 

Charlotte said and he saw how she sucked in her lower lip after the words, she was nervous, although she tried to hide it. And he found her so enchanting at that moment that he involuntarily took a step towards her.

"And I would like to talk to you some more."

"I’ll listen, although I don't think that I'm the right person for this kind of conversation."

Was there a wet gleam in her eyes? He was anxious to find out.  
"I think you are the right person for any kind of conversation." 

Charlotte looked at him stunned. Could it really be? Was he trying to get to know her better and had just said it without saying it? And if so, does it mean what she wished it would mean? Did he like her? Just as a friend or even more? 

"Than you are probably the only one," she tried to brighten the mood but it didn't work out so well.

"I can't imagine that."

"When I think of Monique or..."  
"Don't listen to those people. I think you're just right."

Charlotte smiled this smile what made him all warm inside and he smiled back at her. 

And before the two realized what they were doing, they climbed up the stairs to her apartment.


	9. I want to know you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now Sidney is in her appartment for the second time in this week and Charlotte is a little overwhelmed at first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again for your support and liking this story.   
> I appreciate it very much.

It was only when Sidney stood in her front door and waited for her to step aside so he could enter, that Charlotte realised this was the second time in five days that she had him in her apartment. Once again completely unexpected and unplanned. She became both warm and cold, not only because his broad shoulders seemed to fit hardly into her narrow hallway and the thought alone was so damn sexy, but also because she panicked for a moment and thought she hadn't cleaned up. And unlike Monday, when he had come up with her after the accident and probably hadn't had an eye for it, he would now perhaps pay more attention to what it looked like. But she had no choice but to cover it up.

"Would you like something to drink?" she asked, hoping that he couldn't hear the nervousness in her voice.

"Yes, thank you."

She envied him for his completely calm answer. For him it seemed to be quite normal to go to the apartment with a woman, and although she knew it was perfectly fine, the nasty little sting of jealousy stung her. Trying not to let her brain wander in that direction, thinking about all the rumours he was involved with models or the stupid comments of her girls and so she forced herself to take off her shoes quickly and disappear into the kitchen. Only then did she notice that it might not have been very polite not to take his jacket.   
But what did she know? She didn't get as much visits from the opposite sex. If she subtracted the caretaker and the movers. The last man in her flat was Otis when he was with Georgiana at her housewarming party and the guy Clara was with at the time.

She scurried around the kitchen and let her eyes wander briefly over her room. The bookshelf, which stood in front of her bed as a screen, separating it from the rest of the room, was neatly arranged and the bed behind it was freshly made and not rumpled. There were no loose clothes lying around anywhere and she had even washed her coffee cup in the morning because she had simply gotten up too early and had had enough time to do so. Charlotte bent down to look in her sparsely filled fridge, which contained a few snacks, some leftover sparkling wine from Halloween and two small bottles of beer.

Slowly he came into the room as if he was on holiday, strolling along the beach. Sidney seemed totally relaxed and Charlotte realised that this was the attitude she liked most about him and at the same time she became quite sad because he rarely let it come to the surface. And so far never near her, or at least she believed that. As it seemed he was looking at the pictures on her walls, Charlotte kept her face in the fridge and rummaged around as if she had more than three things in it. One to gain time and the other to cool her glowing cheeks. Ardently she hoped he wouldn't notice.

Sidney noticed several things in the few minutes he was in her home that he had apparently overlooked on his first visit or had not noticed because of the concern and worry about her. It was comfortably warm and there was a pleasant smell of vanilla. The walls in the corridor and in the room were painted in a warm but not too dominant yellow, which highlighted the pictures hanging on them, especially in the warm light created by many small chains of lights and lamps. He felt really comfortable and looked at the photographs in black and white with the trained eye of a photographer's agent and learned again a little more detail about Charlotte. Apparently she liked black and white photographs and instead of family photos or pictures of wild parties she preferred different maritime shots. Grainy sand, seaweed, old boats eaten by saltwater. 

Smiling, he went into the living room area and continued to look at the pictures she had hung on the wall in a loose pattern. Only when she asked him if he preferred the old sparkling wine or a small bottle of beer did he look at her and let his eyes rest for a moment on her shapely beautiful backside, before he forced himself to turn away again.

"A beer, please."

He heard her open two bottles and was glad that the working day was over for her as well. A quick look over his shoulder showed him that she seemed hesitant and considering whether to put the bottles on her little coffee table or bring it to him.

"Are these yours?" He pointed to the atmospheric photographs on the wall.

"Yes." She simply returned and her eyes briefly lingered on his.  
"These are good."  
"Yes of course." Chuckling she came over to him, just as he had wished.

"No they are, you have a good eye for detail and the mood."  
"Will you take me under contract, Mr Parker?" Charlotte joked, and Sidney liked this teasing side of her.

"I already have you." 

His voice was so dark, it sent a shiver through her body but he smiled unaware, of what a tumult was going on inside her and Charlotte had to remind herself that this really happened and was not one of her very realistic dreams. He was flirting with her.

Sidney took his time to look at the picture in front of him and then grabbed the bottle she was holding out to him and smiled gently at her. Her dark eyes slowly found their way back to his and only then did he let his gaze wander back to the picture on the wall. Gently he ran his fingers over the edge of the photograph. It was a random pile of shells. The foaming water floating around them as if an invisible bound was preventing the sea spray from simply pulling the shells back into the sea. 

Suddenly he felt as if he was looking through his own camera and standing with his feet in the cold water of the Northern Sea. When he would now lift his head in the memories, he would look directly at the family estate. A strange heaviness came over him, which he had not felt for so long, or rather suppressed for even longer.

Charlotte could tell by his changed expression that he was apparently struggling with a memory.

"What's wrong?" She asked anxiously before she could think about what he might be thinking about.

"The picture reminds me of home."

Charlotte said nothing and waited to see if he would continue.

"Sanditon." When he looked at her, she nodded at him silently, not wanting to interrupt him if he wanted to tell her more.  
"The atmosphere makes me feel, I don't know, wistfully."   
"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he looked at her shortly with this smile, which made her knees soften and she gripped the bottle tighter in her hand as if it would give her the support she needed. "Sometimes it's good to feel this or… longing."

Whether it was his words or the gentleness with which he had said it, or his soft glance, Charlotte could not tell, but it made her turn her eyes away because her heart was pounding in her chest so hard. Longing. Yes she knew the feeling. But tried to change the conversation in another direction.

"Unfortunately they all have a slight green tinge."

Amazed, Sidney looked at the pictures even more closely and nodded, but his thoughts revolved around the certainty that she also felt longing. He was quite sure.

"It's the paper," he said instead.

"I know," she shrugged "but unfortunately there are not so many photo labs that make pictures from negatives anymore."

"You do analogue photography?" Sidney shook his head in admiration that she had made this dying art into her hobby.  
"Then you have to enlarge them by yourself."

Charlotte laughed.   
"For the few pictures I take, the effort to build a darkroom would be a little over the top."

When she felt his gaze resting on her, she quickly spoke further.  
"There's no room for it in this flat."

Sidney nodded knowingly and this wrinkle between his eyebrows deepened.

"And before you ask, I've asked all our photographers, but none of them have one either."

"We have one."

Charlotte fell silent and just looked at him. She found it strange and exciting at the same time and she felt her heart change back to this state of vibrating heartbeat. Silently, she waited for him to continue speaking.

"At home."

And if this was an indirect invitation, Charlotte didn't know how to respond. Flirting or whatever it was they were doing felt so strange. Not only had it been so long since she had last been interested in a man that she seemed to have forgotten how to do it, if she had ever known how to do it at all, but it felt so odd with him. So unreal. As if at any moment the illusion that he felt the same could be over.

"I wish I knew how to do it," she just explained, expecting him to change the subject.

"I can show you." 

His face was staring at the picture in front of him, as if he wanted to avoid watching her reject him. But she couldn't, even if she wanted to. Her curiosity and interest were greater than the uncertainty towards him.

"Really?"

"Yes, sure." He clenched his jaw and Charlotte was a bit irritated by this observation, as he usually only did it when he was annoyed or very tense.  
"I can show you everything."

Then he looked at her and it was the same look he had given her at the exhibition before, when he had approached her after talking to Monique. Piercing. She got all tingly and she felt her body start to glow, not just her cheeks. Charlotte had to swallow and took a sip of her much too cold beer and let it slowly run down her throat. Her imagination ran away with her as she directed his words to other aspects and she felt him looking at her.

"If you like."

Taking away the edge of urgency, Sidney forced himself to smile softly, although he would have liked to grab her, she was just so adorable. With her uncertainty written all over her beautiful face. This brown eyes so dark and tender asking questions she could not formulate with her mouth. Oh, yes this beautiful mouth. But he had to hold back, after all, it was only a week since they had begun to speak more than just two words to each other.

If he was right in his assumption that she felt something more than friendship for him as well, he should give her some more time to come to terms with his changed behaviour. After all, he knew how she and others felt about that fact. Not seldom he had heard one or the other saying from employees or even his sister. Expressing her opinion that he was the only one who did not get along with Charlotte. Because he only talked to her in such a short and unfriendly way and avoided any contact with her. If people knew that he had been falling more and more in love with her for about twelve month, they would all declare him to be crazy. Laughing he puffed out.

"I would first have to make sure that the chemicals and the paper are still good." He chuckled for a short time while breathing in, "it's been a while."

Again Charlotte noticed this sad look in his eyes and hoped not to offend him when she asked why he had stopped, fearing that he would now talk about his horrible experience with his ex, but was not prepared for what he told her instead.

"I’ve always done this with my father."

For a moment he looked over to her and she saw the glistening of tears in his eyes. She knew that the parents of her bosses were dead, but she knew nothing more.

"We all took photos over the year and in the pre-Christmas time we printed the best five pictures of each and bound them to a self-made book."

He smiled as he thought about how much he enjoyed working with his father.

"What a beautiful idea."

"It was. In that time my father took extra time for each of us," his eyes seemed to wander into the distance, "everyone had him all to themselves at one time or another."

Charlotte would have loved to take him in her arms. She had the feeling that, as big and strong as he always seemed, he was just a boy who missed his father terribly and she felt the tingling of tears behind her eyelids. Before she realised what she was doing, she stroked his arm.

"I'm so sorry you lost your parents."

And although he had been suppressing these feelings of loss for so long, and when the subject was discussed with his siblings he was always the strong one, trying to keep a cool head and not give in to his emotions completely like the other three, he felt strangely light. The warmth that came from her gentle and sincere compassion and the small hand on his upper arm slowly seeped into his heart and this moment was so precious that he just wanted to enjoy it silently. Never before had he had the feeling of being able to open up completely to someone without the risk of exposing himself in an unpleasant way. Of course, it had not been his intention to talk about how painfully he missed his parents with her, not this evening, when they slowly got closer somehow, but in this very moment it felt just right.

"I miss them." He nodded and turned his head slightly in her direction. "Especially at this time of the year, but...well I haven't... allowed these feelings for a long time."

Sidney believed she understood what he was trying to tell her as their eyes locked in silence. She felt for him. And slowly understood what he had just confessed. That he felt so comfortable with her, revealing himself to her in this way.

"Thanks for reminding me."

Only when he turned towards her a little more did she notice that her hand was lying on his upper arm and blushing brightly she dropped it. Charlotte was a little lost as to how she should behave now and tried to cope with all the stirred emotions. 

One moment longer they stood there in silence but it was this pleasant kind of silence, in which they did not feel the urge to say anything. Both recognised independently that the other was the only one with whom they could be comfortable in silence.

Charlotte would have loved to remain standing there, but she urgently needed to go to the toilet and the short interruption of so much emotion did her good. Again she tried to calm herself with cold water splashing on her face and thought about how she could make him tell more about himself. She could listen to him forever, painful as it was. His voice was like the soft warmth of a cuddly blanket.

As Sidney walked restlessly through her room, he couldn't help but stand by her bookshelf and take a closer look at the novels and photo books. He smiled when he found a book he owned himself or which his sister had once forced him to read. He straightened up to inspect the books on the upper shelves as well, when something caught his eye through the gap between two thick picture volumes by Helmut Newton and Peter Lindbergh, which stopped his heart and the unknowingness of her feelings for him.   
Stunned, he looked at the neatly made bed behind the shelf. His eyes were prickling and his heart was making a very strange double beat, as if it had just woken up before continuing to pound calmly. Sidney smiled and forced himself not to interpret too much into it, but he was absolutely unsuccessful.

When he heard the bathroom door open and heard her feet quietly approaching, he took another breath and then tried to control his smile. He looked at her just a little as she entered the room again and went to the fridge to get a bottle of water and took two glasses out of her cupboard. 

He slowly went back to the sitting area, but didn’t sit down, he thanked her in a gentle voice and sought her gaze. But she seemed to have made it her mission to avoid it, fiddling with a cushion as she sat on the couch. However, he was quite fine with it and tried to change the subject a bit to learn more about her. 

"What about your parents?"

"They live on their farm and always come to visit me at the beginning of December to buy the Christmas presents."

"Do they live with you here?" Sidney turned and looked at the room again. 

"It is a pull-out couch, but I can only stay with them for two days at most, and then spend the rest of their visit with one of my friends."

"How long are they staying?"  
"Since my little siblings are old enough for most of the week."

Although Charlotte's face was smiling, he still felt more about that, but he wouldn't ask if she wasn't ready to tell him. Their eyes met briefly, then she shrugged and explained.

"We get along well, but they're also exhausting."  
"May I ask in what way?"

"You may." 

Pulling her legs under her body, she needed as much distance from him as possible, after he just sat down on the couch as well, almost beside her. And not his physical closeness was what made her nervous at that moment, well... not only, but his worried and interested look. It also reminded her that neither her friends nor her parents seemed to have any real interest in her life.

"They were not so pleased that I did not want to stay on the farm or in my village."

Sidney took a sip of water and waited for more.

"In their opinion, I should take over the farm with my brother at some point." Charlotte rolled her eyes and explained to him exactly the size of the farm, the number of animals.  
"But you know, I always had this urge to get away."

Sidney nodded and smiled at her while she told him that even as a little girl she had dreamed of living by the sea and always wanted to do something with photography, but that her parents had completely different plans.

"They are still angry with me."  
"That you left?"

She nodded and took a sip of her water.  
"You know, they just never listen."

Charlotte got up and searched her cupboards for something to snack and then filled some peanuts into a bowl, which she put on the table. But she didn't sit down again, but paced up and down the room. 

"They have certain ideas and don't understand that I want something completely different."

And both knew that he knew the feeling, it was exactly the same with Tom.

"Is this what you meant by your statement that you usually were overlooked?"

Embarrassed, she pulled a face, she could hardly tell him that she had meant that also to men in general and to him in particular.

"Yes too."

Frowning, Sidney waited for more, and although she hadn't even hinted at it, he knew instinctively that this statement had to do with a man. Of course, it was completely absurd to be jealous of someone from her past, yet he couldn't fight this rising feeling that burned like hot flames up his throat.

Charlotte stroked her face lightly, she didn't want to think about any idiots at all. Especially not about her own personal separation nightmare, which, however, could not be compared to Sidney's of course, and she tried to explain it without the unpleasant subject of previous relationships.

"I have lots of brothers and sisters, seven to be exact, and..." she took another sip to calm down, "I was the only one whose dream wasn't in Willingden."

He looked at her with encouragement and she went on about her dreams and the arguments with her parents and finally she told him what she had tried to avoid.

"Well, we were celebrating my departure, and yes, I was also standing in the kitchen when my boyfriend was kissing with another..."

She shrugged and closed her eyes for a second. Happy that it didn't hurt anymore, glad that she had banned this guy from her life and that she was over it. But it hurt her to see the same pain on Sidney's face.

"You caught him?"

"He overlooked me he said, which of course doesn't make it any better, but he claimed it was over for him when I decided to go to London." She nodded, hoping that he wasn't thinking too much about his own painful experience.

"He wasn't exactly a loss." she shrugged, "but she. My best friend."

Sidney lowered his eyes and clenched his jaw.

"Damn." He ran his hand through his hair looking for the right words, but what could he say? It was just awful.

"I'm not so lucky in either one of these cases." 

Charlotte explained and he would have liked to tell her that he was very different, that he would never hurt her, but after less than a week he found it somewhat inappropriate.

"I don't think so, everyone likes you," he tried to cheer her up.

Laughing for a moment, Charlotte then told him in a frenzy, as if she were a bursting balloon, how her three closest friends sometimes behaved towards her without even touching the subject of last week.

"I don't know, just because I don't cry all the time, I feel like I'm not an equal in our group."

"Charlotte."

"No, it's just that they... I always run when they need me and when I have some grief, they..."

"Grief?"

Their eyes locked and Charlotte was sure that he could see through her. That she was standing in front of him completely blank, that he knew everything, with only this one look. She got goose bumps all over her body and was unable to answer. Weak as she was, she sat down in one of her seat cushions.

This silence between them stretched out again, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was like slowly turning a page in a book that one was reading slowly on purpose to appreciate it even more.

"Anyway," Charlotte said calmly and somehow cheerfully "sometimes I think they don't really want to know me."

"I want to know you."

Gave Sidney back quietly. And was really happy when her whole face started to smile. It seemed she just couldn't suppress it.

After another moment of calm passed between them, he cleared his throat.  
"I erm... I'll be going."

Declared he and took another sip of water and over the edge of his glass he watched her face and was pleased with her slightly disappointed look and also her emerging honest smile. Probably she was glad to be able to think about the evening and the whole last week, because as he knew her, she would analyse every single word and think about every little gesture until her head almost burst.

"Ok."

Charlotte walked him to the door on wobbly legs and her stomach was tingling and her throat was all dry from swallowing all the time and her fingers felt cold. How would they say goodbye? Would he do something and if so, the thing she wished for the most? And if he did, would she survive it? She was not quite sure, because her heart was pounding so wildly and her breathing was going so fast that she feared she would faint into his arms.

Sidney put on his shoes and jacket and only turned back to her at the doorstep. As it was already long past midnight, it was already Saturday and it had been exactly one week since their chance encounter on Halloween in this very staircase. And he smiled at the memory of her sight and what had happened that week, or what he had allowed to happen. Having allowed her to make him fall in love with her even more.

How incredibly adorable she looked at him with her deep, wide eyes. He could sink into her gaze and yet he decided to be sure. That his blanket lay in her bed might have simply practical reasons. Maybe she was simply too cold at night and she had no other one. Nevertheless, he hoped that she wanted to have the blanket lying next to her in bed for another reason.

Then he looked deep into her eyes once more. Leaned closer, dared a glance at her lips, which seemed to be slightly open and incredibly seductive calling for his. Sidney then glanced back into her eyes. He bent his head. Charlotte’s breath tickled his skin. Once again his gaze sought hers and he watched her eyes flutter shut. 

The warm soft skin under his lips felt so right. Although for a moment it felt like they were burning, her cheek was just glowing so much.

Sidney let his lips linger for a moment longer than he would normally have done when kissing on the cheek, but he wanted to show her that it was a promise. 

A promise for more.


	10. The answer lingered in her eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte and Sidney process their feelings and meet again unplanned.  
> But what do they make of the chance encounter?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's quite late for me here, but wanted to post this chapter for you.  
> I hope you like it.

And the answer lingered in her eyes.

As he slowly pulled away from her his gaze caressed her face and his heart beat wildly in his chest. His lips tingled. For a moment he thought about doing it right, but he enjoyed the sight of her too much and absorbed her feelings reflected on her face.

Over his face, lying in the shadows floated almost imperceptibly an expression of astonishment. A small twitch of his eyebrows. And Charlotte simply could not suppress the light smile. Her heart beat deep and violently in her chest, she was in a kind of breathless wonder. And she had to admit to herself that she would have been right. If a kiss on the cheek caused this physical reaction, she might have really passed out from a kiss on the mouth. What power did this man have over her? She could hardly feel her legs anymore and she could only guess that her fingers were still there when she ran her thumb over her fingertips.

"Good night Charlotte" he said hoarsely and in that short moment she was almost sure that he was just like her.

"Night" was all she was capable of.

Only after he had turned to face her once more on the stairs did Charlotte return to her apartment, closed the door and leaned her back against it. She still felt the slight pressure of his soft lips on her cheek and how wonderful it felt with the contrast of his scratchy beard.  
Charlotte stared onto the wall of her hall and reviewed the evening. The statements that seemed important to him that she understood he was having a serious relationship with his ex. No little flirtation or only sex like Edward had tried to imply. Why was it so important to him that she was aware of this? And why had he opened up to her and told her something as intimate as about his parents? 

He had been so vulnerable. She had felt how much the memory hurt him, but also that it was somehow fine with him, that it was she to see him like that. And a very small part of her, deep down in the secret corner of her heart, gave in to the idea that he must have felt comfortable around her to do it. That he trusted her. That he unconsciously wanted her to know that about him, what he usually tried to hide. That was quite a lot. A big declaration. And suddenly everything pressed down on her. The pining for him since almost one year, the heartache, the statements of her friends, the self-doubt. His eyes. The worry about her after the accident. His gentle look when she told him about her grief. 

Sidney had said everyone would like her, did he mean himself as well? Could it really be? He wanted to know her, he said. And then this gentle goodbye. Her stomach was tickling with the memory. He must have realised that she would have let him kiss her, right? He could have had his way with her, but he had only kissed her gently on the cheek. Not in a friendly way. It had not been short enough for that.

Charlotte didn't know why, but tears came to her eyes. Unhindered, they ran down her cheek as she slowly pulled herself up and went into her room. Her throat seemed tight. Could it really be? Really? Closing her eyes she threw herself onto the bed and absent-mindedly reached for his blanket. How he had looked at her in the shadow of the staircase. So dark and with a silent promise. Was it possible that her heart rose and slipped into her stomach? The warmth on her cheek glowed for a moment longer and then she opened her eyes again. She heard the voices of her friends in her head and their questions why he hadn't kissed her properly. And even though she would hardly ever tell them, because she wouldn't tell them about their approach in the first place, she knew what the answer was. Sidney held back. Not necessarily for her sake, he couldn't know she was sure to drop dead if he kissed her for real. Charlotte chuckled shortly and was now quite sure what he was. 

Careful.

To open up and… was she allowed to think it? At least for a little moment she could dare to believe it, secretly and alone in the deepest spot of her heart. 

He was careful to... fall in love.

Charlotte made a strange noise when she gasped for air. And her tears continued to run down her face. But not out of sorrow or grief. But out of the indescribable feeling that it was possible. That Sidney could feel something for her too. 

Now she just had to show him somehow that it was ok.

After Sidney had come home and stared at the ceiling of his room for a while, he knew that the evening could have gone very differently. He had wished he could have ended up in her place and that it really happened was incredible enough and so special because it was very different from what he had imagined. He was happy about it. Somehow it was also perverse but he liked this tension between them. This careful approach. This vibration that was in the air between them. But also he was a little angry with himself for not have grabbed her, but he was also happy not to have done so. He wanted to scratch at her protective wall until her true self, her real feelings, came to light as well. Charlotte didn't know how long he had already been attracted to her. Sidney was sure that she would relax more and more if he could control his desire. At least for a little longer.

It had been nice to open up to her unintentionally. And to reveal that side of him that even his siblings didn't know. After all, he was the sensible one who was mourning quietly, in secret, only for him. But without her knowing, Charlotte tugged at this facade. Helped him to push it aside and carefully peel it away, without him feeling exposed. It was very strange and yet it felt completely natural.

Oh, her tenderness! With a sigh he took a deep breath. For a moment he imagined what it would be like... to kiss her. And although he was sure that she could also be wild and would tug hard at his restraint, he believed her tenderness would mean his downfall. If she was already causing so many feelings in him now, what would it be like if it came to that? Maybe he should retire and go to New York, as Tom expected him to. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to give him to her after all. Laughing at this absurd thought, he turned on his side and stared into the night. He wanted to see her again, preferably right away. Wanted her next to him, even if they wouldn't do anything else but talk. This pulling in his stomach. Or more his heart seemed to twitch in one direction. He turned back on his back. When would he see her again? When? They hadn't planned anything. Could he call her? Now? No. Then maybe not until Monday? No! He had to see her before that, yes he had to find a way to meet her! Somehow get her to meet him. Maybe he could get her to come by, under the excuse of preparing the darkroom? Oh, how was he going to get through the night?

When Charlotte was in the shower the next morning, she went through several scenarios how she could meet him again. How she would talk to him in the office on Monday and then make a date with him. But then her colleagues would also notice and his siblings, who of course were against it, which was absolutely obvious and… But before she could drift back into the cave of rationality and what others might want, she shook off the thought and got out of the shower. Yes, an idea formed in her head, now she just had to communicate it to him. Somehow.

As she hardly had anything to eat at home, she got dressed, blow-dried her hair and then walked around the corner to her favourite café. She hoped it would be open at this time of day, but was not quite sure, as she usually went there later or in the afternoon. And she felt hungry or her empty stomach thought it was hunger, but it was just the longing for a certain person. Relieved, she entered the café with its small niches and colourful tables, chairs and the shelves on the walls, on which smaller treasures were hidden. Between cups, bowls and self-made things, which you could buy for a few pounds, you could also borrow old and new books or exchange them for your own. Today she didn't have a book to swap, although she usually found one she wanted to read, she held back at this morning. Charlotte just wanted to eat plenty of food to be prepared for the day. And the call she was about to make. Later.

Since she was the first guest today, as the owners explained to her, she was able to spread out to her favourite spot. Right at the corner window, with the upholstered windowsills. With her green notebook, which she had taken with her to write down a few more ideas that came to her mind for Georgiana’s wedding. But instead of thinking of Georgiana and her wishes and preferences, she tried to draw a face on one of the backsides, or rather his eyes. The expression of them still in her thoughts, but she did not manage to portray them.  
It was only when her sumptuous Turkish breakfast arrived that she put her pencil and book aside and began to eat. Only now did she notice the other guests in the small café and the few people who only came for a small snack or coffee to go. Nevertheless, it was still empty enough to stay a little longer. In her mind, she formed sentences that she could say or write to him to tell him about her idea. Twice she even took out her mobile phone, wrote a message, but deleted it again before she could bring herself to send it. Then she scrolled through the pictures that Georgiana had sent her of flower arrangements, dresses and cakes, but somehow nothing came to her mind on this subject either. While the murmur of voices of the other people in the café, the soft music and the ringing of the little doorbell faded in the background, she looked out of the window, her teacup in hand and remembered the previous evening with a light smile on her face.

As she thought about their sweet goodbye, the tingling in her belly intensified and also crawled up her neck. She had this strange feeling. Charlotte turned to the counter and had to take a deep breath out of surprise. Even if he stood with his back to her and didn't wear his everyday clothes, she knew that it was Sidney who was getting a coffee at the counter. The shape of his head, the line of his short cut hair in the neck. As if he could feel her gaze, he looked back over his shoulder and his face lit up with this incredible beautiful smile as he saw her. He was about to go to her when he was reminded to pay for his coffee first and after he had done so, he came and sat down at her table.

"Hey."  
"Hello."  
"Are you alone here?" He asked and turned as if he expected someone to push him off his seat.

"Yes, I didn't have anything to eat at home." Charlotte smiled foolishly at him and drank to hide it. 

"I always come here for coffee after my run." 

He explained, and opened the zipper of his hoodie a little bit. And Charlotte couldn't prevent her gaze from dripping very briefly to his throat, which he had just bared. The spot underneath had taken her attention and she closed her eyes to lift her gaze back into his face. His heated face, with damp hair sticking to his forehead, which he stroked back the next moment. And although he was slightly sweaty, Charlotte had quite unseemly thoughts. Because to her he was the most beautiful man she had ever seen and the memory of his lips on her skin let her imagination run away with her for a short moment.

"I haven't seen you here before." He remarked.  
"Hmm?"  
"So early," he said, looking at his watch. "It's not even nine."  
"I couldn’t sleep." 

"Oh, I'm sorry." He said dryly, and they both smiled as if it was so obvious what kept her from sleeping. After a short pause he casually said, "So you're not usually an early riser?"

"I’m but I usually love stay in bed even longer."

Charlotte spoke innocently, but Sidney looked at her and she saw that he seemed not to like what she was saying. But before she could ask, she saw the pictures in her head as well and noticed how she blushed again. It was so embarrassing! Why didn't she have better control of her physical reactions when she was near him?

"Sorry, I didn't give you your blanket back." She bit her lip and waited for his reply, hoping he would say something like 'I'll pick it up later', but he replied instead.

"Never mind. keep it."

Well, that didn't work out as she had hoped and once again she realised that she just had no idea how to get a man to come over again.

"Until the next time I come over."

Their eyes met as he said this and Charlotte was about to say that she just thought the same thing when he continued.

"So... I mean, if you invite me again."  
"Well," she giggled, "I didn't actually invite you." They both smiled.

Then they talked a little bit about the delicious food in the café where they sat, the cosy atmosphere. And if the alarm on Charlotte's phone hadn't gone off at some point, the two of them would have found more topics to talk about. Charlotte was annoyed that they had been interrupted, even though it didn't mean anything, and instead considered how she could tell him. She didn't think she would have the courage to ask directly and tried to play through the course of the conversation in her mind, but it went completely different than planned.

"Well, I'd better get going too," Sidney smiled and got up.  
"No, it was my alarm clock, I forgot to turn it off."  
"Oh, well..."  
"And what are you doing today?" Charlotte asked and hoped he wasn't annoyed by her direct question.  
"First I'm going to take a shower."  
"Speaking of shower, when I took one, I thought we might..."  
"You were thinking of me when you were in the shower?" his look was intense, but fortunately his teasing smile claimed her attention and she tried to explain it when he sat down again.

"Uh, no, I just had an idea. I mean..."  
"I always get my best ideas under the shower."

Charlotte tried not to think what he might mean by that and then burst out with her request.

"So I thought... if you don't mind, I’d like to... imitate the idea with the photo book."

"Ok." 

His gaze told her he was waiting for more information, but actually this one strand of hair that fell into her face distracted Sidney again. He already raised his hand when she said.

"With the photos you'll enlarge with me."

There. Now it was out. She felt her cheeks getting warmer, but maybe he wouldn't notice. Slowly her eyes searched for his and she nervously sucked her lips in. He just looked at her and she tried to pull back.

"If the offer is still..."

"It does. Absolutely."

Sidney nodded eagerly and found it simply too enchanting how she sat in front of him and sipped her tea, which was certainly already cold. He must indeed have intimidated her quite a bit, because he had never seen this reserved and shy Charlotte at work. There she was self-confident and had strong convictions, did not beat about the bush but took things into her own hands. Convinced that this proposal or much more the memory of his proposal of the previous evening, had cost her some effort, made it all the more precious for him.

"Well,… and I thought maybe you'd like..."  
"Yes," he replied before she finished speaking.  
"You don't even know what I was about to suggest." She laughed.  
"Yes that's true, but I'm ready for anything."

Why Charlotte was lost of words for a blink of an eye was obvious, but she didn't try to let her imagination get the upper hand again, she could do that when she was alone with her thoughts.

"Well, I wanted to go on a phototour and yes I..." Charlotte stroked this strand from her face before he could dare to reach for it and breathed again before she said the rest.  
"I thought you might want to come with me."

Sidney's heart made a small flip when she pronounced the last word more like a question and she slipped back on her seat. Charlotte looked over her shoulder out of the window and he saw her nervously playing with the fringes of her scarf lying on the bench next to her.

"I'd love to."

He returned seriously and when her head shot forward again, as if she hadn't expected this answer, he couldn't help but grin, which he immediately tried to supress. Charlotte seemed relieved and suddenly much more relaxed than two minutes before. 

"Okay, I have to hurry home and," he explained with a gesture of his hand and then said.  
"Will pick you up later!"

"Alright."  
"And erm... where are we going?"

Charlotte was somehow too exhausted to think about that in that moment and pointed at him.

"I'll leave that to you."  
"Fine," he nodded and then said his goodbye.

But Sidney's cheerful mood changed abruptly when it started to rain as soon as he was at home. He was glad that the rest of the family was visiting Mary's mother in Bristol and could not witnessing his frustrated outburst. He went under the shower and thought about what he could suggest instead, now as she had finally got around to ask him. Shit!

But as so often before, his best ideas came to him in the shower and as soon as he had wrapped the towel around his hips he wrote her a short message.

Charlotte wondered what his siblings would think of her sudden arrival, and her caution annoyed her, for there was still the small doubt that everything was as she had hoped. Her emotions were in absolute turmoil and she would have loved to jump for joy and the insecure part of her would have loved to find an excuse not to come over. But all these thoughts were gone immediately when Sidney opened the door for her and just looked so incredibly handsome and pulled her into the house without further ado. He took the umbrella and jacket from her and offered her something to drink, after she had followed him into the kitchen. Of course he noticed her searching looks.

"The others aren't here, in case you're wondering." 

He said in a neutral tone, but Charlotte thought she heard a slightly teasing sound. 

"And when you're ready, I'll show you the darkroom."  
"Alright."

Sidney ran down the stairs to the basement in front of her and told her that he had cleaned and prepared everything before she arrived and led her through a narrow corridor to a black painted door. He opened it and pulled a heavy black curtain to the side so Charlotte could enter and then searched for the hidden light switch above the entrance door. The dim red light made everything seem as unreal as Charlotte felt inside. Like in a dream of red jelly. 

Then she heard another click and the room lit up in a glaring bright light. Only now did she recognise everything that was in the room. The walls were painted black, the cellar windows covered with black foil. On a long table on the longitudinal wall stood several large right-angled basins and at the table in the corner stood a device from which Sidney now pulled off a cover and made a presenting gesture. He told her that it was the enlarger and she went over to him to have it explained. Fascinated, she listened to him, although she only understood half of what he was saying about contrast filters, emulsions and different magnification frames.

Much more fascinating she found how his rather loose t-shirt stretched across his chest when he turned the enlarger to show her different options of adjustment. After that he explained the different stages of the development of the photographs and in which basin what happened, but she would not be able to repeat it. His enthusiasm was fascinating and he suddenly seemed like a young boy. At some point he had said that he had only found one pack of usable paper and that he wasn't sure if the chemistry for each bath was still good, but that maybe they should just try it.

He then closed the door and switched off the bright light and the room sank back into the unreal redness. In the beginning it was still quite cool in the room, but after a while Charlotte had to take off her pullover. Whether it was because the light of the enlarger warmed up the room or because Sidney was always standing so close, she couldn't tell.  
But repeatedly they touched. Accidentally, she suspected, but wasn't quite sure. His arm touched hers, his hand her back. His face was so close when he explained how to adjust the focus on the lens, although it seemed unnecessary to her. 

Sidney smelled so good and the heat that emanated from him gave her strange goose bumps, which she got sometimes when she slipped into a too hot bath water. But at some point she had relaxed enough to enjoy the whole thing and a feeling of pride flowed through her as she let her first sheet of paper slide into the developer basin and watched as the image magically appeared on it. After a minute had elapsed, she couldn't get it out of the developer right away and Sidney took the pincers off her and brushed her fingers lightly. Even though both did not want to let it show, they froze for a short moment before Sidney put the photo into the next basin.

He was well aware of her nearness. The apple scent of her hair masked the smell of chemicals on the table in front of him, if he just stood close enough. And it tickled his arm as soon as he pushed himself past her to get something from the other side of the small room. In the light he couldn't tell if her cheeks were as lovely flushed again, but her eyes looked even bigger and darker in the ghostly light. His heart was beating very calmly, except for that one moment when their fingers touched and the urge to grab her became almost unbearable. But he would not be tempted to kiss her in this darkroom surrounded by stinking chemical liquids. 

But he knew he had to do it at some point.

When she hung the last of the motifs she had enlarged with his help on the line to dry, Sidney caught as short glimpse of her belly, and was still staring at her, when he automatically turned the light on. They looked at each other for a moment and it was this silence stretching between them. But instead of feeling odd they just smiled and left the room.

They had a drink in the kitchen and then went upstairs to the terrace to get some fresh air. And as she had left her pullover downstairs, he gave her a blanket, which she threw around her shoulders like a poncho before making herself comfortable on one of the broad couches. They talked calmly to each other, but kept falling into this certain stillness. It was this pleasant silence, this one in which nobody expected the other to say anything.

After a while Sidney explained that he still had to dispose of the chemicals, but that she could sit up there. Charlotte then made herself much more comfortable, lay down and stared up into the now rain-free evening sky. And he was quite happy to get away from her for a moment and to hang on to his thoughts. While he was putting everything away and pulling the cover over the enlarger again, he thought it would be best if they went out for dinner after their work and in his head he played out various scenarios of what would happen after that. He collected the dried pictures, climbed up the stairs to the terrace and noticed before he reached her that she had apparently fallen into a light sleep. She lay there, covered with the blanket and her head was turned away from him.

Sidney approached her smiling, thought for one brief moment and then sat down on the edge of the couch. Before he knew what he was doing, he grabbed the edge of the blanket and plucked it a little higher. She twitched briefly in that oment and accidentally his fingertips touched her collarbone. It felt so smooth and there was really nothing he could do about it, as his fingers stretched out and lightly caressed the delicate skin.

"Charlotte."

She made a noise as if she didn't want to be woken up and with a smile he leaned closer.

"Charlotte."

His fingers slid over her neck and slid under her cheek. Gently he turned her face towards him and whispered her name. He was so close that he could feel the cool skin of her cheek on his nose. He stroked her cheek with his thumb and tried to wake her up again. But apparently she did not want to open her eyes. Sidney couldn’t help himself and leaned a bit closer and then pressed his lips gently on her cheek like the evening before. And when he wanted to detach slowly, she stretched out her face towards him. Her lips touched slightly his. Very short. Just a gentle touch of the wind. Sidney froze. 

"Wake up." He said a little louder but let out an amused tone as she answered in a protesting sound.

"Charlotte, wake up."

Then her eyes fluttered open. At first her gaze was soft, a light smile on her face, then she looked surprised and this small wrinkle between her brows twitched a little.

"Sidney?"  
"Yes."

Their eyes locked. He was searching for an answer when he leaned closer. His fingers embraced her cheek. There was rustling in his head. She shifted her face slightly closer. One tiny movement. Gasping for air. And then…


	11. And then...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We go a few steps back and see what Charlotte was dreaming,  
> and then...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I can make up for the bad cliffhanger with this...

A bit earlier...

Charlotte felt she could breathe again as she left the darkroom with Sidney at her side and climbed upstairs. She sank, slightly exhausted, into the first chair she could find in the kitchen and Sidney chuckled softly while he made them a drink. It had been quite tiring to stand for hours. But Charlotte knew she felt also so worn-out because of his nearness. Every step he made, created a matching one of her, so they had moved either towards or around each other as if following a secret choreography that only their bodies seemed to know.

This was also the reason why she went immediately to the balustrade as they reached the terrace, to supposedly look at the surroundings, but actually she just wanted to see where he would sit so she could choose the place, which was the furthest away. Not because she wanted to leave his side, but she needed a few minutes to get her thoughts and feelings under control, so she wouldn't push him away at some point or jump on him the next moment. Well, she would never dare to do that of course, but... she wished she had the courage. His shoulders were so broad and his arms looked so strong that she would certainly feel completely safe in his embrace.

They talked about the work they had done and he explained the difference to some special paper that his family had always used for their books. Charlotte was extremely excited when he promised that he would order this special paper for her new photographs. That would mean that they would do it again and before that he would join her to take the photos on one of her photo tours. In that moment she was so happy that she would have hugged him if he hadn't been sitting so far away. Smiling at her wry thoughts, she watched his hands as he talked. Charlotte was sure, that it would feel incredible, when he would lye his hands over hers. They were so big and Charlotte's imagination went crazy when she thought that other things would also fit in his hands perfectly well. Shaking her head about her imagination she felt the blush on her cheeks, and his eyes on her. She should really not have thought that when he was sitting just a few steps away! Her cheeks were glowing even more and she closed her eyes for a moment longer to block out the images, but saw them together in her head. His hands on her and… Oh, goodness! When she looked up again, Charlotte caught him staring at her and his smile was so impossible to resist, that her heart slipped down into her belly. 

He explained that he was going to tidy up the darkroom, and when he saw that she wanted to get up, he waved off.

"You could stay here." Sidney said and quickly disappeared.

But Charlotte didn't mind. She stretched out on the couch, spread the blanket over her and looked up into the darkening sky, feeling that her thoughts and heart could now calm down for the first time after hours of tension. Which of course wasn't quite true, because she had also been relaxed with him during their work in the darkroom. But not before she had got used to his closeness and this dreamlike light. His eyes had become even darker and his gaze even more intense. Trying to recapture that one moment when he had looked at her, she pulled the blanket tighter. 

Sidney had been so close that she could have counted his stubble if she hadn't been too distracted by his eyes. First he had looked through the lens to focus the motive and then she had looked through it and it was almost as if he was touching her back with his chest. But he didn’t it was just his nearness and his warmth was made her think so. Just the thought of these moments gave her goose bumps and she actually wanted to think about how the evening could go on, but she didn't really care. She only hoped that maybe he would accompany her home and maybe he would come upstairs again. Closing her eyes she remembered his kiss. So warm and soft on her cheek. Then she tried to imagine what it would have been like if she had dragged him back in to her apartment and then everything that had happened that evening blurred into a mixture of situations that could have led to a kiss but they both had turned away too soon. In her fantasy Charlotte allowed herself to be cheeky and pressed him against the wall and in doing so her picture would have fallen off the wall. Oh how would it be to be kissed by him?

Then she saw his darkening eyes alone. And suddenly she was not alone in her bed, holding his blanket in her hands, but him in her arms and his look was the same as at the exhibition and than he was underneath her and she stripped down to her underwear and than she leaned closer and...

"Charlotte." 

His lips didn’t move, so the voice came from somewhere else, but nobody would stop her now from dreaming of his lips on hers.

"Charlotte."

No! There was no way she would stop now, she dreamed how he touched her on her collarbone and oh... her neck. It felt so real.

"Charlotte."

Oh, he had kissed her cheek again. He was about to withdraw. No, no, no! Don’t go away. Don’t go away! Begging in her dream, she turned towards him. Hmm, brushing his lips. But the dark voice became louder.

"Wake up."

"No!" Moaned she and leaned closer, his scent and warmth... but why did she suddenly open her eyes?

Oh what...? 

He suddenly was not underneath her in her bed, but hovering above her. Oh, and he was so beautiful in the golden light of the terrace. Charlotte felt she smiled and also felt warmth on her cheek, like the touch of long fingers. The cool air of the upcoming night rustling in her hair. The slightly scratchy blanket she could feel on her naked arm made her realise, that this wasn’t a dream. 

What the...? It was real. Why, was he so close? 

"Sidney?"  
"Yes."

Their eyes locked. Charlotte searched for an answer when he leaned in. His fingers embraced her cheek. A certain weight came closer. Just like his face, it smelled like it was real! Was it real? It felt real. Did he want to…?

But suddenly he stopped in his movement. His eyes dropped from hers and one breath later he searched her gaze again. Remembering he was careful she was aware that she had to show him, that she wanted it too. Courageously she twitched a little more in his direction. Oh god! Oh god! It was real! 

Charlotte felt her lips tickle as he breathed her name again. She felt it more than she heard it. Should she answer? Gasping for air or... for more and then this invisible bond tugged her closer and then... 

Oh. 

And then... 

Her lips merged with his. 

And she didn't feel anything anymore, just tingling. 

Everywhere.

They didn’t move for a short while, it stretched out and Charlotte felt everything at once. The little breeze, the clammy fabric of the couch under her. His fingers stretched out on her cheek. His cold nose on her skin. They loosened their touch slightly to inhale the other's lips instantly. So soft. So warm. Her lips opened a little and she kissed his careful. Explored slowly his lower one. Very gently she pressed her lips on every millimetre until she reached the corner of his mouth. Feeling his breath hitch in her mouth and in the next moment she let her lips grazed his upper before he pressed his mouth a little harder on hers. It was still light and soft, but different. Sidney did the same to her, careful and slow exploring her mouth with his lips. Their breath mingled together. Until she couldn't stand it any longer, it just wasn't possible! And she pressed tighter onto his, slightly she raised her head and his fingers slid into her hair. She felt the pressure of his fingers on her scalp, a heavy shiver ran through her and Charlotte sank back. But she didn't lose his lips, they stayed on hers, as if they were glued together, their lips were merged into one. They were one!

Oh, her heart wanted to shatter!

Faded in the background, she heard his hard breathing through his nose, it tickled her skin and Charlotte couldn't think clearly, was that really true? Was it real? Oh, no! He tried to move away. No! He couldn't. He had to stay!

Sidney heard her tiny little whimper as he tried to detach from her. His heart twitched and then a burning jolt ran through his body. He lost his strength, somehow. But she held him tight. Grounded him. Not only did he feel her cold hand on his forearm and on her back, but also her lips clung to his, as if they were her last hold. As if he was the air she needed to breathe. 

He could not believe it. He had to move away, to see if she was real. With great effort Sidney managed to move away but didn't get far. It was as if his lips needed the connection with hers. They slowly caressed each other’s to memorise them. Oh he was sure, yes so sure. He had to tell her! Otherwise he would burst.

Sidney heard her sucking in the air as he paused at the corner of her mouth. They remained like that, didn’t move, as if they had forgotten how to do it and how to breathe. Only in this moment he realised that he was holding her face with both hands. His upper body was just hovering over hers. Her hands were very cold and suddenly lay on his chest and on his heated skin of his neck. Did she want to push him away?

Even though he couldn't detach his lips completely from hers, he tried to get up, but just as slowly her fingers clawed into his pullover. She wanted him to stay where he was. It was so indescribable. It made him feel bursting with happiness and he couldn't help smiling. And kissed her on the cheek. Her breath rose. Sidney felt the shaky sound. And it intensified as he pressed another kiss on her cheek. It glowed so hot, but so pleasant against the coolness of the night. Sidney had forgotten how to form words and his lips touched every bit of skin that lay beneath them. The pressure of her face against his as she leaned closer. He felt her lips brush his beard, as he pressed his lips against her heated skin. Her dimple on her chin under his lips. Her breath came in waves. Could he dare? No, he rather held back a little and slid his mouth up again. And her smooth lips took him back. Gently but full of pleasure. 

Never before had Charlotte been kissed so soft and tender. It was more than she had ever imagined. Her whole face was tingling. And although the cool wind passed over her and reminded her of the reality, everything felt like a dream. His stubble was pricking, but when she ran her fingertips over it, it felt so soft. An unknown pattern she drew on his jaw as he lifted away a little. But their lips still touched. Caressed each other with a light contact. Neither of them wanted to risk going a step further and so they remained a little longer in this silent agreement of being so close. 

Behind Charlotte's eyes was a tingle, overwhelmed by the wave of feelings that threatened to sweep her away. She gasped shakily for air, it almost sounded like a little sob and breathed out chuckling as he kissed her again, laughing quietly. She felt his forehead on hers, first slightly tickling and then pleasantly heavy. Just like all the emotions in her. The physical lust and the intense feelings run down her spine and exploded in her stomach. Charlotte felt so happy and overwhelmed. Speechless. That he did feel it too... for a short moment her eyes flutter open and she saw that his were still closed. Like the evening before tears jumped into her eyes and she puffed out the air smiling and in the same moment he did the same. As if by magic her fingers lying on his cheek, slid back into his neck. She felt his goose bumps. The other hand gently slid form his collar a little higher and her fingertips touched his throat. It vibrated when he hummed his approval and made her fingers tingle.

Sidney felt boneless when she touched him. Tugging lightly on him she told him, that he was not allowed to go anywhere and he surrendered to his fate. Slid over her face with his nose he tried to hold back. Hovering over her lips, he wanted to tell her all the feelings whirling around in him. He breathed in, but she seemed unwilling to wait and claimed his moth with a soft pressure. It was gentle and smooth like before, but also more intense. Not only the kiss but also the storm of emotions, which raged inside of him. But exactly as he had feared, she overwhelmed him with her tenderness. Like poetry painted on his lips.

He had expected her to kiss him soft, and although he had imagined it, nothing in his mind could cope with how careful she caressed his lips. A gentle touch. It was almost unbearable. But he enjoyed it too much and for nothing in the world would he destroy this moment by let his passion win the upper hand.

If he was so in love with her before, how could he ever try to express his heavy feelings in words now? Sidney was not able to think of anything similar or anything at all anymore as he heard her sigh and felt her shaking a little.

"Charlotte?"

Was this his voice he heard far away or was he only thinking her name? He couldn’t remember.

"You are frozen."

These words in a husky voice gave her even more goose bumps and she was shaking again. But she also shook her head and held him in a firm grip, she didn’t want it to be over.

"Let’s go inside."

The vibration of his dark voice tugged on all her nerves. And this spot in her stomach tingled. What would he want to do inside? A small jolt of panic run through her and her mind went wild as she searched his gaze and as he smiled this special smile she knew that she was so much more in love with him than before, as he had left the terrace. Charlotte breathed in as if she was about to do everything with him as he continued.

"And maybe you would go to dinner with me?"

The small expression of panic in her eyes had already disappeared and her whole face smiled as she nodded. Even when he didn’t want to stop either, he knew he would have stopped at some point, otherwise he would try to convince her to take another step as well. And how she moved underneath him, she wasn’t reluctant. But he was a selfish man and he wanted to torture them both a little longer. Charlotte had felt so perfect beneath him that he was afraid he would destroy their connection if he wanted too much at once. And he cared so much for her that he didn’t want to try anything she was not ready to give. How he felt their connection grow! He lost himself in her deep dark eyes and was only distracted as the breeze blew her silky hair into her face.

Pushing this unruly strand of hair from her face he admitted.  
"I've wanted to do that so many times before."

"What exactly," she paused a second with darkening eyes. "Mr Parker?" 

Her voice was hoarse and how she breathed his name made him reconsider his previous reserved thoughts. He cleared his throat.

"Push this curl away." He smiled and as he saw hers he confessed "and…erm.. Yes, kiss you."

Charlotte smile was so beautiful that it made his heart rose and as he saw the tiny nod of her head, he thought he was the happiest man on earth. Sidney leaned down again to give her another little slow kiss and both sighed as their lips touched. They were thirsty for each other. Quietly moaning they kissed for a bit longer and Charlotte crawled her fingernails in his short hair at his neck. He took a deep breath and afraid, that he wouldn’t be able to stop if he dared to kiss her any longer he pushed himself up and another jolt flashed through him when he heard a protesting sound.

"Come on." 

He said after a while, got up and pulled her to her feet and she swayed a short moment. Charlotte felt his arm around her waist and when this invisible bond tugged him even closer she leaned against him and both felt so safe, as rarely before.

Of course, it was somehow more difficult to think of anything else after they left the terrace and the two of them quickly returned to this comfortable silence. As a matter of course he reached out his hand to her after she had put on her pullover and they walked down the stairs wordlessly and looked over the photographs they had made. And at some point Charlotte had found her voice again and suggested walking to a small Asian restaurant to get something to eat. 

When the nice lady behind the counter asked if they wanted to eat it in her shop or take it with them, they looked at each other and spoke in the same moment.

"We can eat here..."  
"To go." They curled their mouths up into a meaningful grin and then Sidney agreed happily.

In vibrating silence they went straight to her apartment and Sidney helped Charlotte fill the curry into bowls as if he knew his way around her kitchen and Charlotte felt very comfortable and light at the thought. Of course she didn't know what he really felt for her, but what his kisses had told her was that it was more. With more feeling than she had ever allowed herself to dream of. 

They talked little while eating and if only about general things and a few ideas she had in her head for this photo book she wanted to create. There was this certain tension between them again when they got up and put the dishes on her kitchen counter. Hundreds of questions were swirling around in Charlotte's head and she was trying to form a clear thought when she was about to wash the dishes. 

Sidney nestled up against her from behind and put his chin on her shoulder. His arms wrapped loosely around her waist. Charlotte closed her eyes as well, drew the feelings inside as she slid her hands over his arms, she felt the twitching of his muscles underneath the warm skin and his embrace became tighter as she pressed her face against his.

Their breath melted together and their hearts formed the knot in the invisible bond between them.


	12. sure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two of them are growing a little closer together... but everyday life will not be easy to cope with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally the new chapter. Sorry for the wait, I tried but rl got me. I hope to be able to update earlier next time.

Sidney closed his eyes and nestled against her face. He felt as if he were holding the greatest treasure in his arms. It was a sublime feeling and he felt a tingling in his chest. He squeezed his arms a little tighter to show her that he would not let her go. At least if he had his way. And the way she had reacted to him, he believed she wanted the same. They would have to talk about what to do next. After all, they would meet in the office on Monday and it was the company code not to get involved with each other. So on the one hand he had to discuss with her how they should behave there and on the other hand he should also talk to his siblings. But that could wait. Nothing would stop him now from holding her in his arms without talking. Charlotte was one of the few people he could be silent with. That was such a relief, but just too rare. Sidney smiled until she suddenly moved.

He lifted his head from her shoulder and sought her gaze. It seemed somehow misty as she simply leaned closer and pressed her nose against his. Their lips touched gently. Only very shortly, before they both took a shaky breath and seemed to inhale each other at the same time. When she tried to break away again, he only managed to open his lips a little and capture her mouth once more. Loosening his grip he turned her in his arms and felt her arm slide around his middle and her other hand lay burning on his forearm as he sought hold on her face. While Sidney pressed one hand into her back, he continued to kiss her as lovingly as he was able to.

At some point he listened to his mind and pressed his forehead to hers once more. There was such a pull everywhere and he knew that if he didn't stop now, he would kiss her. Kiss her so hard that he would lose his mind. And he didn't want to risk that. Charlotte was too precious to him and these feelings they seemed to share that he didn't want to destroy it with desire. 

Sidney cleared his throat and knew what he had to do. He spoke softly.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to..."

Charlotte's brain was working at full speed. Please', she thought, 'ask if you can stay!' only to hope in the next millisecond that he wouldn't, because then what was she supposed to do? Say yes, of course! But then he would think she was that kind of girl and she didn't want that. They didn't have to of course, but they would, if he kissed her so softly again, she wouldn't be able to hold back, she was already on the verge of losing her self-control. She wanted to show him who she really was and that she loved him. Oh, did she just think that? It was all good, as long as she didn't say it loud. So not yet. What would his face look like if she said those words to him? Would he look the way she felt alone at the thought? Would he say it then? No, of course not. They had just got together. They were together, weren't they? Or was he trying to say that that was it, that he didn't want to be with her? 

That it couldn't be because of his family? Because of the company code? Oh no! No! Panic coursed through her body and she stiffened almost imperceptibly until he finally continued.

"Come back with breakfast."

Relief and a surge of warmth swept through her. No one had ever said that to her before and as raspy as he had said it, it felt like a declaration of love.

Sidney looked deep into her eyes. Charlotte was sure she would never get used to it. That just seeing him look at her like that made her all tingly. This look alone, made her all fuzzy in the head. 

"I don't mind."

She gasped out and was glad when he pulled her to him once more, leaned closer as if in slow motion and kissed her terribly slowly and Charlotte was finally able to sink against him. Their mouths were sucked together. Her lips simply followed his.

The next time they caught their breath, he asked in a hoarse voice.

"What do you like?"

And Charlotte had to swallow a few times, as she had other things on her mind than what she wanted to eat in the morning. 

"Everything." By that she meant the food and the things that her brain, clouded by him, was imagining.

"Alright."

But he didn't let go and she didn't let go either and they stood there like that for a while. Until he finally managed to lift his face from hers and smile at her. 

"I'm leaving now."

Charlotte nodded, but at the same time her fingers clawed into his pullover. Of course he felt it and Sidney nodded too, stroking her cheek so terribly gently that she became aware of every millimetre of her skin glowing as if it were on fire. 

Sidney felt her lean into his hand and he wondered why he had even suggested leaving, but now he should. He didn't want her to feel somehow pressured because he couldn't bring himself to go. No, he wouldn't risk that again. 

As if it were a matter of course, their fingers intertwined and he gently pulled her along with him until he had dressed and was standing outside her home as he had done the night before. But this time he didn't lean down quite so slowly, yet he kissed her again just on the cheek as a goodbye and it felt like a little inside joke between them.

Charlotte briefly toyed with the idea of pulling him down and kissing him again, but she also found it somehow thrilling. Sidney held her hand and took two steps backwards and only when he was far enough away did he let go of her hand and turn towards the stairs.

"See you later."  
"See you later."

And again she stood still until he had disappeared, and again she leaned against the door when she was back in her apartment and closed her eyes. But this time she didn't sink to the floor, but immediately ran into the bathroom and looked at her in the mirror. Charlotte gasped. How she appeared! Her lips were slightly swollen, even though they had only kissed so gently. And her skin on her chin and cheek was a little red from his beard. But that was not so bad. Her eyes had the expression of deepest satisfaction. But her hair! Yes, her hair was completely dishevelled, one could also say rumpled. It was sticking out wildly in all directions. Giggling, she tried to smooth it out with her hands and then finally allowed all her feelings to run free and grinned happily at herself. And although after a glance at the clock she realised that it was at least another six hours until he would return, the tender pain of being separated only set in briefly. It wasn't a real pain either, more as if her stomach was completely knotted up inside her. It was rather the piercing feeling that he felt similar to her and would be back in a few hours. Until then, she should try to sleep a little, even if she didn't think it would be possible, as emotional as she was, she soon lay down in her bed. 

And although she was alone in it, for the first time in a long while, she didn't feel lonely any more.

When Sidney reached the bottom of the stairs, he thought about running up again. But he wanted to change, after all, his clothes still smelled like a photo developer and he wanted to get his mobile phone and come back later with a delicious breakfast from their café. He wanted to do everything right. 'Piano, piano,' as his father had always said.

On the one hand, he had wished she would have asked him to stay, but he had not expected it. Charlotte seemed to be quite shy, well, that was no wonder, the way he had behaved towards her. And then it had only been a week, as if a knot had burst between them. It hadn't really burst, either, but rather the knot had very gently and slowly untied itself.

What would she have done if he had said he wanted to stay? Just the thought that she had stiffened about it gave him a bad feeling. But he immediately suppressed it with the memory that she had looked slightly disappointed when he said he was leaving. 

Sidney felt so light and happy when he thought about how her fingernails had clawed into his pullover. Yes, he was sure. Quite sure, that she hadn't really wanted him to leave. And the way she had kissed him. He touched his lips very carefully, as if he didn't want to destroy the taste that still lingered on them. It had been so beautiful, so indescribably beautiful, and he knew for sure it would be hard not to kiss her and to control himself not to touch her. He was downright relieved that November was always filled with meetings, get-togethers and the last elaborate shootings of the year. Then his siblings and he had to go through the last changes for the new company logo, although he preferred to keep the original one shaped by his father. But he was the only one who was sentimental about it. The others were taken in by Tom's idea and enthusiasm that everything had to become more and more modern, and so he was silenced. And there also was the Christmas party, including overnight stays in Sanditon. He had to be very careful there too. Sanditon in winter was incredibly beautiful and, as his sister and Mary always pointed out, incredibly romantic. That's why he hoped the snow wouldn't come for a while yet, otherwise he might just pull her into his arms in front of the entire staff when the mood called for it. His body was already in that mood.

Sidney should create as much distraction as possible. And throw him into work, yes that was a good idea. That would keep them both from giving in to their feelings within the four walls of the company. They really had to be careful. The hallway radio was always well informed and he wanted to keep Charlotte out of any kind of gossip or trouble.

So later, at breakfast, they would have to talk about how they should do it so that no one would notice. At least not yet. For one thing, he wanted to be sure that she was being honest with him. His heart contracted painfully at the thought. Sidney would have to be very wrong about Charlotte if she was going to hurt him, he was sure that she wouldn't.

His good mood sank down when he wanted to leave the house a few hours later and found his nieces' and nephews' clothes in the hall. So it was clear that the rest of the family was back and he couldn't bring Charlotte here again. Of course he had known that he didn't have the whole day at his disposal, as he still had to discuss a few things with his siblings in the afternoon, but the fact that they had come back so early didn't bode well. Perhaps one of the children was ill.

Quietly he slipped out of the house, went to the café, this time he was the first guest, had a coffee while he waited and thought about how he could bring up the delicate subject. 

As he stood at her door, his heart thumped excitedly, as if it was the first time he had ever been to a woman's home. When Charlotte opened the door, she was just standing there and looked so incredibly beautiful that he could only shake his head slightly. She looked excited, but happy in a way that he hadn't seen her in a long time. Sidney would like to know if it might have had something to do with him that she often looked as unhappy as he had felt. 

Charlotte took the bag of breakfast from him, disappeared into the room and came rushing back to him just as he stepped into the room. One moment she seemed unsure of what to do and the next moment her lips were on his. Not able to help himself he wrapped both arms around her small waist. It was this longing in him to pull her against him and the feeling as if they hadn't seen each other for weeks. He felt her hands on his chest and her warmth seeped into his heart. It made him feel safe. The most beautiful thing was when she leaned against him and seemed to sink completely into the kiss.

When Sidney’s hand moved up her back and into her hair, Charlotte gasped. It tingled all the way up her spine and that heat in her belly seemed to pulsating. They kissed as gently as they had the night before and Charlotte's brain shut down. There was only one thought and one question left in her mind. What would it be like when he stopped holding back?

Breathing heavily, he broke away from her and rested his forehead once again on hers and it seemed to Charlotte that this was much more intimate than the kiss itself. The feelings inside her boiled up and flowed out of her. I love you! Her body and soul screamed even though her mouth remained silent. The only thing that betrayed her was her fingers, which once again could not let go of him. And when they looked into each other's eyes, smiling, it was clear to her that he had to see it, if the bad experience in his past had not made him completely blind.

At some point, they finally managed to eat the tasty breakfast. She had set the small kitchen bar and even lit candles, as it was a dark morning. Sidney was sure that this was exactly the feeling he would probably always have with her. It was warm and cosy. Sidney felt quite sure, that he had found his place. He was more at home here with her, than in his two rooms in Bedford Place, which more or less only belonged to Tom and his family anyway and he always felt only tolerated. 

They ate in silence, each engaged in their own thoughts, until he took her hand, and stroked it.

"We need to talk."

A brief cold shiver ran through Charlotte at these words. They never promised anything good and were the beginning of the end. At least in the most cases. But she was sure that he simply wanted to discuss the unavoidable with her, what they should do at work from the next day on. Instead of sitting by passively until he continued talking, she tried to let him know that she realised it wasn't going to be easy.

"I know."

The deep crease between his eyebrows remained where it was, but his lips formed into a gentle smile.

"Please don't get me wrong," Sidney began, "I erm... I would like to let everyone know." 

Her heart lifted at these words.

"But we've only just... come together…"

Searching her face as if waiting for a statement to the contrary, but Charlotte couldn't help herself or stop it, she smiled at him and put her other hand over his. Nodding she said.

"I'd like it too, if..." 

She took another deep breath and looked at his large hand under which hers was completely hidden. Stroking this one prominent tendon and continued to speak agitatedly. 

"If it’s just... well," she bit her lip and Sidney touched her face across the bar to show her that no matter what she said it would be okay with him. "If it's just… us for a while."

The air he had been holding unaware, he exhaled with a smile. Pulling her hand towards him, kissing the back of it and then put it against his cheek. He wanted to say the three words so badly but clenched his jaw into not doing it. It was too soon. Far too soon! Of course. But he did. And he was almost sure she did too.

Sidney was still feeling the effects of this knowledge hours later when he sat in Tom's study with his siblings and looked at the latest drafts of the modified company logo. Usually, alarm bells would still be ringing in his ears and the immense costs would make him sick to his stomach, but he accepted it all without a word. For one thing, it had already been decided anyway and some of the bills had already been paid. The new photographers' folders would be delivered in the coming weeks and would then have to be filled with their material before the Christmas party, so that the surprise for the employees would then be guaranteed.

"We put the things in the conference room, nobody uses it anyway." 

Arthur explained his decision and Sidney had to stifle a grin, because his younger brother had once again subtle criticised Tom without him noticing.

"But we're running out of time," Diana whined, "I'm at the printers all week making the 50 different Christmas cards."

"I'll do it." Sidney said and in his mind he saw himself not alone in the conference room re-stocking the photographers portfolios.

"But there are too many for you alone."

Diana said, looking at Tom, who was completely blind to her request and only replied,  
"Get someone you trust to do it."

"I will." Pretending to think Sidney knew exactly whom he was going to ask.

Then they talked about the final preparations for the Christmas party and what was to come in the next two weeks. But Sidney's mind was elsewhere. Thinking about what Charlotte was doing and whether she also longed to be back in her apartment, embraced tightly at the kitchen counter, lying in each other's arms, her warm lips on his skin...

Charlotte smiled to herself as she thought about how hard it had been for them to part again. Sidney had to go to a meeting with his siblings and she was with Georgiana and the girls at the first fitting of her wedding dress, which a friend of Clara's had made especially for Georgiana. This incredible talented woman was a costume designer and her time was limited. And although the date for the wedding was still not set, Georgiana was already busy planning everything. She hated being late and missing anything.

So they sat in the theatre-like studio and waited for Georgiana to finally come out of the dressing room with the first design and Charlotte was thinking of Sidney. His warm big hands on her back and face, his soft lips on hers. But she also thought about that although they had discussed what they could and could not do at work, they had not set a date, when they would see each other again. This fact made her giggle, because after all, they both spent a lot of their time at work making appointments and doing everything they could to keep them.

"What are you laughing at?" asked Clara, and Esther also looked up from her phone and listened to what Charlotte had to say.

"I was just thinking of something funny," she shrugged, trying not to let the subject slip any further.

"There's more to it than that!" exclaimed Clara and Esther said annoyed. 

"Oh, probably her boss smiled at her." 

They both laughed, and Charlotte was once again shocked by this nastiness, as if she were a silly little girl. 

"Weren't you at an exhibition together?" asked Clara interestedly, leaning towards Esther  
"He probably spoke a whole three sentences to her instead of two."

They both giggled again and Charlotte could already feel the tears prickling behind her eyelids, why were they so meant?

"Did you see Ed, he was invited there too, he wanted me to come but I said no." Esther took a sip of the sparkling rosé Clara had brought and Charlotte was surprised at her own words.

"Yes, but he didn't recognise me. He was there with his girlfriend Monique."

Esther choked on her drink and stared at Charlotte in surprise.

"Monique Faigret, the fashion director of..." 

"I know who that is."

Esther's voice and gaze were icy cold and under normal circumstances Charlotte would have been surprised or maybe even frightened, but she wasn't. She had somehow expected this reaction and for the first time in a long while she realized that she was simply unwilling to continue to be the doormat and victim of their stupid and nasty remarks. And she wasn't the least bit sorry she had told Esther. 

Clara looked back and forth between the two others and then asked Esther about Edward's circumstances and Charlotte was glad that the two of them were engrossed in a conversation about him and his much older girlfriend in no time and left her alone with their gossip. Charlotte was so tired of being the nice one who let everything slide and would do it again if necessary if some stupid remark came from them.

Then Georgiana came out of the dressing room and all three of them were now fully engaged in admiring Georgiana or expressing their opinions in some way. Charlotte sincerely felt that Georgiana could wear anything, but as she was a modern woman, modern cuts suited her personality best. And she looked incredible. Charlotte then took photos of Georgiana in the rough fabric design with her phone, so that Georgiana could look at it later and makes any necessary changes to send back to the designer.

Esther and Clara sat there and smiled, but Charlotte became really aware for the first time that they were wrapping their compliments in small jibes, which Georgiana countered without being offended. Although neither of them ever once simply told Georgiana how breathtakingly beautiful she was, Georgiana seemed to understand the insult-wrapped compliments as such.

Maybe it was her fault after all, Charlotte thought. Maybe she was just too stupid to laugh off their fun at her expense and hear exactly the opposite of what they were saying. 

Later, when they were eating, Esther couldn't help herself and asked Charlotte about Friday again. But Charlotte only told about the short greeting between Edward and Sidney, but kept all the details to herself. Of course, the group kept asking and at one point Charlotte couldn't help but admit that she and Sidney were getting along great, even if she didn't tell them how much, her friends could see it on her face.

"Oh God, don't tell me you're dating him?" Asked Georgiana annoyed, as if the very idea was horrific.

And although Charlotte noticed how her cheeks glowed, she didn't reveal anything but just said. 

"I really like him." She brushed her hair out of her face and then admitted, "And he likes me too."

"You shouldn't get cocky when he's nice to you for once." Esther pointed out. 

"He probably only did it because he had no other choice." Clara laughed.

"Is it so difficult to imagine that he would like me?" Charlotte asked angrily, but didn't wait for an answer. "You don't know him at all and it seems you don't know me either."

"Don't be so sensitive!" Georgiana cried, pulling a face as if Charlotte had done something wrong.

"I am." Admitted Charlotte quietly, looking each of them in the face.  
"It's not just a crush because he's good looking. I've been in love with him for ages. In all of the sides of him that I know."

A startled silence.

"And I know he likes me too. Really likes me."

Charlotte was sure about that fact and glad that she had finally told them and hoped that they would now apologise. But there was only silence for a few minutes and after a while the three of them talked about the changes Georgiana wanted to make to her dress. Yes, Charlotte knew it was hard to apologise, but after all, she was the one who always apologised when it was necessary, who always took care of everyone. Was it her fault? Was she not good enough for these wonderful women, whom she loved so much individually, but together they were like a pack of hungry wolves, ready to tear everything apart.

When she was back home, it still hurt that her friends could not or would not be happy for her. Even the questions sounded more like pure sensationalism than real interest. But she was actually quite happy about that. Because this way she didn't have to share him and what they had and could enjoy it all to herself and everything that was yet to happen.

But at first time nothing happened. The week began stressful and was packed with work and appointments. Sidney was hardly ever at his desk and when he was, he was always on the phone. Just like Charlotte who was glued to her desk and couldn't go to his office once. Apart from a penetrating glance and a quick nod, they hardly communicated at all.  
The one time she needed a signature from him and he was talking to someone on the phone, she went to his office like back than and put the papers on his desk. Unlike then, he put his hand on hers and their eyes locked.

"Yes, yes, I'm still here." 

He laughed into the phone and then signed the estimate without checking it, preferring instead to stare at Charlotte, who only managed to detach herself after a while and pulled her hand even more slowly out from under his.

Later he wrote her a message on her mobile and watched her across the hall while pretending to listen to another client on the phone. Sidney saw her look at her display, her face light up with her most beautiful smile and then she looked over at him, nodded until he smiled too, lowered his gaze to the floor and disappeared from her sight.

When he came over late in the evening, Charlotte pulled him into the flat without further ado and he bent down to kiss her while still walking. They both knew it was the only evening he could come over, as everyone had evening appointments the rest of the week. From small Christmas parties of their photographers, studios or meetings with model agencies, set builders or clients those were declared as cosy but in retrospect very exhausting.

Over the coming weekend, Sidney would be accompanying a client's photo shoot to Mallorca and would not return until the following week on Tuesday. So they both tried to make the best of the time together. 

They ate very little and spoke almost nothing, although their mouths were very busy. Just not with eating or speaking. At some point, as they sat nestled on her couch, they both knew that the time would soon come for him to leave. Not because either of them wanted to, but because it was a really busy time and it was already far after midnight.

Sidney cleared his throat, leaned over to her once more and stroked her face tenderly.

"I'm afraid I have to leave."

"Stay." Charlotte blurted out and felt her cheeks burn,  
"I mean… just a little longer." She explained quickly and searched his face for an answer, his gaze was unreadable and his eyebrows pulled together. She knew he was struggling and was ashamed that she had taken the risk of asking him. Now he knew, and whatever he said or did now would determine what would happen between them.

"You're not making it easy for me, Charlotte."

Just the way he breathed her name made her tremble slightly and she desperately hoped he hadn't noticed. What did he mean by that? 

To give the mood a lighter tone than how she felt, she asked in a teasing way.

"To stay?"  
"Yes."

He admitted, clenching his jaw and looking at their hands entwined between them. Then he looked at her again and saw that he would have to be clearer if she was to understand what he meant.

Sidney locked his eyes with hers, leaned closer, dropped his gaze to her lips and searched her eyes again. He tilted his head and kissed her. Tenderly. Letting one hand slide to the back of her head and leaned more heavily on her until she sank against the back of her sofa. Again she took a shaky breath as he paused at the corner of her mouth and then very slowly let his lips trail over her cheek. At her jaw he waited a moment until he thought her breathing had calmed and then softly he pressed his hot lips to the sensitive spot below her ear. Charlotte gasped aloud and her head sank to the side and her hands clawed into his pullover at his back as he tried desperately to be gentle with the tender skin she offered him. Inhaling the scent of her neck, he let his lips trail down to her collarbone and Charlotte's body tingled overwhelming in places that had been awake but not alive a few moments ago.

It burned everywhere his lips touched her and she wriggled towards him and they both knew it was about to get even harder to separate, but neither cared. Sidney lost control first when her soft lips touched his forehead and one of her hands run through his hair on the back of his head. In the blink of an eye, his lips were on hers again. First firm pressing against hers before they became soft and tender again. But both could no longer really control themselves. Slowly they opened their lips. Very carefully the smooth tips of their tongues touched and they both gasped loudly at the burning sensation that found the way through their bodies. They paused. Until Charlotte dared and very lightly ran the tip of her tongue over his bottom lip.

Faded in the background, she heard him moan quietly. Or was it her? A hot glow ran through her when he did the same to her and she dug her fingernails into what she could grasp of him, as he let his tongue sink into her mouth for a moment and touched hers lightly. The tips touched each other. Caressing. Careful and gentle. No hurry. No rushing passion. Slow stroking, sensing and feeling.

Their lips were still brushing slightly as they recovered from the power of that little kiss, both so full of emotion that they thought they would burst if they didn't finally tell the other how they felt. But Charlotte was unable to do more than let her fingertips fly over the stubble of his beard. She enjoyed feeling the muscle hardening under her touch until her hand slid onto the back of his neck. And they sank silently into each other's arms. Together they felt the weight of their feelings.

And the sureness that they belonged together.


	13. the hardest week

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a hard week for the two of them, they want to be together so badly but there is so much work and less time before Sidney has to go to Mallorca.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit I had planned something else, but this two just do what they want...

It was the hardest week Charlotte had ever had at the job she loved so much. Not because of work, nor because of knowing that Sidney and she couldn't see each other in the evenings and that he was going to Mallorca for the weekend. It wasn't hard to avoid looking in the direction of his office every now and then, either. 

The hardest part was seeing him, but not touching him. 

Now that she knew what it felt like. The smooth skin under her fingertips as she had stroked over his beautiful face very slowly. The length of his eyelashes that tickled her fingers as he closed his eyes at the caress. The light scratching of his beard as he slowly stroked her cheek with his chin. The sound her fingernails made as she combed over his stubble. His fingers carefully tracing the contours of her face as if she were a fragile sculpture. The incredible tenderness with which he held her cheeks, so that the touch could only be sensed. The look in his soul-deep eyes as if she were the most precious thing he had ever seen.

Charlotte wondered how it was possible that he looked at her like that. She fell deeper in love with him every time and feared that a simple 'I love you' would no longer be enough to describe her feelings for him, if she would ever be able to tell him. Her mind told her it was too soon, but she would love to scream this words at him.

So far he had only touched her face, neck and arms, and she felt as if she was already united with him. Not only physically. It was intense. She had never felt so deeply. It also scared her a little. Her logical-practical side warned her to be careful. Not to give away so much of herself at once. This side also believed that a short break was necessary. As intense as the last 10 days had been after almost a year of longing. She still didn’t know how long he felt something for her, she would love to final get to know when and how it happened.

They both tried their best to behave like usually. Like before. Hardly talking. Never smiling. And above all avoiding any physical contact so that no one would notice what was really going on. But they were like two magnets that kept moving towards each other. 

On Tuesday morning, when Tom was giving a little speech from the gallery and all the colleagues had gathered in the hall below, Charlotte saw Sidney leaning against the door to his office. A few breaths later, her whole back was tingling and she didn't dare turn around, because she knew it was him standing behind her. The warmth crawled up her back and she wished she could just look at him for a second, but Annie, the biggest blabbermouth in the company, was standing next to her and so she didn't. The urge to touch him was so great that she clenched her hands into fists and was so busy breathing calmly that she didn't even notice what Tom was actually saying. She was glad that he was standing behind her and not next to her and that she was not exposed to the temptation even more strongly.

But Sidney managed to touch her anyway. As he pushed through them to step forward to his siblings, he brushed her arm with his long fingers, and that brief touch maintained its effect for hours.

While they were separately at different parties that evening, they texted messages or even spoke briefly on the phone. Of course, with the claim on their lips that it was about another job, without giving the client or photographer the feeling that there were other more important people for them.

On Wednesday afternoon, as Charlotte came down the stairs after getting a cup of coffee, Sidney was coming toward her to join Arthur in his office. They looked at each other, smiled slyly, and walked past each other as normal co-workers. Only, as if they had made a secret agreement to do so, they both turned their palms outward and touched each other lightly on the fingertips as they slid past each other. In a flash, Charlotte put her hand in front of her mouth a step later, gasping aloud at the sensation. It was inexplicable. This electricity between them. She could feel it and even minutes later she felt as if she had received a small electric shock.

Sitting down at her table she breathed heavily for a moment and run her hands through her hair. Her colleagues thought it was from the stressful day and looked at her pityingly before each of them returned to their work. She couldn't really enjoy the silence between her colleagues, who were usually always arguing, because after two days, the thing with Sidney was already taking her mind away. And her control over her body. It seemed as if it had a mind on his own, it wanted to jump him and kiss him senseless. This desire was something she never felt so strongly before. It was a deep heavy pull towards him, like as if there were a bond between them.

After she calmed down enough a short or not so short while later, she dared a glance in the direction of his office. He was back again and a strange sight awaited her. Sidney was sitting at his desk, on the far left, so she could see him completely. He had both hands clenched into fists on the table in front of him. The tension made his upper arms look even more powerful, and Charlotte thought about how safe she felt in his embrace. How strong he had to be.   
And what it would be like when he lifted her up and she put her face against his broad shoulder. Charlotte tried to get herself under control again and tried to breathe evenly. It seemed to her that since the first kiss, all her most secret fantasies came to the surface, just looking at him. But it wasn't just his body. The most intense feeling she had was when she discovered his look. Before, she had always believed that he was angry with her when he looked at her like that, but now she believed that he really had a great desire to kiss her at that moment. Or even more. And yes, she wanted it too. So badly. Charlotte longed for his lips so much that she let her fingers run over them unaware of what she was doing. She needed this light pressure and closed her eyes to calm down, but it only got worse when she opened her eyes again.

If anyone would see him like that, everyone would know. It was that look that made her feel like she was standing naked in front of him. She felt her breath quicken, but she couldn't get enough of his look. That he longed for her as much as she for him was so unimaginable that a part of her brain was still looking for another explanation. But there was none. Sidney had looked at her in this way every time when he actually wanted to stay and yet had said goodbye. She closed her eyes and tried to think of something else. About the stress, the upcoming shootings she had to visit, but his face and the look were burned into her brain.

"Charlotte!" her colleague called, and only then did she realize that her phone was ringing loudly.

She picked it up, but was wondering how to answer, having truly forgotten on short notice. The blush shot into her cheeks as she uttered a soft rasping yes and the voice on the other end rumbled harshly in her ear. 

"Come here right now!"

Oh.

This tone in his voice shot another electric impulse through her. The idea sounded seductive.  
But no! She couldn't. No, she couldn't do that. Everyone would notice, and if they didn't, then everyone would notice what was going on afterwards. Her cheeks would glow and her face would be covered in scratches of his stubble.

"It’s not a good time."

She pressed out and leaned back in her chair so that he could not see her. One more look from him and she would run to his office as if by remote control, she was quite sure.

Puffing. Silence. Waiting.

"Yes, yes you're right."

Silence again.

"What time is your appointment?"  
"At seven."  
"How punctual do you have to be there?"

Charlotte bit her lip to keep from cheering, because there was this certain desperation in his voice that she felt too. It was such a beautiful feeling that he felt the same way she did.

"Tom and I are leaving here at a little before seven."

She gave in reply, closing her eyes as she heard Sidney grumble.

"I see." Then he hung up without another word.

Charlotte knew it wouldn't last long, neither of them.

After they had written with each other the whole evening again, although she was with Tom at the Christmas party of an advertising agency and she had to watch out that he did not notice it and even later in the evening when she was already in bed, it was even worse the next day. 

The tension was so intense that they avoided any eye contact and Charlotte always put the cost estimates, for which she needed a signature, on his desk when he was not in the room. In between, he even left the company for a lunch appointment and the tension eased a little.  
Nevertheless, Charlotte continued to work without interruption, hoping to squeeze out a small window of time to meet him or at least have a few moments alone with him, when most of the colleagues would have left the office.

At some point, she went into the kitchen and wanted to get a cup of coffee. But since none of her colleagues seemed to be able to refill the coffee beans or the water in the coffee machine, things went slowly. Then, as she watched the coffee flow into her cup, she was aware of his presence. Her breath quickened as he stepped closer. Glancing over her shoulder she saw him clench his jaw.

"Charlotte."

"Mr Parker." She had to call him that to keep the distance and turned back to her coffee, counting the last drops as they trickled down as if in slow motion.

Suddenly he stood so close and reached over her to the shelf to grab a cup, murmuring softly in her ear.

"I thought I'd never get you alone."

Sidney gently ran his hand down her back and her physical reaction made Charlotte move aside. He put his cup next to hers and touched her little finger with his. Charlotte turned around flustered to see if no one else was around. No colleague and Tom had fortunately just left his transparent glass cube for an appointment. Nevertheless, her heart was pounding.

Noticing her nervousness Sidney followed her gaze to the door and smiled, god how he wanted to kiss he! But not here. But on the other hand no one was there. Could he dare? He had a huge desire to kiss her. It was like a human need, like breathing or drinking. The feeling of really having to do it filled him and without thinking about it any longer, he grabbed her by the arm and swung her around to face him. But instead of kissing her, he just looked at her again with that all-piercing gaze. Charlotte stared at his lips, bit hers and closed her eyes, and was a little surprised when he let go of her and turned back to the coffee machine.

A moment later, Annie came rushing in, but fortunately didn't notice Charlotte's flushed cheeks as she left the room, nor the grim expression on Sidney's face, who covered his frustration by accusing the coffee machine of making trouble again.

Sidney believed it couldn't get any worse. But Friday was the worst day of all. Charlotte was on a shooting with a following dinner with the client and the crew and would not come back to the office the whole day and also spend the evening with other people instead of him. He actually wanted to go to the photo studio under the pretext of meeting the client, but then didn't make it. Because the day was crowded with unnecessary additional interruptions. Diana had a problem printing the last Christmas greeting cards for their clients, Arthur got the news that his beloved DJ he had on hold for the Christmas party, had gotten a better offer and thus cancelled their agreement. And then there was a crisis meeting with the tax advisor, which reached him completely unexpectedly. The appointments went until late in the evening and he had to take an early plane to Mallorca the next morning.

He groaned and ran his hand over his eyes in frustration. Somehow he had to manage to see her, or he would go mad. And just at that moment, as she called he had an idea.

"Hey, how's it going?" He asked, and Charlotte was a little irritated by his good mood. She felt like she could hear him smiling.

"Everything’s fine here, what's up with you?"

"Hopefully I'll be through with everything by eleven." He groaned, and Charlotte knew it was no different for her.

"I hope so too."

She waited, hoping he would say something about coming over, but he only asked where they were going to have dinner later. But before they had to hang up, Charlotte gathered all her courage and asked him simply.

"Can we see us, at least for a short time?"

Sidney smiled in relief, glad that she wanted to see him as badly as he wanted to see her, he could hear it in her trembling voice.

"I'll come by, but can't say when."

He promised and then told her that he had to take the art buyer to the airport the next morning and leave quite early. Actually rather in the middle of the night.

The rest of the day and evening dragged on like a lump of chewing gum and although they sent each other a message every now and then, both had the uneasy feeling that it would not go as they had imagined.

When Charlotte was home around eleven and had tried to keep awake for another hour with television and reading, she gave up at some point. Brushed her teeth, put on her sleeping clothes and lay down in order to sleep. But other than tossing and turning, there was nothing she could do, and she stared at the ceiling for a while. She tried not to look at her cell phone to protect herself from the pain of finding a message there that he wasn't coming after all. Which was actually already the fact.

And even though it was completely unnecessary and she knew it wasn't his fault this little pain set in anyway, which she could just soothe with bitter chocolate instead of him. So she got up, put on a soft cardigan, went to the cupboard where she kept her sweets, and broke off two pieces of the bittersweet chocolate. While she wondered if she should write to him again, even though it was almost one, she ate a third piece and sat back down on her bed. Picking up the phone, which vibrated at that exact moment, displaying a message.

"Are you awake?"   
"Yes."

She wrote back immediately and then looked expectantly at the display to see what he would write next. But instead, the doorbell rang. Her heart jumped at the sound and she ran to open it for him. Even if she had wanted to, she couldn't have suppressed the happy smile when he finally came running up the stairs with a similar wide grin.

With three long steps, he was in front of her, cupped her face with both hands, and pressed his lips to hers so hard that the force made her lightheaded. They stumbled into her apartment and she pushed the door shut before wrapping her arms around his neck.

One hand remained on her face, but Sidney wrapped his arm around her body and pressed his hand into the small of her back, forcing her to take another step closer. Sidney's only thought was how good she tasted, and when their tongues finally touched, the thought flashed through his mind of why of all things she tasted like chocolate. But not the far-too-sweet kind, but the sensuously bitter one that lingered on his tongue. He kissed her even more gently now, as if he wanted to savour her taste for as long as possible. A shudder ran through him as her hands slid to the collar of his jacket and pushed it off his shoulders, landing on the floor with an almost too loud thud.

Immediately his hands found their way back to her warm body, this time without the disturbing wool jacket between them. Sidney felt her flinch for a second and he also realized that he had never held her like this before. This thin fabric of pyjamas top only covered her skin, and he held her at arm's length to look at her. He wanted to memorize Charlotte for the few days he was away. The hair that lay in soft waves on her shoulders, the tempting full lips that called his. This shining big eyes that looked at him as if he was something very special. Her whole face beamed at him. Sidney wanted to hold that beautiful face. With his eyes fixed on hers, his hands gently stroked up her waist, embraced her ribs. Charlotte's breath quickened the higher his fingers went, and as he leaned closer to kiss her again, he understood why.

She was not wearing a bra. 

Oh damn! His thumbs were about to move to a certain place. He really couldn't help it. It was as if his fingers had a life of their own. The tips of his thumbs could already sense the soft curves that were moving up and down quickly. His fingers gripped hard into the fabric of her top to keep himself from doing what he wanted the most. Oh, how he longed to touch her!

But he wanted to enjoy it. Enjoy her, enjoy every millimetre of her when it came to it and not look at the clock when he had to leave again. Therefore he should really hold back. But how hard that was!

He briefly detached himself from her lips, but she was just as hungry as he was and immediately caught his mouth. But he still came to his senses at the very last moment and let his hands slide terribly slowly down her back. There the next seductive curve was waiting for him. He just had to caress her there for a very short moment. And who could blame him? She was just perfect. At the same moment, their kiss became more intense. Her tongue tenderly caressed his and he pressed himself more firmly against her, pushing her closer to the wall in her hallway. One hand slid up her back and slipped through the collar of her cardigan into her hair. With the other, he pulled her body closer to him as he pressed her head against the wall in a fierce kiss until they both moaned.

His lips moved to her neck again, but this time he couldn't be careful and kissed down to her collarbone with greed. Charlotte gasped but held his head there, so he couldn't avoid it. Her hand found its way under his pullover and also under the shirt he wore underneath. He twitched when she pressed her cool fingers on the heated skin of his back. 

They both held still. It was the first real touch of skin on skin on a part of his body that was otherwise hidden under clothing. Good lord! How intense everything was. And what he noticed at the same time. The apple scent of her hair. The soft skin under his lips. The vibrant pulsation beneath. This taste of bitter sweet chocolate still on his tongue. The strong pull of her fingers on his hair. Her lips that desired his just as much, but still tried restraint.

Sidney felt so hot. He thought he was going to burn to death and tore himself away from her and pulled off his pullover in one swift movement. The shirt slid up with it and he gasped as Charlotte's fingers found their way under it. She stroked his belly so damn tenderly that he tightened his muscles to protect himself and somehow suppress the vibration it caused. He watched her and couldn't quite comprehend what he was seeing. Her eyes lay fascinated on his face while her fingers continued to explore his belly and sides in a slow and soft rhythm. Flinching again, he watched as she traced the muscle on his side, squeezing her lip between her teeth. 

He couldn't wait any longer and seized her mouth and pressed her firmly against him. Surprised by the fierceness, she clawed her fingernails into his skin. Moaning he let his hand glide to her face and tried desperately to slow the kiss down. His lips found their way to the other side of her neck, but now he kissed her again very calm and soft. Nevertheless, both of them found it difficult to breathe. 

Charlotte felt his lips chasing an alternating bath of goose bumps and hot, short electric shocks through her body, so that she no longer knew exactly whether they were still standing in the hallway or were already in her room. 

While Sidney caressed her graceful neck, he felt her delicate body parts awaken dangerously seductive and pulled Charlotte even closer to him. He could feel her. Those delicate tips of her soft curves pressed against his chest. 

He took a step back. Grabbed her jacket and was torn between tearing it off her body and buttoning it up.

The sparks in her eyes literally jumped at him and they both remembered that his plane was leaving in a few hours and that they both didn't want to take a step in this direction, to be then disturbed by a clock and any kind of interruption. From waking up together.

To his surprise Charlotte took his face in both hands pressed a small kiss to his lips and then cradled his neck as she snuggled heavily against him. 

"Stay."

She whispered and Sidney shivered as she pressed her soft lips against the hot skin of his neck.

"Charlotte."  
"To sleep."   
"I know."  
"But if you don't..."  
"But I do."  
"I don't want to rush..."  
"Neither do I."

And as she had dreamed so often in her secret dreams and imagined so many hours, he lifted her up and carried her to the bed.


	14. thoughtful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney has to leave and Charlotte is waiting for his return...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again for all of your lovely comments.  
> Here the next chapter and I try everything to post one more before Christmas.

Even the third espresso didn't help to get that soft feeling out of his head, which always befell him when he had slept too little or not at all. And as sucky as that feeling was, Sidney wouldn't change the past night for anything. In fact, only to still be lying next to her. He smiled at the thought of Charlotte. How she had tightened her grip around his neck as he had lifted her up, and carried her to her bed. There he lowered her very slowly again, but she hadn't moved an inch away from him. Sidney thought that she was either overwhelmed by her proposal and wondering what to do now, or if she was just enjoying it too much in his arms. Anyway, at some point, as if in slow motion, she let her hands slip from his neck, looked at him once more, and then turned around and crawled onto the bed. Only then he noticed the many books and candles on the windowsill next to the bed. When he looked to the foot end, he also discovered her TV and saw himself already spending one or the other movie night here, before he lay down next to her, on his side to face her. Neither spoke a word. They just looked at each other. Charlotte reached behind her and pulled out his blanket. Then she had slid her hand under his and smiled at him. A very calm feeling spread out in his chest, which came over one when you're completely right in that moment and with the right person. 

Sidney had then leaned closer and seen her closing her eyes, probably expecting a kiss, but he had only placed his forehead against hers. Sidney knew it was complete nonsense, but in that magical moment, he had truly believed he was communicating with her only in their minds. Because in his, he told her everything. The whole truth. How long he had felt something for her and how happy he was now, and how much he wished he didn't have to pick up the art buyer in south London less than two hours later. Charlotte had answered him. Sidney was sure that he had felt her nod. Only then had she turned her hand, and slid her fingers between his. Sidney had no idea why, but this light caress of her slender fingers triggered something in him. Maybe it was the unexpected or that palpable tension between them, but he had lifted his hand, delaying the moment of contact even more. His fingers tingled. When her fingernails touched the thin skin between them, it tickled and he had to push his fingers harder between hers.

Charlotte's breath quickened and he knew it would be a mistake, but he just couldn't suppress it. His lips found hers and this kiss was as gentle and careful as their very first one. The tension became even worse, because he would have liked to roll on top of her, but any moment his alarm would go off and then this magical moment would have been over and he just didn't want that.

Groaning, he had let reason win and turned onto his back. He had taken her hand in his and unconsciously pressed it on his chest until she released hers from his grip, moved a little closer and slowly began to caress his face. Tiredness and exhaustion had struck as he relaxed completely under her touch after this exhausting week and longing for her closeness. He had noticed that he had smiled while still half awake and noticed the same smile now as he took out his cell phone and wrote her a message that he wanted to send as soon as he landed.

Then he put it away and could just barely suppress a yawn, but Jan the Art buyer sitting next to him noticed it anyway and asked amusedly.

"Busy night?"

"No," Sidney replied, shaking his head, "the night was just too short, unfortunately."

"I see." Agreed Jan, and then added slyly "too much work or too much woman?"

Sidney gritted his teeth in annoyance to stifle what was on the tip of his tongue and said only, "Just too little sleep."

Then he tried to change the subject and talked about the job until the end of the flight, and how the schedule looked like, although every one had the call sheet and time plan. As soon as they were out of the plane, he turned on his cell phone and made sure the message went out to her.

Charlotte woke up in the late morning and since she had never been one of those people to sleep late, she was in a daze the rest of the day. This reinforced the feeling that it had all been a dream, but the scent of his aftershave still lingered on her pillow reminded her that it really was true. How wonderful it had felt when he had put his arm around her and pulled her a little closer. And although he had tried to stay awake, he had no chance to her caressing and fallen asleep. It was only a light slumber, because as soon as she had stopped, his face had twitched in her direction or his hand that was at her waist had strengthened its grip. She had also been overcome by sleep and when his alarm went off, it took her a few minutes to realize where she was and that he was really lying next to her. Or more under her, for Charlotte had lied more on him than next to him. 

She had then woken him up and almost sank into the sight of him. A sleepy Sidney was somehow even a bit sexier than he already was. His long lashes made it hard for him to open his eyes, his hair was tussled and he smiled softly at her until he lifted his hand and stroked her wild curls from her face. His gaze then changed and that crease between his eyebrows was there for a moment. Then Sidney had leaned closer, kissed her on the forehead and stood up. While he was in the bathroom freshening up, she had made him a cup of coffee. And when he was standing at the door to leave about twenty minutes later, they were in each other's arms, as if he were going away for months and not just for four days.

"Sleep a little more." 

He ordered in a soft voice and stroked his thumb over the dimple at her chin. When she woke up later, there was already a message waiting for her.

"Hope you got some more sleep."

And she had first written him a longer reply, in which she also said how much she had enjoyed knowing him next to her and how much she wished he was still there, but instead had only replied briefly, asking him to bring the sun with him when he came back.

Charlotte spent the whole day doing everything that had been left behind. Paying bills, cleaning, tidying up and making a quick phone call to her parents. She kept checking her cell phone to see if another message had arrived, but he hadn't written since the short message he must have written directly after landing. But that was also quite normal, the first day he spent mainly with the photographer to check the locations and to organize one or the other relevant little thing for the shooting the next two days. Making sure the client and art byer of the advertising agency got everything he wanted and that the ordered stuff was there so they could get the job done without delays.

It wasn't until late in the afternoon, when she had just made herself a cup of tea, that her cell phone displayed a message, but it was from Clara and Charlotte ignored it because she simply didn't feel like having her good mood ruined by anyone or anything. At some point she couldn't stand it any longer and wrote him a message that he should send a picture of the beach and was happy when he finally sent a picture of the setting sun and wrote.

"Even more beautiful in real."  
"You’re mean."  
"I wish you could see it."

And Charlotte's heart skipped a beat. Had he perhaps said with these simple words, that he would miss her? Or was she just imagining it because her brain was totally overtired? In any case, she was satisfied with her answer and hoped that, despite her neutral tone, he understood the meaning, if he had meant it the way she had understood it.

"I wish that too."

Sidney, of course, already knew that he wasn't much of a talker, and that Charlotte was also someone who was rather reserved with her words. This would make it more difficult to talk about feelings, but this little back and forth writing between them made it clear to him that they missed each other. Even though she said she wished he would send the sun over and she needed a few more degrees and couldn't wait until Tuesday, it showed him, that she meant him. He would have liked to spend more time wondering what would happen on Tuesday, but first he had to go out to dinner with the crew.

Luckily, since they would start early the next morning, everyone left for their rooms as soon as dinner was over, and Sidney couldn't run to his hotel room fast enough to call Charlotte. As they talked to each other, the line echoed and he heard it burbling. And then when she answered his repeated question by telling him that she was in the bathtub, he closed his eyes and imagined her. Of course, he had not forgotten the sight of her from the previous night and how wonderfully her sensual curves had nestled against his body. 

Sidney knew that they were only at the beginning, but also that he urgently needed to be alone with her after his return. Not only a few hours in the evening, he wanted to be with her for a longer time. He wanted to get to know her better and also her body. It was inevitable.

Charlotte usually loved Sundays. She usually spent them in her bed all day in her pyjamas, watching lots of television, reading and talking on the phone. When the weather was nice, of course, she always went out or met up with her friends. But they seemed so strange to her since the last two weeks that she didn't feel like talking to them. Besides, they were going to meet the next evening anyway and since she had made up her mind not to tell them anything about Sidney anymore, she took her computer and prepared the pictures for Georgiana. She had already sent her the pictures for the dress so that she could discuss any further alterations to her dress directly with Clara and her friend. But now she was making some collages for the flower arrangements, locations and favours according to the list the four of them had put together. That way they would have plenty to talk about without her having to listen to any nasty nonsense from them.

Of course Charlotte knew that what she was doing was just suppression, she had to discuss the subject with the girls. Not her relationship with Sidney, but why they were acting like pouty teenagers and being so mean to her. But having friends and telling them honestly what hurt her, was a difficult thing to do, because Charlotte was afraid she could hurt them and in the worst case lose them. And since she hadn't been so lucky with that so far, she tried to avoid it. So far it had worked out well and she had seen past the one or other thing, but the thing with Sidney was too important for her not to be taken seriously by the three of them.

Nevertheless, Charlotte decided to wait and worked on the computer for several hours, burning it onto a cd and being pleased when a small report from Sidney came in every now and then. He sent pictures of the shooting, the locations and the crew, which she looked at enthusiastically, and then her heart made a leap again when he sent her a selfie.

Charlotte had to swallow, because he was topless and behind him was the sea. How could he be so amazingly beautiful? He wrote that it wasn't so warm anymore, but he was still in the water for a short while, which she had already seen at his wet hair and face. And somehow it didn't matter what he wrote. The sight of him alone made her long to touch him and have him with her, and she was overcome by a feeling she hadn't felt in a long time. 

This ache in her chest, this pulling in her stomach. This mixture of pain like homesickness and anticipation to see him again soon. She knew they were still at the very beginning of their relationship, but she felt his absence, as if he was already a part of her. Maybe he was. And although she was afraid of not being enough for him, that he might be disappointed, she hoped that she would dare to show him the next time that she longed for him all the time. His touch. His kisses.

Monday was again packed with work for Charlotte and although she missed him and the pain of loss throbbed quietly in the background, she was able to throw herself into work and thus somehow endure his absence. They only sent a few messages back and forth in a flirtatious tone and in between phone calls to clients and organising other jobs, Charlotte sent a message that send a hot flush through her as she honestly admitted that she was looking forward to seeing him.

The evening with her friends was strangely quiet. Perhaps it was because Georgiana had spoken to Otis on the phone for a long time and had finally discussed a few dates with him. Esther reported of a high society event she had organised and Clara that she had met a new man. Charlotte had feared briefly that she too would be questioned again, but fortunately that did not happen. She was glad that she was left out of the rave about man and didn't have to say anything, even though she was so happy about how she felt about and with Sidney. 

Everyone had so much on their plate in the next few weeks before Christmas that they said goodbye relatively early and all the way home Charlotte talked to Sidney on the phone, who was already in his room and told her all the little and bigger events of the day.

Charlotte knew what time his plane landed and what time he would be back at the office, so she stared at the clock every few minutes from four onwards. When about an hour later, she finally sensed his arrival, rather than seeing him, she almost jumped up and ran to meet him. But she kept control and sat tensely in her chair, reading through an email from a model agency for the tenth time, trying to stop herself from staring at him as he walked past her door. She looked up as he went into his office and as soon as he disappeared there, he called and asked her to come into his office.

Charlotte almost ran over to him, but with some papers so everybody would see, she just went there because of work. And as soon as she was standing in his doorway, he got up and came towards her. Her heart was pounding in her chest and it seemed that it reached for him. It was drawn to him and she stepped closer. Sidney reached for the door without letting his eyes drop from hers, but instead of closing it as she expected, his brother rushed into the office and closed the door behind him.

"The portfolios are here!"  
"Hello to you too, Arthur." Sidney grumbled and looked annoyed at Charlotte for a moment.  
"Yes sorry." Arthur hugged him and then glanced briefly over at Charlotte, who was standing next to the door and making a move to leave.

"Oh I didn't know, do you have something to talk about?"  
"I was just about to tell Charlotte about the portfolio thing when you came in." 

Sidney explained, through clenched teeth, and then asked his brother to leave. Charlotte's heart lifted excitedly and then continued to thump violently, because she knew what would happen as soon as they were alone in a closed room.

"Or better still, you can both come with me!" Arthur shouted and then pushed Charlotte out of the room.

Disappointment and frustration were building up in Sidney's chest and he just couldn't stop himself from giving short annoyed answers to everything Arthur said. The three of them went up to the conference room and Arthur first closed the door and unpacked the new photographers' portfolios from the boxes that had been delivered. He showed them to Charlotte, explained the new logo and that she was the only one to know about, so that she could help Sidney fill the portfolios in secret until the Christmas party in less than two weeks.

"We should do this when there is no one left in the office, otherwise people will find out." 

Sidney suggested in a neutral tone and Arthur was pleased by his prudence. Charlotte, however, tried to look as little in Sidney's direction as possible and helped Arthur and Sidney to unpack the books and sort them by the names of the photographers.

Sidney would have liked to throw his brother out of the room. But on the other hand, he was quite glad that he was standing between them, because who knows what he would have done otherwise. Charlotte was somehow even more beautiful than he remembered her. Her hair was tied in a knot at the back of her head and some little curls made their way to the back of her neck. That long graceful neck over whose line he wanted to run his fingers and lips. He stood at the other end of the long table and watched her every move. Those slender but strong hands placing the heavy black portfolios on the table and after she had put on white cotton gloves she stroked carefully the smooth plastic-coated shiny pages.

The truth dawned on him when he looked at her face. She avoided any eye contact, just as she had always done in the past when she was near him. He became more and more aware that she must have felt something for him for a long time as well, because this look on her face he knew from the very beginning. And it was an urgent desire to talk to her about it. But more he wanted to be alone with her, even when he knew he wouldn’t be able to kiss her here, with all this people around.

At some point he couldn't take it any more and asked Arthur in a harsh tone whether he wanted to fill the photo books with Charlotte or whether he should do it as it was planned. And then he added something that he knew Arthur would react to by fleeing.

"It's quite a lot of work and if you'll take over I can do my job and leave early."

"Oh no Sidney, go ahead, you are a team after all." Arthur grinned at Charlotte.  
“But you really should do it in the evening when no one is around.” And after a few more words of that it should be a secret, he left the room.

Unfortunately, he had left the door open and Sidney followed him with quick steps to grab and close it. When he turned around, Charlotte just looked at him, but didn't move. They were both aware that they had to control themselves, because after all, Tom's office was next door and someone could come in at any time. So Sidney decided to just say what he felt to ease the palpable tension between them.

"I would like to be alone with you."

Charlotte's heart lifted and she nodded wordlessly at him.

"I've postponed all my appointments." He admitted, and although he would have liked to walk over to her, he stayed where he was.

"Me too." She admitted simply and smiled at him.

But Sidney didn't smile, he really thought he was going to burst at any moment and he had to say what was on his mind, or pull her into his arms and kiss her. It was clear to him that it had to be now, they couldn't leave this room without him say something.

"You know, I'm not so good with words."  
"Yes you are." 

She answered and thought of his last messages, which were very obviously flirting, and grinned at him. But Sidney couldn’t think of anything and was looking around to get it done, somehow.

"You know, I erm... I felt like those photo books when I was away." 

He pointed to the table where the portfolios were piled up and Charlotte had an open book in front of her. She took off the white cotton gloves, as they still had to get the photos with which they should fill them. Sensing his uneasiness she chuckled and remarked.

"Leathery-smelling, heavy and bulky?"  
Sidney smiled nodding and simply added. "And empty."

Charlotte's heart beat even more wildly in her chest and she was aware that he was just making an explanation to her. She remained silent and looked at him and was glad, that he was standing at the other end of the room or she would have kissed him. As he didn’t say anything more but looked like he was waiting for anything from her she asked in a silent voice. 

"Are you feeling empty now?"

He just shook his head and stepped a few steps closer as the door was ripped open and Tom stormed in with a high red head.

"Ah Sidney, there you are, I need you urgently."  
"Tom, we're in the middle of..."  
"That can wait I have New York on the line."

Charlotte saw Sidney's face, which had just been full of warmth and softness, harden and without another word, just with a dark look at her, he left the room. She knew about the rumours that the company was going to open an office in New York soon, but didn't know anything more specific. Anyway, it was probably something that annoyed Sidney quite a lot, because from the way he looked, it wasn't exactly a favourite project of his. 

Since she didn't have the other photo books there, nor did she want to start dragging them up here in front of everyone, she left the room shortly afterwards, closed the door and went back into her office. When she passed Tom's glass box office, Sidney looked briefly in her direction and she tried to cheer him up with a little smile. But he just had that look on his face that used to doubt her in the past and turned back to Tom, who seemed to have put the caller on speaker.

Charlotte spent the rest of the day doing her job and continuing to put things on Sidney's desk, who hadn't come out of Tom's office for an hour and a half. She kept looking into the glass office and saw him gesticulate in a wild manner, putting his hands on his hips and staring at the ceiling in annoyance.

She was actually ready to go home, but she didn't know exactly whether she should start with the photo books now and asked Arthur what she should do.

"Oh Charlotte you erm..." Arthur also looked up to Tom's office and then just told her.  
"You go home, I think it's best to do it at the end of the week."

"Alright."

With one last look up, she went back, packed her things, took her bike and drove home. 

When she got there, she immediately checked to see if Sidney had written, but she hadn't heard from him even after another hour. She knew Tom's long, unannounced meetings only too well, but they had never had such an effect on her. It had often been long evenings in his office, with and without photographers, alone or with other colleagues, and often enough they had all witnessed the heated discussions between the siblings, or rather watched them from below. Because even if Tom’s office was made out of glass, if you weren't standing in the kitchen or the conference room next door, you couldn't hear a word even when it was being shouted.

One of these days some of her colleagues had made a joke of it and put words in the mouths of the arguing bosses as if they were dubbing them, and even though it was quite funny, Charlotte had never taken part in it, but rather wondered why they did it in Tom's office where everyone could see it, instead in another office whose walls and doors were not made out of glass. 

At about half past nine Sidney called and she could still hear the tension in his voice. And although she wanted to see him so badly, she was already bracing herself for the fact that he wouldn't be able to come, because he might have to argue with Tom some more.

"Can I still come?" He asked curtly.

"Of course."

And then she ran around her apartment excitedly. She lit all the candles she could find, turned on the oven to make him a pizza, and then looked at her in the mirror, combed her hair again, mascaraed her eyelashes and put on some lip-gloss. She didn't want to be too obviously sexy, she never was, but she wanted to be beautiful for him. Still with the interrupted explanation in her head, she pulled open the door when he finally rang the doorbell.

Unlike Friday, he didn't come running up the stairs, but walked normally. He looked tired and weary and a slight tugging in her heart showed her that something was wrong. Sidney stood still in front of her and she pulled him into her flat, let her arms slide around his middle and pressed herself against him. He noticeably relaxed in her arms and his embrace strengthened the hold on her.

Sidney was agitated. Not only because of the gruelling conversation with Tom, his plans for New York and the resulting problems. He was also not so clear about when he should talk about it with Charlotte. And the fact that his little spontaneous declaration of love was completely rubbish didn't make it any better.

"Charlotte, I..."

He began as he broke away from her and then lost all thought of talking, he just couldn't help himself and kissed her. Briefly and still with that worried look, but Charlotte reacted quite differently than he had expected. She broke away from him, looked him in the eyes and asked.

"Are you hungry?" 

But he couldn't answer. There was only one thing that could satisfy his hunger and with the look she gave him and her cheeks turning red, he knew she knew the answer.

Before he could think another thought, he tore off his jacket. Charlotte turned around and ran into her kitchen. He saw her turn off the oven as he followed her. And when she straightened up again, he was already standing by her and grabbed her by the arm to pull her into his arms.

At the same time Charlotte grabbed his face and kissed him. Urgently. And any thoughts and frustration he had felt a few moments ago were gone. She reached up on her toes and pressed herself so tightly against him that he stumbled back a few steps. 

They both had to gasp for air after their tongues did a wild dance and he pressed his face into her neck. A little calmer, Charlotte stroked his back, she felt he wanted to say something and wanted to show him that whatever it was, she would listen to him.

"What’s wrong?" 

She asked and he stroked her face lovingly. His look was full of worry and something else she couldn't quite interpret.

Sidney could tell by the look in her eyes that she felt something was on his mind, but he couldn't find the courage to talk about it now. He rested his forehead on hers and breathed her in. He just wanted to be here with her, he didn't want to waste a thought on anything or anyone else. The only thing stopping him from telling her was standing right in front of him, he needed her.

"I just don't want to talk."  
"Alright."

Charlotte stroked his face until he looked at her, then she leaned closer and kissed him as gently as she could, slipping both arms around his neck. And as she might expected, he immediately complied, kissing her back just as passionately in this slow rhythm.

At one point he couldn’t stand no longer and pulled her with him onto her sofa. She pushed herself on top of him. He caressed her back and sides and he heard her sigh softly as he grazed her bra. Kissing him, she pressed herself harder onto him and as she gave in to her feelings, she slid one leg between his.

And when Sidney had to gasp for air for a moment, she kissed tenderly up his neck. She held his face with both hands and found her way back to his lips while he had one hand firmly on her lower back and the other hand pushed into her hair. It was all so overwhelming and warm and soft that at one point Charlotte lost her grip and somehow slid sideways off him. But he took the opportunity and rolled himself on top of her, as he had wanted to do on Friday night.

It tingled all over and it was so warm that Charlotte hoped he would finally take off one of her clothes, but instead, he only lifted himself up briefly and took off his pullover. And just like on Friday, she immediately slipped her hands underneath his shirt and caressed his firm body.  
A hot flash ran through her body as he lowered himself a little heavier onto her and she put her leg up so that he could move even closer. Finally he kissed down her neck and sucked very tenderly on the soft spot between her shoulder and neck until she moaned and trembled so violently that he leaned on his arms and looked at her.

"Charlotte."

Just the way he breathed her name, she would do anything he asked and she could only tighten her grip on his shirt.

"I erm..." he stroked her face with his thumb "I want to leave."

Her face immediately lost its colour and happy expression and he scolded himself in his head for his stupid choice of words.

"With you."

Amazed, she looked at him and this magical crease between her brows was there and he tried to wipe it away with his thumb as they looked into each other's eyes. A thousand questions and possible answers ran through his mind that she could give him, but Charlotte only asked, nodding.

"When?"

His smile was the most beautiful one he had given her so far and he kissed her cheek before lying down beside her and sliding his arms around her waist.

"Friday."

Charlotte waited for him to tell her more and he nodded to her as he said.  
"I just want to spend as much time with you as possible, without any kind of interruptions or work the next morning."

"Me too." 

She replied and snuggled against him, her heart pounding to her throat as he let his hand move from her back to her side. The warmth spread over her body and she wished he would take off her shirt as his hand remained on her ribs like a hot stone. Not moving although Charlotte could sense that he was as eager as she was for him to push his hand further up.

After one more breath she let herself tilt back a little, her breath quickening, it had been so long since she had last been touched there and her body was in complete turmoil of expectation and desire. Trembling, she looked at him. She just wasn't capable of more.

"We can wait." He murmured and the sound of his voice sent a shiver through her.  
"Some times that is the best part." He smirked but the desire to touch her was almost jumping out of his eyes.

"You being so thoughtful is the best part." 

She whispered and she felt tears prickling behind her lids. Closing her eyes she breathed harder as he slid his fingers towards her beautiful curves in a cruelly slow way.

"Only when I’m with you," he pressed a soft kiss to her lips, while his hand carful caressed her.  
"I am the best part of me."


	15. home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friday is just around the corner... but before happened what everyone wants to happen, Charlotte has to get something off her chest....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is a longer chapter and even if what happens is to be expected, I hope you enjoy and like it.
> 
> Warning: I don't do explizit, I describe the things with other words, but who don't like it anyway should maybe skip the last part.

Once again, Friday was still a long time away and Charlotte thought she would break out in a fever from all the tension and heated feelings. Since he had touched her on very sensitive parts of her body for the first time on Tuesday evening, she could think of nothing else. It had been so intoxicating, even though he hadn't even slipped his hand under her shirt. The arousal she had already felt was like nothing she had ever felt before and she almost couldn't bear the thought of what it would be like when he caressed her without any clothes on.

She buried her face in her hands and tried to focus her thoughts on the here and now, which really wasn't easy after the sight of him kept filling her head.

For he had reacted just as sensitively to her caress and had at some point lifted himself up to free himself from his t-shirt. And Charlotte could not suppress a groan when she had him topless and so close before her for the first time. Very gently she had touched him, running along every line and every little valley between his abdominal muscles and following the line of dark hair up his chest. And yes it had filled her with pride that she had caused that twitching of his muscles and his hard breathing. At some point he had grabbed her hands, intertwined their fingers and held her arms above her head. Then he had lowered himself heavily onto her and kissed her so slowly that she had thought her heart would burst with all the love she felt.

The kisses turned wild again at some point and his hands wandered over her body in a restless and greedy frenzy until they both departed gasping for air. At one moment he had more or less jumped up and stood beside the sofa for a few breaths and she had watched with fascination the movement of his back muscles, which moved in shades of gold and orange in the light of the candles, while he let his hands run through his hair. Sidney then wordlessly went to the fridge took out a bottle of water and returned with it and two glasses. He sat down on the sofa at the level of her knees and poured them both a glass of water and had almost dropped it when Charlotte sat up and started to place little kisses up his back. His muscles twitched under the touch of her lips, but best of all was when she slid her arms around him, he leaned into the embrace and pressed her hand to his heart. She loved him all the more for not pushing her in any way, even though she would have been willing to do everything at more than one point.

She had really fallen for him completely and she held on to the small hope that he felt the same way. For the way he had looked at her and touched her was much more than any man had ever done. It was deeper. The caress, however gentle it had been, had burned deep into her heart. Every touch was tattooed on her senses. 

Charlotte ran her hands over her face and drank a sip of water. She should really pull herself together, because if she would ran around with flushed cheeks all day, everyone would know before the end of the week.

They both tried to keep their meetings during working hours to a minimum, but it was even more difficult than when they had both tried it months ago. She also didn't think she would survive it if they started to assemble the photographers' portfolios together in the conference room the next days. She really wasn't sure if it was such a good idea and wondered if they could somehow postpone it until next week, because she knew he had appointments for at least two evenings and then she could do the portfolios alone and not run the risk of jumping him in the conference room. She should really only do it when they were alone.

And they would be alone for the next few evenings. But she also believed that he would wait for it. Until they didn't have to get out of bed the next morning. The thought alone made her body tingle in expectation, although she didn't know what exactly he had planned, she was so extremely looking forward to the weekend. But of course there was also the worry that either something would come up and disturb their alone time, or that she wasn’t able to give him, what he expected. After all, he had been with several women and had much more experience and for sure certain expectations of the woman who climbed into bed with him. 

But on the other hand, Charlotte didn't really believe that it was that important to him. There was something completely different that connected the two of them, she was sure he felt it too. Could it be, that it really was the magic miracle of… love? 

Despite the fact that they both had jobs and had to go to the one or other appointment, they managed to meet in her place every evening around ten or eleven. On Thursday, however, it almost looked like it wasn't going to work, because the siblings had another huge fight in Tom's office as Charlotte left at eight. 

But he came and that evening Charlotte had the feeling that Sidney's mind was elsewhere and he didn't want her to be a part of it. Although she would have loved to help him with the problem he seemed to have at work and with Tom, she didn't push him and tried to change the subject, asking him about their trip. And as if she had flipped a switch, he was immediately in a better mood.

"I hope you've prepared your photo material, because there are some great subjects to photograph for your book."  
"Oh really?"  
He nodded, took her hand and kissed her knuckles.

"And what else should I take?" 

The question was said and meant innocently, but she could tell from his darkening eyes that his thoughts were not quite so innocent.

"Not much."

His voice was all dark and his lips softened as he ran them over the back of her hand to her wrist. The hairs on the back of Charlotte's neck stood up as he turned her arm and pressed his mouth to her pulse, and of course they both knew he could feel it throbbing under his lips. Sidney opened his mouth and sipped the tender skin without taking his eyes off hers. And her breath quickened as he carefully let his teeth move over her arm to the crook of her elbow. There he became tender again, but Charlotte withdrew her arm as she could hardly stand the tingling and wrapped it around his head as she leaned on him and kissed him not quite shy.

It wasn't long before he pulled her tighter onto his lap and slid his hand under her shirt at the small of her back. He had also done this the night before and Charlotte was so impatient that she leaned back and tried to pull her shirt off as he took her hands, wrapped them around his neck and said.

"You need to pack."

She looked at him questioningly and withdrew a hand to stroke his face.

"We're leaving tomorrow right after work." He smiled and Charlotte bit her lip to suppress a grin, which she only managed slightly.

And although he left shortly afterwards and she had enough time to pack her bag, she couldn't do it without sending at least three messages begging for more information. But he just wrote back mysteriously that they were going somewhere cold and that he wanted to take her out for dinner.

Friday seemed passing by in a flash, as if Sidney was on a speeding train. The pull she had on him was becoming more and more palpable and he kept noticing colleagues or his brother Arthur looking questioningly from one to the other as soon as they were less than five feet apart. But unlike Charlotte, he was able to cover up his feelings with a neutral expression on his face, as long as they didn't look him in the eye or take his pulse. However, her cheeks, which were always blushing, and her gaze, which she always lowered very quickly, showed her tension around him. But fortunately, he had behaved so harshly towards her in the past, that at least Arthur believed it was exactly the opposite of the truth.

"Sidney, you really need to talk to Charlotte."  
"Why?" He asked casually.  
"She's a really great girl and you make such a good team, you just need to be a little nicer to her."

Sidney struggled to suppress a laugh, and made a noise that sounded like a grumble to his brother.

"You complement each other better than you think." Arthur said, and the images in Sidney's head reflected exactly how well they complemented each other.

His head came to rest right in the arch between her smooth shoulder and graceful neck, as if it had been made for this reason, to lie there. Her slender fingers were able to follow the line of his muscles without interruption. The sway of her hips matched his as if they were two parts of a whole and his hands were the right size to cover precisely her beautiful bosom. And her lips. Oh yes her lips complemented his so well that he wished he never had to catch his breath and could kiss her undisturbed until they drifted off to sleep.

"What do you say?" Arthur asked snapping Sidney out of his memories, who then stared at him questioningly. "There’s not much going on today, the portfolios you can do next week and maybe you could send her home early and get some plus points."

His brother nudged him lightly on the shoulder and Sidney bit his cheek to keep from blurting out what he had already planned and just nodded.

Charlotte waited impatiently in her office for Sidney to pick her up and thought of what she had packed. Since she only had two dresses suitable for a date, she had decided to take the dark green one in sixties style, as the little black one that Clara had once forced her to buy, just seemed too obvious sexy. She then checked her photo bag again to make sure she had packed enough material and to distract herself from thinking about what would happen after dinner.

"Ah, are you going on a photo tour again?" 

Her colleague asked while she put on her coat and Charlotte could only nod, as she was already thinking of answers to questions that fortunately never came. Her colleague said goodbye shortly afterwards and Charlotte stared at the clock and wondered when he would finally come to her so they could go.

A few minutes later Sidney was walking towards her office when her gaze met his. He nodded at her as they walked silently out of the almost empty office and he took the bag from her and put it in his boot. Of course he noticed that she was quite nervous, because she did not get the seat belt in straight away and kept talking and asking where they were going, until he leaned over and kissed her. And although they were still standing in the company car park, neither of them was afraid of being caught. Just as her presence calmed him, he seemed to have a similar effect on her, for she breathed more quietly and kept her eyes closed for a moment longer, when he had long since sat on his seat again and driven off the parking lot.

If she knew how nervous he was, she would probably calm down even more, even though he seemed to have a different reason. Of course, he was also tense, wondering if and how it would be when they finally did what they both seemed to be longing for. And he hoped very much that he could make her happy and take away any inhibitions and reservations she still had. She shouldn't feel any insecurity or questioning his feelings for her. He loved her and wanted to show it in every moment they spent together.

But he was afraid that he was still pushing her too hard. Not with the fact that he wanted her, but with what he was burdening her with, with where they were going. And himself. He hadn't taken a woman home since Eliza and apart from the brief affair in the mourning phase afterwards with the waitress from the noble fish restaurant, was it his safe place. That could bear witness to his inner turmoil and grief, to all the pain he had ever felt, there was a place of memory everywhere. And he wanted to show them all to Charlotte if she wanted to see them and give her all of him she wanted to know. He had never felt as safe with anyone as he did with her and he hoped he could make her feel the same. Make sure, that she could trust him.

Charlotte's nervousness subsided the longer they drove and at some point she had a little idea of where they were going and her heart started beating more wildly again. Not because of what lay ahead of them, but what it meant. She pretended not to notice and waited for him to say something, but he didn't say anything until they passed by the obvious sign. He looked over at her briefly and she could see from his expression and the tense position of his hands on the steering wheel that he was probably a little nervous too.

"Sanditon?" She asked because she just couldn't wait any longer.  
"Is it ok?"  
"Of course!" 

Sidney was filled with this warm feeling, which he actually had every time with her, but which had cooled down somewhat due to the trouble with Tom, the many expectations and the fear that he would scare her off by taking her home. But when he looked over at her and saw her honest smile and the anticipation shining out of her eyes, he knew he had done it right.

"I'm looking forward to see where you grew up."

Again he smiled at her, though his thoughts drifted briefly to another person who had never had desire whatsoever to travel to this small barren village.

When they were only a few miles away from Sanditon, Charlotte had the feeling that Sidney was a lot more relaxed. He told her who owned these lands they were passing, although of course in the darkness of the evening she couldn't make out that much, except that the first snow had already fallen. After a few more minutes, they pulled into the car park next to a huge building above the cliffs and Charlotte wondered if this was the family home she had always heard about. She was stunned how huge and beautiful it was.

They got out the car and the wild sea breeze caught them unexpectedly but not unwelcome. He shouted something apologetic about the weather, but Charlotte took a few steps away from the car, closer to the cliffs, spread her arms and let the wind really blow through her. She loved the wind and the sea and licked the salty air off her lips.

"Do you like it?" He asked as he came closer. 

She just nodded with a smile as he wrapped his arms around her and she leaned against him, closing her eyes and enjoying the cool wind on her face and the warmth radiating from him.

"Shall we go in?"

Charlotte turned in his arms, gave him a little kiss and then followed him back to the car where he took the bags out of the boot and she took her camera bag.

"It's actually a hotel," he explained, pointing upwards with his chin, "but up there it’s where I live."

And Charlotte felt confirmed in her assumption that he was more at home here than in his two rooms in Bedford place, when she entered the apartment on the upper floor. It smelled like him, although he said he hadn't been there for months.

"The good thing about living in a hotel is you don't have to clean by yourself," he joked, adding, "and they've already turned up the heat and the fireplace."

He led her into the living room, which looked eerily cosy and she immediately felt at ease. Warm wooden floors and a comfortable-looking wide couch faced the fireplace, in which the fire was burning with small flames and the wood was crackling softly. Above it was a huge television and in front of it a soft-looking carpet and images formed in Charlotte's mind, she thought about what a nice place for some special moments it was or could be, and which immediately made the heat rise to her cheeks. 

"Come here."

Sidney called out, pointing to the huge window at the far end of the room, which looked down on the cliffs and although it was already dark and the way to the beach could not be seen, the lights of the house glittered on the water of the wildly foaming sea and she could have just stood there, fascinated, if he had not spoken.

"The view is gorgeous," and Sidney meant not only the view down to the sea but also her. 

Charlotte felt his gaze rest on her even before she saw his reflection in the window and turned to face him, but instead of kissing her, he took her hand and pulled her into the adjoining room. A bed made of grey flotsam was the only piece of furniture next to a small bedside table, and Charlotte's breath quickened a little as she realised what was about to happen there. 

"Here's the wardrobe." 

He explained as he pointed to a small hall walked in and opened another door to reveal a bathroom beyond. Then he looked at her briefly with his dark eyes, checked his watch and told her that he had a table reserved at one of the cliff restaurants, so they still had a little time to change clothes. But before he could talk further, she was already in front of him, gave him a light kiss that turned into more within another moment.

Having taken off her jacket in the living room, she was now wearing only her thin pullover, which slipped a little up as she wrapped her arms around his neck and his hands immediately found their way underneath. He stroked her back and pulled her closer and Charlotte somehow couldn't wait any longer, she wanted to show him, that she wanted him as well. She leaned back and simply took the disturbing cloth off. He looked at her, stroking her face, neck and collarbones with light fingers. 

"So beautiful." He whispered into her skin as he followed that path with his lips and as he kissed the tender spot below her throat, he cupped tenderly her in silk hidden curves.

Charlotte took a shaky breath and bent her head to get another kiss and her hands moved to his hair, tussled it as he took a few steps, stumbling to the bed. There he paused, laid her down and looked at her for a moment as if she were one of the most precious things in the world, before he too removed his pullover and sank into her waiting arms. They kissed and caressed each other and Sidney pulled her leg over his hip and pressed so tightly against her that she had to gasp. His hungry mouth roamed over her flat warm belly and his hands caressed every bit of skin that was not covered in fabric. Charlotte reached into his hair and arched her back to be even closer to him. She wanted to be touched by him, it was an urgent need. With one hand she reached behind her and undid her bra and when Sidney kissed up her arm over her smooth shoulder and slid the strap down a little, she simply took it off without a second thought. He breathed in, touched her with his gaze. Opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something and yet looked wordlessly into her eyes. When their lips met again he let his agile fingers run over the newly exposed skin and the feelings his tenderness paired with the almost rough touches of desire triggered in Charlotte were so wonderful and almost frighteningly strange that she could no longer think clearly at all. 

Sidney was carried away about the feeling how Charlotte moved so beautifully under and beside him that he almost forgot himself as his lips followed his fingers over her heated body. But he tried to hold back, remaining soft and tender. When one hand came to rest on her lower belly and his fingertips were already grazing the button of her jeans, while he was drawing little patterns on her skin with his tongue, her sighs turned into panting and she tightened her grip on his hair. Slowly he had undone the button but he sensed that she was not ready even before she touched his arm.

He was worried about what was holding her back but he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, so he let his hands move back up over her soft skin and caressed her belly with his chin. Her body was on fire, she had seductive goose bumps all over and reacted with passion to his caresses. Her fingers were just as full of desire, yet he kissed her more slowly and after he kissed the most delicate parts once again he rolled them both to the side so they could look at each other.

"Are you alright?" He asked, smiling softly at her.

Charlotte nodded but he saw tears beginning to form in her eyes, which she tried to hide by closing them. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" A cold rod bored into his chest, had he hurt her somehow?

"I was… in such a situation before." She explained meekly after a while, opening her eyes again at the exact moment as he clenched his jaw and he was ashamed that she saw it. 

"I'm sure you were." But of course he didn't want to think about it, but tried to show her that she could tell him everything as well and kissed her hand.

"But I stopped it because… because it felt wrong."

Sidney closed his eyes for a moment, the thought that she believed it was wrong shook him to the core, but he didn't want to show her. Damn it, what had he done? Had he pushed her too hard? But she had taken off her pullover… and her bra, she had wanted it too! Or had she simply been overwhelmed by what her body craved and didn't want this at all? Should he have taken it slower? 

Charlotte knew that she had to explain, had to say something. She didn't want to take the next step until he knew! He should know and she tried to find the right words.

"But with you," she said softly, stroking his beard with her fingernails, what made that soft scratching sound over his stubble and his gentle gaze gave her the courage to keep talking.  
"It felt right from the start."

Her voice trembled and to lighten the mood, Sidney tried a little joke.

"So you're saying we could have done it already...?"  
Unimpressed by his little smirk, she continued to speak as she moved a little closer. 

"It feels so right that I even don't know why I'm so... reserved."  
"Hey, it's fine." 

Sidney gave her a light kiss, he could wait. Of course he would, if that was what she needed, she should get everything she wanted, even when she herself did not know exactly what it was. He was aware that he was falling just a little bit more in love with her in this very moment and he touched her forehead with his as she whispered.

"I think," she closed her eyes and placed her fingers on his lips so that he wouldn't interrupt her in this moment, when she was finally able to say what lay so heavy on her soul for quite a while. 

"I am scared…" She took one last breath and finally said it "of the intensity of my feelings for you."

His heart, which had been hammering wildly in his chest, seemed to stop beating for a moment, his breath quickened, for no one had ever said anything so incredibly beautiful to him before. Knowing that Charlotte was very careful with her words touched his heart all the more. Pulling her close, he rested his temple on hers and spoke softly but in a firm voice.

"Don’t be." He pressed a light kiss to her ear and admitted.  
"It's not just you."

They lay there like that for a long time, stroking each other in a soothing rhythm. Their hearts beat in unison and Charlotte felt so safe in his arms that she could have stayed like that forever. 

"Shall we have dinner?" He asked after a while and she nodded.

Sidney was amazed when Charlotte came into his living room a few minutes after him, and it wasn't necessarily because of the dark green swinging dress, or because of her legs, which looked incredibly long and sexy in the high heels she was wearing. No, it was because of the glow that emanated from her. It was as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she had regained her light-heartedness. He was sure that what she had said had really meant a lot to her and that she was even more relaxed now.

Smiling, he took her hand and they left the warmth of the hotel, went to his car and drove down the wide hill to the village, arriving at the restaurant a few minutes late. But there were not many guests and everything went perfectly well and during the meal they relaxed even more, ate little, talked a lot and looked dreamily down at the sea wrapped up in the thoughts of the other and what they both knew now.

And it wasn't until Sidney took her hand in his and asked if they wanted to leave that that little nervousness came back. They got back to his apartment and while Sidney put some firewood in the fireplace, Charlotte disappeared into the bathroom for a short moment. She tried to calm herself down with cold water and when she came back into the living room, she just knew what she had to do.

Sidney was standing at the small bar next to the window, looked over his shoulder and asked what she wanted to drink, but she only wanted a water and slowly walked over to the sofa, picked up some cushions and laid it on the soft carpet in front of the fireplace, along with the blanket she found. Sidney looked over at her again and noticed what she was doing and that she had taken off her stockings. He thought he knew what she was up to and his heart made a leap. A few steps later he was there and smiled down at her.

"I like Berry White." She explained simply with a nod to his stereo and he took the remote and turned the music up a bit.

He didn't know that she had compared his voice to the sound of one of these songs, but Charlotte was sure that it was somehow a sign and walked slowly towards him. She put her head on his shoulder, slid her arms around his middle and was glad when he understood that she wanted to dance with him. They moved very slowly, slower than the beat of the music and yet it was exactly the rhythm they needed. One warm big hand lay on her back and the other slowly stroked her hair off her shoulder. Sidney let the silky strands slip through his fingers and the feelings inside him were dark and heavy, he felt himself like sinking deeper into the feeling the music and her closeness triggered in him. He gently stroked her cheek with his chin, knowing she liked the light scratch of his stubble on her skin, and kissed her cheek.

Charlotte slid her hands up to his chest before stretching her face towards him, concentrating completely on the softness of his lips. Wanting to show him that she desired him too, she slowly slid her fingers to the top button of his shirt. She undid it and carefully slid her fingers inside, stroking up to his throat and placing her fingers on the hollow beneath. Feeling his Adam's apple bounce she released her lips from his, letting them travel down over his chin and across his throat. Sidney tilted his head back and moaned slightly as she kissed his neck. Then she laid a burning path down to his chest, which she had freed from his shirt. And his heart was pounding fast, she could feel it as she pressed a kiss to the smooth skin of his chest. 

Her fingers tickled him as she slipped off his shirt and when their eyes met, she smiled happily at him. Sidney leaned in and kissed her softly, slid his arms around her and deepened the kiss. His lips trailed down her cheek to her neck, slowly and intimately kissing the skin he could reach until she slowly turned and brushed her hair aside.

The sound of the zipper as he opened it bit by bit gave Charlotte goose bumps and his long fingers cupped her shoulders as he kissed her neck and shoved the dress off her shoulders. He saw that her underwear was the same dark green of her dress, crocheted soft lace and he couldn't help it, he had to feel it! In a cruelly slow way he ran his index finger down her spine and saw with fascination how her muscles danced under his touch, her breath quickened. Only when he had reached the fabric of her panties did he close his eyes. Terribly tender he ran his fingers forward over the hem of the fabric and then placed his hands on her stomach. She shivered.

Sidney pressed himself against her and caressed her shoulders with his lips while one hand remained on her belly and the other stroked upwards. But before he reached, what longed for his touch, he walked around her and took her face in both hands. Charlotte had closed her eyes and her cheeks had a golden glow from the flickering fire in the fireplace. He kissed her and her lips seemed to melt into his.

With her fingernails she scratched gently over his chest, over the mounds of his muscles and his ribs. She slid both arms around him and placed her hands on his shoulder blades like two hot burning wooden logs and Sidney wrapped one arm around her while the other hand lingered on her face. The kiss did not speed up, yet he deepened it, the slow rhythm he set was very similar to the sound of their hearts. At some point he broke away from her lips, kissed her neck, the valley between her bosoms and as he knelt down he kissed her stomach and hips. He stroked his fingers over her flawless skin and pulled her to her knees.

Charlotte stroked amazed his face and locked her eyes with his. She couldn’t really grasp what was happening, after one year of longing and loving him in secret. They were here, in this very moment. She brushed lightly over his shoulders, down his arms to his hands. One she took in hers brought it to her mouth and kissed it. The stinging sensation of pleasure coursed through her as he moaned and pulled her closer. His hand wandered to the clasp of her bra and undid it and Charlotte breathed heavily as she let go of his hand and let him free her from it. His eyes were dark and glowing in the golden light of the fire, as he just looked at her for quite a while, only caressing her with his gaze. Then finally he reached for her, embracing her with one arm as he slowly lowered himself backwards and pulled her on top of him.

The turmoil inside was a combination of a whirling swirl and a feeling of complete release, of relaxation. Charlotte sipped his lips carefully and leaned up on one arm so he could touch her where she wanted it most. Her body ached with desire and as soon as he touched her soft curves with his hands, she moaned and pressed herself tighter against him. Again, one of her hands wandered over his beautiful body and stroked so terribly slowly over the line of dark hair that disappeared into his jeans that she only wished he would understand to finally take them off and bravely undo the top button. She could feel him but he wasn't close enough and she moved restless on top of him until he gripped her tighter and rolled her onto her back. The feeling of being trapped between the soft blanket and pillows at her back and his firm, strong body was so overwhelming that Charlotte couldn't help but pause for a moment to look at him. He was so beautiful. 

There was that crease between his eyebrows and she stroked it with light fingers. Sidney kissed her palm and she gasped, the feeling of this intimate act went through her with a jolt. He lifted himself off her and slipped his jeans off as he continued to kiss her hand, wrist and the delicate skin of her arm. The tingling sensation keeping Charlotte from noticing anything around her. She only felt the warmth and him. Him. Sidney. Sidney!

He stroked her lovingly, kissed her so tender and then grabbed her harder and seduced her tongue in a wild dance that made her dizzy even before he peeled the last piece of clothing off her body. And it didn't stop as he let his hands and lips roam over her body, finding every curve and dimple and told her with everything he could give her how much he desired and loved her. Although he didn't say it with words, Charlotte understood and gave him her answer. 

Sidney paused for a moment to look into her face. How was it possible? He almost couldn't believe that the time had finally come. That he was about to fulfil his dream and make love to her with all his senses. The fiery heat of the fireplace settled on his back and her warmth embraced him. Her hands caressed him and her gaze told him how deep her feelings were. Charlotte had never been more beautiful as she was at that moment. Her eyes were big and dark and the sparkle of fire glittered in them. The flush of her cheeks flowed down between her soft hills, he was allowed to touch. 

The enchanting sigh of her pleasure echoed in his ears as he finally gave in to the fierce pull of the invisible bond between them. In a drunken state of surrender and love, Sidney lost himself completely in her. Charlotte. I love you, I love you! It burned in his body, in his soul and he had to tell her. Tell her! Now.

"Charlotte."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As we celebrate Christmas at the 24th I won't be able to post the next days.
> 
> I wish all of you a Merry Christmas, happy Holidays and please stay safe!


	16. Sanditon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are in Sanditon, they are in love.
> 
> That is all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fluffy, cosy non explizit chapter, before they have to go back to work.  
> Hope you enjoy it and your holidays!

Her skin had the scent of fire and love. That was all he was aware of. Sidney was too stunned by the rush of his feelings raging in his mind and body. His heart was thumping deep and strong in his chest and it mingled with the sound of hers under his ear. 

Her breathing was a little slower now, but her fingers were still firmly buried in his hair, as if to make sure the moment wasn't a dream. They had been gazing into each other's eyes the whole time they were joined, even if at a certain point it was difficult to hold the gaze. But it had to be. It was like a higher power that made them do it. Only when their lips met again, after whispering their names countless times, could they close their eyes again and it was as if they were both released from a spell. It wasn't a dream they had experienced. It had really happened and they both couldn't believe they had waited for so long. It seemed so easy. As if they had always been destined to end up right here. In this very moment. 

This feeling was almost to much and Sidney first pressed his forehead against hers before he let himself sink down onto her, exhausted, and rested his head on her breast. He had to let this feeling sink in, it was so disturbing and wonderful at the same time. He could never have imagined he would ever have deep feelings for someone again and it had been a long lesson to learn that it was possible. But now he felt as if he was experiencing all these feelings for the first time. As if everything he had ever felt, what had happened before, before her, had been a faded untruth. An idea. A copy of the original.

What was going on inside him was frightening him. It was so intense that he didn't know whether he could tell her, even put it into words, or if he should rather run away.

When Charlotte had told him the day before that she was scared of the depth of her feelings, he had thought he knew what she was talking about. But he had been blind and deaf, because only now did he understand the full meaning of her words, which he, stupid as he was, had also declared to be his truth. But the truth overwhelmed him now. Now as he lay helpless in her arms. Tightly embraced by her warmth. There was no going back. Never again. And it was... alright. He was ready for it. He never wanted to be anywhere else. Only with her. Surrounded by her light. He wanted to drown in her.

All thoughts of the three famous words that had been on his tongue for days vanished into thin air. The words were just words. But now he felt it with every pore.

Sidney suddenly became aware of more things. His fingers felt her soft goose bumps. Her trembling had slowed and shook her at longer rhythms. He felt her leg against his side. It was cool against his heated skin. Reluctantly, he released his fingers from hers, which had become intertwined in the power of love, and reached for the blanket they were lying on, but it was big enough to cover them with it now.

Charlotte let go of his hair and reached for the end of the blanket on his back and wrapped it around him too. Her other hand found its way to his face and gently stroked his stubble. Slowly he lifted his head and sought her gaze. Her eyes shone as if she had been crying and he stroked her flushed face, worried that perhaps he had been too wild in his emotions and had hurt her.

"Charlotte," he croaked, his voice hoarse from saying her name so many times, "did I hurt you?"

She shook her head and her smile caused this strange feeling in his heart, as if it would stop for a moment and then beat double fast. Charlotte pulled him towards her until his face was next to hers and then she wrapped both arms around his neck. Sidney couldn't relax. A thousand questions were swirling in his head, what was going on, what was going on? His throat was tight and all he could do was ask quietly. 

"What is it?"

Instead of answering, she tightened her grip on his neck and he felt her breathing quicken again.

"Are you hurt or..." he raised his head again and looked at her and finally she finished his sentence.

"Just happy."

Oh.

Shit. Yes! He felt it too!

Sidney's smile was beautiful. But the glint in his eyes showed Charlotte that he was just as overwhelmed as she was. They smiled at each other, giggling like little children, burying their faces in each other's necks as they rolled around wrapped in the blanket until they came to lie laughing next to each other, facing the dawn outside the big window. 

"It's snowing!"

Charlotte got up and walked to the window. And although he wasn't cold, he would have liked it better if she had left the blanket with him. Sidney got up, went after her and pulled her into his arms as they both watched the play of the snowflakes.

"I'm afraid there won't be enough for a snowball fight." He murmured into her skin under her ear.  
"Why do you want to throw snow at me?"  
"You took my blanket."  
"Like you need it." She giggled and leaned harder against him.  
"You think I don’t need it, because I’m so hot?" He teased, kissing the back of her neck.  
"Too," she laughed and turned to him, hugging him along with the blanket, "and so cuddly."  
"Cuddly? I’m not cuddly!"

He narrowed his eyes and gave her a firm kiss that made her stumble back until her bare shoulders pressed against the glass and she hissed, startled by the cold. 

"Will you take it back?" He asked as he kissed her neck and she drew in a shaky breath.  
"No.. No." She stuttered and pulled him closer.  
"Then I guess I'll have to show you."

He warned her and Charlotte's little giggle turned into a sigh as he placed her leg around his hips. Their eyes locked. Charlotte pulled the blanket tighter around them both as he lifted her up and she wrapped her other leg around him. Her breath quickened. The thought of what he might do now made her feel slightly uneasy and she glanced over her shoulder. Happy it wasn’t the parking space underneath but the rough sea, down the coves. 

But Sidney was already moving. Walking slowly towards the bedroom, where she let the blanket slip from their shoulders, before he threw her on the bed. 

It was snowing a little harder when, after several tries, they finally managed to leave his home and go down to the town. Charlotte took a few photos of his parents' house above the cliffs, which still looked imposing in the bright daylight, but no longer so dominant. As if it was the most natural thing in the world, her arm went around his middle and he had his hand on her shoulder, pulling her so tightly against him that they could have shared a coat.

On the way down the hill, Charlotte knelt down on the frozen ground from time to time and took a few photos through the seaweed, sprinkled with a few snow crystals, down to the sea. Every now and then she would stop and gaze enraptured at the pastel colours of the landscape.

"It's so beautiful here, I'm madly in love!" She exclaimed and walked a few steps further to take another picture.

Sidney watched her smiling and his heart lifted with each enthusiastic exclamation, as he was sure it was her way of confessing her feelings to him. He was devoted to her and her enchanting smile, which she kept throwing over her shoulder at him. Also he took a few photos, but not of the landscape, wanting to capture these moments as best he could, knowing how quickly everything could suddenly be over. But he didn't want to allow heavy thoughts, just the happy lightness of the here and now.

She turned to him more than once with the camera in front of her face, but before she could take another photo of him, he playfully took the camera from her and held it over his head. Charlotte tried to get it back from him, but gave up after three times. Sidney looked at her with a nasty grin, but she just stepped closer, looked deep into his eyes and leaned in to kiss him. The kiss, gentle and tender at first, immediately became more heated and Sidney wrapped both arms around her and pulled her closer. Her plan had worked, so she could have easily taken her camera from him, but she had long forgotten it when their lips touched. 

Yes, that was the way it was with him.

He rested his forehead on hers to calm himself and not drag her all the way back home. He wanted to show her more than just his two rooms.

After they had a cup of tea at a little teashop, they walked on and Charlotte was amazed by the beautiful view from the terraces down to the sea. She took some more pictures and then sat down on one of the benches there and beckoned him to join her. But Sidney stopped a few steps away and got a strange look on his face.

"What’s wrong?"

Sidney looked at the other four empty benches on the terrace and wondered why she had chosen this one. He walked slowly towards her until she grabbed his hand and pulled him down. She looked at him questioningly and shaking his head, he pointed to a plaque on the back of the bench.

“I have loved none but you.” 

Charlotte carefully stroked the engraved letters and of course remembered the book they came from, she got goose bumps and a very strange feeling. The feeling of a truth that lay in those words. 

"For Eileen, who used to sit here and look out to the sea."

Reading aloud the text that was written underneath, she looked at Sidney, tears shining in his eyes.

"My father gave this bench to my mother as a wedding present, it was her favourite place."

Charlotte waited for more and only touched him on the arm with empathy. Again she had unknowingly done something that reminded him of his parents.

"She always waited for the dedication, but he only did it after she died."

Tears prickled in her eyes, it hurt her to see him so vulnerable, although it made her incredibly happy that he trusted her so much to show her this side of him. Sidney turned away and seemed lost in his thoughts, she saw him clench his jaw and look at a distant point on the horizon.

"It's from Persuasion." He explained silently.  
"Jane Austen I know." 

Briefly he looked at her. "Of course you know."

"One of my favourite books." She admitted, interlacing her fingers with his and pressed her face against his shoulders.

Sidney looked at her and seemed to be searching for something in her eyes. She didn't know if he found it, but he leaned closer and kissed her. And of course it wasn't just a little kiss. Cupping her hand around his neck, he flinched as her cool fingers touched his warm skin under his collar. He pressed her closer and deepened the kiss until they were both struggling to breathe.

"We erm... should probably keep walking." 

He suggested, and laughing, they got up and walked down the path to the beach. Carefully she asked him about his parents and he was so grateful that she was interested without pushing him and he tried to keep the mood light and not tell her the darkest stories yet, but told her funny childhood memories, from the summer holidays and Christmas. And although he didn’t planned it first, he also told her about the death of his parents. Not much and not every single moment, but so much that he felt a little bit lighter as she pressed his hand just a little bit more. 

Every now and then there were these pleasant silent pauses that made him watch her and take in her every move. To look at her beautiful face for a long moment and stroke it tenderly. To give her a sweet kiss from time to time, which he immediately broke off as soon as it seemed to become more. Then he tried to distract her and pointed to a shell or wave pattern that the receding sea had conjured up, prompting Charlotte to make a few more photos. Only in very shady places had the snow remained, in all the other places there was nothing to indicate that it was still snowing. Nevertheless, Charlotte found many beautiful motifs and also took pictures of Sidney without him fighting it.

But at some point it became too much for him and he playfully chased after her on the beach, grabbing her and spinning her around until she promised not to take any more pictures of him. They lay laughing in each other's arms, snuggled together and ran along the beach until it turned into rocky cliffs.

"Look this is where the Christmas party is supposed to be." 

Sidney pointed upwards to a noble-looking restaurant with a wide terrace and narrow stairs that merged with the natural stairs of the cliffs halfway to the beach. 

"Oh, you've chosen a nice place." She bit her lip and tried to imagine it with festive lighting.  
"You could light the way down to the beach with torches," Charlotte closed her eyes and let her imagination run wild. 

"Hmm, go on..." Sidney pulled her close and began to kiss her neck, he loved her imagination and could listen to her for hours. 

"And down here, maybe you could do... something... with fire."

"Yes fire is good." He murmured into her hair and slipped a hand under her coat.

"Sidney… we shouldn't."

"Yes, we should." 

He turned her to him and captured her mouth, almost making her forget they were by the sea on a cool November day. Charlotte felt suddenly so hot she wanted to rip off all her clothes and pressed against him in greed. Sidney felt her and was about to grab her and drag her into the snow-covered dunes, but instead he tore himself from her and pushed her away from him at arm's length. The two looked at each other with a mixture of exasperation and amusement, then he took her hand and pulled her behind him up the stairs. Although the snowfall was getting heavier, they climbed the steps past the restaurant and were then at a point that offered an incredible view of the scenery and Charlotte could only remark quietly.

"Beautiful!"

She put a new film in the camera and photographed the fading sun from every angle. Until Sidney couldn't stand it any longer and turned her around. 

"If you'd rather keep taking pictures, fine, but I'm going to my warm apartment. Where the fireplace and a cosy blanket are waiting for me." 

His gaze was so dark that Charlotte had to swallow and just nodded silently. Then he grinned at her, turned around and continued walking up the hill. Charlotte let her gaze wander over the cliffs once more and saw a small pile of snow in front of her as she looked after him. She suddenly had a good idea. A little revenge for the fact that he had thrown her on the bed earlier and instead of doing what she had been ready for, had just tickled her nastily. He had said something about a snowball fight, even though she was well aware that the snow was still too soft for that, she took a handful and ran after him.

Sidney gasped as the cold snow slipped into his collar. He turned and saw the glint in her eyes for a moment before she ran and hurried past him. He chased after her. Of course he caught up, grabbed her and turned her around to face him. Of course he knew why she had done it and he loved that little tease, but he also knew he didn't want to play any more games. When his lips fell on hers, it was clear to both of them what was going on. He wanted her. And she wanted him and they couldn't run back to the hotel fast enough. 

They stumbled laughing into the waiting lift and as Sidney wrapped both arms around her shoulders to pull her close, Charlotte couldn't help but tease him a little one last time, sliding her cold hands under his coat and pullover. He grumbled and the sound still vibrated through her body when he had already unlocked the door and pushed her inside his apartment. They tugged at their clothes, clutched each other's faces and literally devoured each other. Until Sidney lifted her up and pressed her against the wall. Her restless hands stroked his body and every now and then he still flinched under the touch of her cold fingers. Charlotte giggled and pressed herself against him while he kissed her neck and tore her top off. She only stopped laughing when he took off her bra as well and touched her so tenderly that her whole body was covered in goose bumps and at the same time in flames. Sidney grabbed her tighter so she wouldn't slip off his arms and headed for the bedroom but she tugged at his hair and whispered in his ear what she rather liked. 

It wasn't the first time she had said what she wanted, but it was more or less the first time that the man she was with listened and agreed.

The gentle pressure of his finger travelling from her hand up her arm left a pleasant line of warmth and the idea of goose bumps. First at her shoulder, his fingers became softer and then travelled lightly down her back like the touch of a feather. Repeatedly, he stopped and painted pleasant little patterns on her heated skin, which still seemed to glow in the dimming light of the fireplace. But maybe it was him. 

Charlotte slowly opened her eyes and looked at the roundness of his shoulder. She immediately touched it tenderly with her finger. She heard the pumping of his heart quicken as she moved lightly on top of him. Her lips pressed the spot where her ear had just been, as if of their own accord. She couldn't stop and stroked his beautiful body with both hands and she slid up a little to kiss the smooth skin on the curve of his shoulder. As her lips made a slow journey to his neck, his grip on her back tightened and the gentle fingers lingered on her waist. They both enjoyed each other's warmth, the loving caress, even though Charlotte sensed he was already ready for more, he didn't push her but allowed himself to become completely absorbed in the rhythm of her touch. 

The soft crackling of the almost burnt fire filled her thoughts. The flames had diminished, but the fire was not yet dead. It glowed softly and seemed to flare up again with every single touch. Sidney’s hands cradled her back and drew lines on her sides. Until she finally worked her way up to his mouth and kissed him so lightly that he almost thought he had imagined it. He opened his eyes and when they met hers, a light burned in them that continued to glow in his heart. Once again they kissed so gently and his hand slowly slid up from her waist. Charlotte turned towards his fingers and her breath quickened as he touched her again for the first time after her short nap. His thumb stroked the sensitive skin so tenderly that her breath trembled. Her gaze was locked with his as he continued to caress her, she couldn't move. No one said a word, their breathing was the only sound. Even as he pulled her closer and their lips touched ever so slightly, her gaze was locked with his.

The moment their tongues touched, they both inhaled and Charlotte held onto his face with both hands. Sidney let his hand rest on her back as he slid the other between them, groaning slightly as he reached his destination. Charlotte deepened the kiss as she sank heavier onto him and they both closed their eyes briefly in bliss. Sidney pulled the blanket up to her shoulders and embraced her face until their eyes met again. 

They never lost their gaze as they, wrapped in warmth, made love in front of the fireplace one more time.


	17. real life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two are back in real life and are finally naming things...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish you all a happy and healthy New Year!!
> 
> Thank you for your kind comments, kudos and most of all your support with every read and telling me that you like my stories. It means the world!

Even though they tried to delay the goodbye and savour every moment of their closeness until then, the parting came so painfully that Charlotte almost cried. It hurt. It hurt to let him go and this tugging inside her, in her heart, ached. It was completely stupid. They would see each other again, it was only goodbye for a few hours. Nevertheless, it felt deeper. Perhaps because they were aware that they had spent this weekend in a bubble. Far away from real life. Maybe it was the everyday life that was waiting for them with all its little and bigger problems, or maybe it was the knowledge that they would be unable to keep it a secret and continue to pretend that they meant nothing to each other.

Sidney stood at the door, shaking his head at how much he missed her already, even though he hadn't even taken a step away from her apartment. And when she looked up at him with that expression in her eyes, that said everything she forbade her mouth to say, he just couldn't resist. He grabbed her face, kissed her hard and pushed her back into her apartment. With his foot, he pushed the door shut and tugged on her and she on him, without his lips leaving hers. Once he heard her breathe his name, but she didn't really seem to want him to stop. It wasn't until they both felt each other's warm skin under their fingers that they took time to breath and relaxed as they pressed their foreheads against each other. They both wanted to stay together, and although their longing for each other's nearness was so strong, they also didn't want to stop the beauty of their feelings from growing by giving in to their passion too quickly. 

Sometimes it was necessary to be reasonable. And realism took over for a moment. Charlotte knew he had to go, he had conversations with his siblings that seemed important because his brother had written to him several times and even Tom had called twice.

And it was also good practice to get their longing under control. After all, they would continue to work side by side without anyone knowing what was really going on between them, at least until Sidney had discussed it with his siblings. On the other hand, they both knew that the week would be filled with work and a few meetings in the evening, and that they would probably hardly see each other. This back and forth of feelings almost seemed to her like the time when she only dreamed of being with him. This unreal longing for something that would never be. But she shook off this dark thought as quickly as it had come and leaned against him. Pressing close to him and then letting her lips melt into his once more before they both separated from each other with heavy eyes.

"I really have to go over there, there are things we need to sort out."  
She nodded with understanding and squeezed his hands.  
"I don't know exactly if I can come over later."  
"Please, no stress," she looked at him and smiled, "of course I want you to come back, but if you can't..."  
"I'd like to explain everything to you, but it’s… it’s just…" he twisted his face as if he was in pain and she stroked his thickening beard lovingly.  
"When you're ready."

Sidney stroked his thumb over the dimple on her chin, the words again heavy on his tongue at that moment, to collect himself he looked at her lips. Charlotte opened them slightly under the touch of his thumb, and when she kissed it, he grabbed her chin and kissed her with a fierce desire that he thought he would never be able to leave her home.

But as so often before, she was the sensible one and shoved him away breathing heavily.  
"Go and sort out the problem."

"I don't know if I can do that." He groaned, meaning not only the things he had to get through with his siblings but also leaving her.

"I believe you will."

He nodded kissing her forehead and stroked tenderly over her face once more, before he turned and wordlessly left.

Charlotte was so full of emotion that she felt she had to burst so she could keep breathing. She was so happy and she kept giggling, throwing herself onto her bed and closing her eyes to think of the things she had experienced that weekend. Not only did she think that Sanditon was a beautiful place, that she shared her favourite book with Sidney's mother, and that Sidney was still very much affected by the death of his parents. But also that Sidney was an incredibly caring man. With a tenderness she never thought was possible. And she wasn't just thinking about the physical tenderness, but his tender, vulnerable nature. Which he had hidden behind his blank face, and his sometimes arrogant or rude behaviour towards her. That he allowed her to see this side of him had such a huge meaning, it was just more as what she could put into words. 

When her mind wandered to him, how he was in Sanditon, his playful humour, his cheerfulness and hearty laughter, her heart rumbled loudly in her chest.

And all the feelings he had created in her body! He had found most sensitive parts that she didn't know she had. Charlotte has never been so fond of this part in a relationship, but with Sidney she had engaged with all her senses. And he had encouraged her to dare with his response to every touch or kiss and it had been so wonderful. So wonderful that it ached all over her body. Not because she was in pain, but because she longed for him. With every fibre. The scent of his skin on hers. The touch of his fingers and the gentle scratching of his beard. His lips from which her name fell, as if it were a love declaration. A poem. The poetry of love he made to her with his whole body. His kisses. Oh, she had never been kissed like that! Or she just could no longer remember that. His lips wiped out every memory of what had once been. He blocked out every other thought. There was only him. Sidney. 

As expected, the evening was getting longer and Sidney wasn't sure if he could return to Charlotte after hours of talking to his siblings. There was nothing he would have loved more than to nestle in her arms, but was so restless that he worried he might not be able to give her what they both craved. But he just couldn't take it in Bedford Place any more. He had to get out of the house, put on his jogging clothes, grabbed his keys and started running to clear his head, even when it was almost two. As soon as he had put his mind out of everything that had come out of the conversation with his siblings than he was standing at her door.

Strangely enough, it seemed that his body had taken the path to her before he had even thought it. Or his heart had simply flown to hers.

The front door was unlocked and he immediately ran up to her apartment and rang the doorbell. He had left his mobile phone at home so he couldn't call and ask if she was still awake, and just when he was afraid she was fast asleep and he would have to head home, he heard her turn the key and unlock the door.

"Hey." She said, a little surprised and tired, her eyes were small and looked sleepy, but of course she opened the door for him and waited until he entered. 

"Sorry to wake you."  
"That's alright," she smiled that smile that lifted his heart and snuggled up to him.  
"I'm glad you're here."

"Me too." He kissed her softly and Charlotte took his hand and tried to pull him into the room when he held her tight and said he wanted to jump in the shower first. 

"Sure." 

Sidney briefly considered asking her to accompany him, but she looked so tired that he let her go. 

With only a towel around his hips, he came into her room a little later and his heart pounded in his chest when he saw her lying on the bed. Charlotte had given him space, wrapped in his blanket, her hair spread like a fan around her head. She had closed her eyes, breathing calmly. He looked at her as she slept peacefully and the sight of her alone touched him deeply. Her face was shimmering in the light of the candles, which flickered as he dropped the towel to the floor and joined her under the covers. He had no intention of seducing her, just needed her warmth to pass over to him. And no sooner had he put his arm around her than she nuzzled closer and rested her face on his bare chest without opening her eyes. Her steady breath tickled him and he stroked her lovingly through her hair. Charlotte slipped her hand around him and sleepily pressed a kiss to the spot above his heart and snuggled so tightly against him that he breathed automatically in the same rhythm. 

Sidney had spent the last few days thinking that her smile and laugh was the most beautiful thing, and that kissing her and made love with her was the most wonderful thing he had ever done. But there was something so fulfilling about holding her in his arms as she slept, while he pressed his face into her silky hair that he could no longer hold it in and finally whispered into the silence of the night, what he had known for so long.

"I love you."

A few hours later they woke up to the sound of their alarm and Sidney jumped up so fast that Charlotte didn't notice his naked body next to her and gasped loudly as he walked in his birth suit towards the bathroom. She had to admit she was a bit disappointed, that he didn’t let her discover it until he disappeared. But maybe it was better this way, otherwise they would arrive at work a little later. She chuckled and got up as well.

Back in his jogging clothes, he hurriedly left so that he could get ready at home. And when they arrived at work at different times and each went about his job all morning, they had no time to give in to the nagging desire to steal at least a little kiss. Nevertheless, this pull and urge to go over to the other remained with them all day.

Sidney seemed relaxed, though, because he was looking forward to the evening. He had an appointment with Tom with a photographer who was not yet under contract, but he hoped that he could spend the night with Charlotte again. But of course that wasn't the reason for his almost noticeable cheerfulness, but that he had said what she hadn't heard but perhaps sensed.  
Because she had been trembling slightly and he had simply held her a little tighter.

He had been trying to avoid looking in Charlotte's direction all day and was quite proud of himself for keeping it up. It wasn't until many of the colleagues had left that he looked after her as she walked up the stairs carrying the photographers' portfolios and knew that he had to follow her and entered the conference room shortly after her. And because he was holding so many photographers’ books in his arms, she came to his aid and took some from him. When she did, she brushed his arm and they both froze in their movement. Charlotte reached up on her tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth, but as they both held the large portfolios in their arms, it didn't last long. Smiling, she turned away from him and sorted the books by the names of the photographers.

Wordlessly they worked side by side and Charlotte sensed that Sidney was in a cheerful mood and she kept looking over at him. Then he casually asked if she could remember the last conversation they had had in this room.

"That you're like those portfolios." She replied "big, heavy and bulky."  
He chuckled and Charlotte added "Oh yes and empty."

"Yes." He looked over at her and their gazes locked across the length of the room.

"Still feeling empty?" She asked, smiling happily, but when she spotted that crease between his eyebrows, she knew this was turning into a serious conversation.

"No."

"How then?" Charlotte's voice was just a hoarse whisper as she took a few steps closer, still holding the picture she was about to put in one of the portfolios.

"New." He nodded and twisted his mouth into that smile that made her knees go weak.

Not wanting to lose control, she broke eye contact and put the photo in the next sleeve, reaching for the next picture as he continued to speak.

"That's you." He pointed to the picture in her hand.  
"An old fisherman in front of a blue boat?" She asked with a serious expression and he laughed out loud.  
"No, colourful." Again he sought her gaze and Charlotte was struck right in the heart when she saw tears glistening in his eyes. "Colourful images that fill me."

Oh. Charlotte gasped, she didn't know what to say. Her breath and heartbeat quickened and she moved towards him automatically. Had Sidney just made a declaration of love to her? Amazed and stunned, she looked at him, how could a conversation of this kind turn into something so magical.

"Sidney."

The way she breathed his name gave him the courage to continue, and the tears in her eyes gave him the certainty that she was also filled with emotion.

"I know this isn't the right place, but I really need to tell you..."

Her smile was irresistible.

"Charlotte, I..."

"Sidney!" Tom came bouncing in the room and they both turned wordlessly to the table and pretended to be busy. "We have to go!"

Sidney didn't answer, but just clenched his jaw so hard that Charlotte could hear his teeth grinding.

"Next time, you should lock the door, or someone will discover you!" Tom shouted, and was of course completely blind to the look the two of them were giving each other, what his words meant to both of them. 

"Do you need a lift somewhere, Charlotte?" he asked, reaching for one of the newly stocked portfolios and flicking through it. 

Inwardly, Charlotte rolled her eyes as Sidney and she wore cotton gloves to avoid staining the shiny new covers with fingerprints and Tom spread his greasy prints on every page.

"No, I meet a friend who lives nearby."

"Oh come on, that's where we'll take you!" Tom slapped his brother's chest. "Right, brother?"

"Yeah, sure." Sidney's reply was so curt and harsh that anyone who could have witnessed it would have thought he was absolutely annoyed by this extra task.

"Good, good!" Tom shouted, running out of the room into his office and grabbing his coat.

"Text me and I'll pick you up there." Sidney murmured to Charlotte as they left the room and the two made eye contact again as she nodded briefly.

"It seems like you guys are really getting along better now!" said Tom later, when he was alone in the car with Sidney.

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, you and Charlotte, what a close working relationship can do sometimes." Tom explained and Sidney bit his lip to keep from laughing.

Charlotte wasn't a laughing, but she had another fake smile on her face, which none of her friends seemed to notice. They sat on Georgiana's sofa with chocolate and wine, looking at the latest changes to her dress and the presentation Charlotte had prepared for her on her computer, and Esther had proudly announced that her family had allowed Georgiana to have the wedding party at their estate. 

Georgiana enthusiastically told them than that Otis would be coming home soon, after he had promised not to prolong his stay again. And as if that had been a cue, after that it was all about men again. Clara and Esther literally outdid each other with their stories about their latest successes in getting a man. Everything was explained, the first dinner, the first kiss and also the first time. Not that Charlotte wanted to hear everything or tell them these details, after all that meant too much to her and were to precious but nevertheless it pained her that her girls did not even ask her how she was doing in the matter of love. She had thought that if she avoided the subject of Sidney, it would somehow work out. But this lack of interest just hurt and it almost seemed as if they were avoiding it on purpose. Every time she uttered even a small "Yes!" to agree with the description of a certain feeling, there was no question. But also there was no silly and hurtful remark about how she didn't know what it was all about or her feelings were only a silly girly crush.

And when the group broke up and said goodbye to Georgiana, Charlotte deliberately dawdled so that they wouldn't see Sidney when he came to pick her up. She was the last to leave and was glad to see his car parked on the opposite corner of the street, since he couldn't have parked anywhere else. Stupidly, Clara and Esther were still standing together on the footpath, talking, and Charlotte was overcome with a completely senseless feeling of guilt. As if she had lied. The two looked at her with raised eyebrows and Clara asked with a grin. 

"Is the car waiting for you?"  
"Yes." Charlotte admitted, saying goodbye to them both and was about to walk across the street when she heard Esther's question.  
"Who's that?"

Charlotte stopped, her heart hammered in her chest as if she were uncovering an unseemly secret.

"That's my boyfriend." She shrugged, as if it was no big deal. 

"You didn't tell us." Esther seemed annoyed.  
"You didn't ask." Charlotte answered and smiled at them.  
"What's his name, and where did you meet him?" Asked Clara, looking unblinkingly at the car.  
"At work." Confessed Charlotte, making a move to leave.  
"But..." Charlotte saw as Esther hit the realisation, "but that's Sidney Parker."  
"Yes."  
"You're together?" Esther seemed unable to believe it and the tone in her voice hurt Charlotte even more. Why did they have to make her feel like this was such a strange event?  
"Yes."  
"But..." Esther began and Charlotte got angry.  
"But nothing. We are together. Full stop."  
"But Charlotte..."  
"Nothing but Charlotte." Charlotte brushed her hair back and collected herself briefly for her question. "You don't think I'm good enough for him?"  
"That’s not what I meant at all." Esther returned, continuing to stare at the car.  
"Then what? Because I don't understand. Why can you have new men all the time and when I have a boyfriend you can't accept it."  
"That's not the point." Clara explained, falling silent when Charlotte asked further.  
"Then what is it about?" Charlotte looked from one to the other and shook her head.  
"We're just worried." Clara then explained.  
"About what?"  
"Well it's Sidne..."  
"You're acting like I'm way beneath him, am I so ugly and not worthy of him or what are you actually trying to tell me?"  
"He's only ever been with models." Esther bluffed at her and then bit her lip, only now seeming to realise what she had just implied.  
"So I'm not pretty enough?"  
Esther opened her mouth to say something, but fell silent.  
"Well, thank you very much." Charlotte exhaled loudly to hold back her tears.  
"That's not what Esther meant." Clara explained, trying to calm the waters.  
"To be honest, I don't care," Charlotte confessed, looking them into their faces and gesturing with her arm towards the car. "He has a different opinion in that matter."  
"We'll believe you." Clara said, somehow only making it worse by doing so, because whatever she was trying to say, it wouldn't mean anything.  
"But?" Charlotte glanced briefly at the car and saw that Sidney had a questioning expression on his face, she smiled at him and indicated that she would be right there.  
"But, well...it's kind of like..."  
"Unrealistic? Weird?" Charlotte asked in a sarcastic tone.  
"Charlotte, no I mean..."  
"We fell in love, is it really that weird?"  
"No, but..."  
"No girls, no buts." Charlotte nodded at them and then continued to speak calmly. "We’re together."  
"Is it official?" asked Esther, her gaze boring into Charlotte's.  
"Not yet, but..."  
Esther made a throwing hand gesture, as if she wanted to say ‘I told you so.’ but Charlotte didn't feel like talking to either of them anymore and shrugged. 

"I love him."

Their faces dropped and Charlotte smiled at them.

"You should be happy for me."

They mumbled something unintelligible and Charlotte turned to walk to his car and froze as Sidney stood in the street not five steps away.


	18. confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter there are a few confessions, not only from Charlotte and Sidney....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say that I had only planned 18 chapters for this story, but it turned out to be a bit more complex than I thought. 
> 
> Thank you for being here with me!

The feeling that hit Charlotte at that moment was one of being caught. As if she had said something bad and he had found out. This certain spot on her forehead pricked painfully and a cold shiver ran trough her, as if she had shoved too much ice cream in her mouth at once. How long had he been standing there? What had he heard of their conversation? Had he overheard the last things she had said? The expression on his face told her nothing, or rather she was too confused to read it. Only his eyes bore into hers and everything else blurred.

Sidney couldn't even name how he felt. It was a strange emotion that filled his insides. It was as if he was on a ship, looking over the railing into the water. Unimagined depths below him, but he was ready. Ready to jump in and dive for the treasure that was hiding beneath the surface. The jump required strength and confidence in his abilities. The air whizzed past him and he felt free. And when he dived into the water, he was weightless and light. Perhaps that was why he was suddenly standing in front of her without having felt the steps he had taken to get there. Her eyes glistened. Tears shimmered in the bright light of the streetlights. Did he see fear there? She shouldn't have any more questions after what he had said to her earlier in the day and what magic they had felt. But after the strange conversation with these women, perhaps she doubted herself or their relationship. She shouldn't. He couldn't let that happen! A blink of an eye later, his arm wrapped around her shoulders and one hand buried in her hair. His lips pressed against hers and the kiss said more than anything he wanted to say. Passionate and at the same moment with this tenderness, with which they always kissed, it was soft and firm. 

Her fingers clawed in his sides and she sank into his embrace. He needed her even closer. He felt as if he had to breathe her in, he needed her so much that it hurt in his chest. His strong arms drew her even more to him and they seemed to merge into one person. There was nothing more. They were no longer aware of anything or anyone. Not that they were being watched by her cynical friends, who watched wordlessly as the bond became visible in front of their eyes. That they were standing in the middle of the street and that one car drove past them with an approving honk and the driver of another one roared past them in annoyance. They didn't notice that it had started to drizzle and they weren't cold when they separated and he pressed his forehead on hers. Charlotte wanted, no, needed to know if he had heard her, she almost couldn't stand it any longer and opened her mouth to ask him as he interrupted her with a breathless whisper.

"Please repeat what you’ve said." He begged.

Charlotte's heart was hammering in her throat and she tried to buy time. 

"You should be happy for me." It sounded like a question and he made a sound of agreement, but then said more quietly.

"Before that."

Charlotte swallowed and remained silent, oh he had heard it and it was kind of hard to repeat it again. Her breath got caught as he continued.

"Because that's the same thing I’ve been trying to tell you all day."

Charlotte sucked in a sharp breath.

"And said to you at night when you were sleeping in my arms."

Charlotte exhaled audibly and gripped his coat more firmly. Just say it. Just say it!

Sidney lifted his head and sought her gaze, smiling slightly although his face had taken on a serious expression that she had only seen on him when there was a really difficult discussion with a client or Tom.

"Charlotte," he let his hands slide to her cheek, nodding as if to encourage himself to speak.   
"I love you."

In a mixture of relief, joy and the urge to breathe, they embraced and Sidney whispered in her ear. "For quite a while."

She closed her eyes and pressed herself against him until he pulled her with him and after a few steps she felt the car in her back as he kissed her again much more passionate and if the rain had not become heavier, he would not have torn open the door and pushed her inside, but so he did and ran around, slipped behind the steering wheel and took her hand to kiss it as he drove off, past the silent observers of their confessions, who stared after them in bewilderment. But the two in the car didn’t saw it, they just had eyes for each other.

As they came home the rain was much heavier and they ran up the stairs and Charlotte’s hand were stiff from the cold and she couldn’t open the door, till Sidney took the key from her. He opened the door and they shoved, pulled and pushed in the apartment, tore of their coats and laughing he took her face in both hands and kissed her and told her again. 

"I love you."

Charlotte literally ripped his pullover from him as he withdrew and gripped his hair as he trailed kisses down her neck. With a thud, she pushed him against the wall and took off her shirt and he removed his. As if a switch had been flipped, she grabbed his head and kissed him almost roughly as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her up so that she could only stand on her tiptoes. His warm big hands were firmly on her back and she knew she could rely on his strength. Charlotte tugged on his jeans and sighed his name as he buried his face in the warm delicate skin after he had torn down her bra. They stumbled into her room, fell on the bed and let their feelings flow to each other in a passionate dance of their emotions.

A long time later they were lying close together on the rumpled sheets. Finally they could breathe more easily and Sidney stroked the no longer damp hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. 

"What was that earlier?"

She looked at him with wide questioning eyes.

"Were you arguing with them... about us?"

In fact, Charlotte didn't want to let her mood be ruined by the memory of her friends, who were becoming more and more strangers. It was as if she was betraying the moment and pressed herself even closer to Sidney. As always, he didn't push her, but continued to stroke her hair and back gently. Then she lifted herself up and looked at him for a long time before nodding. Then she lay down on his chest, which was pleasantly warm, and she kissed the spot above his heart, which was still pounding hard from their lovemaking. Charlotte rested her chin on her hand and looked him in the face. She knew that love was made of courage and that she didn't have to be ashamed of the fact that she had had feelings for him for a long time. He had also confessed it to her, even if she didn't know the exact moment, she believed that she owed it to him to confess it.

"I've liked you a bit longer too."

Sidney grinned. "Oh yeah? How long?"

"Oh that's not so important right now," Charlotte tried to remain serious, but Sidney wouldn't let it go and ran his finger over her bare shoulder.

"I think it's very important." He smirked, pulled himself up and kissed her gently.

"I can't talk when you distract me." Charlotte pointed out, but unimpressed he kissed her neck.  
"I can't think when you distract me!" Sidney whispered into her skin.  
"I haven't done anything." Her voice trembled as he ran his lips over her collarbones.

"You're lying naked on me." 

Sidney explained with a serious expression on his face, pulling the covers to the side and stroking her curves till Charlotte leaned on him and kissed him softly. Wrapping both arms around her he rolled them around. 

"Are you going to tell me how long?" He asked with a cheeky grin, burying his face in the soft parts of her body.

"If you..." she stuttered, "keep this up..."

"I intend to." And he punctuated his words by caressing particularly sensitive parts of her with his lips. Breathing heavily, Charlotte pressed out her threat, which was not really meant seriously.

"You’ll never...oh... erm... know."

Playfully shocked, he raised his head, narrowed his eyes and pretended to think. 

"It seems you don't want to tell me anyway, so..." he shrugged and then continued with his caress where he had left a moment before, but after she tugged on his shoulders he lay down next to her and looked her in the eye, he just knew she was now ready to tell him.

"I told them about my feelings and they ridiculed it." 

Sidney clenched his jaw. He hated when people laughed about the feelings of others.

"Now they're acting like they would care about me."  
"Because I was such an ass, I guess." 

"No, yes that too, basically they've been telling me all along, directly or indirectly, that I'm not good enough. For you."

Charlotte dropped her gaze from his eyes. Sidney lifted her chin so that she had to look at him again and shook his head.

"Charlotte." He said in this special tone.   
"You don't think that!" 

He was furious and couldn’t believe that she was really thinking that! What an ass he had been, to let her doubt herself. His grip on her arm tightened. Silently she looked at him and the twisting of her mouth gave him the answer.

"Don't doubt yourself. You’re..."  
"Good enough for you?" She grinned slyly.

Sidney shook his head "So much more than anyone." He stroked her face.   
"Strange that we had the same doubts, only I told myself that and didn't need friends to do it."

"Sidney," Charlotte gave him a kiss, "don’t doubt yourself." She smiled took a breath and told him. "I love you." 

And that was the last words she said for the rest of the night, except sighing his name.

The next morning they got up a little earlier to have breakfast together. Sidney smiled at her before mentioning what he was going to do today.

"I'm talking to my siblings today."  
"But you don't have to, just because my girls know doesn't mean you have to..."  
"Yes I do." He grinned, "but not because of them, just because I want everyone to know."  
Charlotte was still searching for words when he continued. "When it’s fine with you."

Charlotte nodded and smiled at him.

"I've wanted to do it for a long time, but we've had some problems." He clenched his jaw and continued to explain. "You know, the rumours about New York are true."

Charlotte looked at him and silently asked him to continue.

"Tom thinks we would have more success in the US market if we have an office there, not just have a few American photographers in our portfolio."

He drank a sip of coffee and told her more. 

"We’ve been arguing about the costs, it's not cheap and you know Tom." He paused artificially to twist his whole face "Only the best for Tom Parker." Sidney rolled his eyes.  
"It was planned that I should take over the office there." He took a deep breath and Charlotte looked at him a little worried. "But since the end of October I have decided against it."

Charlotte felt warm, had he changed those plans because of her? Sidney smiled. He could see from her expression that she was thinking what that meant, but before she could say anything, he took her hand.

"That's why I drank a little too much wine on Halloween before I came over to your street with the kids."

"Good," she gasped in relief, "I thought it was my fault."

"No." He said, though he nodded, "Well, in a way, yes. I must say I was very confused. I wanted to leave because I thought it wouldn't work," he made a hand gesture that meant both of them. "But on the other hand, I didn't want to be chased away either."

"Chased away from me."  
"And look where we are now."

The tension at work was easy to bear on that Tuesday. Strangely, they could even talk about several jobs without the urgent need to fall into each other's arms. Maybe it was because they knew now how the other felt or maybe it was because they were sure they had a lot to do with each other the whole day. And that they would have to finish the photographers' portfolios side by side in the evening, or create a large part of them, because Diana wanted to have them ready in her office by Thursday morning so that she could then leave for Sanditon with Arthur to put the finishing touches to the celebration on Friday. They had not yet discussed how things would go in Sanditon, as they wanted to wait for Sidney's talk with his siblings, but of course they wouldn't celebrate their love in front of the whole staff, yet Charlotte hoped it wouldn't get too weird. She also had to admit that she was afraid of what some people, especially the defamers, would say. Maybe they should keep it a secret from their colleagues a little longer.

Since Tom was out of the house most of the day, Sidney told her that it might not be possible to talk to him until the next day. However, at some point he had holed himself up with Diana and Arthur in their office and came out of the conversation with a big grin and bright eyes. As he walked past Charlotte’s office, he winked at her before disappearing into his. In the coffee kitchen, Arthur had also winked at her, it seemed rather conspiratorial, but he hadn't said anything or implied anything because the gossipmonger Annie was also in the room. 

Charlotte didn't have time to look at her phone and check some messages and calls until around six in the evening. The first call was from her mother, who wanted to go over the details of her parents visit. Another was from her sister Alison, who wanted to talk to her about Christmas gifts for the family and her also upcoming visit to the city. Then Charlotte opened the messages. The first was from Clara, who was actually apologising for her behaviour in a long WhatsApp message.

"I hope I didn't hurt you too much. I'm really sorry. You know, I've had some bad experiences with my boss myself and that's why I said stupid things... I got carried away and was mean. To be honest, I was jealous that you, as inexperienced as you are (please don't be angry!), still believed that it would work out. I'm happy for you. XX"

Charlotte was so surprised by Clara's confession that she didn't know what to think or how to respond. Of course she was pleased that she had written to her, but a certain doubt remained. Not whether Clara had meant it seriously, she thought she did, but whether she would ever say anything to her or the others about her relationship with Sidney. Somehow it was a rather strange explanation. To be jealous of believing in yourself or in love? Even when Charlotte always doubted herself and that he could ever feel the same. 

Yet the messages from the others were even stranger. Esther wrote her a much shorter and also somehow apologetic message, but it drove a dull feeling through Charlotte's body. 

"I saw you yesterday and it looked really serious. I don't mind him, but that it's a secret. Hugs."

What was she trying to tell her? Was Esther not bothered about Charlotte but about her secret. When it was fine for her it should be fine for Esther as well and she was mean before she even knew they were together. Charlotte could not figure out this strange message and somehow she didn’t want to. Was Esther only mean, because she had no real relationship with Edward? And wasn’t he with Monique anyway? Was Esther perhaps angry that a relationship with the boss was more accepted by society than a relationship between siblings, even if they were only stepsiblings?

Charlotte didn't feel like thinking about it any more and put the phone away. She tried to ignore it and get on with her work. At least for now. As she had nothing else to do in the moment, she slipped into the conference room and started filling the portfolios after locking the door. At some point, there was a knock and she let Sidney in, who turned around to make sure they hadn't been seen and then locked the door behind him. The two stared at each other for a long moment. After all, they had agreed not to do anything during work that could give away their secret, because even if his siblings would accept it, they would definitely not approve of them making out during work. Nevertheless, a closed door and the privacy were quite tempting.

"Just one."

She said seriously and the last thing she saw was Sidney's smirk before he grabbed her face and kissed her so slow and tender that she was completely light headed afterwards, for she couldn't catch her breath for what felt like ten minutes. After that they looked at each other with much more desire in their eyes until he cleared his throat, turned around and did his work. Charlotte envied him for being able to do that, but she had to sit down on one of the chairs for a moment to collect herself.

"We can do the rest tomorrow before we go to the party," Sidney said in a casual tone and immediately Charlotte jumped up and nodded vigorously.  
"Yes please let's go."

Later as they were talking about the strange messages from her friends during dinner, which this time they ate with their legs knotted at her coffee table, and he was talking about the successful conversation with Diana and Arthur, who were happy for them both, a message from Georgiana came. And Sidney saw Charlotte's face drop.

"What's wrong?"   
"Oh, nothing."

Charlotte waved it off, and since she knew he wouldn't press her to tell him, she turned off her phone to stop thinking about what Georgiana's message meant. Still, she couldn't relax completely for the rest of the evening, even though Sidney tried his best to take her mind off everything. Eventually, they fell asleep arm in arm. Sidney's chest nestled comforting and warm against her back, as if it had been fitted for just that. He had slid his arm under her neck and she stroked the smooth skin of his forearm until she could hear him breathing at an even rhythm. His other arm was curled around her body and their fingers were loosely intertwined. It was a great feeling to be in his arms. Charlotte felt safe. Yet the message from Georgiana had been somehow unsettling and gave her the strange feeling of foreboding. And even if it turned out to be harmless, the result of jealousy or some kind of envious behaviour, Charlotte had already let it into her head and reacted to it. She hadn't shown him or asked him what Georgiana might mean. She had kept it to herself. Charlotte felt as if she had betrayed him by hiding the message and not giving him a chance to explain. If there was anything to explain at all, but the words were now somehow between them. And also the next day, Charlotte was unable to think of anything else.

"I wouldn't believe a word he says."

Why did Georgiana write something like that? What did it mean? Did it mean Georgiana couldn't believe he was serious, to tell his family or even... that he didn't love her? Why did Georgiana think that? What did she know about him that she didn't? Charlotte remembered a conversation about a year ago when she had started her job at the company and told about the Parkers. Except for Esther, who knew a little bit about family relationships through Edward, but had never mentioned Sidney in particular, neither of them seemed to know them or him. Because Sidney was often away from the office for weeks at this time, except for this autumn, Charlotte had hardly mentioned him. Of course she had told them about work, and of course mostly about Tom, because he often behaved so strangely, but that this had caused any special reactions, or that one of her friends had known Sidney personally, had never been mentioned, only the gossip, that he was with one of the upcoming models. But she couldn't accept Georgiana believing any crap either. Sidney himself had told her that he hadn't been very well behaved for a while, but that was all right if he was when he was in a relationship. Charlotte hated to doubt, but somehow she couldn't help it also she didn't want to accept that Georgiana wanted to spoil her happiness. Maybe she should call her and ask her, but she wouldn't do that until she had talked to Sidney first. He was more important than anyone, especially after the behaviour of the girls.

Charlotte was kind of dragging herself through the day. On the one hand, she was glad that Sidney was on a shooting, but on the other hand, she hoped he would come back and she could tell him about the message. She was ashamed that she had let herself think badly of him. But she didn't want to call Georgiana and ask her, so she would admit that she kind of believed her. She didn't want to meet the Parkers and stayed in her office, Charlotte suspected they would immediately see what was wrong with her, that she was stupid and easily influenced, which Charlotte usually wasn't. But the whole drama with her girls was more serious than she had thought. To distract herself from this topic, she went up, locked the conference room and worked her way through the last portfolios. She had finished them all more than an hour later and was glad that she had managed to get everything done and her head free. Looking at her watch she knew that she still had enough time to get ready for the Christmas party of Susan Worcester's 'Photo magazine', to which they had been invited. Sidney had already announced that he would be a little late, but it was clear that they would definitely leave the party together. Her heart jumped by this thought.

Charlotte tried to think positively and not let anything distract her from enjoying the evening and Sidney. She left the room, locked it, and walked past Tom's glass cube and stopped for a moment, frozen in concern. The glass walls of his office seemed to vibrate under Tom's choleric screams. His face was red and he paced behind his desk while Sidney sat slumped in a chair opposite him, his head buried in his hands, not like in shame or pain, but more like in disbelief or being annoyed. Then suddenly he jumped up, hitting violently on the table between him and his brother, and then Tom saw Charlotte standing in the semi-darkness of the hallway, apparently telling Sidney so, who turned to face her. His look was tense and full of anger, but he smiled at her and nodded before he opened the door and asked her to wait for him in her office, so they can go together to Susan’s Christmas Party. Smiling she nodded at him and in the corner of her eye she saw Sidney turned back to his brother and remarked in a firm tone.

"We're done here."


	19. trust is a sensitive matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trust is a sensitive matter.
> 
> Charlotte is insecure because of Georgiana's strange message and Sidney is feeling treated unfair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think you were expecting that, since I roughly follow the events of the series....

Sidney had an unusual swing in his walk as he ran down the stairs more than walking at a normal pace. He picked up his jacket and then ran to Charlotte, taking her hand and pulling her with him to his car. As soon as they were seated, he leaned over and kissed her urgently, as if he hadn't seen her for days. Almost startled, although she would like to continue, she looked around the dark car park when he broke away from her after what seemed like a small eternity, but he reassured her.

"Don't worry, there's no one," then he started the car and drove off.

He was relieved that he had also talked to Tom, but he was still wondering whether he should tell her the whole conversation or whether he should filter it so that she didn't have to worry. Sidney thought about the conversation that had led from one to the other and had only strengthened his decision.

After he had returned from the shooting, where he had only wanted to shake a few hands and then leave again, but which had turned into an hour-long crisis conversation, he had immediately run into Tom's office. He had gone in, even though Tom had been on the phone and didn't like being watched at all, but Sidney hadn't wanted to wait in the corridor and be shooed away from Tom with an annoying wave of his hand. Unmoved, he sat down in the chair opposite Tom and waited until he had finished his phone call, but Tom took his time. The whole day so far had not gone as Sidney had imagined, although waking up with Charlotte in his arms had been so promising. When he thought of it, his heart lifted and a thousand little fires tingled across his skin at the memory of her gentle fingers running over his shoulders. 

He cleared his throat to remind himself that he was now about to have a serious talk with his brother, who was secretly acting as the boss, even though the four siblings were equal business partners. Finally Tom said goodbye to his conversation partner in the slimy tone he always used with people he had asked a favour from or had to put off.

"For what are you bursting in here?" 

Tom grumbled at him, visibly annoyed, pointing at the pile of papers in front of him to show how busy he was, even though everyone knew that most of the time he spent in his office he was just looking for photographers to steal from other agents, even when that was against the unspoken code of honour.

"I need to talk to you and I just didn't want to wait any longer until you gave me a few minutes of your precious time." Sidney teased, leaning back in his chair to stretch out his long legs.

"What do you want?" Tom’s face became hard, as he knew exactly what was coming.  
"Several things."  
"I don't have time for that."  
"Then you have to take the time!"

Sidney clenched his jaw and made no effort to be pushed away. Tom had looked at his watch in this overacting way he often used to show what an important man he was, and was about to tell Sidney a time limit when he interrupted him.

"The less you say that you don't have time, the shorter it will take..."  
"What is it about?" Tom asked biting.  
"About work and something private. And, well something that concerns both."

Tom also leaned back in his chair and waited.

"I know there are some problems with the finances, in case you forgot that the other three of us can see them too."  
"But I..."  
"You don't have to talk your way out of it, I know bills haven't been paid yet." Now he had leaned forward and looked Tom firmly in the eye, "At the shoot this morning I was approached about it in a not so gentle way. In front of the client!"  
"By who?"  
"The stylists, the hair, and Pete the make-up artist." He nodded to make it clear hat he knew more. "I had a hard time convincing them that it was probably an accounting error, because what else could it be if they hadn't been paid for the jobs they'd done eight months ago?"

"That's up to their agencies, then." 

"You know Rafael only works with freelancers." Sidney snorted, stroking his forehead. "Look, I've cleared it, the payments will go out today, but before Diana and I look at the rest, I want to know if there's anything more you should tell us."

"We've already discussed all that."

And of course Sidney remembered the last arguments about it, but even then Tom had assured there was nothing more to confess.

"Anyway, I spoke to the other two yesterday and since the Christmas party is on Friday, we'll give you until Monday."  
"For what?" Tom had gone pale and was breathing a little harder.  
"To commission the payment orders for all open bills."

Sidney crossed this item off his to-do list and sat back again. "The other thing is New York."

As Sidney left the car park, he tried to start telling Charlotte everything, as far as the length of the drive allowed, but as he took a breath, she asked in an uncertain voice that screamed uncertainty,

"Can I ask you something?"  
"Sure."  
"What would you do if someone warned you about me?"  
"What?" He puffed in amusement and looked at her briefly before returning his attention to the traffic.  
"Well I mean… if a friend told you, you shouldn't believe what I say." 

Once again Sidney looked over at her and waited, but she remained silent and then he asked a counter-question.

"Who would do that? And why would I care?" He asked lightly, feathering his way smoothly into another lane.

"You wouldn't pay any attention to it?" Charlotte looked at him sceptically and saw that he was thinking about it. 

"I don't know, what's it about Charlotte?" 

Was he angry? Why was he angry?  
"Are you angry?" 

"No, but you know I was with Tom and I just don't have the energy for weird questions anymore," he squeezed her hand, "Just tell me what is it all about."

She pulled in her lips and looked out the window. 

"Tell me, I don't bite." He chuckled and Charlotte laughed shortly too.  
"That's not really true." 

Was she blushing? Sidney’s thoughts drifted briefly to the previous evening, when he tried every trick to distract her from her cloudy thoughts, which surely had something to do with that ominous message she had received but not told him about. A gentle bite on the neck had worked wonders and led to a long and wild kissing session, with brief interruptions of laughter. The memory of her laughter had sweetened the day for him, even though it had been such an annoying day.

"Do you know Georgiana?" Her voice trembled so that she almost couldn't get the name out, and Sidney looked over at her again before he had to turn left.  
"Your friend?"  
"Yes."  
"No, what makes you think that?"  
"I...well. I got this message from her."  
"What message?" 

This beating around the bush was starting to get on his nerves and he hoped Charlotte would finally get to the point, he didn't like it when she seemed so unsure, like she was still as intimidated by him as she was weeks ago when they had not yet found each other.

"I’m not supposed to believe anything you say."  
"Excuse me?" Sidney was taken aback by this insolence from a woman he didn't know and had no idea what to make of it. "What does she mean?"

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking you."  
"Well, I'm the wrong person to ask, no idea."

"Of course," Charlotte replied a bit flippantly, more because she was angry with herself for bringing it up at all, she had the uneasy feeling that Sidney was angry. 

"Listen, I don't know any Georgiana or Giana as you call her sometimes. I don't know what she means by that, best you ask her."

Was he angry? Oh yes he looked angry, he was angry. Yes definitely! Charlotte could see him clench his jaw and stare ahead.

"I'm sorry."  
"For what?" He looked over at her and saw her sitting there slumped over and he reassured her everything was okay.

"I just thought...I don't know what I thought."  
"Oh you." He stroked her cheek briefly and then prompted her to say what she was thinking.

"I was going to ask her, but then I thought, I don't want this to come between us in any way, and... Well, I'd rather hear from you than her…. that there was something between you two."

Charlotte turned and looked out into the night.

"I can assure you, even if your friends," he emphasized the word in a sarcastic tone, "think they know me, and that I’m a really bad guy, let me tell you, I know exactly who I’ve had something with."

But now he was definitely angry and Charlotte pulled a face. This conversation with him went completely not like she had imagined, oh she should have kept her mouth shut! Why had she said anything?

"If you want, I'll name all the women I've been with after Eliza and can also name the girls I chased after in school." His voice was hard.

"Don’t be like that."

The voice in which she said those words almost hurt him, he closed his eyes and took a quick breath.

"I'm sorry... honestly!" He definitely didn't want to argue with her. "I’m just so tired of people trying to sabotage our relationship." 

He was also hurt that some people think he was a male slut just because he had a few affairs in the last ten years and was occasionally photographed at events with pretty women. Charlotte said nothing, but Sidney saw her trying to secretly wipe away a tear. This was really not how he had imagined the evening and asked again. 

"What else did she say?"  
"Nothing."  
"Then you have to ask her, Charlotte. I don't know." And after a short pause, "and I think it's very important that you wanted to ask me first instead of just believing her." 

Their eyes get caught, but nothing more was said.

A few minutes later Sidney had arrived at the gorgeous Georgian townhouse, where the 'Photo magazine' was located. It looked like a photo subject itself, with all its lights decorating the windows. He turned off the engine and turned a little toward her, Charlotte looked at him and pulled her mouth into a smile, but it didn't really work. Sidney wanted to kiss her, so badly. He leaned over to her, but then a few other party guests came by the car and he sat up again. After clearing his throat, he had a suggestion to make.

"What do you say we go say hello, enjoy the delicious food, and then get out of there as soon as possible?"  
"To do what?" She asked with a small hint of a grin.  
"Whatever you want." He murmured in that deep ‘Berry White song’ voice.  
"Talk and play Sherlock Holmes?" She said teasingly, hoping he would forget the nonsense from before and would help her to learn what Georgiana meant.

"I’m good at playing Sherlock Holmes." 

He stroked her hand lightly with his thumb, and Charlotte was sure he'd make up some excuse to search her body for fingerprints, and the thought alone shot heat into her cheeks and belly.  
Laughing, she got out and although somehow this dark cloud hovered over them, it now seemed much smaller than before and perhaps it would disappear completely in the course of the evening.

Charlotte had a glint in her big eyes as they walked towards the house. The light was almost magical and her skin glowed. Sidney had the urgent need to take her hand, but of course he didn’t, looking at her for a tiny moment longer, he smiled as they climbed the stairs. He was so in love with her! And nothing could change that, not even that she didn't really seem to believe him, but they would clarify that later.

Collecting himself he shook his head and they stepped into the big entrance with its in chess pattern tiled floor. They came into the room that were normally the open-plan office, but which had been stripped of all its tables and chairs this evening for the party. As they had arrived a little late, the official part was already over and the guests were strolling around the impressive room to sophisticated classical music. Charlotte stared more at the ceiling and the ornate decorations on the walls and didn't see Sidney take a glass of champagne from one of the waiters walking around and hand it to her.

"Oh thank you."  
"We should say hello to Susan." 

He said, stroking her finger slowly, but Charlotte looked at him in alarm. Even shittier would be, if they provided fodder for gossip to those present before their colleagues knew. Or her parents. On the way to Susan's, who attracted everyone's attention in a light green designer dress, they met photographers they had under contract, had once worked with or would never work with. Colleagues from other production and photography agencies and of course Susan's employee.

"Hello, you two!" Susan called from a distance, greeting them both with a single kiss on the cheek, which was about the equivalent of a knighthood in the industry, or at least that's how many felt. 

"I hear you're opening an office in NY?" 

She asked Sidney, but he gave her only a fake smile and remained rather vague in his explanation. Yes, they were planning to open one there, but it wouldn't be that easy. Charlotte wondered why he was holding back so much, but blamed it on their little argument, if one could call it that, and felt guilty. He seemed to be in a good mood when he came to her office earlier and now he was a little distant. But Susan, who didn't really seem interested in the rumours anyway, told Sidney what kind of goodies were on the buffet and more or less sent him off to get something to eat, because he would look so hungry. Sidney took the hint and apologised with a quick glance at Charlotte, who was determined to talk to him again later and explain her worries better what hadn't worked so well in the car.

"So?" Asked Susan as soon as Sidney was on his way through the crowd towards the buffet.  
"Does a certain man know you're in love with him?"

Surprised by this open question, Charlotte didn't know how to react at first and took a big sip of her champagne.

"I see."

Susan looked at Sidney, who was standing at the buffet, engaged in conversation by another agent. Charlotte struggled for words, but Susan smiled sympathetically and said as she took Charlotte’s arm and pulled her along. 

"With their company policy, it might be difficult."

Of course Charlotte knew what Susan meant, but pretended not to and took another sip to think of an answer.

"My offer still stands." Susan explained with a grin and Charlotte was glad to change the subject.

Sidney was also glad. That Charlotte was smiling again gave him hope, that the evening would not be spoiled by this little question and answer game in the car. Although the sexual innuendos always helped to put a smile on her face, that couldn't be the solution. He hoped that they could leave in an hour at the latest to talk in peace. He knew nothing about her friend and thought it was terribly unfair that these women were trying to manipulate Charlotte and talk her out of him. What was it? Why were they doing this? The evening could only get better, after the exhausting conversations all day long and Tom's impossible behaviour.

"You mean to tell me you're in love?" Tom had said the word as if it were a disgusting disease that Sidney himself was to blame for catching.  
"With Charlotte Heywood?" 

After this outburst, Sidney was surprised that the whole company hadn't heard it, but he remained calm, even though it pained him that his brother had reacted that way. In a very calm voice, he had explained to him that it wasn't a little love affair, but that he had deep, intimate feelings for her that he hadn't felt for ages, or rather, had never felt. He reminded Tom that he had met Mary at work too, but Tom didn't want to make the comparison.

"Mary was not a permanent employee but only a surrogate."  
"Still." Sidney had insisted, really trying to keep calm.  
"She's the love of my life and the mother of my children. I adore her. I’m going to grow old with her and you're comparing that to this Charlotte Heywood?"

Sidney couldn't stay calm any longer, of course, and had argued with Tom so much that he was just glad the table was between them, otherwise he might have grabbed him and maybe even pushed him. Or hit him, he couldn't say for sure. But Tom wouldn't stop. He actually demanded that one of the two had to leave the company. Since Charlotte was doing a good job, Sidney was supposed to move to New York despite his reluctance, which he had rejected for the last time and even had a solution ready. But Tom didn't want to know anything about that. Tom just knew that Sidney would set up the new office in no time and that his many contacts in New York would soon bring them success. 

Sidney was well aware that Tom knew that if he stayed permanently in London, he would control him more than the good faith Diana and Arthur, whom they all always took all the responsibility from. A remnant of their childhood. Tom's behaviour also reminded him of it, as if he could still treat Sidney like the stupid boy he once was. He had sat there infinitely annoyed and listened to the words, but that only caused exactly what he actually wanted to avoid. 

"I hate to say it Sidney, but you have to make a choice."  
"I already have."  
"Fine. New York then." 

It wasn't a question for Tom and it wasn't for Sidney either. He hit the table so powerful that his hand still felt a little thick. 

"As you said, Charlotte is good and ready for more and I think she is a good choice to replace you."

"Tom!" Sidney's good mood shattered into a thousand pieces as his brother started the subject all over again, but as he wanted to defend his opinion he saw Tom's face freeze.  
"What is it?" He was afraid Tom would have a heart attack, he had witnessed one before and a cold shiver ran through him, but Tom just said.

"Charlotte."

Seeing Charlotte always had a calming effect on Sidney, and after he had freed himself from his memory, as if from an annoying nightmare that had been haunting him all day, he let his gaze wander over the people. She was still talking to Susan and a freelance photographer, and Sidney slowly strolled over to them to join in the conversation.

"Oh interesting."

Susan whispered in Charlotte's ear and she didn't know if Susan was referring to the photographer they had almost convinced that he really needed an agent, or to the fact that Sidney was coming towards her with a plate full of delicious looking food, another glass of champagne and a captivating smile. Her heart immediately beat a little faster, because his look told her that he wanted to get out of here quickly and instinctively she licked her lips. Before that she should definitely eat something, because the champagne on an empty stomach had already gone to her head a bit, but she wasn't hungry. At least not for food, she looked at his lips and remembered his kiss earlier... 

Susan nudged her lightly and gestured discreet towards the entrance and Charlotte followed her gaze, as did almost everyone in the room, and what they saw seemed intimidating and ridiculously staged at the same time.

There was an appearance, a diva from an old Hollywood movie. A classical beautiful face, a lush fur coat casually draped around her shoulders, a tight dress and killer high heels. She danced into the room like a model and as if this was a Dior fashion show and not a nice little Christmas party.

"Wow!" Charlotte gasped, marvelling at the ethereal being, as did almost everyone else in the room.

"This is Eliza Campion." Susan explained, waiting for Charlotte's reaction, which of course confirmed what she had suspected all along. "But she is not as perfect as she seems."

Charlotte’s eyes darted back to Sidney, who continued to fight his way back to her through the crowd, still looking at her as if she was the most wonderful person in the room. Without saying goodbye, Charlotte walked up to him, she had to warn him. How bad it would be for him if he met Eliza here, after all this time! It would certainly be painful and embarrassing for him. 

She reached him and he handed her the glass, which Charlotte took gratefully and took another generous sip, thinking for a moment how she should tell him. 

"Everything fine?" He asked and she nodded, drinking, then hastily told him.  
"Eliza's here." And waited for his reaction. 

He smiled down at her and shrugged his shoulders. That’s all? Charlotte wondered and then felt a little irritated, after all, this woman had lied to him, stolen from him, cheated on him and the worst of all, broken him. How could he stay so calm? Charlotte knew she couldn't stay in the same room if her ex-boyfriend or ex-best friend appeared.

"Aren't you kind of... surprised?"  
"No, it's an event where other agents are invited. You can't avoid meeting people." He was still looking her in the face.

"You see each other?" 

Charlotte was really confused, did that mean he had been in contact with her all along and hadn't told her? It stung her and so as not to show it, she took another sip.

"You make it sound like I'm secretly seeing her," he remarked, trying to sound amused, but it that she did not trust him hurt him.  
"I haven't spoken a word to her since she left. Not even a hello, if that makes you feel better."

Oh crap! Now Charlotte felt caught being the jealous little girlfriend. Although she had to admit that she was, because after all, this woman was gorgeous and she was just... Charlotte.

Sidney could see from the look on Charlotte's face that he had caught her being jealous. But who could blame her after what her ex-boyfriend had done to her? Trust is a sensitive matter and he certainly didn't want to make her feel bad, especially not after that nonsense in the car earlier, he leaned down and suggested a change of location. Apart from wanting to be alone with her, he didn't want to run into Eliza or have her catch them looking at each other. Knowing Eliza, he was sure she would be the one to start a rumour just to dissuade him from signing a certain photographer or acquiring a client that her agency was also interested in.

Charlotte wanted to say goodbye to Susan, who was deep in conversation with someone else, but just as they reached her, Eliza approached Susan too.

"Hello Sid...."  
"Susan, we were just leaving. Thank you so much for the invitation." 

Sidney talked as if Eliza wasn't even there and shook Susan's hand, but unfortunately she didn't play along as he had hoped and pulled Charlotte to her side.

"But you're will stay a bit longer my girl, aren't you?" Turning to Eliza, Susan confessed.  
"I'm desperate to free Miss Heywood from the Parkers' clutches, but I haven't managed to convince her yet."

Charlotte saw with slight panic how beautiful Eliza was up close and smiled in intimidated.

"Well, some girls take a long time to ask, others are quicker to convince."

Her laugh was clear as a bell and yet it caused certain nausea in Charlotte's stomach. She looked at Sidney who had a strange expression on his face. Somehow she had expected him to clench his jaw or look angry, she would have understood if he had just left, but he just stood there, with a very slight smile on his face that Charlotte was too tired to interpret. Slowly a lot of questions swirled around in her head. 

"You must be a trainee." Eliza then addressed Charlotte, who almost choked, but she caught herself and just gave back.

"No I'm not a trainee, I'm a full-fledged empl..."  
"Either you dropped out of college early or you seem so young because of all those freckles." 

She said in a reproachful tone and Charlotte suddenly found herself back in high school where she had been teased for her many freckles and moles, which her mother named beauty spots, but the kids at school called it shit spots.

"Why would Charlotte have dropped out of college?" Susan asked with interest, wanting to have fun showing off Eliza Campion and her arrogance. 

"Oh, I was just going to say that she looks… young..." she gave Charlotte a disparaging look before continuing annoyed, "almost childlike, and therefore uncomfortable in adult company."

"You're quite right Mrs Campion," Charlotte said in a surprisingly firm voice, "I wasn't at college and worked since I was a child." Then she finished her glass and added.  
"And I certainly don't feel comfortable in this company."

She pressed the glass to Sidney’s stomach before pushing past him and hurrying away, she almost cried. What was that? What a stupid… bit.. woman! Why did she do that? What had Charlotte done to her to talk to her like that? Who gave her the right to do that and why in god's name had Sidney stood there silently and said nothing? Absolutely nothing? Did she mean so little to him that he hadn't even found it necessary to help her?

Only when she had arrived at the entrance did she turn back to him. It seemed as if he was about to hurry after her, but someone had stopped him. Not just someone. Eliza. With whom he supposedly hadn't spoken for years. She saw that this woman had slipped her slender fingers around his upper arm and was looking up at him and what was even more painful was that he still had that slight smile on his face. Now he leaned down and seemed to be whispering something into the ear of this person, this beautiful, successful, person, this person he once loved. So much that it had almost destroyed him. His first love! 

Charlotte felt sick. Really sick. She put her hand over her mouth and ran out.


	20. Tick-tock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We go back a few minutes and see what's going on in Sidney and if he finds her outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also wanted to include other things in this chapter, but decided against it. I thought it was more important that first we get this clarified.

It was as if Sidney was on a fast train that someone had forgotten to close the doors. Everything was happening so fast and so many things were going on at once that he didn't know if it was really all happening at that moment or if he was just imagining it. He felt that chill that goes to your bones when it was so nasty wet and cold outside as he noticed Eliza beside him. Sidney blanked her out and said goodbye to Susan. Inwardly relieved that they could leave.

But Susan Worchester had her own plan. 

She didn't like Eliza much, he knew that from earlier hints, but the fact that she was now using Charlotte to set a trap for Eliza made him freak out inside. He clenched his fists and stared at Charlotte's shoulder, trying not to push the bitch who had cost him so many years of his life out of the way and give Susan a spiteful look, he just stood there paralysed when he heard 'the poison syringe', as he called her in his mind, speak in that sweet purring voice, as if she couldn't harm a fly, and for a minimum of seconds he was back in the everyday life with her. 

The constant nagging, the belittling in this way, so that in the end he always felt guilty and crawled like a puppy to cross himself so that she would forgive him. He was to blame for everything, would overact, be paranoid, and behave like a little defiant child. His motives and actions were always immature and wrong in her eyes. In any way, he had to be happy that she was with him, the complete loser. She constantly suggested to him that he was nothing without her, and the worst thing was that this underlying manipulation had worked. For years.

But also with others, men and women, she had successfully used these methods to make them feel insecure, as soon as she had seen them as competition. Professionally or privately, with some of them it was usually enough to make the smallest remark about their looks, their intelligence, their skills. These devaluations worked, especially when one was not quite so stable because one had other worries. And that's how it also worked with Charlotte. It made his heart shatter into a thousand splinters. 

But he remained silent. It was as if his voice had been stolen, he had so many words in his head but could say nothing. Nothing! But Charlotte needed him! ‘Do something!’ He cried in his head, but was locked up inside. A long time ago he had sworn to himself that he would never be a victim of Eliza again, that he would never let her win, and that he would never speak to her again. And Cater was also in the group, the biggest gossip blabbermouth in the business. What could be the consequences? ‘Bloody hell, do something!’ He shouted to himself. ‘Think, think!’ What had his therapist advised him to do? ‘Stay calm.’ Yes, but he had to stop her from hurting Charlotte!

"And I certainly don't feel comfortable in this company." 

Charlottes said in this moment and he was so proud that she could talk to her in this strong voice and walked away like she had just more important things to do. Shit. What now, what now? He had to go after her. He loved her all the more for standing up to that bitch, what he never seemed able to do! 

Until now.

"Neither do I, considering that Mrs Campion makes it her business to humiliate people and builds her success on stealing data and photographers from other’s. Have a nice evening."

Although he couldn't quite grasp all these feelings inside him, boundless rage at himself, fear about Charlotte, pride and infinite warmth just thinking of her. Even though everything had happened so quickly, he suddenly saw clearly, felt all the details. The thick air, the murmur of the people, the lulling sounds of the music, the whispering of Susan and Cater. But his movement, was like in slow motion, as if his feet were glued to the floor.

As Eliza’s fingers wrapped around his arm, he felt a tiny flash back to when Tom had put a cancer on his arm when they were boys, after feeding him with all the horror scenarios of what they could do to him. Disgust and fear, cold and a primal instinct to knock the beast off his arm took hold of him. 

The voice of his therapist became Charlotte's voice. 'Stay calm! Don’t give her the scene she wants to provoke! No scene! Stay calm!'

Outwardly unmoved but with a cutting voice, 'the poison syringe' said to him what she had actually intended to do.

"I knew I'd get you talking if I beat this sweet little thing…nice girl."

"This girl," growled Sidney his reply between clenched teeth with such a menacing tone that Eliza's eyes widened in shock. "Is more woman than you ever will be."

And then he got carried away and quietly grunted a blatant insult in her ear.

Charlotte immediately felt a little better as soon as she was out in the piercing cold air and automatically ran to the car before disappearing into the bushes for a moment. Her heart was hammering in her head and she looked around worriedly to see if anyone had seen her. Luckily she was alone and it was so dark that she had remained undetected by the smokers on the terrace. At least she hoped so. Her stomach felt a little better now, she felt downright relieved. But it was so cold and she had left her jacket and bag in the car earlier. Wishing she had everything with her to just leave this place, but then she scolded herself for thinking that. That would really be absolutely immature behaviour. 

Like Sidney's. Pretending he didn't mind seeing his ex and then he stood there like a complete idiot and said nothing. Nothing! 

Even though all these thoughts formed within a few moments, Charlotte decided to recall her own previous thoughts. Otherwise she would be nothing more than a hypocrite.

‘It would certainly be painful and embarrassing for him.’

Yes, and that it was apparently. He had told her what had happened in the end, but never any details about the actual relationship. But he seemed to have been almost frozen. Now the only question was, frozen with memory and awe of this beautiful woman or for exactly the opposite reason.

And although it pained her that this bi... woman had hurt him so much that he had sworn off love, at least for a long time, she fervently hoped it was the latter. Charlotte closed her eyes briefly and made a deal with herself before walking out of the bush.

If he didn't come after her in the next few minutes, then....

"Charlotte!"

And already she was pressed against his chest. His scent soothed her immediately, even though she could also smell the tension he was in, but as soon as she put her arms around his middle, he softened.

"I'm so sorry. Forgive me, please forgive me!"

Sidney's head was swirling with feelings, thoughts and so many words that he didn’t know what he was thinking and what he was actually saying. He was relieved when she hugged him back and sank down against him. Feeling her crying, for his shirt was getting wet where her face was, he wanted to hit someone so badly, or better, give a right hook. But most of all, of course, he wanted to hit himself. Only when she shivered violently did he realise that she was cold. Or exhausted from all the crap. Of course, both were possible and without a word he opened the door of the car. Charlotte didn't look at him as she climbed in, and put on her jacket and scarf.

He knew he deserved whatever punishment she would give him and he would do everything, absolutely everything she wanted, to make her forgive him. The deadly thought that she despised him for doing nothing, and saw him as the worthless wretch he was, was nothing compared to the evil fear that tore him apart.

The possibility that she could leave him.

It was such a sharp, stabbing pain that pierced him that he could not move. His lungs contracted violently and began slowly and cruelly to pulverise his heart. Charlotte was not only the air he needed, but also the engine that made his lungs gasp for it. At that moment, one thing became clear to him that had been hovering over him in the distance since their first kiss. He doesn't need to fool himself, he knew he was not able to live without her.

Charlotte... he heard himself take a deep breath, it sounded more like a sob, and then he moved so fast he didn't realise what he was doing and yet suddenly was sitting next to her in the car. Watching her.

"Charlotte."

His voice was a rough whisper and Charlotte also seemed to wake up from her stiffness at that very moment and gasped greedily for air, as if her head had been under water for too long. Her gaze was directed forward and as he reached out for her, a pleading 

"Please" slipped out of his mouth. 

"Can we go home?" She asked at the same moment in a small voice that brought tears to his eyes.

Immediately he started the car and drove out of the car park so fast that he wondered for a brief second that he hadn't knocked anyone over. ‘Say something! Say something, you stupid dog!’ He screamed in his overflowing, roaring head and banged the steering wheel hard. Charlotte didn't even flinch. Was she so indifferent because she was done with him? Or did she know that he didn't mean her but would have preferred to beat the crap out of himself?

But wait.

Suddenly her words hit him like a bomb. Home. Not 'to my place', but 'home'. Did that mean it was their home, even if it was only her home? Meant as 'our' home? That would mean there was still an 'us'. 

A small pinch of hope slowly crawled into his crumpled heart and gently blew like an air pump some relief into it. He looked over at her. She was pale. In the unreal lights of the town by night, which flew over them, she also could have been a ghost. But her facial expression showed strength, she was thinking. The small wrinkle between her brows reveals this. Two more times Sidney tried to start a conversation, but Charlotte turned to the window and rested her forehead against the cool glass.

"Are you feeling sick?"  
"Yes."

Finally an answer.

"We'll be right there."

Sidney didn't dare to say 'home' as well, so that she wouldn't notice that it was actually just her home and she didn't want him there. When he was about to park, she jumped out of the car so fast that he could hardly follow and had to run to keep up with her. Up the stairs behind her and the fear almost consumed him. In his mind's eye he could already see himself camped outside her locked door for the next few days, hopeless and lost forever. But the door was wide open when he arrived. Obviously she was in the bathroom, he heard water splashing and her electric toothbrush humming. He knocked carefully on the door and asked if she needed anything, but she made it clear that she could manage everything on her own. 

Yes, he knew that and feared it at the same moment.

Charlotte was shivering like a leaf on a stormy autumn day, but still couldn't walk any faster into the warm room. She saw Sidney working in the kitchen and she smiled at the sight, even though it wouldn't have shown on her blank face. With shaking hands she wrapped the cosy blanket, which had once belonged to him, around her shoulders. Plopping down exhausted on the sofa, her eyes fixed on the edge of the table, feeling infinitely tired. 

Sidney turned around as soon as he noticed her and put everything eatable he could find on the table. Salty pretzels, wasabi peanuts, a few chips that had already lost their flavour and cheddar he had cut into generous pieces. Plus a bottle of water. Her stomach was empty and cold. She should eat something, but she didn't know how.

"The tea is almost ready."

He said in a neutral tone, waiting to see if she would scream at him or question him in a tone cold as ice. But nothing came. Not a single word and not a single movement, except that she shivered slightly and was occasionally seized by a larger shake. 

"Charlotte..."

Nothing.

"Do you want me to shut up?"  
"Like before?"

Bang. Yes, he deserved that. Even if her voice hurt more. Not because it was sharp or piercing, cutting or hurting him, no, it was so gossamer that it stripped the flesh from his bones and pierced his heart, with a thin but deadly tip.

"I'm so sorry."

He took her hand and as she did not move, he knelt in front of her on the floor and tried to catch her gaze. Wanting to tell her everything, explain everything, reveal himself completely was an urgent need. His feelings and thoughts, his past, his manipulated dependence on this woman who had hurt her today and given her the rest. But it wasn't about what he wanted. It was about her.

"How do you feel?"  
"I’m cold."

Rubbing her arms briefly, he remembering a similar situation after he had almost knocked her over.

"I'll just get the other blanket..."

Sidney stood up quickly, but Charlotte held his hand tightly. Fear overwhelmed him. His breath caught, the heart hammered in his chest, the seconds ticked by, waiting, like an exam. The most important one of all. 

Tick-tock. Tick 'go away', tock 'leave me alone,' tick 'just go'. The sweat on his brow was cold, he had so much to explain. Please give me this chance! Tick-tock. Please! Tick… l… tock… love… tick… you… tock… so!

"Don't go."

Charlotte had was sure she had only thought those words, but he seemed to have heard them, because suddenly she was sitting on his lap and he held her so tightly in his arms that she suddenly felt warm. Even her stomach, as if she had already drunk the tea that was still standing steaming on the kitchen counter.

"Never."

Oh.

That was huge. That was such a huge statement that she couldn't think about it now. Well, but yes. She felt her fingers digging into the cosy blanket and she sank closer to him, as if that was exactly where she belonged. This bond simply drew her to him. But he had to say something, explain it to her. 

And that's what he did.

"It's a gift to hit someone right where it hurts." 

"Charlotte." Clenching his jaw, he carefully touched her fingers, he didn't want her to keep thinking about 'the poison syringe' or to let her words bring her down.

"How did she know about college? I mean, I could have if I had chosen agricultural sciences or veterinary medicine. My parents were flexible about that."

She laughed sarcastically and didn't listen when Sidney tried to explain that it was a coincidence that Eliza had hit a sore spot. Tiredly she ran her hand over her face and pulled down the sleeve of her blouse that had slipped up and revealed her pale freckles on her arm. 

"Well, and people criticizing my freckles is nothing new."  
"I love every single one of them." Sidney declared earnestly, promising her something to provoke a small smile, which came but didn't last long.

"I was that insecure, ugly little girl again and I’m so mad at myself that she managed to do that."

"You’re not a little girl!" Sidney stroked the hand that was in her lap. "And you're beautiful."

"She is beautiful." 

Charlotte disagreed, turning her face away so he wouldn't see her tears. Never had she cared about her looks, but this person had managed to make her feel small and ugly. Like her 'friends'. It’s like as if everyone screamed at her that she doesn't suit the beautiful man next to her.

"Charlotte," his voice had taken on a dark tone, but not that 'Barry White song' tone of emotion and longing, but the 'I’m starting to get pissed' tone. He took her face in his hands and slowly shook his head.

"To me, you're the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. On the outside and inside!" His voice softened a little.  
"Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And she is nobody. Maybe pretty outside, but her inside is ugly, rotten to the core and full of maggots."

Even without the serious tone of his voice, she would have believed what he said, for his expression did not allow for any protest or doubt. Eagerly she wanted to kiss him, and let her gaze drop to his lips, but lifted it again to read in his eyes once more the truth that they both knew.

"How can someone be like that?" Charlotte asked tiredly, although it was a rhetoric question and Sidney could only shake his head. "Tell me what you whispered in her ear."

"That's too awful to say."  
"We said no more secrets and no more 'I’m not telling you because I want to protect you'. Come tell me."

Charlotte tried to use a teasing tone, but she didn't really succeed. Still, Sidney appreciated her efforts and tries not to make him feel like a total loser, even though he had cried like one. But Charlotte had said she didn't see it that way and he believed her.

"I said she was a..."

Charlotte opened her eyes and didn't know whether she should be shocked or happy, because even though she would never have said it out loud, that was also her opinion of this... woman.

"...And she shall choke on her wickedness." 

Sidney made a disgusted face. And Charlotte asked dryly.

"Do you feel better now?"

She tried desperately to suppress a laugh, but the overtiredness, the alcohol, his confession about the horrible relationship with this woman and all the crap her girls had done to her had driven her mad. She burst out laughing when he answered just as dryly. 

"Yes."

The laughter shook her, but she couldn't stop. Sidney joined in and she slid closer to him. Before it turned into a laughter spasm, they suddenly became serious again and looked firmly into each other's eyes.

"I love you." 

His voice was hoarse and although he didn't try anything, but just wanted to let her know, to reassure her that she was the one. Charlotte couldn't help but answer him.

The kiss was light. She lingered at the touch of their lips, pressing her forehead to his.

"And I you." Tickled tenderly at his lips as he pulled her tighter into his arms in relief.

"I know it's late and we have to be back at work in a few hours, but I'd like to tell you a few things about Tom."

"Of course." Charlotte leaned back on the couch and rested her head against his shoulder. 

Despite Sidney trying to just touch on the story and give her the basic facts, he realised after only a few sentences that Charlotte almost fell asleep. For a moment he rested his face against hers before getting up and gently carrying her to bed. Softly chuckling, she asked in his firm chest,

"What do we do about the Georgiana thing?"

And with a firm look in her eyes, he promised.

"We will sort it out tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have, of course, only touched on the psychological abuse Eliza practised, but it is called "Gaslighting".


	21. assumptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney and Charlotte still have to deal with assumptions others have and long for some quieter time together and Charlotte has to talk to her "friends".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is quite long, but hope you like it anyway.

As soon as Sidney had parted from Charlotte at the entrance to the company, he went directly into his sister's office.

"Oh good, you're here, I've already seen the portfolios are ready, so I'll be off soon."  
"That's not why I'm here," he explained, then asked, "do you know a lawyer called Georgiana Lambe?"

Diana thought for a moment but then shook her head. Sidney ran his hand through his hair, lost in thought, and sat down in Arthur's chair, who was not yet in the office.

"What's going on?" Diana asked, looking at her brother sceptically.  
"Who is Georgiana Lambe?"

"A so-called friend of Charlotte."  
"Okay, and why would I know her?"  
"You're always doing all the lawyer stuff." Sidney shrugged, "I thought maybe there was something with a photographer or a client that made her..."

"What? You're talking in riddles." she laughed shortly.  
"She sent Charlotte a message and said she shouldn't believe what I'm saying."  
"You?" Diana was surprised "you're the most honest person I know."  
"Thanks."  
"A bit secretive and grumpy, but honest." She smiled "what did she mean?"  
"Oh, I don't know."

Sidney stood up and was already walking towards the door when Diana asked why Charlotte hadn't asked and, trusting Diana, he told her a little more.  
"Those girls don't sound like they're real friends."

Sidney agreed with his sister and was already opening the door when Diana had an idea.

"Which law firm does this Georgiana work at?"

Sidney took the piece of paper out of his pocket on which Charlotte had written the name.  
"Stratton Oakfield."

"Ahh." Diana turned to one of the filing cabinets and rummaged around in it, then handed him a thick folder and explained, "Thompson's law firm was bought out by them a few years ago."

Sidney stared at the folder in his hands. Thompson had been the lawyer they had instructed to make Eliza pay for stealing data. That thing had been off the table for a long time, since it was a delicate matter, and hard to prove. Why Diana had kept it in her office all these years, he didn't know, but also he didn't care. He briefly thought about returning the folder to her, because what would he find in it? Except that Thompson had negotiated with the other side's lawyer and the matter was never really settled because Eliza, of course, had denied everything. He couldn't remember exactly how it ended, he wasn't well at the time for understandable reasons and well, his siblings thought it would be better if he travelled abroad and accompanied the productions. 

Diana then shooed him out because she still had some things to do, so he went into his office. He would have preferred to go through the matter directly with Charlotte, but she had already told him that she still had a lot to do before the office closed early for the Christmas party the next day. Glancing at her briefly as he walked past her room, he recognised she had a tense conversation, and he was looking forward how he could make her relax in the evening. After retreating to his office, he opened the folder. It was all neatly filed by date, probably done by Diana herself. Although he didn't think he would find anything in there that might have prompted Georgiana to say what she had said, he braced himself for an arduous task.

No sooner had Charlotte finished the phone call with one demanding client than the next one called. They all acted as if the company would close forever at twelve o'clock the next day, and not just the one time for the annual Christmas party. Charlotte thought the customers knew the time was a lie anyway. But that was the official time, so everyone could relax a bit and go home again if necessary, to be back in time for the departure of the two minibuses that were to take them to Sanditon.

She was curious to see what it would be like when she returned to Sanditon. The memories of her first time there were still so present that she closed her eyes for a moment and surrendered to the memory. How incredibly beautiful it had been! Yes, and she meant everything, not just the town and the sea, but the romantic dinner, Sidney and their love they had shared there physically for the first time… Sidney was so wonderful attentive, gentle and passionate. So eager to please her and not at all selfish. Suddenly she had the urgent need to be close to him and without a further thought she got up, took some papers and went to his office.

"Hey what's wrong?" He asked, seeing her flushed cheeks and a look that was similar to her look when they...

"I need... erm yes... I so… erm."

Charlotte turned back to the door and even though no one came by, she still couldn't do what she desperately wanted to do right now and stood a little lost half in and half out of his office.  
Sidney was worried that there might be some kind of problem. He saw that she had clutched the papers so tightly in her fist that they were already crumpled. The very next moment he got up, pulled her into the office and pushed the door a little closer.

"Is there a problem?" he asked concerned.

Charlotte felt stupid and didn't know what to say, she looked at him again and then stared at her feet.

"Tell me." His voice was rough and suddenly he was standing so close and Charlotte really didn't know what she was doing and glanced up at him again. 

"No secrets!" He reminded her of their promise to each other and smiled.

"Ok." She nodded, cleared her throat, and then stared back at her feet.  
"I was thinking about Sanditon."

"Are you worried about..."  
"No."  
"But what were you thinking about..." once again she lifted her gaze.  
"Oh."

Indeed, he grasped and a feeling of understanding and unspeakable desire shot through his body. Because of everything that had happened in the last few days, it seemed like an eternity since they had been close, even though they had woken up this morning entwined in each other. 

"Charlotte, I..."  
"I know..."

She said quickly, it was a bit embarrassing to tell the boyfriend that she was longing for him while trying to work. So she turned around and was half a step away when he grabbed her by the arm and whirled her around. His arms wrapped around her and his lips were hot and craving on hers, she hardly understood what was happening. It was so warm where they touched and they melted into each other. But the next moment he broke away and was two steps gone before Charlotte was able to open her eyes. 

"Yeah, well... I..." she stammered, and he seemed just as surprised as she was.  
"I know."

Their eyes remained locked for a moment as they both searched for words to describe what was going on inside them.

"That wasn't such a good idea." He said, stroking his face. 

A brief sting of rejection pricked at her heart and Charlotte took a deep breath so that she was strong enough to finally leave his office, when he said silently.

"Now I want you even more."

Oh, well that was exactly what she also felt, nodding she let out the breath she had been holding.

"I... erm... better go then." It sounded like a question.

"I don't want us to..." 

Sidney made a hand gesture that could have meant the office or the whole company and although she knew it was a stupid idea to come here in the first place she wasn’t able to regret it. She would never regret kissing him. Also not the failure to suppress a smile at the sight of the desperate look on his face, probably she looked very similar. They starred at each other as Charlotte recognised a change in his expression and she braced herself as he came towards her again. They really shouldn't do it, but oh how she longed for him. The arms lifted as if by magic to embrace him, when Arthur came in.

"Oh hello you two." He grinned and closed the door behind him.

They both froze in their movements and Charlotte slowly lowered her arms and felt herself turning bright red. 

"I hope I didn't interrupt something."  
"What makes you think that?" Sidney was a bit angry and went back behind the desk, his jaw clenched.

"I have no problem with that." Arthur just kept talking and smiled warmly at Charlotte.  
"I mean a little kiss, without anyone noticing, should be allowed, shouldn't it?" 

As neither of them replied, it dawned on him that he had stepped right into it.  
"Ah, well. It's a good thing it was me then..."

"Yes." 

Sidney said more harshly than he had intended, but he didn't want his brother to talk down the subject. It hurt him physically not to be able to pull Charlotte in his arms again and from the look on her face, she felt it too.

"Oh well, then ... I just wanted to get to the safe."

Sidney nodded at his brother and went to the cupboard where the safe was, when the numbers he entered made beeping noises, Charlotte finally woke up from her stiffness and quickly said goodbye and ran out of the office. Luckily no one else had noticed, because that was exactly what they were supposed to avoid. She really wasn't sure how she was going to continue to work with this tension, to be close to him and yet not close enough and if not allowed to touch. And they could set up as many rules as they wanted, at some point they wouldn't be able to keep it going, like just now, and they would get carried away with a kiss and someone would catch them sooner or later. It was less about someone knowing or some nonsense, she just didn't want their love to become a problem between Sidney and his siblings. But before she could think about it any further, the phone rang again and it was a set builder with questions about a shooting next week and so she rescheduled the issue for later.

While she listened to the next caller, she went through her to-do list and remembered that she had to pack the portfolios for Diana. After she had finished the call, she ran out of her room and looked briefly at Sidney's office. The door was closed, which either meant he wasn't there or didn't want to be disturbed. She ran up the stairs and met Arthur in the conference room, who took a box of photographers' portfolios under each arm and gave her a nice nod before leaving the room. Charlotte grabbed another box of portfolios and pushed it shut just as the door closed behind her.

Turning around in a flash of joyful anticipation, her smile died on her face as she realised it was not the Parker brother she had hoped for.

Sidney struggled through the file and felt, well, he didn't know exactly how he felt. He felt empty, uninvolved, like he was reading something that had nothing to do with him. Yes, he read his name in more than one e-mail or lawyer's letter, but none of the statements were his own words and so there was a certain distance. He shook his head, it wasn't much and there wasn't even a comparison, because they couldn't prove that Eliza had stolen data. She could have got all the information from the Internet, as she had claimed. Sidney made copies of some papers, looking for a statement that Georgiana might have meant, but he didn't know for sure and would discuss it with Charlotte. She had already told him what she was going to do and was glad that she finally dared to confront her friend directly. He went out of the office to see if he could talk to her, but she was not at her desk. Arthur came towards him and pushed a heavy box into his arms. 

"Come."  
"I think you can do this quite well by yourself."  
"Sidney, I'm doing you a favour, you're doing me a favour. It's easy."

Together they went out into the car park and loaded the boxes into Arthur's car, where there were a few other things Diana had organised for the Christmas party. 

"Torches?" Asked Sidney, remembering what Charlotte had said at the Sanditon beach and was pleased that her idea had been adopted.

"Yes, to light the way to the beach was your sweetheart's idea."

Sidney looked at his brother and waited for more, because Arthur had brought up the subject for a reason.

"I like her, don't screw it up!" He then said seriously and Sidney shook his head.  
"I don't intend to."  
"Tom will warm up too..."  
"What's he acting like, he and Mary..."  
"Yes, it annoys him that you make that comparison."  
"Why is that?" Sidney flipped the tailgate shut and looked angrily at Arthur as if they were his words.  
"I think Tom has a problem with..."  
"What kind of problem?" Sidney was starting to get angry "that I am finally happy?"  
"No, I think he's happy if you're happy, but I don't know, either he's scared that it's not serious..."  
"It is serious."  
"I know."  
"You know?"  
"Sidney, honestly... you're so changed."  
Sidney rolled his eyes.  
"She is... oh I don't know, I can see she's good for you and you're so mindful when it comes to her... I feel like... oh."

Arthur turned away and Sidney was amazed at his reaction.

"Are you crying?"  
"It's for joy, you idiot."  
"Arthur..."  
"I think... the way she looks at you... it's the same. It’s a gift." He nodded and wiped away his tears. "You rarely get to fond that... that kind of connection."

Sidney found it a little difficult to respond to that. He loved his brother, but talking to him about feelings was even harder than doing it to Charlotte, even though they had such an intimate connection. And then here in the cold in the car park in front of the company, he searched for words.

"I'm happy for you and I'm on your side, just like Diana." Arthur said in a conspiratorial tone. "And as soon as you bring her to Bedford, Mary will also join our club." 

He winked at Sidney, who nodded that he did understand.

Charlotte could not quite understand what had just happened, although Sidney had already prepared her for it when he told her that Tom did not approve of their relationship, but the fact that he spoke to her so bluntly and was almost threatening frightened her. She would of course tell Sidney against Tom's wishes, but so much was happening at once that she had to sort it out first. She took one of the boxes and left the conference room without looking back at Tom in his glass office. At the bottom of the stairs, she met Sidney and he took the box from her without a word, but a soft smile and this special light in his eyes and it seemed to her at that moment that he was also taking away the pressure Tom had just put on her.

Charlotte never wanted to put this pressure on others, she wouldn't even know how to do it, and yet hours later she stood in front of the mirror in her bathroom and practised the words she wanted to say to Georgiana. She wanted to confront her in such a way that she finally had to say why she was behaving like this and couldn't be happy for her. An exciting tingling had taken possession of her, as if she had another job interview and that alone made her realise that this was not the feeling one should have towards a friend. Once more she went through her prepared text, although she was well aware that she was no match for Georgiana's retort if she hit her with legal language. Or maybe she would forget all about it anyway and do exactly as Sidney had advised her.

"Stay the way you are, don't doubt yourself, tell her… them how they hurt you."

While she continued to encourage herself, the doorbell rang and she went to the door and let Georgiana in. The greeting was a little subdued, even though they gave each other a little kiss on the cheek, even a blind man would have sensed that there was something wrong.

"It's cold, isn't it?" Georgiana remarked, and Charlotte couldn't believe they had sunk so low as to exchange pleasantries about the weather.

"What exactly did you mean by that?" Charlotte burst out as she took the damp coat from Georgiana.

"It's cold." Georgiana immediately groused at her, although she knew exactly what Charlotte meant, and attack was the best defence.

"You know I mean your message."

Wow. Charlotte herself was surprised that she managed to say it without trembling in her voice. Georgiana stood up after taking off her boots and looked at Charlotte piercingly.

"Exactly what I said."  
"But you don't even know each other."

Georgiana rolled her eyes and took a deep breath, as if she had to deal with a dumb person.

"You don't have to know someone personally to make a judgement about them." She raised her eyebrows and Charlotte understood why some of her clients cringed under her gaze.

"Tell me what makes you think that, because I trust him and what he says."

Georgiana probably realised that she would not have it easy this time, groaned and pointed to the door leading to Charlotte's room, as if to say that she would rather sit down. But Charlotte crossed her arms and looked at her, waiting.

"Okay. I found something at a colleague's office who was sorting through his files."  
"What?"

Georgiana licked over her lips and then said in her typical 'I told you so' tone.  
"That he still loves his ex Eliza Campion and they have some business dealings."

Now the 'so there you have it' look followed and Georgina pushed past Charlotte into the room, but stopped halfway to the sofa.

"What...?"  
"Hi, I'm Sidney." Sidney held out his hand with a friendly smile and gestured for her to sit down.

He was a born host and pretended of being oblivious to their conversation in the hallway. He placed a glass of wine on the table in front of Georgiana, who gratefully accepted it and immediately took a greedy sip. Charlotte and Sidney glanced at each other and then Charlotte sat down next to Georgiana on the sofa.

"Sidney hasn't had any contact with Eliza for years." 

Georgiana said nothing, but took another sip.

"It was about data theft, but we were never able to prove it, or rather my siblings, because I was abroad at this time."

Sidney explained with a smile and handed the file to Georgiana. She looked questioningly at him and then at Charlotte.

"It's all in there maybe you'll read..."  
"I don't need to read it," Georgiana grumbled, shaking her head.  
"I still remember, he still loves her after all this time, even though he has big personal problems with the separation and a nice little girlfriend here and there." 

Georgiana jumped up, but Charlotte wasn't going to let her off that easily.

"Sit down."

And amazingly, Georgiana did.

"Read the date." Charlotte ordered in a strong tone and Sidney had to admit to himself that he liked the way she insisted that Georgiana realise her mistake.

"Yes, well," Georgiana got that arrogant look on her face that Charlotte didn't like so much and read aloud, "3rd October." She raised an eyebrow and looked at Charlotte.

"What year?" Charlotte asked and Georgian read it silently, looked at her and back to the file.  
"2008." 

Georgiana read slowly and, in a panic, flipped through the whole folder, looking at the date on each page. She had been so sure that this guy was playing games with Charlotte, after all she had heard about him from Esther and just then the doorbell rang and Sidney rushed into the hall to open it for the other two.

"Oh hi." 

Clara was the first who pulled herself together and took Sidney's hand, introduce herself and then take off her jacket, which Sidney took from her and hung up. Esther, on the other hand, stared at him as if she was quite surprised to meet him here and by the look on her face, it was clear that she didn't like this meeting. Annoyed, she went to the others and sat down on one of the comfortable cushions. 

"What's this all about?" she asked bluntly, staring at Charlotte.

"Well, I thought if you all think you know so much about my boyfriend, it wouldn't hurt to actually meet him."

"And what good will that do?" Esther asked, annoyed, and looked with narrowed eyebrows at Georgiana, who was still staring at the papers in her lap and searched for words.

Charlotte saw Clara poking her in the ribs, but Esther ignored her and she searched Sidney’s gaze who was leaning against the kitchen counter and kept his eyes on Charlotte. She had asked him to stay quiet, that it was something she had to handle alone, although she wanted him there too, at least briefly to show the others that he really was her boyfriend and that they were in this together. But Charlotte knew that is could probably be uncomfortable for the girls and so she had also told him that he might have to leave at some point so that the girls could talk freely.

"Can you explain this bullshit to me?" Esther called out "what is the point to all of this?"

"I'm asking you the same thing," Charlotte stated, sitting up straighter.  
"You have been talking about him from the beginning as if you knew him, but none of you do." 

Clara nodded and looked down at her knees in dismay. 

"Georgiana has read something in some old file from ages ago that doesn't show who Sidney really is."

Charlotte waited in vain for Georgiana to speak, but she seemed to have lost her voice and said nothing. She continued to stare at these papers in front of her and then picked up her wine glass and downed the contents in one gulp. The silence dragged on, an uncomfortable, dragging silence. Everyone looked furtively at Sidney, but he waited to see what Charlotte wanted and looked at her, she nodded and he went to her and gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek.

"See you later." He stroked her face in this way he always did and turned to the others and just said a simple "Bye."

And as soon as he was out of the door Charlotte continued.

"Esther you made the same gossip about him, and then later dismissed it as if it only bothered you that we were keeping it a secret for some time."

But Esther maintained her rigid stance and said nothing.

"It sucks how we acted." Clara admitted, nodding and smiling sheepishly, but the other two remained silent. 

Charlotte looked at Clara and waited for more, but she was still searching for words when Charlotte brought out her original self-doubt once again and explained to the girls what was going on inside her.

"Do you know how much you have hurt me?" Esther finally made a move, her left eye twitched before she stared at the table between them.

"You made me feel as if I was immature for falling in love with him, as if I ever had a chance!" Charlotte breathed.  
"You called it a 'clichéd, stupid girlish crush'!" And it hurt the others to be reminded of how much they had hurt Charlotte. "Like I'm a stupid little girl."

"You're not stupid." Were Georgina's first words and Charlotte could hardly take her eyes off her.

"And like I'm ugly and not worthy of him." Charlotte continued.

"You're not ugly either." Were Esther's mumbled words as she slowly dropped her defensive stance and slumped a little.

"I'm sorry," Clara said, looking at the others, "we all are, ok?" 

But Charlotte wanted more, needed more to finally make peace.

The two big talkers, one a self-confident lawyer and the other the chairwoman of the board of the multi-million family dynasty, remained silent and left it to Clara to put it into words, who was visibly struggling and also looked at Charlotte once, but of course could not expect any support from her.

"I don't know, it had taken on such a momentum of its own," Clara said, but no one else said anything, so she had to keep talking.  
"First of all, it was so cliché, the young innocent thing from the countryside falling in love with her boss, handsome and not exactly someone who took relationships that seriously."

Charlotte puffed and Georgiana then finally explained.

"Yes at least what we heard at parties and exhibitions" she cleared her throat embarrassed, it was nasty to have to say the whole thing out loud, but of course she understood why it was important to Charlotte.

"And Edward bragged about knowing things about him whenever I mentioned his name." Esther said, but didn't look at Charlotte.

"It was so simple." Clara said and stunned everyone stared at her, she stroked her hair, took a deep breath and then tried to explain why.

"To make you insecure, I mean… at first it was meant as a joke, then you didn't talk about him for ages and we had already forgotten about it until Halloween..." she paused for a moment and looked at Charlotte, who nodded to tell Clara it was ok to talk about it. "You were so excited and nervous and… I don't know we just didn't think it was anything more and.."

"Clara, you're telling me you didn't take me seriously because I didn't tell you that much about him and when I did you dismissed it and talked badly about him to do... what?"

"To talk you out of him because we thought he was an ass." and turning to Charlotte she muttered a silent "Sorry."

"And you believed what Esther had heard from Edward, even though they have nothing to do with each other at all?"

"I just believed him." Esther admitted and gritted her teeth before continuing, "when you're in love, you just believe them." 

Charlotte couldn't say anything in reply and then asked her last question, which she had thought of a thousand times. "And after you knew we were together and..."

"Man don't be so naive!" cried Esther and everyone froze. "Jealousy. It’s jealousy."

"You're jealous that Sidney wants me?" Charlotte asked in a husky voice, not wanting to cry, but her throat tightened as she waited.

"No, of course not!" Esther jumped up and wandered around the room.

"We were jealous because you're someone who was not out to meet a man and then you get him."

"So I am not worth…"

"No not that, we were jealous because we..." Clara left the sentence unfinished.

"But Georgiana is getting married and you each have a boyfriend, so why can't I have one too?" Charlotte no longer understood anything at all and stood up, she needed a moment alone and yet she wanted to hear it so that she could finally conclude it somehow.

"Yes, everything you do ends positively, you never have to do anything for it." explained Georgiana as if it was no big deal.

"Why do you think that?" Charlotte didn’t know what they were talking about.

"You're always cheerful, you find a solution for every difficulty, you always see something positive in everything and yes, you're unhappily in love...that was the only thing where we were..."

"Were inferior to you." Georgiana interrupted Clara and everyone sank into a kind of death stare.

Could it be? Could it really be? That her so-called friends were jealous and envious because everything was going ‘oh-so-great for her’, even though it wasn't?

"But not everything is going great for me, I just don't cry so much about it!" cried Charlotte and because she was too shocked by the revelation she didn't notice the tears running down her face.

"Like I said, we're sorry. It took on a momentum of its own." Clara explained again, standing up and walking towards Charlotte.

Did she really think Charlotte would let her, or one of the others, take her in her arms and change her mind so quickly? Charlotte took a step back and hurried back to the table, rinsing her voice with the sticky wine and wiping her tears. Georgiana stood up then, but Charlotte took a few steps away from her too and then propped herself up on the kitchen counter.

"I'm really sorry, sweetheart," she said, and Esther also tried to speak in an ingratiating voice, but Charlotte needed her rest. 

She had always believed that the girls didn't think she was good or beautiful enough for Sidney, or that he wasn't good enough for her in their opinion. Then she had believed that through gossip and false assumptions it had all turned into an ever-growing snowball. But that it was all connected to her having a positive attitude and crying so little that she was so sad that she couldn't say anything anymore. She could hardly hear what they were saying.

"Shall we go?" 

Esther asked after a while of silence and Charlotte just nodded. It all felt dull and unreal, like the heartbreak she'd had over Sidney a few weeks ago.

"Should we tell him?" Georgiana asked from the doorway and Charlotte just answered. 

"Sidney, his name is Sidney."

"Should we tell Sidney?" Georgiana asked again and closed her eyes, she didn't want to cry, but couldn't help it, Charlotte shook her head again, she certainly wouldn't give them his number.

As Charlotte heard the door slam she took her mobile phone out of her pocket and texted Sidney that the girls had left. Barely ten minutes later he was there and took her in his arms as soon as she had opened the door. They stood there and Charlotte told him everything before they were even back in the room.

"It hurts." She said crying and it hurts him, that she was hurt.

"I know." 

He pulled her close and Charlotte leaned on him and it was as if all the sorrow, tension, frustration and pain were simply absorbed by him. She felt lighter and somehow freed and she could just feel the bond with him thickening by another fibre, making their connection even stronger.


	22. shadows of the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte is happy to have a few moments to herself to figure things out and also Sidney realises a few things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe there are still a few questions left unanswered, but I will resolve everything....

The tension prickled on her skin the closer they got to Sanditon. The minibus pulled into the car park and for a moment Charlotte felt transported back to the first time she had been here with Sidney. How nervous she had been! She had panicked that somehow he wouldn't like what he would see or that she wouldn’t be enough, but then it had been so indescribably beautiful that she wished it had never ended.

They checked into their rooms and Charlotte was surprised but grateful to find that she was staying in the part that led more quickly to Sidney's apartment and she made a mental note to thank Diana for this later. The hotel was busy and so no one noticed that she was the only one from the company staying in this part of the hotel and she was glad that Tom was staying with Arthur and Diana in Trafalgar House. Charlotte knew she couldn't relax living under the same roof as Tom, especially not after what he had said and how Sidney had reacted. She was sure that if she hadn't been lovesick over her 'friends', he would have gone straight home and told Tom off. But for her sake, he had restrained himself. The frustration had immediately disappeared from his face when she had touched his cheek with her fingers. They hadn't talked any more, just looked at each other for a while.

"Come here." He said then and hugged her tightly with his whole body. 

In the past she used to find these tight hugs unpleasant, she felt cornered and she couldn't sleep relaxed in bed with someone's arms wrapped around her. But with Sidney it was as if it couldn't be tight enough, as if she wanted to crawl into him. Somehow she still had to get closer to him, to sink into him. She couldn't sleep well when he wasn't there. That night was the first time she had really noticed it. When he was no longer lying next to her, she had immediately woken up. The loss had startled her. But he had only been in the bathroom for a short while and had made himself more comfortable by taking off his jeans and pullover.

"Hey why are you awake?" Sidney had asked as he snuggled back under the covers and Charlotte had only answered after a while.

"You were gone."

In reply, he just pulled her closer and kissed her hair, then they both fell asleep again. Charlotte thought about what it would be like if they were separated from each other for days and especially nights. She would probably suffer from insomnia and run around like a zombie. All this went through her mind as she moved into her cosy room and saw the king-size bed in front of her, in which she would certainly feel lost. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to come here at all. The thought that he would be sleeping nearby but separated from her by several floors, walls and above all observers stung her.

Charlotte shook her head at this nonsense. It was perfectly fine and natural, after all, they didn't have to be glued to each other every day and night! But she would like to, she admitted to herself. During the day they would certainly soon get a grip on this tension between them, but at night? How could she sleep without him? Oh, she had to deal with it, soon, but not now she decided. However, she was also infinitely happy to be alone at this moment. So much had happened in the last four weeks that she hadn't really a chance to analyse it all in detail and think about it. It was good to have some peace and quiet before the party began and she took off her jacket and shoes before falling onto the bed and immersing herself in the most intense weeks of her life.

The thought that she would ever break up with her friends would never have crossed her mind. Her mother had always told her that friends were more important than any man, but she had probably forgotten how nasty some women could be towards others. The betrayal of her best friend back in Willingden had hurt her even more than the betrayal of her ex-boyfriend.   
After last night none of the girls had contacted her and Charlotte had to admit, that she didn't expect it any more. What else was there to talk about? What they had said and what was left unsaid was so much and so hurtful that Charlotte wasn't sure she could ever trust them again. Probably not, because no matter what she would say, what she would tell them or how she would behave, it would depend on how they reacted. It would become a kind of cat and mouse game. A dance around the shadows of the past.

Sometimes Charlotte played a question and answer game in her head and the question she asked in that moment was, 'when trust and respect are gone, what is left?' and the answer from her wounded heart was 'there is nothing left.' They didn't accept her the way she was, or they just couldn't stand her now. They were jealous of her positive attitude. That was the reason! She was the reason why they had treated her like that and only if she changed could she be sure that they would accept her. And even then, not really.

A saying that her mother had once written in a poetry album came back to her, 'Never tear the friendship’s bond, for you tie it again it remains a knot'. But they did and that’s exactly how it would be. It would always be between them, this knot. Every remark, every little joke would remind her that it hadn’t been a joke in the past. Charlotte knew she couldn’t bear to be on her guard every time they would meet. She took a deep breath and wiped away this one little tear that ran down her cheek from the corner of her eye. Sometimes it was necessary to clean up. Her father used to say that after a thunderstorm the air was clearer. She saw clearer now, and she saw no future with these women, at least for now. Where friends should support, help, be proud and be there for each other, they didn’t take her seriously. They had laughed at her and brought her down and the feelings she had. They had made her self-doubt even worse and betrayed the friendship and love that she had felt for them.

It was horrible and mean, and Sidney had confirmed her deepest belief in herself by saying,   
"You deserve the best."

Yes, Charlotte knew that she should be treated better than that. Exactly the way she treated others, especially her friends. With respect, support and sympathy. Even if she of course would miss the old days, where it was less about the personal dramas of them all and more about the whole, she knew that sometimes it just had to be over. Even if it hurt. Sometimes one had to part with things and… people. 

Just like when she rummaged through her cupboard and searched for things to throw away. Not only because her parents came to visit and her mother would probably look into all of her cupboards, no, she parted with old and unnecessary things every year that she no longer wore or which she had not worn the whole year or longer. Every year at this time, clothes were divided into three piles. A pile of clothes that she definitely wanted to keep, which had been the same things for quite some time, a pile that she definitely didn't want to keep, things that were too worn out or no longer fit and the third and largest pile, that she wasn't sure about. Anyway, sometimes it was necessary to clean up the circle of friends too, even when it was so terrible and painful. Charlotte took a deep breath so as not to cry and divided the group of three and thought about what she liked about them the most as individuals and what had hurt her the most. The conclusion was that she didn’t want to 'keep' any of them, at least in the moment. Maybe she should think about it at another time, maybe it was all too fresh in the moment, it still hurt a lot. It was another heartbreak. As Charlotte thought about the last time she felt this way, she knew now that the pain of unrequited love had turned into the most miraculous thing she had ever experienced. 

That meant it could only get better.

A smile rose on her face and with these positive thoughts, she got up and settled in the room, jumped under the shower and calmly got ready for the evening. She wanted to dress the way she imagined and what she felt like and not to please anyone but herself. But of course she also wanted to tease Sidney a little bit. Even when it was cruel she liked the desperate look on his face, when he couldn’t embrace, touch or kiss her, as he wanted it. Charlotte smiled by the thought and put on her lingerie, matching the dress she had picked to wear and which she had bought for this special occasion. 

Sidney was standing in the lobby with Arthur and Diana waiting for the colleagues so that they could lead them to the restaurant where the Christmas party was taking place. As always Tom didn’t feel to do that too and maybe it was better that way, because by the tinniest thought of his older brother he was about to explode. Only because Charlotte was so hurt by this stupid crap of these awful women the night before, he had stayed calm. She was much more important to him than his brother, but because she meant so much to him he would have liked to slap Tom. 

Distracting himself from the thoughts of Tom he greeted his colleagues warmly as they gradually arrived in the lobby. He wished he were waiting for Charlotte alone. He missed her, which was totally stupid, of course, but that's just how he felt. Finally he wanted to be alone with her again, without all the things that had kept them so busy. Sidney was looking forward to the moment when every one would climb on the bus and go home and she would stay here with him till Sunday. In his mind he had some ideas how he would treat her to make her relax and forget everything what happened. The thought that he would lock them up in his apartment for more than twenty four hours and what they would do most of the time made him smile and only the voices of the others made him clear his throat and join the conversation. The few people who had already joined them were festively dressed like his siblings and him, the men in dark suits with ties and the women in classically cut dresses, as far as he could see it under their coats.

He tried to imagine what Charlotte would wear to protect himself from staring in her direction with a hanging tongue, but looked as well in the direction of the lift as the last group of people arrived. The expression on his face was traitorous but only Arthur seemed to understand and patted him on the shoulder sympathetically as he leaned closer.

"It’s going to be a tough evening for you, my dear brother."

Arthur laughed and watched the face of Sidney who couldn’t hide his affections. He had this 'that's my girl' look and his whole posture seemed broader and strangely, somehow more open. There was this little smile around his mouth, one barely noticed and this glimmer of love in his eyes. Shaking his head Arthur nudged his brother and Sidney seemed to wake up from a magical spell. He felt caught, chuckled and looked at the floor. 

"You are forlorn."

Sidney nodded laughing and tried to shield his eyes from the sight of her. She was gorgeous. Her hair had been blow-dried into soft waves that she wore over one shoulder, and beneath her open coat flashed a burgundy, straight-cut dress that hid her shoulders and collarbones under a thin fabric, probably mesh. It was neither overbearing nor deliberately sexy, but precisely because it so underscored Charlotte's character, it made him weak. The fabric wasn't too tight either, and yet it showed off her curves so perfectly that Sidney had trouble really averting his eyes. 

Fortunately, they left and he became engrossed in a conversation with one of the employees. But he couldn't help giving her a certain look, which she obviously understood, because he saw her cheeks change their colour and her eyes took on a certain expression before they went out into the cool, snow-smelling air. It was only when they arrived at the restaurant that he realised the full extent of what she had done. As they all lined up at the wardrobe to hand in their coats and jackets, he saw that between a small button on the back of her neck and the zip that started at the level below her shoulder blades, there was a gaping hole that was crying out for him to press his lips onto it.

Charlotte felt his gaze on her all evening, even if he didn't look at her when she searched for his gaze. He seemed tense, even though he talked to everyone, was friendly and charming as he made his rounds through the staff. He went to everyone but her and she thought about how miserable she would be right now if she didn't know that he just didn't want to show that he loved her. Apparently he was afraid everyone would notice as soon as he went near her. That’s why he avoided it and she tried not to pressure him any further. She had noticed his look and even if she wanted to tease him a little, she didn't want to torture him unnecessarily. She knew how he felt and also had the feeling that her skin was over-sensitive and electrified. A heat surrounded her and a tingling sensation lay under her skin that she went out onto the terrace at some point to cool down. Outside she joined some colleagues who wanted to smoke a cigarette. Then she closed her eyes and enjoyed the cold air on her heated cheeks and the cool wind that ran through her hair. When they went back inside, one of their already somewhat drunk colleagues, James, pushed his way past the women. But before he could get even slightly too close to Charlotte, Sidney squeezed in as if he was in a hurry to get out as well.

It was the first time that evening that they were so close and their gazes remained locked. Time stretched out. Their heartbeats slowed and Charlotte felt every millimetre of her body brush against his as they passed, as if a thousand tiny fires were being inflamed. 

Sidney saw the twinkling sparkles in her eyes. His attention shifted to that little glimmer and he almost forgot they weren't alone, if his colleague hadn't held a cigarette under his nose just in that moment as he leaned closer. He went out into the cold and watched Charlotte make her way to her seat in the golden light of the restaurant.

"Man that little girl is so hot!" James said and Sidney clenched his jaw and fists.  
"Do you think she has a boyfriend or should I try my luck?" he asked, still staring into the restaurant, although Sidney was sure he couldn't see her either. "I'm sure she's good..."

"Shut up!"

James looked at him startled and sobered up instantly. Only now did he realise that he was talking to his boss, and he was mortified. 

"Sorry, I mean...I didn't mean that...well I just think she's really.. cute."

"Keep your hands off her."

And if James hadn't been sure that his boss and this cute colleague hated each other, he would have seen his counterpart's behaviour as jealousy. But this way, of course, he only understood it as a reference to the company code, which he found rather out-dated but still sensible.

Sidney did not find his behaviour sensible when he re-joined the others a little later. He couldn't and didn't want to go on like this. He wanted everyone to know that Charlotte and he were together, that he belonged to her. They would just have to see how the colleagues took it and then go from there. It couldn't be right that Charlotte and he should pretend and lie that they don’t like each other. It was about time to step out of the shadow and stand up for what was worth it. Possibly he was reacting to strongly, but he hadn’t enough to drink to ignore this injustice. Both of them should have the right of happiness, without being punished for it or have to change their lives. He should talk to Tom and especially threaten to beat him if he ever talked to Charlotte like how he did. 

But before he got to him, Tom began his speech.

It lasted. Tom dragged on presenting the new logo as if he was being paid to waste time. All the colleagues were already groaning quietly when Diana finally stood up and held up one of the portfolios. Then her brothers distributed the photographers' portfolios on the tables and everyone could admire the new logo. The applause was rather restrained, but Sidney couldn't say whether it was because everyone was longing for the next menu course or because they simply liked the old logo better, but he found something that made him smile. Just as Diana was praising the team who had assembled the portfolios, his eyes met Charlotte's and it was again as if they were alone in the room. 

He felt her touch, although she was sitting so far away that he couldn't even see if she was drinking water or white wine. It was only when Charlotte got a strange almost sad look on her face and averted her eyes that he realised Tom was giving more news. 

"New York, New York!" Tom sang and finally came the applause that was so important to him. "I am pleased to announce that we will be opening the office there on the fifteenth of January."

Some even cheered.

"And it will be run by my beloved brother..."

The rest of the party was actually quite comfortable and when Diana made the announcement that they were going down to the beach, everyone was quite happy to stretch their legs in the fresh air. Charlotte's idea with the torches lining the way down to the beach was well received, although she didn't take any credit for it, Sidney saw that she was pleased. Not because it was her idea, but because it made people happy and festive. There was a small bonfire on the beach below and Arthur took out his guitar and sang Christmas songs, which everyone joined him and stared into the fire, clapping and toasting with the glasses they had brought down. 

Sidney seized the moment and took Charlotte's hand. Very gently and lightly and no one looking at them would have noticed. It just looked as if they just happened to be standing next to each other. But it was so much more. Both of them closed their eyes as finally the tension eased and when they looked into each other's eyes for a moment, they saw the flames glowing in them. They both knew that they had to wait a little longer and than could finally be alone together.

"Sidney could you stop teasing me…" Charlotte sighed.  
"I promised to kiss every freckle two days ago, and there are so many…"  
"Not so many, you only say so…"  
"It depends on how you lie there, if you move all the time... then they look different and I have to look again..."  
"Only you don't look, you lick... " she had problems to breathe "Sidney!"  
"What?"  
"I definitely don't have one there!" She cried out pretending to be shocked.  
"I promised to kiss every beauty spot, I didn’t promise to not kiss the other parts as well."  
"You're incredible." 

Charlotte giggled, ruffling his hair because she had to hold on to something, then he lifted his head from her belly where three more little enchanting beauty spots, arranged in a half-moon shape, awaited his caress. He grinned that cheeky crooked smile and admitted in a dark voice that always sent a shiver through her.

"I know."

As he continued to trace her body with his lips in an agonisingly slow manner, giving as promised each and every one of her freckles the attention and caresses they deserved, an idea formed in her mind. She wanted him to stop teasing her and finally do what she wanted him to do. But he was not to be distracted. Just as he was leaning on his elbow, lifting her arm to his lips, Charlotte couldn’t stand it any longer. She surprised him by pouncing on him and pushed him down onto the mattress.

"Hey, I wasn't done yet!" He complained with a grin. "You cheeky little minx."

"I didn't think 'I’ll kiss your freckles forever' would last forever." She explained, burying her face in his neck, now Sidney was the one who twitched and sighed her name.

"I love it when you... take things in… hand."

Charlotte giggled before kissing him in the same maddening slow way. But Sidney was far less patient than she was, and after only a moment he pulled her back to eye level. Their gazes merged, as did their lips and finally their bodies.


	23. time is tickling away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney finally confronts Tom.  
> Charlotte and Sidney enjoy their time together and realise almost too late how time is tickling away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the penultimate chapter and I hope to answer all open questions with it.
> 
> This story was not only about falling in love, about friends who are not really friends, but mostly about gossip, prejudices and assumptions.
> 
> I'm sure you've had a few as well. 😉

It was just as Sidney had imagined. As soon as all the colleagues, tired from their hangovers and too blind to see that Charlotte wasn’t with them, had left, Charlotte relaxed even more. Less than an hour later, she had moved into his apartment and after a late breakfast, they had relaxed together in the bathtub. Charlotte felt wonderful. It was all peaceful, quiet and calm. Sidney was so tender and thoughtful and she felt the love grown. They washed each other's hair, splashing each other with water and foam. They laughed a lot and kissed even more. After he wrote a love message on her back, she wrote the answer on his thigh and shortly after that, they agreed to leave the bathtub. They settled down on their favourite place in front of the fireplace and Sidney was happy to be able to repeat his promise, which she had so shamelessly interrupted the night before.

"So you did mean forever." She giggled as his lips began their journey over her body.  
"Exactly… forever." 

They laughed and Charlotte was so happy, but had no idea that he really meant what he said.  
Sidney looked at her for a moment, but kept his thoughts to himself. After all it was only a few weeks, although it felt like so much longer. He couldn't do that! 

"What are you thinking about?"  
"That I love you very much."

Charlotte laughed, but of course she knew it was true.  
"If you did," she teased him, "you wouldn't torture me like this."

"I don't find it torturous to kiss you."  
"You know what I mean."  
"Hmm, no." He laughed and teased her back, kissing her neck very slowly.  
"Yes you do."  
"I don't know, just tell me." He let his lips trail over her shoulder, lingering rather long on a pretty beauty spot on the side of her left breast.  
"You’re liking it too much that I'm..." she moaned, "…will-less."

"You can't call it will-less, you tug at me, pull my hair and I do exactly what you want." He declared chuckling, but he didn't stop caressing her and pressed his lips to other places until she followed his words with action and pulled him closer.

Later, they ate at the large window in his living room and watched the snowflakes dance through the air.

"Do you want to go for a walk?"  
"I'd love to," she said enthusiastically, smiling at him.  
"I thought you were serious about us not leaving your apartment the whole weekend." She grinned cheekily at him and her gaze told him that she liked the idea as well. 

"I was serious, but a bit of fresh air is good for us and I think there's enough snow now." He winked at her and she knew he was hinting at a snowball fight.

But for now, they just walked along the magical snow-covered beach and Sidney told her casually that the new chemistry and the special paper he had ordered had arrived.

"When should we do it?" Charlotte was excited but that cruel little thought crossed her mind that they didn’t have so much time anymore.

"I was thinking about next weekend, when your parents are coming."  
"That's good, then I'll be busy and won't have to go Christmas shopping with them." 

She nodded with a laugh and pressed her head against his shoulder, ignoring the burgeoning pain as she recognised that time was running too fast.

"Will you stay with me then?" 

Sidney asked and clenched his jaw. Charlotte looked up at him and detected a sign of insecurity. Heavens, how she loved him! She didn't want to disappoint him and would gladly do it, but she had second thoughts.

"I’m not sure if..."  
"Because of Tom?"

It was a rhetorical question, because he knew the answer even if Charlotte remained silent. While he had been able to control himself at work and at the Christmas party, he was almost unable to suppress his anger at that moment, how Tom had threatened her!

"It's also my house." Sidney grumbled and Charlotte pressed herself even closer to him, hoping to calm him down. 

"And my company too."  
"I know."  
"Just what he did to you!" He exclaimed and stopped walking.  
"He did nothing." 

Charlotte tried to reassure him, even though she had been startled by how close Tom had come and since she had stood at the table in the conference room, she hadn't been able to step back.

"Yes, he did." 

The fact that Tom had physically cornered Charlotte was unforgivable, but that Tom then threatened her that she would loose her job, if she didn't keep her hands off Sidney was an absolute outrage! Sidney would gladly do things to him for that, which he hadn't done since they were out of their teens.

"I can not be in the same house after he said I would destroy the company and your family." 

Charlotte said with a sad expression on her face, but another reason was that she didn’t wanted to share Sidney with others, especially not when Tom would try to separate them. He wouldn’t like to see her in his house, although it was the house of the whole family.

"I will tell him he should go then."  
"But..."  
"No buts." Sidney stroked her cheek and kissed her nose.  
"If he won’t go by himself I will make him go."

The fire in his eyes told her Sidney said the truth, but then Tom would be right, that she would be the reason for anger and fights in the family. Charlotte knew how much Sidney loved his family. Under no circumstances did she want to cause a rift, and she also knew she was the only one who could do something about it. 

To smooth his anger she leaned heavier against him in desperate need for a kiss. Although the anger was still burning in his eyes his lips tenderly grazed hers and she sighed as she felt his warmth. The tingling in her stomach became a burning and she needed him closer. One hand clawed the collar of his coat and the other wrapped around his middle as if she would never let him go, and she really tried that as she opened her lips and let his hungry tongue in. He held her face with both hands and it was as if they were one. They stayed a while longer till they couldn’t stand it anymore and left the beach on the fastest way. Running up the hill to the hotel they didn’t even notice when they passed Diana and Arthur who were having a cake in one of the cafés. 

As it is always the case with beautiful things, they eventually passed and much later than planned, they left Sanditon on Sunday. Sidney dropped her off at home and promised to come by.

"If it's not too late, I don't want to wake you." He looked at the clock and groaned, but she touched his arm and handed him a small box.

"For you." 

He looked at it questioningly. For a moment his imagination ran away with him, but then he opened the box and stared at the gift.

"I wanted to give it to you earlier, but well, I was a little distracted." She grinned, but he did not react to the innuendo.  
"I thought it would be ok because you..." suddenly unsettled by his unreadable look, Charlotte let the sentence hang unfinished in the air.

"Charlotte." 

Sidney breathed her name in this special way and she lifted her eyes up to meet his. Only then did she notice that he was beaming all over his face and although it was already dark, it seemed to her as if the sun had risen. His smile was simply everything. 

"Thank you." He leaned closer and stroked her face, he was really touched.  
"I'll see you then." He said in a funny voice to lift the serious mood and held up the key she had had made for him.

She laughed and slapped his arm before she got out to get her bag from the boot, but of course he jumped out too and not letting her go until he had thanked her properly for the gift. And what a gift it was! A huge one, with a lot of meaning. Symbolically it was always a key to the heart, practically it was the key to her flat, but he just knew it was the key to her life. 

Charlotte had let him in and he would nestle in there, to never leave again.

But for now he had to go and talk to Tom, although he would rather like to punch him, but wouldn’t. But honestly he was already very tempted to do it. As he came to Bedford Place his siblings and Mary sat in the living room.

"Sidney!" Mary greeted him kindly and hugged him, but when she asked him how the Christmas party was, he interrupted her and pointed to Tom.

"I need to talk to you."  
"What, why?" 

Tom was the personified innocence and actually Sidney didn't want to do it in front of the others and asked him to come into the kitchen, but Tom refused and meant like a patron.

"I have nothing to hide!"  
"Oh no?" Asked Sidney sarcastically and the low murmured conversation between Diana and Mary immediately fell silent.

"No." Tom laughed out, seeming genuinely firmly convinced that he had intimidated Charlotte so much that she wouldn't have told Sidney, but luckily there were no more secrets.

"Are you sure?" 

Sidney asked again, giving Tom a piercing look, so he was getting a little restless but still pretended he had nothing to blame himself for. He raised his hands and said gallantly, with a slight laugh.

"I did nothing."

"Nothing?" Roared Sidney and everyone stared at him in shock.  
"Didn't you threaten Charlotte that she would lose her job if she doesn’t keep her hands off me?" Sidney deliberately chose the same words and Tom's face fell.

"What?" Arthur shouted and slowly got up from the chair he had been sitting on, sensing that Sidney was about to explode.

"That's not true!" Tom tried to talk his way out of it. "I mean… it was... I…"

"You cornered her, you said that she is only a distraction for me nothing more!" Sidney was so angry his voice was hoarse and his body tense.  
"Did she say so? She lies!"  
"No." Sidney had not the smallest doubt that it was exactly like Charlotte had told him.

"I was just… trying to find out what she wants from you." Tom shrugged it off.

"What she wants from me?" Sidney took one step forward and Tom jumped up, foolishly holding the glass in his hand in such a way that the rest of his red wine dropped on to the carpet.  
"Yes, what she wants!" he shouted. "She will take everything from you! My photographers, my money and my company!" 

"Yours?" Diana asked angrily with wide eyes and waited for an explanation.

"I mean ours, of course." Tom admitted annoyed, but the words hung in the air, heavy as the dark red wine he had drunk. Angrily he glared at Sidney who just shrugged his shoulders, after all he had warned him.

"But I know she's one of those." Tom continued.

"What?" Sidney shouted and everyone looked at him as he jumped towards Tom, but before he could say or do anything Diana asked with horror in her voice.

"Is that why you insisted Sidney to go to New York?" She looked from one brother to the other. 

"To separate them!" Cried Arthur in a loud voice, he knew how much Sidney loved Charlotte and starred at his eldest brother in disbelief and then back to Diana.

"She will destroy our family!" Tom cried desperately "Look. It’s already beginning!"

"Bullshit!" Sidney cried. "You do that, only you!" He drove his fingers through his hair to calm down, he didn’t want to wake up the children.

"You are not here anymore!" reproached Tom, as if Sidney had to give him account and if this was the point in this argument.  
"And you are not doing what I want!" Tom cried stamping his foot, apparently unaware that he was saying the truth. "Because of her!"

"My decision about New York has nothing to do with her!" 

Admitted Sidney, even if that wasn't entirely true. Tom ignored Sidney’s words and noticed in a silent mean voice.

"She'll string you along forever until she'll dump you! And she will, after she got everything she stole from me!"

"She is my girlfriend, live with it!" Sidney rumbled and tried to ignore the cruel hint behind Tom’s words. 

"It’s not yours alone Tom!" Cried Arthur at the same time and Tom answered.  
"You know nothing!" as if Arthur was still a little boy.

"He is grown up." Mary said to calm everyone down and touched Sidney’s arm.  
"Bring her with you, I would like to get to know her."

"I’d love to, on Friday for the weekend," he starred back at Tom "but as you can imagine she doesn’t want to come."

"Oh, is she scared, is she going to sue me?" Tom in a childlike disguised voice.

"She's not scared!" puffed Sidney, "and you're lucky she loves me too much to sue you!" Even when this never had crossed Charlotte’s mind.

"You go." Arthur said to Tom.  
"Yes!" Diana nodded in agreement.  
"Look, now this… girl is driving me out of my house!" Tom cried.

"Just that it’s not only your house!" Mary shook her head about her husband and looked up to Sidney, she tried to assure him, that Tom would leave on Friday.

"Thank you!" Sidney smiled.

Like a miffed child, Tom pushed past the others and wanted to leave the room. But when he tried to pass Sidney, he grabbed him by his collar.

"If you ever repeat your threat to Charlotte..."

Sidney’s voice was deep and dangerous and Tom remembered the time as Sidney had beaten him up after he kept holding Arthur dangerously long under water to force him to swim. Sidney was fifteen and thin as a stick back then, but like a wild animal when someone hurt the ones he loved the most. Tom didn't want to feel his fists today or ever again and he made a face, and when everyone looked closely, they saw a slight nod of his head, before he left the room.

"I’ll talk to him." Mary said and Sidney smiled lightly at her. "What has got into him?"  
Yes, the siblings were sure, that was the side of Tom that Mary never got to see.

"He should be happy for you." She gave him a kiss on the cheek and followed her husband upstairs.

"I had no idea, that it was the reason for all the arguments you had." Diana said and shook her head. "I thought he just wanted you in New York, because he didn't trust Arthur to do it!"

Diana had always found Tom's behaviour was so unfair to Arthur, he always had to put the brakes on him, as if he was still a little child! Fortunately, the three had voted against his opinion.

"But that Charlotte is the reason…"

"She isn’t. The reason is that Tom wants to control everything and everyone." Sidney said in this dark voice. "I believe he tried to drive a wedge between us so that I would do what he wants."

"Because you're watching him too closely."

Arthur explained chuckling and Sidney looked at him with pride. For years he had been sure that Arthur could develop better when he was far away from Tom, who still saw him as a little boy. The three of them shared the common opinion, that Sidney was much better in watching Tom. But this was not easy for Tom to accept.

"We should keep an eye on him." Diana said looking up the stairs, and didn’t mean because of the company. 

"I am worry about him." And all three nodded in agreement.

They talked a bit more till Sidney picked up a few things and then went back to Charlotte and sneaked into her flat with his own key. It was a sublime feeling to lie down next to her, feel her warmth and without her really waking up, she snuggled up to him.

He knew that this was exactly what he wanted for the rest of his life. Yes, exactly that!

Like every night after that, they lay together, either he sneaked in or, even nicer, they lay down together. It was an intense week with a lot of work, but they enjoyed every moment they were together. On Thursday evening Charlotte packed her bag so she could stay with Sidney for the weekend, he saw her pack all her lingerie and he was curious what her excuse was.

"You have plans." He assumed in his Berry White voice and wrapped his arms around her, breathing his next words into her neck. "Tell me."

"No plans, just nothing my mum has to find." 

"No plans?" He lifted her up and whirled her around.  
"I will show you my plans." He tickled her.

Charlotte laughed and his heart lifted at this sound and he watched her face and her eyes lit up as they locked with his. She and her laugh were so beautiful and he knew he would hear her laugh, also if there was nothing left to hear. It was burned in his soul.

On Friday Charlotte left the office a little bit earlier to meet her parents at her apartment and went to Bedford Placer after that. Diana was there and she smiled happily to have her there and pulled her into the kitchen. Arthur mixed some drinks and Sidney was standing at the oven and seemed to cook. Tom and his family were in Sanditon and Diana told Charlotte that Mary was looking forward to meet her. 

"Do you go home to your parents at Christmas?" 

Diana asked and Charlotte told her that she would go two days earlier to help her mother with her younger siblings, who were of course always very excited before Christmas. They shared some funny Christmas stories from their childhood and every now and then Charlotte got to know some naughty and dangerous things, Sidney had done as he was younger. She looked at him with a scolding expression on her face, but he just came around the table and kissed her lovingly. 

As Charlotte was in the bathroom, Diana patted Sidney’s arm and as he turned to her, she embraced him. 

"You’re so in love." She told him smiling.  
"I know." He answered laughing but got a serious expression as he saw Diana’s look.  
"She is lovely."  
"She is." He knew that too.  
"I know you made your decision before, but now it makes it all the better."

Sidney nodded and gave his sister a kiss on her cheek. 

It was a very cosy evening and the four of them got along very well, till Diana got a bit sad at the upcoming goodbye in a few days. For her it would have been the happiest if all of them stayed together forever.

The next morning Charlotte and Sidney got up early to have breakfast with her parents in the nice café around the corner. Charlotte had told her parents about Sidney and that he was one of her bosses, which of course they didn't approve of. So she was a little nervous, but that went away as soon as they sat down. Not only did her parents know that Charlotte did not fall in love easily, but they also saw with their own eyes how serious it was. As the men stood at the counter to get another round of coffee, her mother leaned in and gave Charlotte a hug. 

"He's... well really he's..."  
"Wonderful." Charlotte gave her mother a suitable word and she nodded, pleased to see her daughter happy.  
"It seems like you've been together for a long time."  
"Yes, we sometimes have that feeling too." Charlotte admitted, glad that her parents seemed to have taken Sidney into their hearts already.  
"It seems like you're really good together."  
"We are." Charlotte confirmed, smiling and nibbling on a strawberry that was lying on one of the plates as a decoration.

"We really are!" Sidney said later when Charlotte told him about it and they went to the darkroom to enlarge the photographs Charlotte had taken in Sanditon. She liked one of the pictures best and stared at it until Sidney teased her that just looking at it wouldn't make it dry any faster. 

"I love this picture." she admitted.

It was the photograph she had taken of Sidney on the beach when it had just started to snow more heavily and she had been lucky enough to get a few snowflakes in the picture. If she had coloured it, it could have been mistaken for a falling leaf in autumn.

"It reminds me of that picture of you."  
"What picture of me?" she asked curiously.  
"Here."

Sidney tapped his head and said that ever since they first met, he had saved there this image of her under the tree. 

"The leaves danced around you." 

He smiled at the memory and pulled her out of the darkroom, after all, the pictures could dry without them.

"And then you fell for me!" she joked and he stopped on the stairs and turned to her with a serious face.

"Yes." He took her hand and kissed it. "I remember all the details, it was like in slow motion."

They climbed the stairs to his room and sat down on the terrace with thick blankets and talked almost the rest of the day. As they later looked over the photographs, Charlotte caught Sidney starring at her with a slight smile and a festive expression on his face and she asked him, what he was up to.

"Oh, I just love having you with me." He was not yet ready to say everything that was going on in his head and smiled to assure her he was absolutely happy.

"I love having you with me too." Charlotte said seriously and he felt the light-hearted moment fade away.  
"Hey, don't think about it." 

He reached for her and pulled her on his lap. Charlotte let her fingers scratch over his beard and leaned in to kiss him. As she detached he saw a small tear stole into her eyes, but she blinked it away.

"Sorry." she shrugged "I've known for so long, but now it hit me… made me realise you’re leaving so soon."

"We still have a few days." 

She nodded and kissed him so tenderly, so truly, that he felt she was giving him her soul. In exchange, he was willing to give her his and decided before he left for New York to say the things that burned in his heart.

Although they knew he had to go, they tried to ignore the fact that time was ticking away as best they could. But eventually the day in question came and they stood together in her hallway, tightly embraced. Charlotte couldn’t supress her feelings and the tears were running down her face.

"I’m sorry,” she wept. "I didn't want to cry, I feel so stupid."  
"I’ll miss you too." Still, the word didn't come close to what it felt to leave her.  
"It’s complete nonsense." she sniffled "but it's like... like it's forever."  
"It’s not, I'll be back before you know it."  
"I know... it's just been so intense the last few weeks... it feels like we've been together forever."

This word again.

"We will." He said in a strange voice. His breathing quickened as Charlotte noticed between her sobs and looked up at him.

"Charlotte." His face took on a strange expression. Somehow so festive again, as if he was touched and totally nervous. There were just too many feelings inside her too, to read everything.

"I’m so happy I met you." 

He finally said with his crooked smile and Charlotte smiled back at him, although her heart crumpled up. This was it, this was the goodbye.

"Me too." Her voice was only a whisper.

"I will do everything to keep it that way."

Charlotte pressed herself even more against him, she knew he would come back, but it pained so much as if a part of her was amputated. 

"I know it's so early, we haven't been together that long... and I mean erm... I just wanted you to know that for me... so you're all I've ever wanted, even though I didn't even know I wanted it… until I met you."

It burst out of him in a gush and with this magical little crease between her eyebrows, Charlotte looked at him. Her heart was hammering in her chest and blood was rushing in her head. What was happening here?

"I love you too." She said simple.

Sidney’s face looked as if he was about to cry, as if he were exhausted and broken and infinitely lost. Charlotte was so moved by the fact that he felt the same way.

"I love you and..." he cleared his throat "I only want you."

Charlotte was only able to nod, what was he going to tell her? Talk! Talk! She screamed in her head but kept quiet so as not to interrupt him. Her heart had an inkling of what he might say, but she didn't want to believe it, she couldn't believe it!

"Charlotte…"

Then the doorbell rang, it was Arthur and Diana to pick him up on the way to the airport. Sidney clenched his jaw, pressed the intercom and growled that he would be right down.

"We'll continue this conversation when I get back." 

He then said annoyed at the fact that things had not gone as he had planed. He had wanted to delay saying goodbye, and then tell her everything and ask her, and now it was too late.

"Tell me now!" her voice was a soft rasp and he stroked her face tenderly.  
"Charlotte."

"I can't wait that long, what if Arthur needs you longer?" No, he can’t leave her without saying what he wanted to say, even when she had a little idea of what he wanted to say.

"He doesn't!"  
"Please tell me what you were going to say!" Charlotte begged, she clawed his coat and gave him such an intense gaze, as if she could suck the words out of him with that look.

The doorbell rang again and Sidney shouted into the intercom that he would be right there.

"When I am back."  
"It's taking forever to get you back."  
"Sweetheart, it's only twelve days!" Chuckling he tried to take away the seriousness.

"It’s too long." Charlotte pierced him. 

He sighed as if it were so hard. In this case it was. When Charlotte looked at him with her wide, coffee-bean brown eyes, warm and tender, he couldn’t resist.

One last breath and he gathered all his courage leaned closer to her ear and asked the question she could not wait to answer.


	24. the bond between us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney asked something what Charlotte couldn't wait to answer....  
> and something more will happen in this final chapter...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear lovely readers,  
> I thank you once again for all your kudos and lovely comments on this story, I feel honored by your support.
> 
> I hope you like the final chapter and maybe also shed a tear or two, like I did while writing.

Charlotte felt his breath tickling her skin as he said the words that instantly changed her life. It was so unbelievable. She could neither think about it nor stop thinking about it.

"Will you marry me?"  
"Yes."

Silence. 

A heartbeat. 

The touch of the next words.

"Do you?"  
"I do."  
"You will marry me?" He suddenly held her at arms length and searched her eyes.  
"Sidney, I told you, I'm not going to repeat it." She teased, knowing he wanted her to tell him.  
"Please say it."  
"I love you."  
"The other thing" He smirked.  
"Yes, I'll marry you." Charlotte couldn’t see the tears in his eyes, cause hers robbed her the sight of him.  
"That sounds good." He kissed her forehead.  
"Yes, it does."

Their laughs were filled with happiness and they lay in each other's arms. While kissing her neck Sidney repeated the fact. 

"You'll marry me."

Then there was a knock on the door and Arthur shouted from outside that they really had to hurry. Charlotte's heart clenched and she fought against it, but reason, her stupid stupid reason won and she opened the door for Arthur.

"We really need to..."  
"She'll marry me." Sidney beamed and kissed Charlotte once more, wiping away her tears. 

She was crying silently with joy and longing and because of the pain that the separation brought, even if it was only for a short time. In the next moment Charlotte felt herself pressed against Arthur who gave her a loud smack on the cheek and at the same time pushed his somewhat stupidly grinning brother out of the apartment.

"I wish you had done this sooner so we could have celebrated, but now we have to go!" Arthur shouted, wiping his eyes.

"Aren't you happy for me?" cried Sidney in a playfully annoyed voice, nothing could break his spirit, his heart seemed to burst with happiness.

Once again he went to Charlotte and hugged her until Arthur threatened to lose his patience and throw him down the stairs if he wouldn’t go. Charlotte didn't want to make it any harder for the two of them, nodded, waved at Sidney and took that one step back into the apartment and closed the door. She wanted to go to the window and look after him, but she couldn't move for a little while. Did that really happen? They were about to marry? She thought of this fact, the truth pounded in her heart with every beat, but her head only understood it in this moment. Slowly she realised that she was the happiest girl in the world. She was holding the door handle for what felt like ages until the ringing of her mobile woke her from her trance. Charlotte hurried into the kitchen and answered her phone.

"Are you sure?" his voice was breathless.  
"Yes I am." and she was.  
"We will marry."  
"Yes."  
"You really say yes?"  
Charlotte giggled about his silliness. "Of course stupid."  
"Why stupid?"  
"If you don’t know that I am yours since months I don’t know if I should marry you. You are silly and dump." she joked and felt a bit lighter.  
"God, I love you." he sighed. 

Silence. This pleasant silence filled the air again.

"Charlotte."  
"Hmm?"  
"I am yours too."  
"I know." Charlotte laughed and shook her head, he was just as crazy as she was. 

Even hours later and during an annoying, tough negotiation with a client, Charlotte couldn't stop the grin. Again and again she stroked the place under her ear that Sidney had touched with the words that she had secretly wished but had not dared to hope for. It was completely insane! They were only a couple for such a short time and so much had happened. But because they had been secretly in love with each other for so long, it seemed so right to both of them. Over and over again Charlotte asked one question in her mind, what would their families say? But then she reminded Arthur’s reaction, how happy he was for them and the concerns disappeared.

A little later, when she was putting the new photographer portfolios back in the cupboards with her colleagues, Diana asked her to come into her office. No sooner had Charlotte entered the room, Diana closed the door and hugged her.

"Honestly…" Diana shook her head, "you two!" She took a handkerchief and wiped her eyes. "I'm so happy for him ... of course for you too." Diana laughed and gave Charlotte another squeeze. "Maybe you want to go out to dinner with me and Mary, tomorrow or Friday?" 

"Yes I’d love to!" Charlotte was happy because she recognized in Diana the honesty that also shone out of Arthur.

"But you are still waiting until you tell Tom right?" Diana suddenly looked a little worried.

"I won't tell him." Charlotte explained that under no circumstances did she want to give him any more reasons to hate her. 

"He doesn't hate you. It has nothing to do with you, it's ... " Diana shrugged.  
"I think it's like Sidney said. He always wants to control everything."

Charlotte said nothing, but of course knew about the conversation between the siblings. 

Arthur pushed his way through the crowds that flowed towards him and Sidney as they made their way from one advertising agency to the next. Door-to-door canvassing was in his blood, only the very tight deadlines didn't seem to be compatible with the traffic and pedestrians streaming towards them.

"Oh!" exclaimed Sidney, stopping abruptly at a shop window.  
"What is it?" cried his brother, and Sidney pointed to a ring.  
"Don't tell me you proposed without a ring?" asked Arthur in a tone as if it were the greatest human failure he could imagine.

"Well, I erm... it wasn't quite thought through."  
"No, it wasn't." Arthur twisted his face and shook his head.  
"But it was important."  
"Yes, I know." Arthur patted his brother on the shoulder and looked at his watch.  
"We have to..."  
"But that's her ring!" Sidney was as sure as when he had asked her the question of all questions.  
"You go in there and I go to the agency." Arthur said and turned around.  
"Arthur!" Sidney grabbed his brother’s arm "I can’t do this alone."  
"But you have to, we have only eight minutes…"  
"No, I mean... I need you by my side… be my" Sidney smiled this heartfelt happy smile and Arthur was touched and nodded, before Sidney finished is sentence.  
"Be my best man."  
"I will be, whenever you do it." Arthur hugged Sidney, turned around and hurried away.

Throughout the days, Charlotte and Sidney messaged each other and even spoke on the phone between their appointments and in the evenings. While Charlotte was looking at the photograph of him in Sanditon with the snowflake in front of the lens, they talked about their day till Charlotte had to go to bed. When Charlotte didn't think about him sleeping so many hours away in his hotel bed, but imagined he was just a few minutes away from her in Bedford Place, it somehow made it more bearable for her. Every now and then, grief-stricken ideas crept into her thoughts, but she immediately pushed them away. She crossed off the days on the calendar as soon as she got up in the morning and immediately sent him a message with the most important information of the day.

"Only 10 more days."

The days flew by and she date with Diana and Mary were the only things that got Charlotte through the rest of the week. She was happy to get to know them better and it had been a nice evening at the Mexican restaurant Sidney had told her about. What she found particularly relaxing was that they didn't try to ask her about Sidney or their relationship, but asked her questions about her, her family and her interests. They already knew a few things and she was pleased that Sidney had told them about her passion for photography.  
Mary told some nice little anecdotes about her children, what they were planning for Christmas and Diana got a little sad again, because it was the first time in years that they couldn't all celebrate Christmas all together. But Charlotte was glad she was going to her parents, she couldn't imagine anything worse than spending the holidays with Tom and his constant crying and trying to get Sidney to do what he wanted.

As she came home she called Sidney and told him about the evening. He was happy that she got along with his sisters and hoped that Mary could convince Tom, that he should shut up and leave Charlotte alone. After they talked a bit longer he was about to go to the next appointment and they hung up with the words.

"Not much longer!"

But the nights were long and lonely. Charlotte missed him, although her sensible side told her he would be back soon. She held onto it as he did and connected to each other they dreamed of it almost every night. 

When she sent him her daily ‘good morning’ message two days later in the morning at half past seven, he answered immediately.

"Going to bed right now and will dream about you."  
"What are you doing up so late?"

A few moments later he called her and told her about his day, the many appointments they had and that Arthur had been given a room in an old friend's shared flat. It had been quite spontaneous and he had moved in straight away. Afterwards they had dinner and celebrated a little.

"I can hear that." Charlotte remarked amused and Sidney claimed he hadn't drunk that much, but judging by his very soft pronunciation, he must have had quite a bit to celebrate.

"I was," he admitted chuckling "because I'm engaged."  
"Really?" Somehow it sounded so strange when she heard that word.  
"To the most enchanting woman who ever lived."

Charlotte blamed his words on the alcohol, but he meant it and tried to convince her of it. They talked a little more until Charlotte told him that she had to hurry to go to work and that he should get some sleep because the day included an appointment at the bank. Charlotte went to work smiling happily. She thought of Sidney all the time, imagining him going to the appointments with Arthur and how they both charmed everyone. How he tried not to yawn at the boring appointment with the banker and how he also crossed the day off the calendar in the evening. 

Still absorbed in her thoughts, she went into her office. As usual, her colleagues were not there yet, they always arrived at least half an hour after her, but she was startled when she saw someone sitting behind her desk.

"Are you finally here?"

She tried not to let it spoil her mood and answered with a smile.  
"Good morning Tom."

He just nodded and slowly stood up.  
"Just because you get to call yourself his girlfriend for a few minutes doesn't mean you can come and go as you please."

Charlotte stared at him in disbelief. 

"He'll get tired of you anyway and stay in New York."  
She just shook her head silently.

"As long as you're here, he won't come back." He slowly approached her.  
"I assure you."

Charlotte knew what Tom was saying was not the truth, of course, but still tears prickled her eyes. She couldn't believe it, why was Tom so meant? Sidney's theory was that Tom thought he was causing trouble between them and provoking a break up, but was Tom really that blind? Did he really think it would be that easy to turn them against each other?

"Did you know they share the office with Campion?"

Charlotte felt a cold chill run down her spine and apparently she looked at Tom just as he had planned, because he grinned and walked out.

After just a few mouse clicks, Charlotte had found out who else was based in the building complex where Sidney and Arthur had moved into the New York office. There was indeed a 'Campion Com', but it was a computer company and had nothing whatsoever to do with Eliza Campion, her company didn't even have an office outside London. While Charlotte thought about what Tom was really up to, her phone rang and the idea that had formed in her head for quite some time took on even more specific shape. 

Because one thing was clear, Tom would not stop to try to get Sidney leaving.

"Five more days!" 

Sidney moaned, staring out the window of their small office, watching the traffic below him without really noticing anything. He wanted to go home. To Charlotte. He missed her. So much. Her laugh, her scent, her soft skin and her kisses. And her smile, her beautiful smile. Just talking on the phone wasn't enough. The photo book with the pictures of Sanditon, which she had secretly put into his bag, only made it harder for him. He couldn’t look at the pictures, they just made him sad. He wanted to be so close to her again. Undisturbed. The feeling of loss was terrible. Without her, he felt as if he was missing a part of his body. He needed to know her near him, to feel her.

"Here!" Arthur handed him a sheet of paper with various departure dates and grinned.  
"What do you want me to do with this?"  
"Change your flight, fly back, surprise her." That was clear enough.  
"But...Arthur...I..."  
"I'll be fine on my own and Diana will be here soon."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes." he went back to his desk. "And your whining sucks."

Sidney laughed and took his phone out of his pocket to change his flight.

"I am happy you will work for me!" 

Susan Worcester said happily and hugged Charlotte. She knew this girl could be her deputy at some point. She had only heard positive things about her and was sure that she had the ‘special eye’ to discover talented photographers and knew from their work together that she is great in organising. Although she believed the real reason for leaving the Parker’s company was Tom Parker. He hated couples within the company and also expressed his displeasure at any event. Being part of gossip was always exhausting and she knew from experience how much that could strain the relationship. Susan was happy for Charlotte to have found her love in Sidney Parker, but was also absolutely sure that it would be better for him to keep an eye on his brother, without worrying about his girlfriend all the time.

It was a big step for Charlotte. She would be working for one of the biggest photo magazines and she would no longer be a service provider, but the client. It was exciting and scary at the same time, but neither Susan nor Sidney doubted that she could do it if she wanted to. 

Charlotte wanted the change and firmly believed that it was better for everyone, she didn't want to be constantly used by Tom as an instrument of pressure against Sidney. He couldn't protect her all the time and neither could she protect him. At some point she would probably intervene and tell Tom what she really thought about him and that in turn would lead to more tension between the brothers. She only hoped that her now rather spontaneous decision would not lead to tension between Sidney and her. He knew that she was thinking about it, but she had not told him yet. She thought it was somehow inappropriate to do it over WhatsApp, but decided to tell him in the evening. 

Oh she missed him, she felt almost sick, unable to eat or do something other than thinking about him. How can one miss someone so much that it really hurts all over? Charlotte's rational side feared she had caught a virus or that all the stress with Tom and the girls before was taking its toll. When she dragged herself home late in the evening, she took a hot bath and tried to relax, but she couldn't quite manage it because she kept looking at her phone and wondering why Sidney wasn't answering her messages. She knew they had a lot to do in New York, their schedule was full and they already had two photo shoots to organise on location there, but she still had such a terrible longing for him that she wished she could beam him over. Closing her eyes she dreamt of him lying in the bathtub with her. This cold emptiness tugged at her heart and she wrote him another message. It hurt. It wasn't as bad as her earlier heartbreak, but it was still similar. Or almost worse, because she knew now what it felt like to be loved by him. To have him with her.

Why didn’t he answer her? Was he in so much stress that he had turned off his phone? How could she help him? Did he miss her as well or was he to absorbed with everything? Did he regret his decision to not run the office there? 

The rational side told her, that it didn’t mean anything and she that she just had no reception in the bathroom. After a while she got out of the bath, brushed her teeth but no matter how long she stared at the thing, he didn't answer. Disappointed, Charlotte lay down in bed as she was. Suddenly she was infinitely exhausted. She didn't even care that her hair was still damp and that she was only wearing her bathrobe. Nothing would make her leave the bed to put on her pyjamas. She never wanted to leave this warmth again, and she pulled the blanket that had once been his and buried her face in it. It smelled like her sandalwood-scented laundry detergent and not at all like Sidney, but still she felt closer to him with it in her arms. 

Sidney felt closer to Charlotte as soon as the plane landed but he forbade himself to call her. He wanted to surprise her and could only hope that she would not be frightened when he suddenly stood at her bed while she was sleeping. Forty minutes later, he silently opened the door to her apartment and was as quiet as he could be. He quickly showered and brushed his teeth before sneaking into the room and kneeling down next to the bed. Whispering softly her name, she turned towards him and her hands searched blindly for his face.

"Charlotte?" his lips found hers and he lingered in this feeling of being back home as he felt her awaken.  
"You're here." She whispered sleepily against his lips and traced the contour with her fingers.  
"Yes, I'm here."  
"For real?" her eyes blinked, probably thinking she was dreaming.  
"Yes, I wanted to surprise you."

Even though it was dark he could see her smile for a moment before she pulled him close.

"Stay and never go again." she murmured in mock frustration, pulling at him until he was finally lying next to her.

"Never again."

They both chuckled, happy to be reunited, and he gently stroked the hair from her face. His lips were soft as they touched her face, dripping down her neck and coming to rest under her throat. Charlotte let her hands fly tenderly over his chest and pulled his t-shirt over his head. Her bathrobe gaped open and Sidney moaned softly as he finally got his hands around her waiting curves. His lips left a burning trail as he slowly explored her. The tips of her bosom seemed to cry out for him and he took his time giving her what she wanted. Eagerly, yet agonisingly slowly. His fingers sent a tremor through her body and his skin was on fire too. Fingers gently caressed the smooth skin of his back and then slowly slid into his boxer briefs. Her lips found every sensitive spot and a shiver gripped him. It had been so long and yet they wanted to savour every little moment. His thoughtfulness touched her and she thought she would dissolve when she finally took him in, their bodies merging into one single feeling.

She permeated his whole being. Sidney thought nothing and felt nothing but her. Charlotte. Charlotte. Incarnated love. It was so much more that he could never find the words for. This connection with her, it was as if they had once been one and years apart. There was nothing that could describe it better. She made him whole. Shaken and completely connected to her and the same feelings, they were caught in this wave, fierce and intense, yet slow and calm. Their bond was never broken and yet it was once again tied stronger together. Nothing else mattered as long as they were together.

They had no more words. They needed no more words. They looked at each other, questioning and yet they knew. They knew it was special, this bond that connected them. It was precious and pure.

"Take the day off." He murmured sleepy into the smooth skin of her shoulder the next morning after her alarm went off and he tugged her closer.  
"I need you here in my arms."  
"I would love to, but I have an important appointment." 

Charlotte's heartbeat quickened, although he knew that she had planned to, it was something else that she really wanted to do it now. Since she remained silent, Sidney lifted his head with difficulty, he was still a little groggy from the flight.

"What has he done?"  
"I'll tell you later." She didn't want to talk about Tom when she was holding a naked Sidney in her arms.  
"Are you sure?" he then asked and his voice took on a strange sound.  
"Are you angry?" 

"No," he smiled slightly, "just sad. I like to have you near me and ... well you love this job."  
He clenched his jaw, that Tom took this away from her was the next point of his list of reasons to slap his brother.

"But I love you more." Charlotte said and only her smile kept him from jumping out of bed and running to Tom right away.  
"I'll only let you go under one condition." 

He grinned and told her about his plan to give Tom something to think of. Of course he said nothing of his promise to him, otherwise Charlotte would try to talk him out of it, but he always kept his promises…

Some hour’s later Sidney walked past her office, the look on his face spoke volumes and she felt as if she was about to burst into a laugher. But like they had planned she got up with a worried expression on her face, went to the door and saw after him as he climbed up the stairs. Two more steps and she could see Tom leaning against the banister, a nasty grin on his face. He really thought, that Charlotte haven’t told Sidney about her resignation and believed that this lost of confidence would made Sidney change his mind about New York.

A few minutes later the telephone rang and her colleague told her she has to go to the bosses. Without paying attention to the chatter and questions of her colleagues, she went up into the glass cube. Sidney stood there with his back to her, his hands on his hips. Slowly she walked closer to him. 

"Tom told me you are leaving?" he asked and looked at her with a light smile.  
"Yes."  
"Because Tom threatened you again?"  
Tom gasped and looked worried back and forth between this two.  
"He said he'd make sure you stay in New York if I stay."  
"And then you accepted Susan's offer."  
"Yes."  
"But you love this job." His voice took on a harsh tone.  
"I love you more." She repeated her words from the morning.

A step later Sidney took her in his arms and kissed her. And again she forgot everything around her. That they were standing in Tom’s office, that Tom and probably the whole company was watching them. She buried her hands into Sidney’s hair and he lifted her up a little. She heard him moan softly as they deepened the kiss. Only very distantly did she recognise the loud snort of Tom.

"Stop it!" he cried.  
"I will kiss my fiancée as often as possible." Sidney said without looking at Tom.  
"What?"

Sidney detached from her and took her hand, to show his brother the ring he had given her in the night before they had fallen asleep.

"We I will marry. Any questions?"

Tom stared at Sidney in disbelief, his face turning ashen. 

"And I warned you." Sidney said before he broke away from Charlotte and grabbed his brother on his collar…

*

"You really hit him?" asked Charlotte’s father as they sat together in the Heywood’s living room, after the Christmas dinner. 

"Yes." Sidney admitted ashamed.

He knew violence was no solution, but Tom deserved it, even Mary had said that and refused to pity Tom.

"You have legally deserved your vacation!" Charlotte’s mother said and gave her daughter a hug. "After all what happened!"

Mrs and Mr Heywood were happy for both of them and watched them for the rest of the evening. They saw this invisible connection between them that they probably weren't even aware of. Even if they were separated from each other as if by a glass wall, they still seemed to be one.

Like the shadow belonged to a person. Without the light, it could not exist.  


Charlotte and Sidney talked about this beautiful statement long after the rest of Charlotte’s family had already gone to bed. They were still sitting on the couch, her back pressed against his chest, holding hands. Silently they looked at the ring on her finger, on which the light of the candles in the room draw a golden light. Charlotte felt the same way Sidney did. It was her ring. No flourish, no flashy diamonds. It was an intertwined bond, symbol of closeness, of unity. 

"It has no visible beginning and no visible end." Sidney said with a hoarse voice and kissed her behind the ear.  
"It’s old and beautiful." Charlotte kissed his fingers that stroked the ring.  
"Just like you." She teased and he growled as he embraced her tighter.  
"At least it can't untie."  
"That's how it should be." Charlotte turned to him and looked into his eyes, this beautiful souldeep eyes, stroking his face. "It’s what connects us."

"Yes." Sidney nodded "the bond between us."


End file.
